


21 Days

by BunnyHoodlum



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assumptions, Birth Control, Breast Fucking, Childhood Trauma, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Drama & Romance, Drunk Sex, Exhibitionism, F/M, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Insecurity, Love Hotels, Masturbation, Military Families, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Nipple Licking, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Public Sex, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Semi-Public Sex, Slice of Life, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, non-communication
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-10-20 12:37:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 92,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20675513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BunnyHoodlum/pseuds/BunnyHoodlum
Summary: Hinata answered a simple post from a flirty, and blatantly horny guy. She thought that might break her out of her shell, help her practice establishing her boundaries and all that stuff.She never would have known that the flirty anon on the other side was someone she actually knew.Subplots: Hinata's emotional debt is interfering with her life and she doesn't want to diagnosed or helped. She can't figure out if she wants to be alone or loved. Naruto only has 21 Days left before he heads off to military training, and he wants to secure a relationship with Hinata before he leaves.Hinata has a kink that Naruto is willing to explore with her. Conflict with parents is imminent on both sides.





	1. We Meet Cute Again

**Author's Note:**

> This is the spiritual successor to 'Unless The World Were to End'. I like this A LOT better. Feels plotty. Feels good. Smut in the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 9/25/2020: This chapter has been revised again. Hinata's characterization now better matches her portrayal in the rest of the chapters. Also replaced and updated some dialogue. I am happy with it, and if you are rereading, I hope you are too.

Today her hair is as straight as she can manage, because normally at work it's done up and iron-curled to all hell.

Today she couldn't decide whether to keep it up or down.

If it's up, she imagines him pulling the scrunchie loose to watch her hair fall about her shoulders like silk.

Well, it's not that silky anymore, but it sure would be ideal if he thought is was.

Her work clothes are every bit unlike herself; ostentatious, shimmering, quite on the revealing side.

Today, despite the intentions of their plans, she would like to go as herself.

To feel like herself.

She gets way too much drunken validation as is. She'd like something honest today. Honest in a way much like him and the conversations they've had online these past eight months.

And yet, she can't figure out if they're genuinely friends. She can't imagine they could stay friends after today. It would be too weird.

Somewhere along the way, he had mentioned his dislike of being a virgin at twenty years young. And somewhere along the way he got her to admit that she too was still a virgin.

No, actually, he didn't 'get' her to admit it at all. She simply wanted to be nice. He was the first person she truly spoke to so very, very long. In a way, she has this habit, this belief that she ought to soothe someone else's concerns, to bring herself down to their level or lower so that they can see they are not alone. She is this way with new people.

He had told her something so personal that she absolutely had to pay it forward.

But she may have oversold herself a little.

She didn't feel nearly as badly as he did about being a virgin. She always thought she'd die one. Neither happily nor unhappily.

But he didn't want to be one anymore, and she was all too available.

However, did she over-commit? Was this somehow wrong of her? Was she actually manipulating someone into bed? Being in the position of giving, neither wanting nor needing, that made her more powerful than him, didn't it?

But these days they say that's how it should be. That she has all the power to choose and refuse.

But what makes him deserve the cruelty of her whims?

Was she not in fact disrespecting the only friend she had left by secretly providing pity sex?

Kaguya-sama, give me sign. Between the two of us, who is being undermined more?

The only thing that answers back is her own nagging guilt, baseless or otherwise.

"How do I keep doing this to myself?" Her thoughts hiss through her teeth. Her feet began to drag with the weight of it all.

She always came from a place of kindness. She thought she was kind, anyhow, and that that's all that mattered.

But even so, things never turned out the way she wanted.

She could only fear how this would end.

And that 'this' was their pact. That as two loveless losers, they would shed their virgin status together and rejoin the world as less of the losers they once were.

When they had the same days free, they would meet up at the red overpass in Akamori Ward, just five blocks from Love Hotel Hill.

And they were going to...

Hinata slaps her burning cheeks. Even in her own mind, she can't complete that sentence. This curse of hers, of her own dysfunctional traits, has stolen every bit of patience she has left for herself.

She's tired of the way her body jumps and shrinks at the slightest of scrutiny. Tired of the way she had felt heavy and dizzy at the same time, all the time. How she would just rather sleep her life away pretending she had lived it well. She knows she had been feeding herself sweet, sweet lies.

Because she's tired of the overthinking, the score-keeping, the way her mind blanks out around those she craves respect, the negative feedback loop reminding her she should have been born a spirit of seran wrap. At least then, she'd represent something useful, while being every bit as flimsy and invisible as she already is.

But this isn't how she wants to start their day together.

If he picks up on her negativity, he might change his mind. And if he's too nice, he'll go home disappointed.

_Stop it! Stop it!_

Hinata abruptly halts to take a moment to breathe. Then she gives herself another assessment.

She's still not quite good at fashion, though her mother has tried her best on her over the years. This time, Hinata tried on her own.

Her hair is pulled to the side so it drapes behind her right ear. She left the ends curled, afraid of damaging it further had she finished it off with her straightener.

She's wearing a black pinafore jumper. The straps are pushing the breasts she used to hate so much together even more than her push-up bra is, and the buttoned front stops just beneath their swell. Her white top is simple, a ribbed high-neck style.

Hopefully she looked cute enough to hide all of her 'dark weirdness'.

Her kitten heel mules clap a slow, despondent beat as she nears the red bridge.

She's an hour early because she needs the extra time to pull herself together.

And because she's the type of idiot who visibly waffles.

One second, she's about to flake and then disappear.

The next second, she's balling her fists and huffing with the hot steam of fresh determination.

And then she's off to flake, because status quo is her god and everything else is a danger to her mental health.

_No, I'm worth it! Therefore I'm staying!_

_Oh, but why would I ever think that?_

_Because-- Because I'm also a female!_

_No, no, that's not a good enough reason..._

Hinata approaches the crimson rail and drapes herself across it, idly scratching at the paint.

Down below the bridge is the freeway. It's roaring with speeding cars and freighters and vans, and she imagines instead of this urban artery it is in fact a lush, green valley between two steep mountains. Her gaze is drawn to the shrub-lined walkway levelled above the noise below, and there is a group of middle schoolers walking together. Three girls and five boys. They're all smiling. They're all joking. They've got that glow of youth that she's never truly known.

Not personally, anyhow.

Hinata sighs with a sort of reluctant lament.

There was a time when she was a part of something.

Sort of.

Junior High at Konoha South.

The second years and the third years all referred to them as the Rookie Nine. She doesn't know how she ended up grouped with them. At most she had been something like an honorary member, merely because she happened to float in their periphery often enough.

But it didn't mean anything.

With another sigh, she noted the translucent amoeba-like shape flit away from her vision.

Periphery floaters. Which means she really is getting older.

They run away the moment she spots them, and it's something she can empathize with. A bit too strongly, actually.

Hinata edges away from the rail. She turns to leave because anxiety has taken the wheel again, and she feels herself slowly shriveling up. The thought of not meeting his expectations was growing thick inside her mind and she hadn't the tools to scrape it all off. If she weren't being perfectly honest with herself, she still did not have the tools to deal with things properly.

It was better for her to run. Hide. Never exist.

"Hey!"

Hinata stiffens. His voice is startingly. Loud. Like a bomb had gone off behind her. Turning around only means facing inevitable destruction.

"Are you 'chiisai_tori'?"

Hinata doesn't cuss. But right now she kind of wants to.

She nods, though she's stiff.

There's a scratchy quality to her friend's voice. It's kind of sweet actually, as if they still haven't fully exited their boyhood.

But it's deep enough, too. He's definitely her age.

"Were you about to leave?"

Just say it. Just say you changed your mind. You have all the control in this situation! Just run! He has to respect your feelings no matter what, so just don't hold back! Opening her mouth, she couldn't follow through. She croaked out her weakness, her wretched weakness that she tired of so. And he's waiting on her. She has to be honest with him.

So she turns around.

Apprehension thumps in her chest.

First thing she sees are his black basketball shoes. Then his black joggers. Then his white A-shirt encasing a tight, slim waist, encased by a faded orange cotton jacket. His skin is tan, almost ruddy. His eyes are blue, his hair is blond--

"Oh my god..." She locks up. Not because he looks better than she could've possibly imagined, but because-- "You moved."

Five years ago, in fact.

When there junior high days were behind them and it was time to choose: Stay and finish up at Konoha North. Or move onto a private education.

Uzumaki Naruto didn't have either of those choices.

_Wait..._ She no longer sees the immense confusion on his face as she dives deep into her memories.

Exactly eight months ago.

_ **Post: WELCOME HOME ME! Posted by u/Swirlyboi** _

_ **So I just got back in town. I've been in Uzushio for the past four years and I'm feeling like an outsider all over again! D: Anyone cool wanna show me around? Preferably a hot babe. And by 'hot', I mean H-cup. ;)** _

How did she not entertain the possibility? Just how?

On the other hand, his post had only stuck out in her mind due to its sheer audacity and energy. (Another thing that maybe should have tipped her off), other than that, she hadn't considered responding to him initially.

And when she had an exceptionally bad day. When it seemed like his own loneliness wouldn't leave her alone, like a lost soul pounding on the glass box that was her imprisonment, insisting that they were alike and needed each other, she had suddenly gone back to check on his thread.

It'd been two weeks and it was empty.

No one had responded to him.

The post had locked by then. She couldn't reply to him there.

But luckily (was it luck?), he hadn't deleted his account.

So she had reached out and PM-ed him.

And it had started from there.

_ **chiisai_tori: I've lived here my whole life. I could show you around.** _

Flames emerged from the pit of her stomach and crawled up her face.

She craned her head down slowly in increments, as each and every conversation piled atop one another, until it was too much for her to hold her head up high.

She had told him so many, many, many humiliating and lurid things!

Hinata turned round on her heel, ready to run, but his big warm hand clamped down around her wrist.

For her, it was like a red hot iron brand searing her skin open.

"Whoa, Hinata?! What's your problem?!"

Some primitive error code goes off in her brain: 'You're rejecting Naruto. You're hurting him. Stop it. Do better.' But in the end it's really just the disgust that she has for herself getting triggered. The commandment of never hurting Naruto was not necessarily something that informed her decisions anymore.

And yet, it hurt so much to even consider telling him so.

Hinata squeezes her eyes shut before allowing her wrist to go limp. She swallows and side-eyes him.

He's more than a head taller than her now. He looks sinewy and strong, not quite like his father but close. He used to be all bruises and baby fat, and she feels herself shrinking, because this Naruto is new to her. This Naruto will be the death of her.

Even his long shaggy locks are gone! She always knew he might sport a crew cut someday, but she never imagined how well it would suit him. The juxtaposition that was a clean cut punk, it wasn't fair. She could feel her resolve melt away. Her inhibitions were nothing against the might of his good looks.

And yet, his good looks were strained with hurt.

Hinata swallows. She doesn't know how to feel right now. Happy that she caused such a reaction? That she matters somehow? Awful that she was making him feel even more like an outsider?

Awful. Her mind and her heart choose to feel awful. As always.

Her gaze drops to the side. "W,Welcome home... Naruto-kun..."

He lets go of her wrist, his hurt changing over to insulted.

She knew it. These things never go the way she wants.

"Was it something I did? Cuz, y'know, I had nearly five years to wonder."

How could he...? The lament hits back and she feels so close to crying right in front of him. So flimsy she was that even the smallest of disapproval upsets her. But coming from him, his disapproval was often asteroid-sized.

"You sh,shouldn't have to worry about th,that..."

"What?!"

Hinata flinched. God, this was so hard. "You didn't... really... do anything."

"I really didn't, huh?" His eyes narrowed, like she were lying. "Then why you never showed up to my Goodbye Party?"

She hesitated to answer. That hesitation grew into a heavy silence waiting to burst if it didn't suffocate them first. I don't know. It was all she could come up with. Somewhere between not feeling like it and not wanting to say goodbye, she couldn't really figure out why she didn't go. Nothing in her mind seemed good enough. Instead she mumbled something of an excuse. "I'm an eye floater..."

Naruto's frown twisted and deepened, his brows scrunching harder. "What?"

Hinata knew no one should kiss her, because all they would taste was foot.

Still, she doubled down on her awkward admission, even if it was somewhat incongruous to the reality of how things were between them. "I,I'm an eye floater... You don't notice m,me most of the time. A,And when you do, I float away..." That wasn't to say she never felt this way before, because she had, and she never got to tell him back then.

His incredulity softens, but he's still unhappy. He considers her for a minute or two, looking more pensive now. "Well, then maybe that makes me a solar eclipse, what with the way you're never able to look at me directly," Naruto took a step closer. He bent forward at the waist and he looked her dead in the eye. "Even though you want to."

Her mouth drops open. Her eyes burn with hot tears as her stomach aches with cold realization.

She remembers this feeling.

It's almost like they've slipped back into an old routine.

That old routine now felt like a trap.

His intense gaze went from smoldering to sharp in an instant, the look he was giving her a rare one.

'Let's cut the bullshit', it said.

Yes, she could read him so well, even after all this time.

"Can we go to a cafe and talk?"

Her tongue was useless and her mind went blank. But her motor skills were still intact.

So she nodded.

* * *

This was one of those things they had shared with each other online: a love of red bean soup. And at the cafe they had both ordered their own.

Granted, she preferred zenzai, but that as for its mouthfeel. Flavor was the same.

Finding out they had such a tiny thing in common, it would have never come out normally between them.

It never had.

Naruto seems like he doesn't have an appetite though. He's leaning so far back in his chair, fingers laced over his lap and his tempered glare boring into the side of her face. Whether the flaming of her skin was from his scrutiny, this sense of interrogation, or whether it was from her guilt, she isn't sure.

She'd rather not do this.

It's just too much.

But it feels impossible. She feels somehow imprisoned and she needs to be on her best behavior if she is to earn the right to leave.

Hinata distracts herself, dragging her spoon through the burgundy mush but never taking a mouthful herself.

It might not taste as sweet as it should.

"Everyone says you fell off the map."

Her lips pursed together with the faintest chagrin. 'Everyone', he says. As if they had been her friends too, and not mere acquaintances. He always was a dreamer, including others without their input.

Like with her.

Hinata nodded, enduring his disapproval like a true masochist.

"Where did you go?" He continued.

Resignation eked out in a ghostly sigh. "Our Lady Kaguya-sama's."

"The All-Girls School?"

She nodded. She observed how the creases in his features smoothed, though not fully. He still carried this air of betrayal about him.

"Any particular reason?"

Did she need one? No. Did _he_ need one? Hinata shrugged. "It's what my father always wanted for me. My mother is an alumni..." She paused, suddenly overcome with a deafening self-consciousness. "A,And my sister will be graduating soon."

"'Kay," He stared, unsatisfied still, but also unsure what else to ask. Perhaps her father's expectations had tripped him up? She never shared her inner life with him. Had he stayed, they might still be in this same situation, with him being the last to know her life's trajectory. Perhaps that's the unsettling feeling he's still wrestling with. He attempted further to look less severe. "Those school's are strict, right? Can't hang out with boys anymore, or?"

Hinata held her hand parallel to the table and tipped it from side to side.

"'Kay, so what about the girls? Sakura-chan and Ino? What was wrong with them?"

That's a new way to ask 'what was wrong with me'. Of course there was nothing wrong with those two perfectly normal, attractive girls. "They hung out with boys. Often." And no matter public or private education, they would've always surrounded themselves in boys and she would have vehemently refused to. See? They would've been incompatible as friends. He still didn't see that?

Naruto sighed through his nose, relenting in light of her response. But he was stubborn still. He opened his mouth. He thought against whatever he was going to say, and he decided to distract himself with his dessert.

The way he jostled the table, like a lion pouncing on a weasel, he became the embodiment of 'stress eating'.

He finished his dessert in five spoonfuls. It wasn't very much to begin with. It looked like it had gone down bitterly, as if each spoonful had been the past five years; hollow and unsavored.

He glared at the shallow, red-stained bowl.

"... Am I... not even your last choice?"

Hinata stopped stirring her soup, her joints locked up. Were she a marionette, then she was silently pleading for whatever higher power to help her get out of this situation. The gods owed her as much, they know they did.

Naruto stared at her, waiting, and she met his gaze, but he didn't wait long.

"You'd sooner drop your panties for anyone until you find out it's me--"

_No._ Every fiber screamed and vibrated but she was frozen.

"You're lying to my face if you say I didn't do anything wrong. You know how I feel about that, Hinata."

"You m,misunderstand," She pleaded him with her eyes but he wanted more from her, more than she wanted to give. Tears well up as her throat closes around the words. The stress of full disclosure, she hates it. "I,I,It's embarrassing."

"What's embarrassing?"

She squirms. "Everything. I,I told you... things... I never wanted to." She watches for his reaction.

His jaw shifts to the side, his cheeks pull up a little into his eyes. It's a soggy grimace that's trying to be a smile. It's a smile that's not a smile at all.

It's the grin of disappointment.

"So what you're saying is... You _never_ wanted me to get to know you."

Her throat's too tight. She can't hum, let alone breathe.

Naruto chuckles and it's a hollow sound. He shakes his head.

"This doesn't make sense..."

She levelled him with a funny look.

He continued. "I thought we were good. Even though..." He couldn't get the words out and he scratched at scalp as his aggravation built up inside of him. "I thought we were good. Shit."

"You didn't do anything wrong--"

"You used to be so fucking nice--"

"I--"

"But you're so cold. I just... I just dunno."

She doesn't know either. She swears she's always been this way. How he's seeing it now, well, it honestly makes her want to cry. Like a foretold prophecy she had long been ignoring, it's finally come to pass.

She's not 'normal'. Not bubbly or cute. She's not on an upward trajectory and she lacks any sort of drive.

And the only person she ever truly cared about, she can't even bring herself to be vulnerable with. Supposedly, a show of weakness is supposed to make everything better, just a hint of humanity ought to solve everything between them, but she hasn't exactly been herself for most of her life. That part of her that he keeps hoping exists, she's pretty sure it's been gone the whole time.

She fears when he comes to realize this himself.

That's she's just an invalid parading in the skin of his Hinata.

"Well..." His eyes pass over her form, settling over her chest, darkening like a storm, and it's suddenly like every part of her is fake but those. "Thanks for responding to the 'H-cup' bit, even though that was a joke. Glad to know you weren't lying about those," Naruto's eyes search the pedestrians passing by. One young man nears them, and Naruto hails him down. "Yo! I wanna talk to ya!"

Pulled by curiosity, the young man approaches their table. "Yeah?"

Naruto gets up and Hinata doesn't understand what he's doing.

"Sit here," Naruto's pushing the young stranger into his seat. He then gestures at her like she's some prized pony. "This here little scamp is giving away her V Card! and you're the lucky man she's giving it t--"

The stinging in her palm informed her before she knew what she had done.

The glaring red spread across his left face solidified her realization.

She just slapped the love of her life.


	2. IDFC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU World Building Fact: Hi no Kuni is simply called 'Hinoku'. It's official name is Dai Hinoku Kyōwakoku, meaning 'Greater Hinoku Republic'. Uzushio's official name is Uzushio-koku, which means 'The State of Uzushio'.
> 
> Also I always fuck up Kou's age. Narutopedia says he's 20 in part 2, so that's 4-5 years older than Hinata. But in that anime flashback used during Hinata's episode against Pain, he looks like a young man. He looks the same to me. So literally every time I write in Kou, he's like 23-26 in my head when Hinata is 4-7 years old. So in this AU, Kou is 15 years older than Hinata.
> 
> Update, 4/12/2020: This chapter has been moderately revised. Rereading is advised.

_They've been taking her to the park more and more._

_She just started first grade and they're not seeing much improvement._

_The teachers barely call on her anymore because she's too quiet, and when they ask her to speak louder, she shuts down._

_She doesn't have any friends. The teachers ratted her out, saying she doesn't talk to anyone, she just reads her books._

_The boys pick on her because she won't do anything. She only gets upset in the bathroom. After that she expects they'll stop someday because she has no reaction to give._

_She's lifeless and sullen, far too much for seven year old._

_The cherry blossoms of her first day have long fallen off. That fragrant lightness is absent, and the world is green. Something her grandfather likes to say, though he's referring to money._

_The park has a playground and a sandbox in the corner to her left. To the right is the paved walkway, lined with benches and doggy bag disposers._

_And there in the center is a dirt field. It's perfectly oblong, the same shape as the capsules in the bottom of her mother's purse._

_Her mother and Kou, their nanny, urge her to explore. They promise to sit on this exact bench and watch her from there._

_They tell her it's fine._

_This is a safe place._

_She's not assured, but she's been nothing but a disappointment lately. They're happy enough once she at least tries, even if the result never comes._

_She thinks there's no kids here, until coming up from the far side of the field are two individuals: A young father and his young son._

_They're like carbon copies; blond and blue-eyed, with tanned, ruddy skin to match. The father wears it long but held back by a navy blue headband. He looks like a lion, even in his matching navy blue tracksuit._

_His son, however, all round face and sparkling like an orb of electricity, has shorter hair in comparison and he's dressed in a bright orange tracksuit, color-blocked from the knees down and the chest up with white._

_His son is right beside him, keeping pace, and they're chanting a tune that falls in time with their feet._

_"I don't know, but I've been told!" Bellowed the father._

_"I dunno, but I been told!" Screamed his son._

_Oh! She knew what this was! It was a cadence!_

_"The Marine Corps is mighty bold!"_

_"The M'rine Corps i' mighty bold!"_

_"And up upon the bolden scene!"_

_"An' upon the bolden scene!"_

_"Stands the Dai Hinoku Marines!_

_"Shtands the Dai Hinoku Marines!"_

_"Sound off 1, 2!"_

_"Shound off 1, 2!"_

_"Sound off 3, 4!"_

_"Shound off 3, 4!"_

_"1, 2, 3 ,4, Dai Hinoku Marine Corps!"_

_A loud cheer from a far off bench pulled Hinata's attention away._

_There was a young woman in a green apron dress, tucked inside a cream-colored windbreaker, with ankle-length red hair. She cupped her mouth as she called out to them._

_"Fifth lap! Naruto-chan, you're doing so well! Are you tired yet?"_

_He was huffing a little as he replied. "Nah, mom! Not yet!" His huge grin proved he wasn't fibbing._

_Hinata could tell from here that the mother was pretty. Maybe not in the same way that Kou tells her mother she's pretty when they think no one is looking. This young woman was like daylight in the summer._

_When the father and son completed their final lap and the young mother handed off two bottles of water, they drank then packed up their things and left, with the son sitting up on his father's shoulders while he hugged his wife close to his side._

_Hinata returned to her mother asking if she could come here again tomorrow._

* * *

Hinata clasped her stinging hand to her clavicle. She nearly croaked out an apology but her indignation was greater, and her fingers curled.

Naruto wouldn't look at her.

She couldn't look at him.

And the young stranger tapped awkwardly along the cast iron armrests, pointedly not looking at either of them.

"So, uhh…"

"Get outta my seat." Naruto grabbed the back of the chair.

The young man dithered, rising halfway out of the chair but stopping short of obedient. One glance at the mean look on Naruto's face broke through his confusion and he hurried out, but he didn't leave.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at him. "What?"

The stranger rubbed the back of his neck as he loosely gestured towards Hinata. "Well, I really have to get to my shift, but she _is_ cute, so if she still doesn't mind-"

Naruto's face reddened in a way she hadn't seen in years.

"You think I'm really gonna let you sleep with one of my precious friends?! Go! Get outta here!"

The young man stumbled as Naruto shoved in the chest. "What?!" He hurried off, but not without turning round again, displaying his middle finger to the world. "Don't ever waste my time again, retard!"

"Shaddup!" Naruto plopped down in his chair, glaring at the empty ceramic of his dessert. Hinata followed suit, awkwardly sliding back into her chair.

_As erratic as ever_. It was confusing and a little cute, but a whole lot embarrassing considering he just put her on the spot for no other reason but pettiness.

She peeked at him.

_'Precious friends'. One of his precious friends…_

He didn't call her out on the slap. He didn't glare at her and leave.

Instead he said she was precious to him. Shamelessly and quite loudly, too.

What was she supposed to do with such a declaration?

Shame. It sapped the heat from her fingers and toes and it sat in her face, it left her eyes hot and stinging, and she winced. She told herself to keep it together.

Was she really as cold as he said?

Her heart shuddered, a niggling of resentment waking deep inside, like a tar-stained whisper.

She's his precious friend.

Apparently.

She had no idea.

She thought she had simply been another girl to him.

His gaze slid in her direction and before she could do anything, he grabbed her uneaten dessert.

"Wh-?! Naruto-kun!"

Naruto chuffed. "You weren't eating it." He scooped a large spoonful into his mouth, staring down her abject dismay with half-lidded apathy.

She could do nothing but watch as he took another spoonful, and another.

Then he stopped, and put the spoon down, as if he understood he had gone too far.

"Here," He said with a sigh. He then ran the back of his right hand fingers through the burgundy mush. Scooting closer, with his elbow propped on the table, he offered his fingers to her. "Saved you some."

Her breath hitched. She looked at him incredulously, then at the deep purplish pulp layered over his skin, sliding down to gather between his fingers. Her big eyes flitted upwards to meet his, desperately asking if he was serious.

His gaze wouldn't budge. She was sure she would catch fire any moment now.

"I won't."

"You won't? You've done it before though, telling me saliva is a coagulant."

Her face flamed. _He remembers that._ She'd nearly forgotten herself. One of those simultaneously intense and mortifying adolescent moments she'd rather distance herself from than claim.

"I'm usually terrible at sharing," He added. "So don't say I never offered."

The edges of her lips pulled down.

She was really about to do this.

Again.

She swallowed and reached out to cradle his hand steady between hers.

Her entire body became a drum for her heart to relentlessly beat against as she leaned in. Tears pricked her eyes, because the heat of everyone's stares were surely upon her, demanding that she shrink and shrivel. But if she just pretends. If she just pretends that he's another one her clients, then the blame is taken off of her. No one can blame her for doing what she was told.

Her tongue darted out experimentally, a timid brush against his overworked skin.

She then traced the tip of her tongue between his ring finger and pinky.

Salty.

Sweet.

She met his gaze with her own, watching how his baby blues darkened.

Oh, how they darkened in a way she had always dreamed and so rarely seen.

And they darkened for her.

Ache bloomed in her groin, and she closed her eyes, unable to withstand the storm of such a look.

She closed her lips over his middle knuckle and cleaned it off. She lets her left hand slide down a little ways, her fingertips grazing the underside of his wrist.

His pulse is going mad.

She could hear his breathing labor just a little as her lips dragged across the backs of his hard fingers, her tongue working the gaps and calluses.

He's too easy, isn't he?

Her heart chipped and crumbled at the thought.

Any girl will do.

She knows better.

But for now, she'll give her all in this very instance.

Because she knows he'll break these hands in due time, so for now she'll love them, just as she loves all of him.

His moods. His temper. His obsessive sense of duty. His fierce loyalty.

And that tender heart.

The one that has never been hers.

She'll love all of it.

"Hinata…"

Her eyes fluttered open, hesitant at first. She doesn't want to see the people in the streets, in the window seats behind them.

His eyes keep her steady, and yet that smoldering expression threatening to burn her down was even yummier than the red bean soup.

She knows his appetite. His _real_ appetite. And she doesn't think much about their intimacy.

She's right in front of him. She's convenient.

The ghost of a smirk pops up on his lips. "You seemed like you really enjoyed that."

"No."

"No?"

_Because people are staring_, is what she wants to say. Of course, Naruto's threshold for public scrutiny is on an otherworldly level compared to hers. It's not fair of him to use that against her.

He stares at her. It's like the floor been pulled out from beneath his feet.

He drops his hand, letting it hang over the side of the table as he considers her quite pensively.

She starts picking at her bare nails, hands seated atop her compressed knees.

"I swear I'm getting mixed messages here," he sighs heavily, leaning away and slouching into his chair. "For me, personally, I couldn't be happier! But you… you can't do it with someone-"

"Familiar." She blurts out. He's too familiar with certain parts of her now, the relationship they had before is already unsalvageable in her eyes. If she exposes any more of herself to him, she's certain she will lose herself entirely.

He's staring at her still. There's a multitude of emotions stirring behind his eyes, but she can also see some of his walls carefully sliding into place.

"'Familiar'?"

She picks at her nails.

"Like a brother?" He adds a bit forcefully.

_Sure, let's go with that._

His eyes drop to his right hand and he wipes the back of his fingers against his pants. He's not looking at her anymore. He can't pick his gaze up off the ground. "So what else you wanna do today, _little sis_? Wanna go see a movie? Or..?"

"I,I just want to go." Her voice pitches in a strangled whine. This whole situation has its foot on her throat and she can't easily speak.

"Where?"

"Home." She needs the status quo. It's nothing personal. She needs time to process. And time to hopefully forget this ever happened. _Kaguya-sama, I promise I'll never force change again. I won't even think of speaking to anonymous men ever again. Please undo this cruel joke on me._

Naruto's looking off to the side. He's smoothing down the front of his joggers even though they're wrinkle-free.

He's always been good about his appearance. He's a chaotic kind of guy, but she imagines he's taken after his father's good habits. She's glad for him. She can't imagine what he'd be like without such good parents.

"... Can I at least get your number before you go? So we can hang out when you feel ready? I know you got a new number." He peeks up at her, and she's never seen him like this, so demoralized and timid.

At least, not with her.

She's sorry. She really is. But this was never supposed to happen.

He reads into her silence, just as he's been forced to the past hour.

His eyes widen, and when she looks away he gets his confirmation.

"Really? Okay…" He's glaring off to the side, his right leg is bouncing furiously. He can't contain the snarl twisting his features. He pinches his nose, slides his hand over his mouth and sighs heatedly. "This really fucking sucks."

She agrees, but she thinks telling him so would set him off further.

"So we still going or what?" He prods. His head almost snaps like a serpent as he looks down on her sideways.

Hinata freezes. "Huh?"

He pins her with that angry, dark stare. "You promised me, didn't you? Or does your word mean nothing? I thought the Hyuuga were known for their integrity."

She been mute too long and he gets up, and plants both hands on her armrests. He's looming over her, his hot breath hisses in her ear.

"I fucking missed you and you can't even say _that_ much. If you don't care anymore, that's fine. But at the end of the day, I'm still gonna rail you. So shut up and come with me."

* * *

The room is dim in a sultry way. Shades of cream and wine red. The door opens up immediately to the bedroom. The bed itself is furnished with luxurious comforters and pillows. There's no backboard. Just a shallow dresser of sorts installed into the wall, granite-topped and stocked with a couple informational pamphlets and the telephone to contact the front desk. A series of light fixtures hang downward, providing a romantic glow at the head of the bed.

To the right is the entrance to the bath area, all white porcelain and gold faucets, paired with pale blue towels and the like. He can see the spa bath and it's decently sized for two people. He knows there's more in there, but he'll concern himself with it later.

If she wants to try anything out, she's free to.

Across from the bed is the TV situated atop a black dresser.

The furthest wall is covered from end to end with a dark red damask curtain. Which is kind of pointless considering there are no windows in these types of rooms.

He begins by removing his cotton jacket and throwing it anywhere. The sudden movement alarms her and she spins around to face him.

He's already taken his A-shirt off.

She flushes brighter than she's ever had in his sanctum of memories. Her palms smack up to cover her face as she shuts her eyes.

The shirt balled up in his hand, he throws it the floor and approaches her.

She hunches up with every step.

He dismisses her guarded body language, because she promised him this night. And because they're friends. They're supposed to be friends. She's not supposed to be afraid of him.

His hands slide up her forearms. Goosebumps meet his fingertips like braille, but he can't read her.

He wraps his fingers around her wrists and he realizes he can hold her down easily with one hand. That's how much they've changed these past five years.

The seldom times he'd gotten to hold her hand in junior high, he used to picture how he would pin her down. Over her head? Behind her back? But he had always been roughly the same size as her. In his mind, he just wasn't big enough to be seen as a man. He always ended up picturing the struggle to perform when he attempted to do other things to her, how uncool he would've looked for trying.

Back then, he couldn't pick her up even if he'd wanted to. Back then, he probably did look like a brother to her.

Naruto pulls her hands away from her face, and before her palms can fly back to shield herself, he scoops her precious face into his big hands and he steals a kiss.

And it's warm, and damp, and tingly.

His first. And hopefully hers, too.

And he realizes he's parched and hungry all at once.

The knowledge of her lips against his sends his heart racing.

Because these are her lips.

He never got to kiss anyone before moving. And all the girls in Uzushio looked like his mom one way or another. They all felt like distant siblings and cousins to him.

Naruto knows he has a problem.

He's so fucking girl crazy he can't help himself. He's been this way since he was ten. He wants to taste and sample. He wants to play and explore.

So being in a land like Uzushio at the peak of puberty was like being at a cruise line buffet of unseasoned meat.

Hinata's mouth is small but her lips are so, so full. She fits perfectly in the cradle of his palms. So soft, so delicate. His nose tingles. She smells faintly of magnolia and peach.

He pulls away because he wants to get a good look at her. He's been away too long, and this: He loves that helpless ingénue expression that she makes. Teary-eyed and imploring. Her eyes waver a little, side to side, searching for some answer to a question she doesn't want to ask.

She's that exclusive dessert on the menu, the kind you have to order in advance because they don't keep her ingredients in stock. A girl like her isn't mass produced; she's created precisely with him in mind. And she looks even better than the picture.

He dives in for another kiss, this time he forces his tongue inside her mouth and he eats up her pouting, confused moan.

She used to trust him a lot more than this.

He doesn't know what he did wrong.

But he figures he can get her to scream for him by the end of the night.

Tonight was supposed to be a simple cherry popping mission.

Now it's become an enhanced interrogation.

She moans again, but it's a little more pained this time.

Naruto pulls away and sees her wincing. She's so short, she can't kiss him without growing uncomfortable.

He cranes his head to the side, smirking. "Eh? Does your neck hurt?"

Her cheeks puff up as she glares at him.

What a cute fucking face. Even better if she still looks that cute while he's fucking her face. With those full lips wrapped around his cock. She can look up at him with disgust all she wants then, her throat will be too full for her to complain.

He's straining against his boxers. Now there was no avoiding it.

Naruto scooped her by the back of her thighs and hoisted her onto his waist. Her hands flutter to his shoulders to catch herself, but he's not going to drop her.

He's finally the man he's always wanted to be.

He just wishes she could say the same about him.

"Better?"

She pouts at him and his chest squeezes.

His left hand grabbing her ass, he cups her face with his right and guides her back to his mouth.

He'll make sure she doesn't regret telling him her curiosities and dirty thoughts. They've known each other since they were eight. How was this not best case scenario for her?

His mouth his moving against hers, his tongue bullying hers. She can't keep the pace. His mind drifts back to the park with the oblong track. He wonders if she would agree to go running with him in the morning, like they used to do.

When he pulls away, she's gasping for air. Her eyes are half closed, her lips are swollen a deeper shade of pink.

And his breath catches.

His right hand slides down the length of her right leg, helping her to wrap it around him, and he follows up with her left leg. She's reluctant to cross her ankles, but she does.

If he pushes her ass down now, she'll feel him press against her.

He resists.

He catches her staring at his face, at his near lack of hair. He keeps the top long enough, about three inches overall with the front a little longer and gelled up. The rest has been shorn down close to his skin, from his neckline to his temple in a natural gradation.

A chill runs down his back when she runs her fingernails down the back of his head. They trace back up as she begins to finger his spiky locks. She's got that far away look whenever she gets lost inside her mind.

He wants to get lost in there too.

He dives in again. His right hand slides down the curve of her back, stopping to rest at her ass.

His tongue is down her throat, he's pressing her down against his length. Electricity pops and fizzes in his brain at the sensation. It's just so right. He belongs inside her for the simple reason that she is Hinata. He can't explain it much more than that.

She's Hinata.

She's moaning and clutching, flinching and squirming, and he just wants to tear her out of her clothes.

But he also wants to take it slow.

He wants to relish every bite.

Because he might not get to ever again.

His right hand slides up the front off her jumper and he fingers the buttons.

But they don't fasten anything.

Naruto tears his mouth away, glaring down at her garment.

"What? What's the point of these?" He pulls at the buttons roughly.

"It's just a style."

He dips his head left and right, trying to understand what the hell she was actually wearing.

"How do I get this off?"

Hinata shrugs her shoulders. He looks at her and she's looking away, biting her lip.

"O,Oh well. Guess we can't proceed."

"Tell me."

She shook her head.

"Are you enjoying this?" He narrows his eyes at her. "Y'know, the only jerking around you're supposed to be doing is with your hands."

She pushes at his chest, as if to get away. "You're so crude."

His jaw shifts to the side.

Yeah, 'crude' seems to be the best way to describe him.

He's nothing like his father at all.

The man attracts women without even trying. Thank god all he cares about is mom, but that doesn't stop the average tag chaser. And it's honestly gotten old.

But can he really blame them?

The man is orderly and charismatic, chivalrous but not demeaning, intelligent as fuck, probably the most civil person on the whole goddamn earth.

And somehow the apple fell so far from the tree, it rolled right into cow manure.

Naruto tries to shrug off her statement as his right hand searches her waist again. "You say that like I never was, or something."

Maybe she just has the guts to say it now, the parts of his personality that she never cared for, as opposed to back then when she always tried to lift him up.

Or maybe it was more tolerable back then.

Maybe she expects him to be much more mature than this.

He's finally found a bumpy seam. Then the thin metal pull tab.

He tugs on it brusquely and it's resisting him. His heart feels like a sledgehammer banging on a sheet of steel. Sweat has broken out across his palms. She's so still in his arms like she's waiting for what's next.

She's supposed to be into this. She's supposed to be all over him like she can't wait any longer.

The zipper is finally halfway down when she speaks.

"... We can't be friends anymore after this..."

She didn't even stammer. Like it was the most important thing she needed to say.

Like he fucking wants to hear that directly.

He bottles his flaring temper as he dips in to taste her neck and she flinches.

He was the one that left, sure, but he came back. She can't just fade away on him now.

"I know. You already decided that when you saw me. Some people just wanna disappear after high school, I get that."

"No, th,that's not-"

"Quiet," He growls, slipping his right hand beneath her shirt, and his left down inside her jumper. "I'm done talking about this." He fiddles with the bra strap and scoops a handful of her silken ass cheek. A groan caught between a growl and a sigh shook out of his chest. These stupid overalls of hers hid this ass from him. There was more of it than met the eye. He wanted to take his cock out and rub it between her cheeks till she whined for more.

He got her strapless bra undone and tore it away. Never had he been happier to see her in a white shirt.

He gathered the material against her back, pulling it taught against her round breasts, and he was smacked hard with nostalgia.

Swim class. The standard blue swimsuit. Those delicious puffy nipples poking against the material. He had no choice but to notice her before all the other girls. She had been way ahead of the game.

Now nothing left to do but tease the ever loving fuck out of her.

Hand against her back, he lifted her towards his mouth and he pressed his flattened tongue against the pert, round caps that were her adorably erotic nipples. He growls. He can't help it. This part of her he's always been the most curious about. It's haunted him for years. And this part is so tender, and the bud in the center; he imagines it's just as sensitive as the little bud down there.

She stiffened hard, simultaneously surging against him, as though she had been shocked. That shriek she let loose will stay with him till the end of his days.

_Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Pulling away, he switches to the other breast, slurping and suckling her through her shirt, kneading her swollen areola between his teeth. And when he was done, he took another look at her.

He can't see much of her face anymore, she's ducked down beneath the curtain of her bangs. But the sight of her semi-transparent shirt clinging to her rack, coupled with her shyness, sends him to a whole new plane of satisfaction.

And frustration.

"Do something for me, okay?" He whispers as he kisses her cheek.

She gives him a wary look.

He walks them to the bed and sits her down on the edge.

His hands are at the waist of his joggers and her eyes widen in panic.

She ducks her head down further. She's so tightly curled into herself she's practically a ball.

So cute.

If it weren't the for fact that she didn't give to shits about him, he would think she hadn't changed much at all.

Naruto ran his right hand across the front of his pants, ache and release come and go like waves, each sensation intensifying.

God, she's so cute.

So fucking cute.

He really needs to cum.

* * *

Her head's on fire.

She can't believe they've gone this far. And they're about to go further still.

Already fate has perverted the sanctity of their friendship the moment they started having conversations about sex.

She thinks that maybe she shouldn't be surprised with him, that he doesn't see the boundary line that's so apparent to her it might as well be a trench. Or maybe he doesn't care, and she should know better about that when it comes to him.

He always struggled with personal space, especially hers.

He's always been… a little weird.

This part where she sits still is familiar to her. Like she's on display. But the lewdness and near nakedness is new territory. Her job puts her in a floor length cocktail dress and chunky jewelry. She's a product and a pseudo-girlfriend for five out of seven nights. But she's no toy.

She's no toy.

She's supposed to be in control.

She's trying to be in control.

But he's back in her life.

What exactly is 'control' anymore?

She bites her lip hard and dares, no, downright forces herself to look.

There's no avoiding it forever.

He releases his cock and it bobs in the most grotesque motion. The head is taut and shiny and deeply purple. She wonders if it hurts.

She doesn't notice, but her mouth is watering. Those childhood barbs about him being 'dickless' couldn't be any more untrue.

Her belly goes up in flames as he starts to pump his cock. His eyes flutter closed and he cranes his head. His groaning, sucking air through his teeth and gasping.

When he seems to have calmed himself enough, one look into his eyes proves he's anything but.

He approaches her, his fingertips slide beneath the swell of her large chest and he drums his fingers against the underside, forcing her breasts to jiggle like jello.

He's playing with her! What is he, fifteen?!

His thumb brush over her obscene nipples, a hot sensation passing over the cold left behind by his saliva.

He pinches them, presses them down.

He's sending liquid shocks right to her squeezing groin, and it's embarrassing. He's groaning again, and it's doubly embarrassing.

_He watches too much porn._

He grips his cock with his right hand and guides it beneath her shirt.

She's surprised he doesn't want to unveil her just yet.

"H,Here, slide up a little more." His breathing is labored. He falling apart at the seams.

_This might end sooner than I thought._

She bites her lips when he plunges his cock between her breasts, and his thing is hot and hard like a steel rod left out in the sun. The angry tip is pressing against her shirt. There's already a thick stain of precum, and her heart is beating unbearably fast.

His hands are big as they cup the sides of her breasts, molding her breasts around his cock, and she feels strange.

He pumping her tits like an animal. The head keeps thrusting out of her cleavage to kiss her shirt and it's so obscene.

She sees his face, red in ecstasy, and she wonders.

This ache in her gut, this thrumming in her heart, and this pain in her chest as he fucks her breasts silly.

She wonders if she wants it, too.

His jaw goes slack, the rhythm of his hips starts to come undone, and she finds herself openly staring at him.

"C,Cumming. Cumming, cumming, cumming- _fuck!"_

Hinata winces as it pours out all over her.

It's hot and gooey and it smells a bit like squid.

The ache sharpens, and she feels tight down there. So unbearably tight. She clutches the comforter as his semi-hard cock flops out from beneath her shirt. Her shirt, which now clings to her cum-stained breasts like glue.

He grabs her wrists and directs her hands to cup her tits. He's laboring for breath, unable to vocalize. He simply gestures at her, and she complies.

She pinches her puffy areola and pushes her breasts together. She runs her hands up and down the round expanse of her chest. The more she does this, the more the stench of his cum sinks into her sinuses and burns into her brain.

If she were ever reincarnated, she thinks this smell would be ingrained into her very soul.

She peeks up at him beneath the fan of her lashes.

He's got that same look from the cafe when her tongue made love to his hand.

He's enjoying this. Seeing her tease her tits and smears his cum.

She likes it, too.

This is why they can't be friends anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask why Minato doesn't have military regulation hair. I would have a heart attack if his hair was also short. Also if it seems like to you as the audience, 'Naruto, you're effing in love with her! Just admit it!'. Sadly, this Naruto is just as clueless as in canon, but for different reasons. So expect a journey of tasty, ultra ambigous FwB-ness!


	3. watch my heart burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update, 4/12/2020: This chapter has been lightly revised. Only some sensory details added, and some extra reactions added to Naruto's POV.

_Heroes sacrifice a lot for the happiness and security of others._

_One of those things they sacrifice is a sense of home._

_This is the third time in his young life that Naruto has moved from country to country, base to base._

_He was born on the Dai Hinoku base in Uzushio-koku. He has dual citizenship as a result. His parents' love story is a common one._

_A stationed soldier visits overseas. He unwinds with his comrades at a local bar. He meets a beautiful woman. She's shit-faced drunk and causing a ruckus. He pulls her off of the men whose faces she'd been punching in, and… the rest escapes him. That's the most interesting part to him; picturing his mom kicking ass. He's seven, so he doesn't really care about the rest._

_The last place he lived was in was Naminoku-koku. Went to a DoD school for the first two years and everything. So this was the first time he ever visited the mainland._

_Naruto helped his parents unpack boxes of clothes and dishware. He watched his parents move the sofa, set up the kotatsu, then put a bookshelf together. In the meantime, he snacked on a package of crushed instant ramen noodles, the seasoning added after and shaken up. It was an islander thing, particularly amongst the surfers, and a quick compromise when the water and gas hadn't been hooked up yet._

_Because this is a metropolis, they didn't want him walking to a convenience store all on his own._

_"But their kids do it all the time. I saw a boy walking out with groceries earlier." He stuffs another mouthful of crunchy fried noodle bits into his mouth. Seasoning is sticking on the corners like sprinkles._

_His father wiped the back of his hand against his sweat-slicked forehead. "Later, Naruto-chan. This is my first time home in ten years, and I'd rather assess the neighborhood before letting you loose. Those kids grew up here. They have all the warnings their parents gave them and are familiar with their surroundings. You don't have that yet."_

_Naruto pouts as he plops backwards onto the sofa. His mother smiles at him sympathetically before leaning down to kiss him on the forehead._

_"We'll have real ramen tonight, baby. Imagine! Mainland ramen! Ooh, I wonder how good their pork chashu is!"_

_Naruto's eyes sparkled as he jumped up, his snack pack abandoned on the sofa. "I bet it's really thick! Like thiiiis thick!" He splayed his arms apart for measurement._

_His mother burst out laughing. "Baby, that's a whole pig!"_

_"Exactly!" Naruto hopped backwards onto the sofa, launching the opened package onto the floor. His smile fell away. The mess he made was a foot long. His eyes unsteadily met his father's who watched him from the entryway between the living room and the kitchen._

_His mother threw her arms in the air like she were celebrating. "First mess in Hinoku! Yay!" She offered the flat of her palms to her son, but he declined the double low five._

_He knows she was only trying to help the shame weighing his head down, but it only added to it._

_This was almost becoming expected of him. He was such a klutz._

_His father sighed. "That's a new record," Minato attempted to add to Kushina's joke, but it came off exactly as passive-aggressive as it already was. "Now we have to find the broom." He walked passed them, slipped on his shoes in the genkan, then left through the front door. Their moving van was three floors below._

_Naruto crouched down, and his mother joined him. She picked up the plastic package, and Naruto pinched up each and every bit of noodle, then disposed of them inside the package._

_His face feels hot, like it wants to pop._

_"Sorry, sweetie… Look, don't worry about it, Naruto-chan. You know he's a clean freak. Plus-"_

_He knows this part. "In the Corps, if your bed isn't perfect or your boots aren't shined enough, you get the 'Sugar Cookie'. I know."_

_"But you know," She laughs. "I think his brothers got so pissed he never had to 'Sugar Cookie' that he did it voluntarily with them."_

_Naruto rolled his eyes. "Why didn't he just scuff his boot then?"_

_"Because that wouldn't have been genuine of him. Minato always cares about the whole-"_

_"And the details make up the whole. Yeah." He scooped up as much seasoning as he could and headed for the kitchen. His mother followed him and disposed the snack pack into the trash. He hopped up on his little plastic stool in front of the sink and dumped the salty clumps._

_Kushina appeared behind him and turned on the faucet, helping him wash his hands._

_When he was all done, she gave him a firm kiss on his temple and a quick hug against her side._

_When they returned to the living room, Minato entered the front door empty-handed. "How did we lose our broom? Or the vacuum?"_

_"Babes, that vacuum was old. I tossed it."_

_"Hand-me-downs are still good for something." Minato approached his wife and circled his arms around her waist._

_"I hope you're not saying that about me." She smirked at him dangerously as she reclined her head to the side._

_"No. I'm saying I don't feel like I make enough to get a new vacuum."_

_"Aren't you due for a promotion, babes?" Kushina folded her arms across his shoulders and hooked her fingers behind his neck, her long red hair swishing and swaying like a snake in the sand._

_Minato pressed his forehead against hers. "Another year."_

_"Mm-hmm…" She took on a mock-thoughtful expression before pulling away. "Well, vacuums are a luxury, aren't they?" She gestured where the mess used to be on the carpet. "We'd never have civilization without a little teamwork."_

_Minato searched for his son who stood in the kitchen entryway, frowning pensively._

_It was simultaneously awkward and awesome seeing the simmering chemistry between his parents that it was hard to look away, even though his innate embarrassment kicked in hard and told him he should._

_The stoic indifference melted away, replaced by the warmth of his father that he always loved._

_His father approached him and patted his head. "Thank you."_

_Blushing and grinning stupidly, Naruto knocked his father's hand away. "I know the drill, dad: Always correct my mistakes."_

* * *

He knows he should let her get cleaned up, but he's not done with her yet.

His right hand is cupping the back of her head while he bullies her mouth his tongue, and his left hand is shoved down the front of her panties, making deft work of her damp pussy.

He doesn't know what her panties look like, but they're sheer and lacey… and crotchless.

His jaw clenches.

She's mewling so much as his thick finger drive in and out of her. He wants her overwhelmed and breathless. It's what she gets for wearing such slutty panties.

He keeps thinking about her sitting across from him back at the café, wearing these with the full intention of sex, all the while rejecting him at every turn.

It fucks with his head to think she trusted some anonymous man over him. What's the reasoning for that? And to be embarrassed about it?! About all of it?! How could she think he'd look down on her?!

Naruto removed his right hand from the back of her head to grip her jaw. Ignoring her shriek, he pushed her down into the comforter and climbed on top. He pumped his fingers faster into her creamy snatch, all the while staring down into those large, opalescent eyes. She's flushed from the neck up. Her moans are ethereal the way they're just as quiet as she is, but there's no lack of intensity. She's really feeling it. She's spasming around him down there. Her eyes begin to flutter half-shut. Her plump bottom lip sinks between her teeth and she's moving with him now. She's rocking her hips to his fingers. She's begging for release.

He wants to taste her. He wants to force her to taste herself.

"Are you gonna cum?" His voice is so rough it grates his own ears. It's fucking painful how much he wants to shove his dick inside her, his balls are tight with need. Her bouncing, defiled tits contained within her sullied shirt aren't helping, either.

She can barely nod as she emits a high-pitched, nasally "Uh-huh!" It's so fucking cute, he wants her to say it again.

"You're gonna cum?"

She squeezes her eyes shut, pushing out tiny tears as she nods more firmly against his grip. "Uh-huh!"

"And who's making you cum, huh? Who's the one making you cum?"

Her spine lifted from the comforter, her hips drove down harder against his relentless fingering.

She keened as she came undone, her lower body spasming as her walls clamped around his fingers. Fresh fluid gushed from her quivering pussy, he could feel it spread to the apex of her thighs, could smell her through her clothes.

Her face became dewy with sweat as she came down, her quiet, labored breaths heaving with the swell of her full breasts, and she looked absolutely beautiful.

He leaned down, his mouth by her ear. "Next time, you're not allowed to cum until you give me an honest answer."

Naruto traces his wet fingertips over her sensitive clit as he pulled out, earning a lurch and a squeal.

He couldn't help himself.

He had five years worth of teasing to do.

And he was all kinds of pent up for her.

Naruto climbed off the bed. He hooked his thumbs into the waist of her jumper and tugged it over her hips, then dragged it down her legs, letting it fall wherever it may.

In her boneless state, she hadn't the awareness to cover herself, because he knows she would.

She's wearing these classy-as-hell high waist, high cut lace panties. They're icy lavender, starting at her navel, flattering the shapely flare of her hips, then they stop at the indentation of her pelvis, emphasizing the length of her legs. The lace opening that lines her crotch is soaked and sticking to her in a lewd fashion. He can see her overworked pink flesh begging to be filled.

But he won't do it yet.

He's even more pissed now.

Because this part of her wasn't meant for his eyes.

She didn't want to share herself with him.

She doesn't want to keep in touch. She doesn't want to rekindle their friendship, or deepen it.

She wants to be a ghost.

How can she talk down on herself about being unnoticeable, and then fucking go wanting to remain unnoticed?

He doesn't understand it!

Naruto kneels down in front of the bed. He drags her closer till her legs hang off the side and he pulls them over his broad shoulders. He grasps her upper arms just above her elbows to hold her down. And he traces her clit with the flick of his tongue.

She jolts back to life, another high-pitched keen singing from her lips.

He closes his mouth over the distended, little bud and gives her a firm suck.

She fights against his grip all the while bucking hard against his mouth. His mind is going hazy from the musky, sweet scent of her sex, from the tinny, sweet flavor of her body.

He hardens his tongue and dives deep inside her. A lengthy moan fills the room and he feels like he's high. Maybe there's something fetishistic to him about claiming one of his best friends. He's not sure. But there's something intoxicating about reminding himself this delicate, full-bodied woman is what became of the meek fifteen year old girl he left behind.

His hips jerk involuntarily.

He can barely merge to the two in his head, especially when she's still like this, so meek and so cute.

He definitely did something wrong.

Maybe leaving was a mistake.

Maybe not pushing her enough back then was a mistake.

He doesn't know where it all started, when it got out of his hands, but he needs to correct this.

He dips down, closing his lips over her perineum, the tight bit of flesh between her two pink holes, and he begins to lick and nibble on the bundle of nerves there.

An airy scream shoots out of her, enticing him further. She's twisting to get away, yet her thighs are clamping down on his head for more.

Naruto releases her with a low growl, tossing her legs from his shoulders as he rises to full height. He grabs her by the ankles and pulls her legs flush against his front. He shoves his aching cock between her creamy thighs and rubs the length of his shaft along her clit.

Her shrieks have turned into mouse-like gasps as she peers up at him from beneath the fan of her dark lashes, swollen pink mouth formed in a little 'o'.

A particularly firm stroke against her pink bud and she's clutching the comforter, her body seizing up from the overwhelming sensation. She's overly sensitive down there. He tests the rest of her body, running his right hand down the length of her torso. She's shivering to his feather-like tracings.

A smirk stretches his lips as he tucks his middle finger behind his thumb and flicks his fingernail against her left nipple.

Another delicious airy scream as she arches off the bed.

The ache in his groin is getting to be too much. He bucks relentlessly against her wet slit. It's like waves crashing and receding. He feels the relief from his lust for a second, then it comes back, hitting him harder, pulling him out to sea, then spitting him back onto shore.

"Whose cock do you want inside you, Hinata? C'mon, tell me."

She's biting her lip and covering her face behind her palms.

"If you really want a random guy, I'll get you one." Naruto nipped at her right ankle, earning a squeak.

She shook her head vehemently, and he ground himself against her wetness harder.

"C'mon! Tell me whose cock you really want!"

Her hands slipped down, her fingers parted around her tear-glazed eyes. She looked at him, the longing crystalline in her eyes.

Her lips moved, shaping a specific set of vowels, as though the arrangement was so sacred as not to be uttered.

_Na_

_Ru_

_To_

_-kun_

His heart throbs so much he can't breathe right.

_So fucking cute._ But… "I still need to hear you say it."

The shield of her fingers closed again, and she whispered with ethereal reverence. "Naruto… kun…"

A deeply animalistic groan shook him from the darkened depths of liquid lust stirring in his gut, and he gripped the base of his cock, lining the turgid tip to her sopping mound.

He planted his hands on the bed and folded her legs to her chest.

"Take your hands away. I want you looking at me the whole time."

Unsteadily, her hands slid down her face to curl beneath her chin, and she gazed up at him obediently. And he swore that look, that emotion he'd been chasing to recover had returned to her doe eyes.

Admiration.

It was always fleeting, but enough times catching her staring he eventually became convinced that it wasn't in his head.

She liked him.

On some level.

She liked him.

Naruto sank his hips inch by inch, assessing the sharpness of her breath, the stiffening of her spine, the widening of her eyes as she took his length, his thickness inside her body.

Sweat beads along his temple, his eyes cross slightly as he labors for breath, for cognizance, because the more and more he sank into this euphoric, drunkening heat, this wet tightness, the further his mind drifted away from him.

A deep groan locks in his chest and he feels like he's going to have a heart attack.

His withheld breath escapes him in a growl of exasperation, followed by a series of breathy expletives.

And she's still watching him.

He's forcing himself to be careful with her, to take it slow. His face is locked in a deep grimace.

In the back of his mind, a little voice tells him he 'forgot' the condom. He won't cum inside, though. He wanted to feel all of her, he wanted this so bad.

And he's finally here.

They're finally connected.

He breaks eye contact. His eyes squeeze shut. A terse breath shoots through his teeth.

Her hot, damp cavern swallowed him whole, her walls tenderly clutching around his cock, and his mind caught fire. He's ascending into a blinding _nothingness_ where he feels complete, where he feels clean and more satisfied than he ever has.

He forces his eyes open. Hers have fluttered half-shut. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are parted and pursed. And he just wants to kiss her.

He dips in, capturing her in a sweaty, open-mouth kiss, sliding his tongue along hers.

Her delicate fingers slide up his jaw, and she's cradling his face, angling her head to deepen the kiss and accommodate his need to overpower her.

Naruto pulls his cock from her snatch with a torturous slow drag, then plunges it back in.

Her body jumps. A lengthy moans vibrates against his lips. He swallows her sounds and takes it into his body, to engrave this precious moment into his memory.

They're officially each other's first.

He breaks the kiss, lips ghosting hers as he rasps. "Happy now? You finally have the cock you've always wanted."

He searches her eyes. That sweet glow has dimmed, and she's looking at him confused.

No, why?

Was she playing dumb?

Really?

Biting the inside of his bottom lip, he slammed his hips down, and she locked up beneath him, her mouth parted in a silent scream. He's observing her, memorizing her through his dark, narrowed glare. He rocked against her, stirring the back of her cervix with his cock, and he moaned low. She shudders as pleasure chases away the discomfort. Her brows knit upwards as she pins him with those teary eyes of hers, and his heart skips more than a beat. It downright trips over itself.

His jaw clenches harder, and he claws the comforter hard enough to tear it, and somewhere deep down inside he wants to yell. At what, who, and why, he isn't sure. He's just frustrated. So fucking frustrated.

Giving into her and her ingenue gaze, he scooped his hips against hers, hoping he's dragging against her special spot. She's clutching his cock tighter, and his mind bursts and blanks white for a searing second.

A groan locks up in his throat, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment.

_Oh fuck, that's gotta be it. Aw shit._

He hastily sucks air through his teeth, as if he were preparing for a three-hundred pound deadlift.

He really doesn't want cum right now.

He's in the middle of an interrogation, dammit! His stamina can't undermine him now of all times!

He forces himself to slow down as he traces her torso with the splay of his right hand. He's trailing down, down, till his reaches her slick, pink nub. His thumb ghosts her clit once, twice, before pressing down more firmly, and her breaths are hitching in her throat. She's starting to move against him, frantic for his touch.

With a lopsided grin, he breathlessly laughs.

He always knew he could make her want him.

Her lips pressed together and she hums erratically, till a sharp gasp pops her mouth open again.

He's strumming her clit, drilling her pussy, watching her eyes flutter shut, and he spanks her left ass cheek.

A sharp cry pierces the room, excitement shoots down his spine as she stares up at him submissively.

"I told you: I want you looking at me the whole time."

She nods, cutely mouthing 'sorry' and it's too much. She's not playing fair.

Does she even understand how fucking crazy she's makes him?!

It fucking pisses him off! To think some rando could be plowing her right now, instead of him! All because she felt safer behind that tinted glass of anonymity!

She knows better, doesn't she? The things she secretly wants to do; She'll sooner end up murdered if she does those things with anyone else!

Is that what got her so ashamed back at the café?

Because she got caught making a stupid mistake?

Did she realize she would have left this world - left _him_ \- as some beat up, tied up, raped corpse up in the mountains? Without ever reconciling what they had beforehand?

Like hell he wants that. Like hell he wants to go another fucking year wondering what happened to her, only to have** 'Hyuuga Hinata, 20-something, found naked and dead'** up on the news as the last time he ever sees her.

His face is buried in the comforter. His arms have come to embrace her against his body. Too many conflicting emotions are fucking up this moment for him, and he hopes to god she didn't catch him crying for a second there.

"Naruto-kun?"

His hips have stilled.

He squeezes the last of his tears out, because he needs to remind himself that shit isn't happening, and it'll never happen.

They're together now.

It's okay.

Even for whatever unfathomable reason that she hates him now, enough to walk out of his life come sunrise tomorrow, he'll still make sure no one touches her the wrong way.

He needs to distract himself. He's being too serious right now, too much like his dad.

His left hand drifts down from the curve of her spine to toy with the hem of her high waist panties.

"How long did it take you to pick these out, huh?" He's trying to sound the same as before, all intensity and sexual aggression, but he fails. His tone is too casual, and he's kicking himself for it.

He just can't picture what he did right as anonymous man.

Even when he flirted so incorrigibly, she had laid down her boundaries, expressed interest but admitted to being new and unprepared. Eight months of intimate conversation, that she says would've never occurred between them as friends, and she wants to impress the anonymous him this badly that she picks a knockout pair of victory panties.

Maybe he's looking at this all wrong. Had they actually gotten to a deeper level of their friendship that sex became casual conversation for them, surely the outcome would have taken them both to bed… right?

"A.. m,month… maybe…"

"That long, huh?" He kisses the side of her face, then presses his mouth close to the shell of her ear. "How come?"

He picks the pace back up, throwing in some novel angles that leave her shuddering.

"I… I… oh, that feels, oh-"

He smirks, despite himself. "Focus, Hinata."

She winces and whines, trying her best to articulate through the haze of pleasure fizzing through her bloodstream.

"... w,wanted to… make him h,happy… with me…"

He groaned at her admission. His hips surged faster, tunneling deeper into her cunt. Blood pounded in his ears. His breath sawed harshly in and out of his chest. He could feel it building. Something larger than he's ever experienced. His eyes screwed shut as he panted, picking up the pace. He lifted off her and held her legs down with his big hands. He began to pound away at her pussy, forcing every breath, every gasp from her lips.

He was going to cum soon.

But he still wasn't done with her.

"Why?" He gasped. "Why him?"

She whined again, shaking her head.

"Hinata, fuck- Tell me!"

He wants to know. He needs to know.

She looks at him, the real him, and he's just her childhood friend, right? Just that goofy, angry kid she knew from school. That's all he is to her. That's all.

But when she spoke to the online him, everything was different, and he can't figure out why.

Her security in anonymity is one thing, but the guy she thought he was, was the main detail he couldn't ignore.

Her right hand comes up, the back of it pressed to her teeth as she quietly moans to every deep thrust of his cock. He sees the way she refuses to tell him anything, from the pinched expression on her face, the way she's now biting her own skin to stop herself from talking.

Was the truth that bad?

Did she want to spare him the offense that strongly?

He can't take it anymore.

Orgasm slams into him.

Her cries pitch higher and higher, throwing his whole self into disarray.

He pulls out, and furiously pumps his cock.

His mind explodes with the largest of fireworks as thick ropes of semen splash onto her belly, gluing her sheer panties to her like a second skin.

He gazes down at her, laboring to catch his breath.

Now she really does need to be cleaned up.

* * *

_His mom made a friend in the PTA. Uchiha Mikoto. She's pale and dark, which could also describe her as a whole, because she's sometimes kind and sometimes harsh._

_They're at the park this Sunday, the same park he'd go running in with his dad. Sasuke's not the type of kid with energy to burn. The only way to get him to do anything you want to do is if you say 'But Itachi is going, too'._

_So Naruto's learned to solo this part of their playdate. He still goes running and singing cadence, which Sasuke detests listening to and refused to try doing with him. Naruto's dad recently got promoted to Sergeant, and he's been tasked with overseeing training in Naminoku. He should be back in four months._

_He misses this morning ritual of theirs, but he knows better than to gripe about things that are out of his control._

_That said, there is someone he keeps seeing here._

_A girl from his class, with crystal white eyes and dark, cropped hair._

_While his mom and Mikoto watch him from the bench, with Sasuke buried nose deep in a book, Naruto runs the laps, muttering cadence to himself because he suddenly feels self-conscious about it._

_She's here again. By herself on the swings over there._

_Hyuuga Hinata._

_Her family has an arms supply contract with the military. They make some of the best sniper scopes ever. He has one, too. He likes to use it like a telescope, spying on his neighbors when he's bored._

_His apartment isn't too far from here, and he's spied on her too._

_She always keeps to herself at school. He wonders about that._

_Second lap, and she's still there._

_Third lap, and she's still there._

_'I should talk to her.'_

_Fourth lap. She's still there._

_'No one else talks to her. That's kind of strange.'_

_Fifth lap._

_'Does she hate talking to people?'_

_Naruto runs off the dirt field and makes a beeline straight for her._

_She's startled by him. A petal pink blush fills her face and her gaze drops to the tips of her purple rain boots._

_"Hi!"_

_"H,Hi…" She's tapping the toes of her boots together and he smiles._

_Somehow, he kind of likes her reaction. She doesn't roll her eyes at him or make a joke about where he came from. He decides she couldn't possibly hate talking to people._

_"I've seen you here a lot lately."_

_She nods. "Me too. I see you here, too. But usually with your father."_

_He rubs at the back of his head. Now his ears are burning._

_"Oh, haha. So you've heard the songs we sing."_

_She nods again, smiling a little. Her big eyes dart up to meet his. "He's away?"_

_"Yup. Training some privates in Nami. Y'know, it's kinda weird singing cadence by myself. My mom's not a soldier, but she taught me a new one."_

_She looked at him, her head craned to the side. "Which one is that?"_

_Thirty minutes later, he managed to snag himself a new running buddy and he's trying to get her to sing as loud as him._

_"I wish that all the ladies!"_

_"... I wish that all the ladies?"_

_"Were bricks in a pile!"_

_"... Were bricks in a pile…"_

_"And I was a mason!"_

_"... And I was a mason?'_

_"I'd lay them all in style!"_

_She didn't copy him that time. Her face screwed up in confusion._

_They passed by his mother, who was covering her mouth. Her cheeks were pulled high into her eyes like a cheshire cat, and Naruto wondered what she was giggling about._

_"I wish that all the ladies!"_

_"... I wish…" Hinata was already panting for breath._

_"Were pies on a shelf!"_

_Hinata didn't copy him again._

_Why is she letting him do this by himself?!_

_"And I was a baker!"_

_"... Uzumaki-san…" Her voice was lost to the beat of their pounding feet._

_They were coming up past the bench again, and his mother had both hands over her mouth, her shoulders trembling with laughter._

_Mikoto-san looked bemused. Sasuke was reading his book closer to his face than usual._

_"I'd eat'em all myself!'_

_By the time they made it to the third verse, his mother was on the ground laughing her lungs out._

_Naruto stopped to scold her, fists balled at his sides as he stomped his feet. "Mom! I'm training a new recruit! Quit laughing!" He turned round and faced Hinata. "And you! You gotta be louder! Louder!"_

* * *

Her hair is mussed like a dark halo. Silken strands are glued to her ivory white skin, drawing his eyes to the pink circle of her mouth.

She still hasn't told him anything that he wants to hear.

"C'mon, I know you can be louder, Hinata." He growls as he pounds her up against the wall.

It's just like earlier, moments after they entered the room.

He gripping her by the ass, her legs wrapped around his waist and ankles crossed together. Their sweat-slicked forehead are pressed together. She's holding onto the back of his head, holding his feral, wanton gaze as though she might become lost if she loses sight of him.

He's loving watching the way her tits lift and jiggle with every heated thrust of his cock.

She couldn't stay clean for long, thanks to him.

Her arousal is dripping down her thighs, matting down his pubes and the smell is driving him towards oblivion. It's erasing all articulation, all sense, until everything is blank save for what he's feeling right now.

And even that he can't quite describe.

It's as if she's becoming _more_ Hinata by the second. And his heart can barely contain her.

But he'll never accept consuming her in mere doses.

He'll happily OD on her if he can.

His thick shaft drags out her moans. He shoves his cock as hard as he can, biting back his own fervent groan as she cries louder just like he wants.

He moves his mouth up against the shell of her ear and between ragged breaths, he asks her. "Do you still wish you were home right now?" She whines, and he pounds her harder for an answer. "Aren't you glad I didn't let you walk away from this? You love getting your pussy stuffed, just say it."

His angles his hips and stirs her pussy, his groin grinding against her clit and it's over for her. She shrieks and spasms and clutches onto him. Her airy scream sings through every nerve and he needs to pound her faster, harder.

He catches her gaze out of the corner of his eye, he pulls back to look at her.

Behind the pleasure glazed in her eyes, he doesn't see the admiration he's been trying to pull out of her, but something kind of lost and forlorn.

"What?" He demands.

It's just like earlier by the door, when she was fingering his hair and getting lost inside her mind.

What is it that she keeps seeing?

Fifteen year old him?

Some lost foreign kid deserving of her pity?

What?

What is she really looking at?!

He fastens his left around her middle and grips her chin with his right hand, forcing her to really look at him. His hips stop moving.

"Hey. Stop that. I'm right here, y'know."

"No. You're not." She murmurs.

His throat flexes emptily around all the words that've come to mind, and none of them particularly kind. He narrows his eyes at her. "The hell you mean?"

She reminds him of a seer when she gets like this, as if the material world is stripped away before her eyes and she sees how everything truly connects. She always look so sad, like an old soul. "Naruto-kun is hiding… behind all of his bravado."

She's not even stammering anymore.

A cold sweat breaks out along his palms.

Does she know what he's been trying to do?

Did she figure out what he truly wants?

He's trying to catch his breath, but calmness escapes him.

He dislodges her from his body as though she were a succubus, as if she were nothing but a dirty octopus woman.

When he helps her to her feet, her legs give out and she falls to her knees. He shouldn't be surprised. He counted three mini-orgasms and two large orgasms in the past hour. Still, part of him had begun to suspect she might've been faking it.

She's eyeing his swollen cock, then turns her doe eyes up towards him in silent question.

Gritting his teeth, he grasps the back of her head and presses her pretty mouth to his shaft, smearing their combined juices across her pink lips and pale chin.

She's still staring at him, as if he were nothing more than the flimsy rice paper in a losing goldfishing game.

One bad scoop, and she'll break on through.

"Clean it up." He bites out.

Her eyes flutter half-shut as her pink tongue darts out to taste herself on his dick. She's stroking the underside diligently, before craning her head back to lick at the flare of his glans.

She knows he's got pride; maybe too much of it.

She knows he's screwed up from time to time; maybe a lot of the time.

But she always accepted that about him.

That's what he's always liked about her.

Naruto gripped her jaw and she complied with the hot, waiting hole of her mouth.

He slid his cock past her lips. Her tongue rose up to meet his shaft, and he stopped once her throat began to tense around his head.

A shaky sigh exits his chest. "Ffffuck…" He rakes his right hand fingers through her hair and grips her by the back of her head. He pulls his cock out carefully. His head rolls back from the intense pleasure tingling from his groin. He faces her again, his chin tucked to his neck, he catches her stare. He squeezes his eyes shut as he slides back in.

He begins a steady pace from there, fresh sweat dotting his temples when his swollen head catches the back of her throat.

It feels amazing, and yet...

He can't look at her anymore.

He's doing what he always had around everyone else.

He's performing.

He never had to perform around her.

He doesn't know why he is, he doesn't even remember when he started. It was such an unconscious reaction, and now he can't stop.

He doesn't know why he's performing.

But she does.

And she doesn't seem to be impressed.

* * *

Naruto's sitting on the edge of the bed facing the hotel door.

He's holding his head in his hands.

Hinata's tucked inside the bed, with her back to him.

She could be asleep, for all he knows.

His phone says it's half-past-nine. They've been here for six hours. Checkout was… whenever. Probably.

He contemplates getting room service.

He's almost starving, but he's not sure he could eat.

He thinks about that phrase his father passed onto him.

That the details make up the whole.

His father had always ensured he had a clean home, and that he cared enough to help keep it that way. Those details meant he was loved. Those details meant respect the space and respect himself.

His mother had always ensured he had a good sense of humor. Her blatant ignorance of good taste meant he shouldn't take things too seriously. To enjoy the present and take things moment by moment.

He was his father's son, she would say, particularly during his darkest moments, when she was trying to help clear the storm clouds brewing in his head.

With her explosive temper and his father's can-do spirit, he was a dangerous embodiment of determination.

He was a demon of ambition.

But when he gathered up Hinata's details and arranged them into that beautiful whole, there still remained blank, unwritten pockets like star-eating black holes in the fabric of space.

Even a black hole will consume a sun, and right now he feels like he drifted too close to something he couldn't handle.

What details he did have of her told him enough.

He doesn't know her anymore. And she's just fine with that.

He's translucent rice paper to her, and she's an illegal depth of tinted glass to him.

Naruto ran his palms down his face, heatedly sighing with his bottom lip pulled down by his ring finger.

_Fuck it._

"Hey… Hinata?" His hands drop between his knees, and he tries again. "Hinata?"

"... Hm?" She sounds a little sleepy, but now he knows she hadn't been asleep after all.

"... You hungry?"

She was quiet for a beat. "Mm-hm."

* * *

He's never given up on anything.

He's Uzumaki fucking Naruto.

A veritable buffet of comfort food lay before them atop the bed.

Omelette rice with squiggles of ketchup.

Barbecue short ribs and white rice.

Spicy karaage chicken paired with sweet mayo for dipping.

A molten chocolate cake.

She's currently working on a plate of potato croquettes.

He's starting in on the yakisoba, because noodles.

They got a six-pack of strawberry _Calpico_ at the head of the bed, waiting to be drained down their thirsty gullets.

He thinks he should've ordered beer instead, but he didn't trust an inebriated him around a half-naked her.

Not when he was still this fucking butthurt.

He's never given up on anything.

He's starting to think tonight might have to be a night of many firsts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the downer cliff-hanger! D: I really wanted to tie this entire 'Love Hotel' arc with this chapter, and establish the story's main objective at the end. But alas... next chapter!
> 
> Not sure if I'll work in Hinata's POV next chap... I think whoever has the most at stake at the time should be the POV, right?


	4. Strangers Acting Like Your Oldest Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter heavily references 'Your Name' by Makoto Shinkai. If you haven't watched it yet, well, I hope I was vague enough. Truly wasn't intending to spoil anything. :( I'm actually not a fan of his, I prefer Mamoru Hosoda, but I did watch 'Your Name' a couple months ago and for some reason I thought to use it for thematic purposes.
> 
> Update, 4/12/2020: This chapter has been minimally revised.

_"It's just a lot, it's just a lot, it's just a lot_

_I wanna hold onto the innocence I got_

_It's just a lot, it's just a lot, it's just a lot_

_I wanna care for all the little things I got."_

_-K. Flay "It's Just A Lot"_

_She's seven when she witnesses something she never should have._

_Fresh out of books and wanting a snack, she wanders the wide and empty halls of her home. She doesn't know where is Kou is, and Natsu has her hands full with Hanabi-chan._

_There's too many rooms, too many empty spaces full of too many empty couches and unused tables, and it makes her feel lost._

_As if she is in a different house every time she turns a corner or explores an uninspected closet._

_Some nights toss her out of bed, and in those seconds she thinks she really is in a different house._

_That she never really made it back home._

_Her feet have lead her towards a set of lacquered oak double doors. It's her grandfather's former office, currently inherited by her father, and normally it's shut tight._

_But today, the door nearest to her is ajar, and she's curious._

_She hears no typing, no shuffling of papers. No one-sided business discussions, nor the whirr of the fax machine._

_She assures herself that it is empty, and that she will only intrude for a moment._

_She doesn't touch the door for concern of creating an audible creak. She slips through the crack and finds herself in truly unfamiliar territory._

_The sanctuary of men differs vastly from most libraries._

_Canvas and leather bound books fill shelf upon shelf upon shelf, the bookshelves themselves cover the entire wall behind her father's desk. Only the windows break up the rigid monotony, but even then he surrounds himself in the plainest of decor._

_Drab, navy blue curtain hung from ceiling to wooden floor. Simple, black satin-polished metal curtain rods create a line that makes her think of one half of a crucifix._

_Between her and the desk is an ugly rug. It's an old world map resembling parchment paper; a reminder of the era whence the Hyuuga name established themselves as 'warriors of finance, and financiers of war.'_

_It's a legacy she feels no attachment to._

_Her father's brown, leather office chair is turned to the side, proving that he had stepped out._

_Hinata circles the dark, wooden executive desk, all harsh corners and lines, and she pulls herself up onto his chair._

_The boxy computer monitor immediately pulls her attention, partly because visual displays are generally impossible to ignore, but also because there was movement on screen._

_There is a video window in the upper left corner._

_It's her parent's bedroom, but at a high angle. Every light is on. The ceiling fan light, their dresser lamps. And two partially undressed bodies were moving against each other atop the comforter._

_It didn't take long for her to recognize who was who._

_Her twenty-two year old nanny Kou and her thirty-seven year old mother._

_'So that's why father hired Natsu-san.'_

_She perched her elbows on the edge of the desk and rested her face in the butt of her palms._

_Kou's kissing her neck and rolling her left breast in his greedy hand._

_Her mother is raking her fingers through his hair, gazing down at him as he moves lower and lower, peppering her belly with kisses before stopping short of the hem of her underwear._

_His fingers hook around the thin band around her hips. He's looking up at her. Within the next second, they're removed from her body and laid carefully aside._

_Hinata watches him part her mother's legs and his face goes somewhere she didn't think a face could go._

_Her knees pull up as she arches off the bed. Her hands push at his head, but she's barely even trying._

_The office door creaks, but her heart doesn't drop, her blood pressure doesn't spike. In the process of pulling her attention away to address her father, she noticed another window tucked just behind the video: They're all video files. They're all dated in chronological order._

_Her father is as sturdy as a marble column beside her, and she turns her head up to look at him. He doesn't scare her anymore because he stopped being scary two years ago._

_"Mommy stole my nanny." A point blank statement. In the back of her mind, she wonders if a weapons manufacturer such as her father even knows the feeling of 'point blank'._

_Hiashi's brows furrowed and pulled up into his forehead, a pensive frown breaking his stoicism._

_Hiashi reached for the mouse and paused the video. He then minimized it, along with the folder it came from._

_Hiashi unsteadily sank down into a crouch as he faced his first born daughter. His eyes waver like he's trying to look for her._

_The therapist described her current state as experiencing 'shallow affect'._

_But how can she be lost if she's in the shallows?_

_"... Hinata-chan. What did you come in here for?"_

_She's forgotten about her snacks or the fact that she needs a new book to read._

_Her mind is preoccupied with the image of adults at play._

_And she knows now that her father likes to play from afar._

_Something inside of her snaps._

_It's tiny, like a twig or a chicken bone._

_But it's enough for tears to sting her eyes, and for the world to go blurry._

_Not that it hasn't already been blurred enough for her._

_"... Daddy… I still don't f,feel like I c,came back a,all the way, and… M,Mommy doesn't care. A,And Kou doesn't care. And grandfather doesn't care. And y,you don't care-!"_

_His hands reach out to comfort her, but he stops short. He's never hugged her before. He's never been hugged before. His father had never been hugged, either. It's just something they don't do._

_But generations get softer and softer as civilization strives on and comfort becomes more ubiquitous; and his first born daughter is one of the softest beings he's ever known. To think he had a part in creating such a sensitive individual, it throws him off at times._

_What's worse is how he's failed her._

_It's true._

_His precious daughter hasn't returned to him all the way._

_"Hinata-chan, I do care-"_

_"_ _No_ _." She cuts him off, her red face hidden beneath the curtain of her bangs, thick droplets of tears gathering at her chin. She scrambles to get out of his nasty, leather chair, to get out of this stupid office. "Perverts don't care about anything."_

_The next time her mother and nanny ask her if she wants to go to the park, she ignores them and goes by herself._

_She goes by herself often from then on, and as expected of the self-absorbed, they don't make any complaints._

_She's seven and a half when she realizes that life goes on._

_Not hers, though. Just everyone else's._

* * *

She's nibbling on her potato croquette, the combination of crispy panko surrounding seasoned oven-fried mashed potato fills her with simple comfort.

Something she needs to distract herself from the stifling atmosphere that's settled between them.

She knows what she's done.

But part of her can't believe she's done anything at all.

Because he's made himself feel this way, but he wouldn't have without reason.

He wouldn't be like this if he didn't care so much about her opinion.

How did it come to this?

She can't help but steal glances at him, sitting over there in nothing but his joggers with his legs crossed, right cheek in his hand and his smartphone balanced atop his left knee. He's watching something. She hears gunfire and shouting, but he doesn't seem to be enjoying it.

Even when he's petulant, her heart still flutters.

Her lower body tingles and aches in memory of being so thoroughly filled by him, too, that a stray whine hums in her throat.

He really did his best to make it up to her. Having his undivided attention made her soar, but it also made her soar too close to the sun.

That part of her hasn't let up; she still feels like an ant beneath his magnifying glass. It's a feeling that always makes her lose her breath.

On top of all that, Naruto just kept pushing and pushing for her to reveal her shameful side, but it would seem she won this battle.

She managed to retain… most of her dignity.

But in the process - and she still couldn't believe the extent of it - she had let him down.

Naruto finished his plate, and set it aside. She barely got through half of her first croquette.

He picked up his phone and tapped the screen with his thumb. The audio went silent and he began to swipe for something new.

She focuses her attention back to her food.

It can't be helped. She's already let him down. She's regained her status quo. She gets to leave this place roughly the same woman she was when she had entered.

She won, even if the victory has a bitter taste to it.

She thinks about what she's going to do tomorrow.

Her shift doesn't start till nine in the evening, and getting dolled up takes time. Usually she sleeps in, then lounges about. Sometimes she's finishing a novel, other times she's out shopping for a new one.

Every other month she'll go to an art exhibit with her host friend, the one that helped put her on this journey, and other times she does a 'pastry crawl', sampling new feature items at the local cafés.

_Perhaps I'll go people-watching at the lakes._

She's picturing an iced osmanthus tea in one hand and a package of brown sugar cookies in the other. The sound of ducks and boats on the water. Kids running around as their families tend to the complimentary barbecue grills. Such foreign sights made her nostalgic. Nostalgic for a place she's never been, for an experience she's never had.

She doesn't know how long she's been wandering inside her head, until she hears this coming out from the speaker of his phone. It's dialogue from a particular film.

The same one she couldn't finish months ago.

_"Once in a while when I wake up. I find myself crying. The dream I must have had… I can never recall. But… But...the sensation that I've lost something lingers for a long time after I wake up. I'm always searching for something, for someone."_

Blood is pounding in her cheeks. Her ears are burning red.

And she can't catch her breath.

_But he hates animated films!_

Her eyes dart up to meet his. He doesn't notice her at all. He looks just as bored as he did with that war film he was watching.

She mentioned this film to him online.

She wanted to watch it in full, but so many things had happened that she never got around to it.

He had asked if she always watched movies alone. And she did. He said he liked to talk about movies after seeing them. She told him she didn't. She told him she already knows how she feels, so why does anyone else need to know?

He called her 'weird'. And she told him he could have easily kept that comment to himself.

_"This feeling has possessed me... I think from that day when the stars came falling. It was almost as if a scene from a dream. Nothing more, nothing less than a beautiful view."_

All she's doing is listening now, and watching him watch her movie.

She can't take another ten minutes of missed storytelling.

But it's his phone. And he's so far away, she feels like she'd only be annoying him.

She's clenching her jaw, her gaze burning a hole through her half-empty plate.

She really, _really_ wants to watch it!

"It's fine, y'know… If you wanna come over here."

She looks up with lips parted. He's peeking up at her, detached but expectantly.

Had she really been that obvious?

Somehow she finds her voice. It was always easiest for her to talk about ideas and characters, more than it was about anything tangible and present. "Are you really going to watch all of it?"

His turbulent ocean eyes finally lift from the screen, and he's looking at her so apathetically that it's oddly relieving.

That is odd, right? To be relieved by his disinterest?

Perhaps she had gotten her fill of Naruto-kun to last a lifetime, and any more would break her open.

"It's really pretty." He says.

His gaze is boring into her. It's not apathetic, after all. More like, he's just tired.

"I,I told you, that director is really indulgent when it comes to scenery. It almost looks photo-real, but the saturation of colors is utterly pornographic that it also doesn't look real at all."

A smirk has appeared on his lips. And her face begins to warm.

"Are you going to keep talking about the thing I'm watching, or are you going to get over here?"

The heat in her face increases two-fold, and she scoots around the trays and plates to join him by his right side.

He shifted his phone closer so that she could see it better.

She pulled her hair over both of her shoulders to try and cover her breasts better. It felt shameful to view this film in her current state.

This film was supposed to be the director's best one yet. As if his entire body of work was just practice, trial-and-error towards making his masterpiece.

And just like the majority of his work, it was a love story.

The structure was experimental so far. The cold open had transitioned into a lively montage put to the theme song. A city boy and a country girl switching bodies overnight at unexpected intervals. They bickered back and forth, writing on their arms and faces when they were particularly frustrated at one another, but most of the time they left behind diary entries in their phones for the other to read.

They upended each other's lives. Sometimes improving it, sometimes causing problems for them to pick up the morning after.

This was a romance in every sense.

A romance of youth, of disparate experiences. The sense that the grass is always greener.

The director really paid tribute to city life, which was to be expected in order to express the girl's own romanticization of it. But he also made the countryside equally beautiful. A place so small and quaint; its young residents had grown desensitized to its natural scenery.

Hinata understood that, though; desensitization.

That's the journey her host friend suggested she take.

She's been working on her own desensitization, in her own way, at her own pace.

Reaching out to 'Swirly_boi' had been one of those things.

_Come to think of it, isn't 'Swirly' a slur for offspring like Naruto-kun?_ Hinata peeks up at him for a second. He's engrossed in the story, much to her delight. This is one of those things she would've loved to have done with him back then… if he hadn't been so all over the place.

She goes back to watching the film.

She's not particularly surprised he would embrace such a slur, even if it was for ironic purposes. She's also not surprised his thread got ignored as a result. Anyone that saw it probably thought he was an asshole.

The next time she steals a glance at him, she realizes how close they really are. His shoulder is literally centimeters from her face and it looks really inviting.

Biting the inside of her bottom lip, she tilts towards him at the waist and the crown of her head makes contact with the side of his upper arm.

Her heart is beating her chest like a bongo.

She felt him startle, but she maintained her position.

No backing out now.

No thinking about it, either.

She needs to _do_ more, and think later.

She felt him shift a little, his face turning towards her a smidge. "Hi."

Blood is pounding in her face. "H,Hi."

Wasn't this… a little backwards? After they'd had hours of intense intercourse, wasn't it strange for them to be acting like grade schoolers?

He's not shrugging her off.

Well no, how could she ever believe he would? He's Naruto.

He even hugged her during their first experience.

Of course, she had a sneaking suspicion he only did that so he didn't cum right away.

It would be way too intrusive for her to ask what that was about, so she's perfectly fine with dismissing it for both their sakes.

This next scene was one of the most intense cinematic displays in the film so far.

It's the night of the town festival, and the girl is heading out to the field with her friends to view the comet. She's been anxious because she's been helping the city boy form a romantic bond with his co-worker, but she feels discomfited by the situation. She can do nothing but let her heart chip here and there.

When the comet passes overhead, a red tail separates from it.

Goosebumps flash up Hinata's spine. The hairs on the back of her neck are raising as the camera dives into the girl's increasingly fearful expression, her eyes reflecting the sky hurtling towards her.

A small spark of irritation lit up inside of Hinata.

"I wish I saw this in theatres." She murmured. She damned her former landlord for ruining her movie night, sending her that e-mail at such time that she had to leave halfway through the cold open.

"Yeah, would've been more impressive, huh?" There was a pregnant beat of silence. "... Sorry my phone's not big enough…"

She can feel the heat of his gaze burning at the top of her head. His words run through her mind again, this time she detects an extra layer of meaning.

Her face burns anew. She fights the need to fidget.

She's already let him down. This part she can be fully honest about. Even if it leaves her feeling like she'll explode from sheer embarrassment and the vivid recall of her arousal, she'll be perfectly honest with him.

"O,Oh, no… I…" She steadies herself with a careful inhale of breath. This is for him. She's doing this for him. "I think Naruto-kun's phone is… plenty big."

There's another noticeable beat of silence from him, and she wonders if they're really on the same page or if he's just messing with her.

"... Yeah?" He moves the phone screen closer towards her. "The quality is fine?"

"Th,The quality is-" Her right hand palms her burning face. "- t,to my satisfaction." She's screaming inside. _What is this conversation?!_

His voice deepens and it's honeyed to the point she could almost taste it. As if she could hear his smile. "I'm glad to hear it."

Blood is swishing in her ears. It's so hard to breathe, but she's smiling so hard.

She always wanted this with him.

It really makes her think.

* * *

This movie was fucking with him.

He was starting to regret watching it, but it worked like a charm. He baited her to his side with one of the things she loved most: sad-as-shit stories with an impossible beauty to them.

_Kind of like herself._

But he never expected her to initiate physical contact with him, no matter how small and innocent it was.

Now his heart was pounding with an impossible happiness, so much so he felt like he was floating. Of course his ears were burning like mad after hearing her admit he had satisfied her after all.

It's when she started picking at her nails that a bit of panic injected into his bloodstream.

"You okay?" _That came out rushed. Dammit._

She nodded, and it felt as though she were snuggling her head against his arm. It made his heart skip.

"Uhm, I was thinking…"

Naruto clutched his phone tighter.

She continued. "Naruto-kun always has this… amazing ability to change the minds of others…"

His breath caught in his throat. He steeled himself. He was _this_ close to jumping to his feet and fist-pumping the air.

But it wasn't a change of mind he thought he was after, but a change of heart.

"... Wh,When I said we couldn't be friends a,after this… I believe I was wrong…"

He stiffens.

Her head shifts away from his shoulder, and he turns to look at her, at the worry clouding her features. It's a guilty look, one that doesn't look quite right on her sweet features.

She continues. "... I was wrong. Naruto-kun was right… as always. N,Nothing has to change between us… right?" Her brows knitted together at the end.

He stared at her.

Was this really happening?

Was everything just in his fucking head?!

Was he just fucking delusional?!

He took stock of her, at the way she looked so worried, so pained. She knows what's at stake here. She knows how she's affecting him, but she's said it anyways.

He was just about fucking ready to let her go, because that's what _she_ had wanted.

By adding that question, she had firmly put the ball in his court.

She was pleading with him.

But what was she really asking for?

His eyes searched hers, and he knows she's way too close to be acting like a friend. Their position right now is downright lovey-dovey, so… why is she asking to stay friends?

When he saw her again, he had experienced that 'pornographic' saturation of color. Suddenly everything was brighter, clearer. Because nothing made sense without her.

Nothing makes sense now.

And he finds himself slowly settling back down from whatever heaven he had briefly witnessed.

He's back on earth, where the roads have no signs, and the horizon is forever out of his reach. The population is faceless and shiftless, and the scenery is soaked in muddy shades of gray.

You would think dual citizenship would make you feel like you belong twice as much, but it actually left him feeling quite divided. No matter which home he resides in, only half of himself is recognized, and the other half is deemed irrelevant most of the time.

The only place where such trivial identities rarely matter is in The Corps, where bonds are forged by blood spilled, not blood shared.

It's always been his dream.

It might, in fact… be his only home.

Her large eyes are watching him, waiting on him.

Naruto no longer feels floaty, no longer feels high, no longer feels that exciting rush of reciprocation.

Because it's not there.

He sees that now.

She's too scared to take the plunge with him.

She's more scared of failure and pain than she is in love with him.

Because she's not in love with him.

She's never been in a relationship before.

She has her own life, and she rocks it solo.

He only just re-entered her orbit hours ago. Who knows when life would fling him back out into space again. To drift. To wonder. When someone would finally give a fuck about him.

But she's too precious to him.

This a truce.

He gets to stay in her orbit.

She's still waiting on his answer.

There's only one choice being presented here.

It fucking hurts to be kept at arms length. He doesn't know what he did wrong, but if she finally figured him out… figured out what he's been wanting… what she gave him wasn't a 'yes'... But it also wasn't a 'no'.

Naruto can't work up one of his winning smiles. The fake ones he used to rely on. She would know it was fake anyways. She was the only one to call him out on it. The only one to care about his well-being, instead of complacently letting him hurt himself until he smartened up.

Naruto watches the screen.

The boy and the girl are on the rim of an ancient crater. He's written a message on her palm, and she's about to write hers on his.

One stroke of the marker.

The pen clatters to the ground before his feet.

She's disappeared.

Twilight as ended.

He can't remember her name.

This movie is _absolutely_ fucking with him.

* * *

She's begging him not to reject her offer.

Even if he wants to retaliate for her behavior at the café, she's begging him from the bottom of her heart.

This is all she can handle right now.

She hopes he sees that.

She understands that this hurts his pride, his sense of identity, but she refuses to lead him on, and she refuses to let this go.

She recognizes that she's become a desirable woman. She doesn't particularly care for it herself. If anything, it only makes things more complicated.

The fact is… Uzumaki Naruto is girl crazy, and she knows this.

The fact is… she grew boobs first, pretty much at the same time she got her period, and had spent the worst part of her life being scrutinized; either with disgust, with envy or with lechery.

He'd always had trouble respecting her personal space.

Had too much energy for her dull, insulated self.

She doesn't correlate nor assume any genuine interest from him.

Not back then.

Not now.

For all she knew, he took one look at her twenty year old self, added in all the naughty things he now knows about her and decided she's his latest favorite flavor.

She's not banking on anything serious.

Even though he's the love of her life, she never desired anything beyond having a proper moment of his time. Just being around him is enough.

He was always all over the place, trying to find a place to belong, always trying to be available for anyone who cared.

He's the kind of guy that's hard to get back once he's gone.

She got used to it.

But while he's like this, where he's competing with time itself to be in her presence, she thinks this is ideal.

Finally, she doesn't have to fight for his attention.

And she wants to enjoy it before he moves on.

Because he will.

He always does.

Naruto clears his throat.

She's studying the solemn profile of his face.

He clears his throat again. "Yeah, that's right," He mumbled. "Nothing has to change," He turns towards her slightly. His eyes are opaque and heavy, but he smiles at her anyways. "Didn't I tell you, you can always count on me?"

The heavy weight in her chest lessens. She's so, so sorry for him. Despite her guilt and her fear, she returns his smile.

Her eyes drift closed and she leans into him fully, his sturdy warmth like a pillar of strength for her fragile soul. "Yes. I'm sorry for forgetting."

She's so grateful that it aches, because this is all that she can handle right now.

And she knows he respects that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Okay, finally next chapter we can establish why the story is titled '21 Days', hehehe.


	5. I'll Be Your Imaginary Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated, 4/12/2020: This chapter has been minimally revised. I added in something that I wish I always had added: Naruto participated in JROTC program in Uzushio during his high school years. This will be expanded upon in Chapter 21.

_"If you can picture it, it is real_

_You, you don't need your eyes to feel,"_

_-Mø "Imaginary Friend"_

_He's nine when he witnesses the first offense._

_These three boys are always jerks to the girls, and it doesn't make any sense to him._

_One boy is keeping Hinata's attention, hurling whatever insults come to mind. Then another boy pulls at the bunny ears attached to her hoodie. The third boy snips it off with an oversize pair of fabric scissors._

_They gloat and show her what they've done, displaying the ear to her face like they'd just killed her cat._

_She walks away and returns to her seat, picking up one of her books. The boys pout, the one with the ear hurls it to the floor. He stomps on it and they storm off._

_They're making a beeline for Haruno Sakura now. Fat good that'll do them._

_Naruto approached Hinata's desk. It took her a bit to acknowledge him. Afterwards she dipped her head lower behind her book, and she looked like she was about to cry._

_A familiar, wrathful scream cuts through the air._

_Naruto checks over his shoulder. Sakura's swinging her desk chair at them, threatening to ram the legs into their eye sockets and they're running away screaming._

_Naruto returns back to Hinata. "Why don't you be more like her?"_

_Her brows creased. Her nose wrinkled. She tilted the book closer, obscuring her face from him._

_"Because." She says._

_Naruto kneeled down before her and he curled his arms atop her desk. Leaning his chin against the surface, he tilted his head to the side. "Becauuuse?"_

_"... I can't."_

_"I think you can."_

_She lowered the book enough to peer at him over the top._

_"It'll hurt."_

_Naruto's toes tapped a rhythm against the linoleum until an idea appeared._

_He popped his fist into his open palm._

_"Oh, I know! I got just the thing for that. But I'll hafta lend 'em to you tomorrow, okay?"_

_The following morning, Naruto ran up to Hinata by the shoe lockers at the entrance of the school._

_He rifled through the patch pocket of his cargo pants and presented her with two identical dark gray knuckle dusters._

_"Here! Now it won't hurt!" He chuckled._

_"Th,That's not what I meant…" She mumbled._

_"Eh?"_

_"I can't… cause harm. It'll hurt. Me."_

_Naruto blinked as he slowly stowed his knuckle dusters back in their pocket._

_"Oh, okay. Well, there's nothing wrong with being a pacifist. But it's wrong to be prey when you're a human."_

_Her big eyes lifted towards his, and he continued his point._

_"We're top of the food chain, y'know? You shouldn't let other people pick at you cuz you're gonna feel bad about it. You're gonna feel a whole lot worse later on cuz you came out the loser."_

_She was quiet. Then she shook her head._

_"Use those if you want," She said. "I think we'll see which one of us ends up the loser."_

_She turned around her took her leave._

_He doesn't consider her annoying, but for some reason he hates what she said._

_"Well, it ain't gonna be me!"_

* * *

The hotel room is unnaturally quiet.

He blames the lack of windows. It's like a damn cave in here with all the lights turned off.

He hadn't liked the sounds of the city at first, how they would drift into his third childhood bedroom uninvited.

It took him so long to get used to the occasional rumble of a passing car, the distant honks and beeps, the barking dog on a late night walk, the piercing wail of a speeding ambulance… living on base had been monotonous and secure. All he used to hear back then were crickets.

Going back to that life five years ago, he had come to experience a restlessness like no other. The crickets had no longer sung him to sleep, instead they had seemed to tick like a clock.

If he sleeps now, he'll miss this: the back of her head. He'll never view it like this again. Never hear her softly breathing. Never see the delicate curve of her shoulder peeking out from beneath the comforter.

This will be someone else's view someday. _Probably._

Because they're just friends. _For now,_ he reminds himself.

Anyway, it's fine, right?

He doesn't have to say goodbye for real this time.

He still needs to get her number somehow. She didn't even bring her phone! Isn't that dangerous?! How was she ever going to call for help if she needed it?!

_I have to escort her home. Even as her 'friend', she has to let me do that much._

His mind drifts back to her behavior over the course of the night following after the first movie.

She had let him pick the next one. He went with something that seemed safe for both their tastes. A romantic action-thriller.

Hinata never left his side the whole time.

Naruto had worked on a plate of room-temp karaage during the movie. Hinata had shocked him by eating that entire molten cake by herself. Of course, she ended up misunderstanding why he was staring at her like that and had fed him a bite.

After his choice of film, she had decided she should try to get her clothes clean. So she had spent several minutes hand-washing them in the tub, by the sound of it, and had returned to him in a towel.

_She sidled up against him atop the bed, as if reclaiming an old spot. All the plates and trays had been removed and placed by the door._

_He had to be perfectly honest with himself: this coziness was driving him up the wall._

_Why the fuck was she willfully teasing him like this?! Didn't he just get friend-zoned hard?! Did she think because he agreed to be her friend that he wouldn't try to rip that towel off her naked body?! Because she was absolutely correct!_

_'Damn my morals…' He thought while furtively eyeing the soft line of her cleavage._

_"My turn." She said in a singsong tone that brought warmth to his face._

_It took him a while to come up with this one._

_"We can't watch anything yet. My phone's locked," That earned him the full tilt of her head as she stared up at him with that innocently neutral expression. "See, I got this high security app and…" He presented his phone to her. "The only password it'll accept is your phone number."_

_She stared at his contact's page for a beat, and a small, wry smile curved her lips._

_She took his phone into her hands and uttered in a playful murmur. "Naruto-kun is clever. Yay."_

_"Whuh? Ouch, Hinata, ouch!" Naruto clutched at chest, feigning fatal wounds. When she reached out to cup his chin, he froze._

_"Just teasing you." She cooed in a whisper, a sweet, pale blush filling her face. Up close, her skin is incredibly translucent. When she blushes like this, he can make out little capillaries here and there pulsing like fireflies._

_His heart clenched._

And it still did.

Because every little thing she's done already was a tease, either to his heart or his dick.

They say sex brings you closer. Something about a bonding hormone that gets released… His own freakin' tactic totally backfired!

Yeah, she was fucking gorgeous at the red bridge. Yeah, it totally rocked his world to think his meek, vulnerable childhood friend was secretly such a kink. But in all his years of being curious about her softness, wondering how her lips tasted and what kind of sounds she'd make - which had been no different from his curiosities about every other pretty girl - In all of his years of bottomless appreciation for her in his life, he still never thought he would crush this hard.

At first she seemed like the easiest person to start a relationship with. She seemed like she'd be the perfect first girlfriend. Someone who's doting and sweet and will totally do whatever you want to do. That's what he thought.

And he's always liked her. Kind of like he did for all of his friends, but she had always existed in a special spot.

He wanted confirmation that she felt something.

He wanted to hear her confess to him.

He wanted a sure thing so he didn't humiliate himself by making the first move, to see where they could go.

He sees now that she had created this spot in his life herself. He never had some empty slot for just anyone to fill.

But she gets to have her way, being 'friends' but also cuddly with no concern for his feelings.

It's confusing.

Annoying.

Tempting.

Naruto scoots closer to her sleeping form. He inches towards her, careful of his movements that he doesn't shift the comforter too much, that the mattress doesn't creak beneath his weight. He closes the gap, then ghosts the edge of her left hip with his fingertips.

The towel is plush, it has a pleasant give to it.

He presses his body against her back and slips his arms around her middle.

"... Naruto-kun?" She squeaks. She doesn't sound sleepy at all. He wonders about that.

"Shh, shh, shh. This is something only bestest friends can do." He buries his face in her silken mane, and he's relishing in the feel of her petite body tucked against his. He pictures her reverse riding on his shoulders while he eats her out against a wall. She's not quite as small as some of those girls, but he thinks he could do it.

She doesn't complain. She doesn't push him away. In fact, she's settling into him.

So clearly she doesn't hate him.

Clearly there's something else holding her back from dating him.

Fear, pain, whatever other negatives he had perceived initially… She should know he would do everything in his power to make it work.

"So then…" Her small voice breaks through his rumination. "… with Sasuke-kun, does that mean..?"

The cozy glow evaporated. But in that moment, his inner imp comes rousing awake, and Naruto shifts up to loom over her.

"'Scuse me? What was that?"

She blinks at him, gaping with an awkward, open-mouth grin. "Y,You heard nothing."

"No, no. I definitely heard something. Was that a gay joke?" Naruto clapped his left palm to his chest. "At my expense?"

Hinata bit down on her bottom lip, but she couldn't quell her grin. She shook her head. Perhaps the giggles were clogging her throat, preventing her from retorting.

"You think you're on fire today, huh, Hinata? Is this what they mean when people change after high school? Too scared to make fun of me with everyone else, but now you're just lettin' loose." His fingertips crawled up and down the length of her torso, looking for tension in her muscles, for that tell-tale contraction. _There._ Just above her belly button.

Naruto sat up higher, both hands now scurrying around that specific area and she began to squeal and squirm away. The sound hatched butterflies in his stomach.

"Nooo! No tickles!"

"Admit to your crimes, Hinata!"

"Nooo! Stooop! I'll kick youuu!"

Naruto paused his attack, releasing an overly dramatic gasp. "Whuh? Now you're threatening me?! Holy crap, Hinata!"

"No, no, no! I was warning you!"

Naruto sank his body weight against her slight form, his face inches from hers.

"Y'know, warnings tend to come with promises."

The towel has come undone thanks to their horseplay.

She's naked and warm beneath him all over again.

Her big eyes, which he can just barely make out in this ultra darkness, have that look again. Like he's important.

Something does exist between them. He refuses to doubt himself any more than he already has. Maybe she doesn't want to admit it aloud, but in this position, the proof is impossible to deny.

He knows she feels something.

He tried so hard to get her to say it.

Doesn't seem like it matters anymore.

His palms press hard into the mattress.

He knows he needs to go back to his side of the bed.

But he doesn't want to.

This has to be his favorite spot in the entire world.

"... I... I'm not sure I can hold myself back…" He's being honest with her. This is his warning.

She looks away. Her hands slids up to curl beneath her chin.

His heart is thudding, ticking like a clock. He's waiting for it.

He doesn't expect her to look at him again, with those same admiring eyes, but she does.

"... I,I never… asked you to."

His fingers dig across the sheets as he balls his hands up. Her implicit permission nearly shatters him. Naruto rapidly blinked by the sudden onslaught of emotion wetting his eyes. Because this is the Hinata he remembers. This is the Hinata that he thought she outgrew.

"You sure?" His whisper is like a breeze that can cut.

She nodded. "Naruto-kun sh,should be himself."

Naruto got onto his elbows, then descended towards her lips. There was one false start as he paused in self-doubt. Another false start had him waiting for her to change her mind. A third false start seemed to be nothing more than a courtesy warning before he sank down completely.

His lips brushed against hers, hovering until she closed the gap.

That tiny act of reciprocation was like a lost key fitting into the correct lock.

She turned him all over again; from tamed back to untamed.

His hands move to slide beneath her back, because he wants so badly to hold her closer, to feel her press against him entirely.

His cock twitches at the feel of her breasts smushed against his bare chest. Pleasure pools in his loins, his cock hardening as he sank deeper and deeper into that soul-releasing freedom of being accepted by her.

Their mouths moved together, their heads rolling to a sumptuous rhythm.

Was it possible to have first kisses out of order? Because this felt so real.

Her tongue darted out to meet his and he stroked the hot cavern of her mouth with his tongue. He's not shoving it down her throat like earlier. Though, it's entirely possible she enjoyed that regardless.

He thinks now, that perhaps he had overreacted to her plea earlier.

She wasn't leaving him to fend for himself, with a half-hearted pat on the back, saying 'Good luck finding the next girl!'.

If this is what being Hinata's 'friend' means, then he had no complaints.

He slid down to plant open-mouth kisses along her neck. He feels the vibration of her breath hitching. He loves the feel of her clawing his scalp.

Her ample tits are rising against his throat. He's already tenting in his joggers as her heated sighs kiss his ears.

Naruto curls his legs atop the mattress, resting beneath the arch of hers as her knees settle into his sides. All his weight now anchored in his lower body, he moves his hands to palm her abdomen. He then slowly slides up her feather-soft skin, across the fantastic swell of her tits, and like magnets his forefingers find the tender swell of her puffy nipples.

She flinches as though she'd been zapped. The reaction brings her tits further into the cup of his large hands, and she's mewling.

Naruto rolls her rosy tips beneath his rough fingertips and desperately watching her face strain against his ministrations.

He can't take it anymore. He's been meaning to do this all freaking day.

Naruto sidles further down the bed, and he closes his lips around her right nipple, his left hand busily teasing the left, and he flicks his tongue over the sensitive flesh, suckling gently.

The front of his joggers are sticking to the head of his cock in an odd way.

The taste of her is dizzying, her pliant softness has him reeling.

She'll be the end of him someday, he thinks.

But for now, he can live with this.

* * *

Her thighs are slung through the hook of his arms as he plows his cock deep into her drenched pussy, churning more delicate moans from her lips.

She's quivering from the assault, unrepentant pleasure pounding her into a puddle.

Sweat is trickling down his back. He's breathing so heavily he's practically growling.

Naruto shuts his eyes for a moment, the sensation around his dick intensifying the flames rushing through his bloodstream, and he licks his lips. She's fucking soaked all around him, and it's all because of him.

The ego boost is such a trip, but more than that, he just loves making her feel this good.

He loves listening to her breathlessness. He loves the shuddering mess she becomes. Loves the way her skin sticks to his when he sinks down for a kiss.

She grabs his hand and moves it against her groin. She's whining, forcing his thumb to find her clit and she arches into him.

He rubs her vertically with firm, lengthy strokes, her pussy clamps down hard on his cock.

Fresh beads of sweat form along his temples. That sudden reaction kicked the air from his lungs, and he was trying to rein himself back in.

This isn't anything like the stuff she secretly wants to do.

Deep down, he wants to do more for her.

He wants to do everything with her.

* * *

It's the following morning, almost noon.

Naruto's pulling on his A-shirt while Hinata is zipping up the back of her jumper.

The heat from last night has yet to leave his face, and he's rubbing the back of his neck as he mulls over the way they awoke.

He had been stretched out like a starfish, like always. But she had been on top of him, her face glued to his cheek, and it was a pleasant weight.

_If we didn't screw, what kind of friendship would this be really?_

Friends with benefits, that kind of thing usually has terms and agreements, don't they?

She hadn't laid down any such ground rules for him. In fact, she's letting him just be himself. So if he wants to touch her, he can touch her, right? If he wants to kiss her, he can?

Naruto doesn't think he can broach the subject of ground rules with her, because he doesn't have any of his own that come to mind.

None save for this one urgent request nagging him.

He grabs his jacket from the floor. He turns around and watches her tuck her hands beneath the bump of her hair, which is beneath her white shirt, then she flips it out from its confines in a single motion.

He really wants to pull her into his arms and tell her how cute she is.

But maybe that kind of stuff is also off-limits.

In minutes, they're both ready to go. Naruto holds the door for her, and she blushes upon exit.

He takes one look at the room that's created these memories for him, knowing that here is where they'll stay.

The door shuts tight with a click.

* * *

They've been walking through the afternoon bustle, and it feels strange.

The sun is too bright as it nears its zenith overhead. The glinting skyscrapers and office buildings don't help any better. The noisy billboards and their flashy products seem to swarm from every angle.

It's like he's a stranger in a foreign land all over again.

She's a couple paces ahead of him.

She doesn't seem like she's in a hurry, but she also doesn't seem like she's wanting to stretch this out as long as possible.

But he will.

Naruto grabs her shoulder and she halts, turning towards him, eyeing him questioningly.

"Can I… make sure you get home alright?"

Her eyes widen a smidge. Her head drops so that all he can see is the top of her head.

She thinks too much for too long, but he'll wait for her. It's fine.

She finally nods, and now her gait is stiff as he follows her to her train station.

He's holding his breath.

He's hoping not to get some unpleasant surprise.

* * *

The train ride is quiet. Passengers fill the aisle and seats in streams station by station, then empty in trickles.

She's hunched up beside him. He's doing his damnedest to ignore that. It's not like he's going to ask if he can come inside. Even if it's a sty, he doesn't care. Then again, he's pretty sure Hinata is as meticulous as his own father, so a messy apartment couldn't possibly be the problem.

Was she an animal hoarder?

Did she have crazy roommates?

Maybe she forgot to hide her sex toys, if she even has any.

_Wonder if she'd let me use them on her._

He can't quite do anything to soothe her. PDA's not as accepted here in the city as it is in on the islands, so even if the onlookers didn't care, she still would.

When the train pulls to a stop and the aisles begin to empty like herds out the gate, he finally brings it up.

"... Hinata," He pauses, and she perks up, giving him her full attention. "Those _things_ that you're interested in trying… can I make a request?"

Her brows knitted. If she thought he was going to ask her to drop her indulgences and continue a straight-and-narrow life, she was wrong.

His voice drops down low, partly for her privacy. "Please rely on me to fulfill them. It scares me to think you could get lured by the wrong person, y'know? It's really, really dangerous."

The creases in her forehead melt away, and her walled-off gaze softens. It's like an iron door has been lifted and the first rays of sunlight in generations comes shining through.

A tiny smile quirks her lips and a delicate blush fills her face to her ears.

"Well, I… I trusted the person… th,that I've been talking to. A,And now I know for sure… I,I made the right call."

Naruto stilled. Heat rushed to his face. Instantly he looked away as he wrestled with two clashing emotions. What she said was humbling, flattering, and also… _Damn, she really got me back._ He also felt like an asshole. He realized he hadn't given her enough credit this entire time.

Maybe it hurt his pride a little to know that she figured out how to survive without him. Maybe deep down he was scared someone had taken his place and succeeded in giving her the spine he'd been trying so hard to give her too. But she's twenty. Not fifteen. He wasn't there, and if someone else was… well, he needs to get over it.

She doesn't deserve to be left alone, even if she insists on it herself.

* * *

The Kinza district was Tokonoha's central hub for glitz, glamor and the wealthy elite.

He wasn't particularly surprised to find himself here with her.

_She must be renting one hell of a condo._

Naruto eyes the high end boutiques lining the sidewalks, the chic cafés and upscale restaurants. They're so well-maintained, they look as if they'd only opened yesterday. In every crystal clear window, he sees himself in his day-old athletic wear, and it's apparent how well he blends in with this sea of three-piece suits and brand name leather bags.

Like an orange bulb on a string of white fairy lights.

He's never been here himself. Never a reason to, for sure.

He wonders if this area really was her choice. She's always been so plain and unassuming, he can't picture her surrounding herself in all of this deliberately.

Ino, yes.

Hinata. No.

Their junior high was even as normal as one gets, and he never assumed she struggled with being amongst those of a lower class than herself.

_She's the way she is because she was bullied. _He can't imagine she had that much trouble relating to normies like him. But he still can't understand why she drifted away from everyone.

Hinata slowed to a stop. She was still hunching her shoulders as she continuously finger-combed her nape hair over her right shoulder.

Naruto stopped beside her and looked up at the sleek, black building.

Beside the sliding door was a poster with an arrangement of headshots of glamorous-looking young women. The square, backlit signage jutting off the face had the silhouette of a beetle, but the establishment itself was called 'Club Stag'.

Naruto redirected his attention back to the poster and walked up to it. At the top were three larger photos, denoting the top most popular employees. Then below them was a grid of smaller photos. Scanning from fourth place to eighth, his mind did a double-take.

There in eighth place was a dolled up ingenué, with hair in loose waves and her blunt bangs parted from the side. Her make-up strongly defined her eyes with heavy strokes of bisque, beige and brown eyeshadow and ostentatious false lashes that made the corner of her eyes droop a little. Her mouth was perfectly pink and glossy and in that dark purple bow-front cocktail dress, she looked caught between one man's trashy fantasy and someone's daughter trapped at a corporate party.

This was a cabaret club.

Hyuuga Hinata was doing hostess work.

Naruto shoved his hands into his pants pockets. This information felt no more digestible than a tough sliver of putrid menma in his ramen bowl.

"So…" He began but it came out strained and unclear, so he cleared his throat. "... Where's your apartment?"

"... I, uhm… live in the dressing room… upstairs…"

Naruto unsheathed his right hand and scratched at the skin between his eyebrows.

"Why?"

"M,My former landlord… I was in the theaters several months ago to watch my movie when he sent me an e-mail. I was b,being evicted. He s,still gave me thirty days, b,but it was a shock. M,My manager offered me time to look for a new place, b,but I haven't bothered."

Naruto turned around to face her. Despite her stammering, she appeared quite placid as she relayed this to him.

"Why were you getting evicted? You didn't get disinherited, did you?"

Hinata shook her head. "M,My former landlord is uhm, one of my f,father's investors. I uh, should've known though…" A bitter smile appeared as her eyelids dropped halfway, expressing her chagrin.

"Why? What are talking about 'you should've known'?"

Hinata reached up and began that same motion of raking her fingers through the back of her hair.

"... I turned him down."

Someone might as well have just punched him clean through his chest.

"What?"

"... I,I mean I had to, he was fifty, I think… fifty-three…"

Naruto closed the gap between them in seconds, his hands carefully coming up around her shoulders.

She wouldn't look at him.

"What the hell is going on here?" He stared at her, waiting, pleading for something to make sense. "Hinata, do you need help? Do you need my help?"

She was silent. He could feel her gathering herself up. Could feel both her hands on that iron gate, pulling it closed, shutting off the sunlight.

"No."

That's it. Just 'no'. Not 'no thank you, you're so sweet', or anything like that.

Just 'no'.

He won't let her go, though.

None of this makes sense.

"Why this? You're super smart, right?"

Hinata shrugged. "I don't want to go to University… I accepted this job on the suggestion of a friend."

"So you _have_ friends?" Naruto wondered who on earth would earn her friendship when it seemed so easy for him and the others to lose hers.

She shook her head. "Just one friend."

Yeah, kind of like how he's just one friend, too.

"And who are they? Did they get a commission for sending you here?"

"Probably. He's a host, after all."

Naruto's grip unconsciously tightened around her supple shoulders. She gave no indication of it hurting.

"Why? Why? Why?" He couldn't seem to get his thoughts out. In the end, his mind was filled with nothing but 'why' anyways.

Her bottom lip lifted into a tiny frown. "... I got lonely after high school. I don't know how to talk to people. But hosts make it easier. It's their job, after all. I was able to walk away any time and pick it back up whenever I wanted… I like it, though. I get weekly facials and the like. I don't know how to be pretty, so it's nice to have it done for me, plus the liquor is free…"

_She doesn't know how to talk to people?_

_I'm not easy to talk to?! Is she serious?!_

_'Walk away and pick up whenever'..._ Was that the same thing he just agreed to? Was that what they were going to be doing now?

Naruto's hands slipped from her shoulders. They swung to his sides like dead weight.

Any half-formed thoughts that ran through his mind ended crashing head-on into the next one, and the next one, till there was just a pile-up of perturbed distaste.

His hands flew up to palm his face and he scrubbed and scrubbed as a heated sigh rumbled out.

His palms stayed firmly glued to his forehead, his gaze stayed firmly glued to the concrete beneath them.

"... I'm tired. I'm really fuckin' tired. I can't process all of this right now."

"Okay."

Naruto's hands slid up, the butt of his palms ending at his hairline and he pinned her with the most incredulous look.

"'Okay'? That's it? Say, aren't you in the position now to do all the, what… chatting and ass-kissing?"

"That's a gross generalization," Her eyes narrowed back at him, and he remembers this look now. But she has no right to be annoyed with him now, not when it's about her goddamn life. "But yes, that's why I decided to trust my friend and try out hostessing. So I can practice talking to men."

He felt like a shook plastic bottle full of hot soda, his chest was so tight with all the questions he wanted to shout at the top of his lungs.

But he contained his volume, however, he couldn't contain the intensity of what he was feeling. "Why?"

Her eyes drew away from his. And she shrugged.

Nope. He couldn't do it anymore.

"FUCK!" His outburst drew the eyes of the entire street to them and caused her to jump and shrink away. He didn't notice through the shield of his hands. They shakily came away. "What do I have to do to get a simple answer from you?! Do I have to pay you?!"

Hinata ducked her head down and brushed past him.

She was so quick, he hadn't been able to react.

Only the whirr of the sliding door told him she was gone.

The hot stones of his temper sank into the cold well of regret in his stomach.

He fucked up.

* * *

He goes back to his apartment halfway across the city. It's not too far from their old school. The crew hasn't migrated too far, either. It's been so easy to stay in touch with everyone. It's like he's tubing along a Lazy River ride and no matter what the other guys are doing, he can always wave at them and they wave back.

He steps through the threshold, and his front door closes behind him with a click.

It's a simple 1LDK, and he's on the second floor. The communal trash drop-off is just across the street, scheduled every Friday. His front door has a mail slot but the package lockers are inside the lobby downstairs. There's a few amenities, like a basic-as-fuck gym and toddler-ridden pool, but he prefers to go to Sasuke's college campus gym; it has more to offer, and all the female students in their sports bras and yoga pants are roughly their age.

He doesn't have cable, just internet. He makes some money online buying wartime memorabilia then bidding it off at half the actual price. He feels sorry for the hard-up fools that are too impatient to get them appraised beforehand. And he trains. As if he were still in JROTC. As if he were going to be shipped off tomorrow.

This is his normal.

But it feels far too dull, and somehow foreign to him.

Like, is this really how he's always passed the time?

No, he used to talk to her online, which had eased the sting of his lingering loneliness. But that relationship ended when they decided to go IRL.

He doesn't see the point in going back to that, but perhaps she might.

Not with him, anyways.

She already does whatever she wants. She could go rely on someone else and never tell him.

He barely makes it into bed.

He kneels down and folds over the side, laying his head down against his comforter. He made it just as neat as his father would, but now he's creased it with the heaviness in his head.

_This… is all my fault._

He should've stayed, regardless of her response back then. She never understood what he had been suggesting, and he had gotten cold feet, covered up his blunder with a hasty 'Nevermind' and told himself after 'Guess this means I'm going'.

But he should've dealt with it. He could've. He would've handled the struggle of living alone just fine, because her well-being would have remained his greatest purpose in life.

His phone buzzes.

Naruto fished it out and through bleary eyes, he tapped to read the text.

**Sasuke: Hey, did you forget? Or do you need a day long refractory period?**

He included a sticker of anthropomorphic mushroom asleep in bed.

Naruto's phone buzzed with the incoming message.

**Naruto: Dude, you just sent me the same sticker.**

**Sasuke: That one's smaller.**

Naruto pressed his annoyed smile into the comforter, then typed back.

**Naruto: You're an ass.**

**Naruto: I'll be there in forty mins.**

**Sasuke. Hurry up.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This didn't end 100% the way I intended. Sorry. :( IDK when the main plot (on the premise of the title and summ') will establish itself, but maybe two more chapters from now. =_=;;; Also yeah, eventually I'll get around to updating the first chapter.


	6. Playing For Keeps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, obviously I've used a French word twice in the story, but wherever I can I'm gonna turn certain English words into romanized Japanese.
> 
> Today's romaji: Smith = Sumisu. Because of the Smith Machine. Now it's Sumisu Machine.
> 
> Update, 4/12/2020: Minimally revised. Meh. I guess this chapter is fine as is, I couldn't seem to improve anything after all.

This is his one true girl-watching spot since moving back here.

But he still feels fucked up.

Naruto arrived outside the Tokonoha University campus gym in the same clothes and a black sling bag containing a water bottle, his post-workout drink and a package of deodorant wipes.

Sasuke waited for him on an aluminum bench outside, hunched over his phone. He's in a plain white tee, and navy blue mesh shorts. His hair is pulled by in a mid-ponytail. The Police Superintendent's youngest son looked up. "So was she actually hot or was she crazy?"

Naruto pulled up to a stop, his gaze drifting up towards the skyline.

He wasn't sure how he wanted to answer that.

They strolled through the two sets of double doors.

The University gym was on par with any of the major membership chains. Sasuke showed the female student at the concierge his student ID and she left them through.

The equipment is categorized in sections and walled off by glass.

It's at half capacity, with slightly more female students than guys.

They head for the treadmills to get their blood pumping. For Naruto specifically, he's always aimed to maintain if not increase his stamina.

This still feels strange though, as if his time inside that love hotel had been nothing more than a surreal dream, the kind he gets when he has a little too much fun with the alcohol.

Naruto adjusts the incline to ten percent, while Sasuke stays at two. There's television monitors ahead and behind them. They're all muted. Nobody bothers with them, the other runners behind them got their earbuds in; they're either motivated by music or soaked up in a streaming program.

Naruto gradually ups the speed until he's at a steady jog. Sasuke, too.

Trying to slide back into routine only does so much, it would seem. He can't wall off his thoughts. He might as well be putting down huge sheets of glass, like the one directly in front of him, where he can see a crazy toned girl right on the other side using a Sumisu Machine. She's got kind of a sun-toasted look, and her deep brown hair is parted in double-buns. She's doing squats in perfect form, wearing a loose white crop top and black capri leggings.

If she's trying to show off her ass, she's doing it well.

Naruto doesn't like a butch bod though, but he can admire her dedication.

There's really no use keeping all of this crap in his head to himself.

"... She was Hinata." He finally says.

There's a pause before Sasuke replies.

"Similar to?"

Boy, that would've tripped him out. _Wait, could a similar girl get her off my mind? Do I actually have a type?_

"No, I mean she ended up being Hinata." Naruto glanced to his right. Sasuke was staring at him as if he'd just admitted to being the Head of State's illegitimate son.

"No shit."

"Yuuup." Naruto emphasized with a deep nod.

Sasuke was quiet. Not his usual quiet, but a meaningful quiet. But he keeps the next question light albeit careful. "So what was that like?"

Naruto grimaced as heat filled his face. The last thing he needed right now was to relive her sensual timidity, her flushed face and erotic body, the sounds she made for him, the way she felt around his cock.

"That good, huh?" Sasuke said, earning a pained groan from Naruto.

For once in his life, he was beginning to hate his woman-loving ways.

It's scary to think that it could be like this every time he falls for someone.

If it's this fucking hard, then what is being in love going to be like?

* * *

Naruto's sitting on a bench with a forty-five pound dumbbell in his right hand. His right elbow is adjacent to his knee and he's curling.

Sweat is dotting his temple as he exhales and inhales in even measurements.

At the beginning, he started off with less weight and more reps when he moved to Uzushio. He was a fit kid, but he wanted to be better than fit.

Now he's at this level where he can handle more weight. More weight and less reps means a stronger Naruto, even though he might not look it.

_Maybe I should go back to bulking._ He ponders this as he glances at a male student on the far end. He's got shoulders the size of cantaloupes and his arms are starting to get that balloon animal look.

He's by the barbell, and Naruto assesses that the guy's just put two-hundred pounds on either end. The student bends over with a neutral spine and grips the barbell.

He performs a fluid deadlift, then lets it drop to the mat with the same intensity of a mild aftershock.

Naruto goes back to what he's doing. He can feel his bicep burning with all those micro-tears in the muscle. It's a discomfort that feels really good. Some famous bodybuilder likened it to cumming, but Naruto hasn't experienced that yet. He can't overdo it anyways, even though it's tempting. Physically hurting is the only thing he can really stand.

He peeks up when two pairs of curves walk pass.

One girl is average height, but she's got an auburn braid down her back and she's wearing hot pants and a racer tank top. The other girl is shorter, curvier, and little more conservative than her friend, but those yoga pants don't help any better. Shape is just as good as skin.

They're looking in his direction and the innate need to impress kicks his heart into gear.

So he makes sure to flex while shooting them a smarmy grin and a flirtatious nod.

Their gazes drop a fraction to their left and they look at him in disbelief before scoffing.

His heart drops.

Realization kicks in.

Naruto stops curling.

"Sasuke. How many times have I told you: don't stand behind me when girls are checking me out."

Sasuke snorts.

"My bad."

* * *

Sasuke returns from the lockers in his civvies - a pair of dark slim fit jeans and a neutral blue short-sleeved hoodie, his gym clothes in the white duffle bag on his shoulder - to find Naruto at the pull-up racks.

He's doing neutral grip pull-ups where he tilts back just enough that his sternum barely touches the bar. His A-shirt is glued to his back, and there's a slight quiver in his form that indicates he's gone way over rep without resting in between.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm," breath. "Not," breath. "Done yet." Big breath.

Sasuke rounded the rack, and with crossed arms, he leaned against the scaffolding.

He was still trying to get his head around the irony of it all; Naruto and Hinata finding each other again, the two of them sleep together right off the bat.

Sasuke assumes the reunion went south pretty quickly, based on Naruto's uncharacteristic irritability.

Hinata used to always look at Naruto, but a boy can only assume so much from the lingering gaze of girl, and Hinata had been as enigmatic as they come.

Even as a fellow introvert, Sasuke could only relate to her so much. Hinata must be on a whole 'nother level these days.

"How many times you guys go at it?"

"What? Nah, that's," big breath. "None of your," big breath. "Business."

Sasuke knows that. Perhaps if it hadn't been Hinata, Naruto would go on and on about it, exaggerate here and there, spin a tale so entertaining everyone in a twelve-foot radius would be eavesdropping.

Sasuke doesn't actually want to know the dirty details, even though in the back of mind, he's a little curious.

When your significant other is a screamer, the alternative sounds almost mythical.

No, rather it's that Naruto's mood is starting to affect him. And the last thing Sasuke can stand is knowing his friends are hurting.

"You guys talk?"

"Sorta."

"She okay?"

"Who knows."

Sasuke crossed his arms tighter, glowering mildly at his friend.

"That's rather apathetic coming from the guy who had always looked out for her."

"She's," huff. "Apathetic about," huff. "Herself. Why should I," huff. "Give a fuck?"

_Interesting._ Sasuke internally sighed. He would've expected this coming after months of pining after some toxic bitch, but not Hinata.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

With a restrained growl, Naruto released the bar and dropped down to his feet.

He turned around, skulking off to find a bench. An open was a few feet away and he laid down, back of his hand stuck to his sweaty forehead. His chest heaved as he focused on slowing his breath.

Another bench was attached behind it, and Sasuke rounded his exhausted friend to sit down.

He waited until Naruto was ready.

"... I asked her if we could still fuck. Finding out it was her, I thought 'Holy crap, this silly girl is gonna get herself killed'."

Sasuke nodded along. Naruto had shown him some of the things Hinata had shared with him online. Granted that had been done out of faith that their conversations would remain strictly between them, but some of those times Naruto had been playing with the booze and couldn't contain himself at all.

_Naruto, him, Sakura, Ino and Sai are lounging in his spacious, terraced backyard. The latter three are enjoying the sunset as they float along the swimming pool. Naruto hasn't dipped one toe all day because he can't stop talking to this girl._

_He's gone through fifteen bottles of pale ale in the last four hours and three shots in the past ten minutes._

_Suddenly he's howling like an idiot, and stumbling out of the lawn chair, his phone held out like he had the savior herself in his palm._

_"Dude, dude, dude! She's a freak, she's a freak! Look!"_

_Sasuke grabbed his phone before he broke the screen and cried, and the girls had their heads cranes towards them in curiosity._

** _little_bird: I think I really want to try something outdoors at least once._ **

** _Swirly_boi: Oooo, anything particular you have in mind?_ **

** _little_bird: Yeah. Forest Bathing in the back of a pick-up truck. With no one else around._ **

_Sasuke was surprised Naruto could read between the lines in his current state. But as Sasuke scrolled back in their chat log, he realized they've been talking almost exclusively about sex._

_Still, that was a rather romantic scenario in a blue collar way. He might need to take some pointers from her._

_Sakura and him have been wanting to shake things up during their camping trips. Doing it in the tent has begun to lose its novelty._

_"I'm confiscating this for awhile." Sasuke promptly pocketed the smartphone, earning a strangled whine._

_"But whyyyyy?"_

_"Because, you're just going to say something incredibly stupid."_

_Naruto hung his head and collapsed against the slate patio tiles. "But I'm not done taaaalkiiiing!"_

Naruto continued his story.

"Anyways, she agreed, but uh… not in so many words. Then I asked to take her home, which she wasn't all that happy to do, which means she knows I was gonna be pissed and I did get pissed."

"Where's she live?"

Naruto threw his arms out.

"In the dressing room of her work! Atop a fucking hostess club! Does it even matter that it's in Kinza and not Shinju? Huh? HUH?!"

Naruto gripped the back of the bench and hauled himself upright, shooting his friend an intense look.

"Kinda, yeah, actually." Sasuke answered.

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Seriously?!"

"Look, hostess bars might often be income for Yakuza, but some of them are clean. If it's in Kinza, she's probably doing legit work."

Naruto's intense stare wouldn't let up.

Sasuke sighed. "Or you can go bother my brother and double-check for yourself. C'mon, we gotta go."

* * *

They were thirty minutes late to meet up with the girls and Sai when they finally departed Edahanishi station.

Naruto had one hell of a storm cloud hanging over his head.

"So, you guys are actually fuck buddies now?" Sasuke asked. He wanted Naruto to talk it out.

Naruto gave a limp shrug. "It's complicated. If she were my sister, I'd interview every dude that wanted to fuck her. But shit ain't like that, so it's more I'm playing goalie."

"Aa, the self-appointed samurai has become the self-appointed cockblocker."

"Yup. Gonna be blocking balls left and right."

"You think she'll look elsewhere?"

Sasuke flinched upon seeing the hopeless torment in his friend's eyes.

"My mind keeps circling around this belief that she doesn't give two-shits about any of us. She told me she got lonely. She went to a host club for companionship. What the actual fuck? I fucking bring her into the fold, and she dips just cuz I'm not around anymore? How's that not a slap in the face?"

Sasuke rubbed his forehead with a mild sigh. "Oh yeah, expect a social-phobe to put in effort when her crutch is gone. Totally realistic."

"What?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him. "Did you think her shyness was a consequence of her cuteness factor?"

"No! Her shyness is the direct source of her cuteness! The hell you talking about?!"

"I was referring to the type of girl who would exaggerate shyness for extra cuteness points. You can't be like Hinata without faking it or being an untreated social-phobe."

Naruto stared at him. "'Untreated'. You sound like Sakura-chan."

"Hn. Must be all those trivia games she forces me into."

"So, wait, wait, wait, hold up…" Naruto pressed his fingertips to his temples, and he stared so hard into middle space, it almost looked like he start a fire in mid-air. "So she is… she _is_ trying to step out of her comfort zone… right?"

"Maybe you inspired her after all?"

Naruto's shoulders sank as he pocketed his hands. "No. She got that extra push from her host friend…" His right hand came up and he rubbed his eyes. "God, she's so-" Frustration left him inarticulate and it cut him off.

"What?"

Naruto grimaced. "She's just cold. I dunno what to do about it. Like, I'm good with a little bit of bitchy, y'know? But this…"

Sasuke smirked knowingly. "That's what you used to like about Sakura-chan."

"Oh, hell yeah! What man doesn't want that challenge?! But then I realized she's bitchy _all _the time and I was like, 'Nah, I'm good'. But you know… If she were my girl, I'd be spanking that ass every time she mouthed off to me!"

"She loves it." Sasuke provided.

"What?" Now he's wondering if he's picturing that correctly.

"She loves it."

Naruto blinked and did a double-take. He was picturing that correctly, after all. Holy shit.

"Damn, I must be a Brat Whisperer or something."

A rare, genuine laugh escaped from Sasuke's mouth and he didn't bother suppressing it.

Naruto grows quiet again, more pensive.

"Is it really that complicated?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto threw his head back and whined. "I just want a girlfriend so baaad..! Why I am not happy enough with getting laaaid?! But I really don't wanna be some man-toy she keeps lying around her room, y'know? It's like… what am I doing to myself?"

To be picked up and an abandoned as a second's notice, on a total whim, seriously... what was he doing to himself if he agreed to that? He wasn't a fucking Simp. Friends don't let friends become Simps, that's it.

"Yeah, nothing you can do about that while she's still a hostess," Sasuke peered over at his friend. Naruto's hand lifted to reveal ashen conflict stirring behind his unspoken question. "There's a reason why they're considered modern day Geisha. Hostesses have an illusion of total availability to uphold. It can take them months to earn a loyal clientele whose willing to spoil them. If any one of their clients catches them with a spouse or boyfriend, word'll get around and they'll never see another ryo."

"But Hinata didn't get disinherited. She's still flush."

"She's also grown. This hustle supports her lifestyle and keeps her independent."

Two things being with Naruto won't perfectly allow.

Sasuke had merely rattled off logical observations. Perhaps Hinata has outgrown the jilted dreamer she used to be and has now become a pragmatic woman. Or maybe she truly has some personal growth aims here, based on what Naruto said, and that it's not all so dire as it seems.

But it is dire.

Because... Because she's selling herself. She is. There's no use splitting hairs. She's subordinating herself to random, creepy men. And she doesn't fucking trust in him anymore.

And in the end, she wants this? More than anything?

"So… you're saying she's chosen… money… and other men… over me."

Sasuke sighed. "You're just fuck buddies, right? She hasn't chosen anything over you. You wanna ask her out? You wanna risk the possibility that she doesn't choose you?" The way Sasuke kept slinging rhetoric left Naruto beaten, as if he'd just endured a mile long journey lined with skilled archers, his body riddled with arrows.

And he's still walking.

"I dunno anymore."

* * *

The girls screeched at the news.

"That was Hinata?! This whole time?!" Sakura had shot up from her café chair, her palms slammed onto the mesh aluminum table in sheer excitement.

Ino's jaw had totally dropped, but now a twinkle was starting to enter her pale blue eyes. She sat perched between Sai's legs as they shared a chair, her hands pressed together, fingertips resting against her ever widening cheshire grin. "I'm all about this. What happened? How'd it go? What was she wearing? I wanna know how our grown girl dresses herself these days."

Naruto shot her a sour look. "I'm not talking about fashion with you, dummy. If you wanna catch her on a day off, she lives in Kinza."

Ino clasped a hand to her chest, a reverent expression taking place. "That's where I wanna live!"

Naruto hung his head. He couldn't keep going with this materialistic gal.

Sasuke returned from the café with two trays in each hand and balancing a third on his arm. He placed them down and took his seat beside Sakura.

"Apparently she's a hostess now." Sasuke said as he began to dig into his short rib and rice plate. "Schmoozing and boozing with the wealthy elite for a price."

Naruto shot him a dirty look. As for Ino, the twinkles exploded ten-fold.

"Ugh, the life of a hostess is glamorous!" She turned towards Sai. "Babe, that's what I was going to do."

Sai thoughtfully considered this revelation, whilst Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"But my mother is such a puritan. If I became a hostess, she'd have kicked me out so quick. But for the longest time, I dreaaamed of getting me a daddy."

Sasuke and Sakura snickered amongst themselves as Naruto mimed vomiting.

Sai gripped his chin. "I see. I didn't realize this desire for luxury was so deep-seated. Unfortunately, the likelihood that one's art will be worth millions tends to increase after one's death," He flashed her his dishonest smile. "Dear, how soon would you like me to kill myself?"

Ino scrunched her face up in a sarcastic grin as she cupped his face adoringly, them shoved him away. "Don't go turning me into the asshole here."

Naruto picked up his barbeque chicken skewer, twirled it with half-hearted inspection, then put it back down.

Sakura shot him a soft, concerned look but he didn't notice.

"I think I can understand where Hinata's coming from," She began. "Being the good girl sucks. Remember how all the teachers loved me? I was studious, punctual, I said all the right things-"

Naruto hid mouth behind the back of his hand and jokingly whispered. "Psychopath."

Sakura bit off a chunk of her steak skewer and spat it at him. Naruto jumped away as it narrowly missed his arm.

"Whoa! No need to prove it!"

Sakura pounded a fist against the table, rattling their plates.

"Anyways! Then came the day where I cracked-"

"And you've never been the same again." Naruto added sarcastically.

Sakura rose up from her chair with her fist raised high like it were the hammer of justice. Naruto flinched.

"Between cram school, student council and clubs, and very, very little sleep, I was all kinds of 'out of it'. I snuck out past curfew to take a walk. I thought some junk food at the _konbini_ would take the edge off. But I was short on change. Then I thought 'I'm working so fucking hard, and I'm not even being properly compensated!' That's bull, right? This city's raising us into an early death!"

"What's that spiritual nonsense again? 'You gotta lose before you can gain?'" Naruto said.

"I hope you're not doing a workout metaphor." Sasuke ribbed.

Naruto laid his head down. "Maybe I am. Whoops."

"So I just walked out." Sakura said.

"You shoplifted." Sasuke corrected with a smirk.

"And it felt _wonderful_. All my stress, gone! I was so proud of myself! Okay, actually I was a nervous wreck for a good day, but hell, it sure made my all my schoolwork seem like nothing. And that I had definitely needed! After that, I realized I've got a lot of shit to get out of my system."

"And you're still getting rid of it." Sasuke sighed.

Sakura scooted her chair closer so she could lay her head on his shoulder. She peered up at him adoringly. Sasuke gave her a muted loving look back.

Then he said. "I'll be sure to introduce you to your replacement when you're in prison."

Sakura pulled away. She scooted her chair away as well. She then put her foot against the side of his chair and shoved it so hard, she tossed Sasuke onto the concrete. He impacted with a disgraceful squawk.

Naruto couldn't contain his laughter as he got up and rounded the table to help Sasuke to his feet. He's been there many times, and he'd never even been her boyfriend.

In the back of his mind he wonders if they're too rowdy for Hinata, too 'out there' for a corporate princess like her.

Maybe she genuinely liked them before.

But maybe she's outgrown them all the same.

Both boys sank back into their chairs with a sigh.

Naruto leaned his elbow on the edge of the table and cupped his mouth. He stared hard into the far distance.

Finally, he released a heavy sigh and picked up one of his skewers, intent on eating his meal even if his stomach was still knotted.

"I think I just keep getting ahead of myself." He said.

He knows for a fact that Hinata has a lot of shit in her system, too.

It's not fair that she's not available for him in the way that he wants.

But it's not fair of him to give her an ultimatum, either.

It's only been thirty hours since he met up with her on the red bridge.

Regardless of their history and unspoken feelings, he's moving way too fast for any girl.

* * *

Naruto's laying down on his bed.

He's got the blackout curtain drawn. Only a sliver of of golden-white light has broken through the part between the two drapes and the line has cast across his midsection, across the floor until it ends at the bottom of his cheap, black dresser.

The back of his left hand is pressed to his forehead as he stares at the ceiling. His smartphone lays in his right palm like a brick.

_I should call her. I should call her. I should call her…_

He squeezes his eyes shut.

_Give it a day. You're coming on too strong. She's still a rabbit. You don't wanna scare her off._

Suddenly his phone comes alive. The vibration along his palm jams adrenaline straight to his heart and he fumbles to hold it steady.

**Dad calling…**

Naruto clenched his left hand in fist, shaking it towards the phone screen as his cheeks puffed with air. He then exhaled it all in a large burst.

He swiped the green button and hit speakerphone.

**"Naruto."**

"Hey, dad." Naruto crossed his legs and placed his left elbow atop his knee, then leaned his face into his open palm.

**"I'm just going to cut the chase, okay?"**

_You always do._ "What is it, sir?"

**"I want to know what your plans are."**

"I'm workin' on it."

**"Are you? No, I don't think you are. It's been nearly a year. When does your lease run out?"**

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose and bit back his heavy sigh.

"It's uhh, on the eighteenth next month." He winced at the sound of his father's exasperation in reply.

**"Twenty-three days. That's twenty-three days. For crying out loud, Naruto-"**

"I got it. Okay? I'm sor-"

**"Don't. Words don't buy you extra time, Naruto."**

Naruto rubbed his face and groaned, muttering. "They can in a prisoner-of-war situation."

**"Don't get smart. So what are you doing? Are you staying? Are you coming back? What's the plan here?"**

Naruto sighed through his nose as he gazed into the far distance.

The agreement was his parents would float him for a year, give him time to decide his future.

If he stays, he has to get a job. He gets cut off officially, easing the financial burden of being their adult son, et cetera.

Or he goes back to Uzushio.

He signs up for the Marines like he always wanted.

And he officially becomes a steward of mankind, that noble vagabond who does good where he goes.

Kind of like the Blind Swordsman character from those black and white 60s films.

He always has a new damsel in each film, but then he goes back to his noble, lonely existence by the end, shunning all offers to take up root here and there, whichever village he managed to earn the love of. He's almost like a missionary like that, like some sort of wandering monk.

The cut-off date for enlistment is twenty-seven.

Staying doesn't mean 'never going'.

It just means giving up one half of that dream: to get to every rank at an age earlier than his dad had. And all this procrastinating was counterproductive to that.

It's definitely becoming out of reach.

He must look like he doesn't care at all anymore.

"Dad, I…" Naruto paused. Takes a breath. What does he really want here? What? What? The way Hinata looked when she brushed past him replays itself. She may not be happy with him, but she's clearly not happy with herself. He's supposed to be helping to get her there. Somehow. "... I think I'm… going to do another year out here."

**"Alright… And you're sure?"**

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure."

He knows when to pay the bills. His bank account is joint with his parents', so being on time has never been a problem.

But he needs to get a job.

He needs to be prepared to make those choices, the kinds like choosing between bills or food when his paydays conflict with the due dates and he's struggling on a part-time wage.

He's fully aware of these kinds of things.

He'll figure it out.

**"Well, if you need any help-"**

"Nah, dad, don't say that," Naruto chuckled. "You guys have spoiled me enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated faster than I thought I would! Also technically updated faster than I said I would, lol! Uhh, going to quell any assumptions here: No, Naruto is not going to get a job as a Host. I don't wanna go there.
> 
> I actually don't know what I'm going to do about this subplot lol. I only thought as far as plotting Naruto and Hinata's sexy adventures lol. And the ending. I pretty much have a satisfactory ending, but I also fear it might be too clean cut to be believed, so I may have to scrap it. We shall see. Plenty of time till then. :B
> 
> Anyone wanna suggest where Naruto could or should work?
> 
> He's got a High School diploma, so his choices are limited. I tried to research what his choices are but I found nothing. :(
> 
> So here's what I brainstormed:
> 
> Convenience store clerk. (Too basic)
> 
> Grocery store (Still basic)
> 
> Milk Tea barista (lol can you imagine?)
> 
> Ichiraku (but it looks like Boruto era Ichiraku)
> 
> Warehouse Delivery (maybe)
> 
> How about a towel boy at a water park? It's late June in the story right now. (Realistically he's suited to being a lifeguard, but I really don't feel like writing about him saving people all the time. Unless he gets fired for popping a boner, jk. Actually, he'd need to pass a CPR class anyways).
> 
> Ooh, sudden idea! He could get an artist assistant gig helping Sai set up a mural inside one of the Hyuuga family's subsidiary companies!
> 
> But he still needs a consistent source of income.
> 
> Anyways, I am open to suggestions!


	7. I Wish I Was the Moon Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably about to ruin Jiraiya for you guys. I am so, so sorry. I didn't know who else to use.
> 
> All I can say is, expect something.
> 
> Update, 4/12/2020: This chapter has been revised, and rereading is advised. I have added some things to try and clarify Hinata's personal goals. She definitely isn't wishy-washy anymore. In chapter 2, I took away her negative reaction to being called 'cold', so that way her behavior and attitude is more deliberate.
> 
> I added new details to Hinata's experience at the Hostess Club, and she has dealt with groping before after all. She has also learned to say 'no' to men, because former clients have propositioned her for sex. Which is apparently normal for Hostesses IRL.
> 
> So she stronger and less naive than the old version of this chapter and her jaded aspect is more earned, IMO.
> 
> The only narrative breaking thing right now is that a future unrevised chapter may say she hasn't dealt with groping at all.
> 
> I also added that she has a 'trick': she actively mentally blocks unwanted actions towards. I think having that possibly be responsible for tipping her towards a disassociative episode is more interesting and earned as well.
> 
> I have also deleted much of her interaction with Toneri. It does read better if their 'friendship' is left ambiguous.
> 
> Please keep these changes in mind while future chapters currently remain unrevised.

_There's a voice that echoes in the back of her mind from time to time. It asks her questions. She doesn't like to answer them._

_'What does your dress look like, sweetheart? Tell me what it looks like.'_

_Eleven-year-old Hinata looks down at what her mother has put her in: it's a dusty lilac ball gown. The long flowing skirt is tulle that spills above her waist from a thick organza ribbon two shades darker than the dress. The top has two parts to it. Beneath it is a strapless band that wraps around her chest, which is growing, and over it is a sheer quarter sleeve accented by pearl-beaded fishnet._

_It's lovely._

_She hates it._

_'What's the occasion? A tea party? Your birthday?'_

_Neither._

_It's another corporate function._

_Hinata peers up and narrows her eyes at her mother._

_Her mother frowns questioningly._

_Hinata gestures at her chest. At her awkward, puffed-up nipples. The fabric is too thin. She doesn't have the luck most girls her age do. They're all still pure of heart. But she isn't. She's been cursed. Her body is the proof of her sin._

_"Budding already, my flower? You're an early bloomer just like your mother, huh?" Her mother mused. _

_Hinata's eyes narrowed further. 'So this is _ _ **your** _ _ fault?'_

_Her mother stood to full height and addressed Natsu, who had just gotten done dressing Hanabi. "Natsu, a cardigan for her, please," Her mother paused and looked at her eldest daughter. "Unless you want to try band-aid pasties?"_

_What an appalling suggestion._

_Hinata stares her mother down, because mothers are supposed to know best. Mothers are supposed to know their daughters' minds like they know their own._

_But Hinata doesn't like answering questions._

_She doesn't like having an opinion._

_She'd rather disappear in peace._

_No one can miss her if they don't know her._

* * *

_They're helped into the car. It's one of those sleek black executive types. It's even got the company numbers on the back window._

_Her parents sit behind the partition window separating them from the chauffeur. And Hanabi, herself and Neji sit across from them in the back seat._

_Hanabi is wearing a simple sunshine yellow party dress, whilst kicking her legs happily to a tune inside her head. She's only six and cannot be trusted in expensive garments without getting fussy. To her left sits Neji. His hair is slicked back and stops at the base of his neck. He's in a dark gray suit just like her father, who isn't smiling. He never smiles._

_But uncle Hizashi smiles. He's warm and wise, but he's not here._

* * *

_He looks at her from over his shoulder._

_He then extends his left arm behind him, offering her his hand._

_She quickly laces her fingers in his._

_They make their way to their reserved table. Kids are just decoration around here. No one expects them to do anything but eat, behave and stay out of the way._

_Hanabi quickly gets bored after the first thirty minutes. Hinata was tasked with keeping her behaved, so she leant her little sister a picture book she brought along. What happens after Hanabi's read it enough and grown bored again is entirely out of her hands._

_Hinata has grown weary by the second hour. She would like to sulk atop the tablecloth like Hanabi, but the difference is Hanabi can get away with it._

_So she leans into Neji and lays her head on his shoulder._

_Her eyelids are getting heavy._

_This stupid event is going way past her bedtime._

_"I miss uncle…" She said._

_Neji laces his fingers with hers, offering his support again._

_He has nothing to say. Because this has been hard on him, too._

_"If…" Her voice breaks. "I,If it didn't happen… y,you think we'd be a,at your old house right now? In,Instead of here?"_

_The lacing around her fingers tighten._

_"You need to stop thinking that this is your fault."_

_Tears boil to the surface. They sit high on her reddened cheeks. And Neji squeezes her hand again._

_She forces herself to nod._

_But deep down inside she doesn't truly agree._

* * *

_She's thirteen. He's just turned fourteen._

_And somehow she ended up here, in a karaoke box, with him and all of his friends._

_The ceiling lights have been dimmed in favor of the cheesy multi-color strobe lights, and the synthetic music is piercing her sensitive ears._

_Hinata endures the early evening with her hands clamps firmly over her ears, her thick hair helping to further muffle his friends' off-key singing._

_The girls, Sakura and Ino, perform better at least. They clearly practiced while the boys approach the mic like they're stepping up to the plate and this is their first time holding a baseball bat._

_The only ones not participating are Sasuke and Shikamaru, who would rather hang out and snack. Which is still more than what she's doing._

_Naruto just finished blasting his lungs out to a metal song and instead of taking his spot beside Sasuke, he plopped down extremely close to her._

_He leans over and peers up at her from around the shield of her hands. His mouth is moving but she can't understand him._

_Naruto then takes her left hand and removes it from her ear. He leans in and speaks directly into her ear._

_His hand is warm and kind of sweaty around hers, but it's comforting._

_"Are you okay? Are you not having fun?"_

_She fights back a blush. Her heart feels like it's going to fly away._

_She gives him a blank look, pretending she still didn't hear him._

_He lets go of her hand. His fingers parts her hair and pulls it back behind her ear. They rest against the back of her neck. He's so close, his breath feels cool against the burning shell of her ear._

_And she has no regrets._

_"I was asking if you were having fun."_

_His fingers are still there, touching her. This feels insanely intimate. She could tilt her head just so and feel his lips brush up against her._

_"I,I'm okay." She fibs. Well, it's not much of a fib. As much as his ignorance to her personal space has always put her off, she's steadily grown used to it, to the point now that she most certainly craves it. And the karaoke thing isn't much of a dealbreaker. She never did have a strong opinion about anything._

_"What?"_

_Oh, he couldn't hear her._

_Hinata's blush deepens as she cups his right ear and leans in close. "I,I'm just fine, thank y,you."_

_They're hip to hip, side to side._

_His arm has come to rest against her back, his hand seemingly attached to the nape of her neck, and her hand has come to rest on his shoulder in case she needs to speak again._

_He tilts his head towards her and she swears his lips have touched her ear. It must have been by accident._

_"If you say so. I just wanna see you smile some time, y'know?"_

_"I,I'm okay. Ho,Honest."_

_"Maybe you'd like to pick the next activity?" He says, and the first image that pops in her mind is of him and her alone, walking along the promenade, maybe with her eventually pinned between him and a tree._

_She shakes her head._

_Heat's pooling in her groin at the sudden image._

_She disgusts herself._

_In the end, she loses his attention for the remainder of the evening as he attempts another song and reclaims his seat beside Sasuke._

_In the end, there is nothing she can suggest for the entire group to do together._

_She doesn't know what any of them like to do._

_Most of her fun times can be done alone._

* * *

The Stag's dressing room looks like this: facing the street are four large windows obscured by black drapes. The wallpaper is vertically striped with leaf gold and antique magenta. The ceiling sports a black iron eight-light chandelier that looks like it was plucked out of the eighteenth century.

The left wall has dressers and a spacious closet and in the corner are two separate changing screens. Up against the right wall are five vanities, stocked with make-up boxes, brushes and natural light lamps.

The club is always dark, so the lamps seem hardly necessary; but Hinata has seen her co-workers throw fits if their eyeliner weren't 'just so'.

In the center is the lounge, which has become Hinata's bedroom. She sleeps on the long chair, with the coffee table across from her giving her notebook, laptop and phone a place to stay too.

Adjacent facing the coffee table is an overstuffed magenta loveseat that she sometimes uses to practice her nightly conversation with the men who come pay for her companionship.

_"Do I have to pay you?!" His voice split her ears, and it practically split her spirit._

_All these eyes drawn to them… to her… she could feel the entire world vibrate around her. It rumbled beneath her feet, urging her to escape to higher ground._

_She abandoned him._

_With nary a word, she simply left him._

Her hands come up to fold across her face, her fingertips pressed against the bridge of her nose, and she sighs.

Deeply.

She's always been his problem.

Because when he sees a problem, he can't leave it alone.

Hinata is tucked beneath her maroon blanket as her hands fall away, and she stares distantly up at the ceiling.

It figures.

She practically gets her way while still allowing his, and it barely lasts. No, it doesn't even get to start.

She didn't want this part of their friendship to restart. She didn't want to be a problem in need of fixing, she didn't want to become his pet patient all over again.

She's frustrated enough with herself, trying to change herself, to control her own life for once, and he thinks otherwise. If he even thinks at all.

This is where he fails to see her. To see her as her. As Hyuuga Hinata. A girl, a young woman, not so helpless just because cannot do harm in turn. Just because she chooses not to waste her words the way others do, with their loose gossip and glib barbs.

This is why something as trivial as yet another adolescent party did not appeal to her back then.

Granted, she hadn't wanted to say goodbye to him in the first place.

But she also didn't want to put up with the indignity of competing for his attention.

She had already stopped wanting it.

And she knew how he must have spent that night, trying to be around for everyone, trying to do as much as he could to leave on a high note.

She acknowledges her selfishness.

Yes, had she gone, what kind of guest would she have been?

One stewing in the corner, resentfully waiting for her ten seconds with him before he found something, someone more interesting than her.

She wouldn't have had it in her to complain to him. As much as she wanted his time in her own way, she had no right to stop him from celebrating his other friendships in his own way.

Perhaps, then, she is being hypocritical?

Feeling entitled to monopolize his time, when he seems to feel entitled to… what? Her mind? Her true feelings? This notion that everything in her life must be perfect or else?

How sweet and annoying of him.

How utterly obnoxious that she should be subjected to his expectations just like everyone else's. The very moment they're together, as _friends_, it's as though he owns her.

Her life must be perfect or else.

Of course. How silly of her for not trying.

Well, she has been, whether she can prove it or not.

But the more she dwells on him, the more her heart aches for his innocence.

Because if he knew the things she knew, he wouldn't expect her life to be perfect. He wouldn't expect her to be perfect either.

And yet it really is just so sweet of him, her face can't help but warm. Much to her chagrin, she feels the reluctant palpitations of love for him.

Hinata reaches down between her thighs, her fingers press against her most precious spot and tingles run down her legs, the place where he's been, where he's soiled and sweated and made quite a mess of her.

His innocence, oh, she craves to take it into her body the same way she took him into her body over and over again.

She's never touched herself so instinctively, but those ghostly feelings of childish love, it's guiding her hand.

Her eyes shut closed.

She can see him so clearly, _see the intensity of heart's emotions in his darkened gaze, the way he cages her with his body. He's got long, strong arms now and sinewy hands. His shoulders are broad but angular._ Her bottom lip catches between her teeth as her inner gaze slides down _the length of his torso, taking in the cut of his abs and the dips in his waist._

Hinata turns over onto her front. She clamps her free hand to her mouth as she slips her busy hand beneath the sheath of her pajama bottoms. She's still wearing the crotchless panties, the ones that smell like him, and her fingers delve into her damp folds.

Her body is alight with sparks as she relives being taken by him, as she replays his verbal attempts to break her shell wide open.

Her fingers move faster now, her hips roll to the pleasure building, threatening to crash like storm waves against the shore.

_Naruto-kun!_

Her body spasms as she mewls to the length of her orgasm. Heat coils in her blood and the white haze of sudden rapture pops like champagne bubbles in her head.

When she comes down, she registers the slickness between her fingers and shame begins to settle in her gut.

She rolls over onto her side, pressing her face and body into the corner of the long chair and she bemoans her baser emotions.

It would be so easy to keep saying that this is her mother's fault.

But it's not.

* * *

The Mama-san is a beautiful woman, and if you didn't know it, her name would surely insist upon this fact. She hails from The Mizunoku Archipelago in the southeast ocean, and her name is Terumi Mei.

She's made a career out of being a hostess since the age of seventeen. She had long dreamed of finding 'the one', having been fully convinced at that impressionable age that she could have the same 'Elite Man-Courtesan' romance like in the movies and classic love stories.

She's thirty-five. Far too old for the scene and for the shallow clients' needs, she now assists the girls at The Stag with the final touches of their looks, oversees the night's proceedings and throws an occasional 'evil eye' to any man getting extra 'touchy-feely' with the merchandise.

But she also expects the girls to hold their own.

Hinata thinks she's experienced it all.

The propositioning for sex, where she had learned to say 'no'.

An important skill for a woman to learn to wield the mighty word 'no'.

The grope attempts, whereas, instead of beating their hands off of her chest like a shrill teenager, she learned to cradle their hands as she removed them, all the while maintaining eye contact and a winning smile.

Of course, their dirty touches went unregistered, for she had developed a special skill for forgetting.

Those were the worst of it, really.

Her clients aren't all terrible, they're not all seeking to bone.

Every night, she gambles.

Which night will it be this time? Will he talk to my cleavage all night? Will he try to sneak something into my drink?

Control.

This, along with desensitization, is what her journey is all about.

She is learning to control her environment little by little.

After a place like this, she can be more confident elsewhere.

Or so, that's been the plan.

She's almost there, she likes to believe. Considering how she managed to get her way with Naruto after the hotel.

Little by little, she'll have control over her life. And she'll finally learn how to be properly happy.

Will her gamble pay tonight? Will she be in total control tonight?

She's banking on it.

But tonight, when she's all dolled up and standing by the bar with all the others, Mei-san approaches her with a grave expression, and her confidence dithers.

"Sorry, kiddo, but he's asked for you."

Hinata peered over her boss's shoulder to find a white-haired older man sitting two tables away from the bar. He was looking right at her. He had a wide nose with a wart on one side, a lascivious gaze and a goofy grin. He had to be pushing sixty, though with his physique it was easy to second guess her assumption.

Hinata glanced questioningly at her boss before picking up a tray and turning towards the array of top shelf liquor.

"Grab the high rye bourbon." Mei said.

Hinata picked up the stout container of deep amber and a bell-shaped glass and placed them on her tray.

She didn't understand why the Mama-san had apologized to her.

Surely this man could be no harder to handle than the others.

* * *

It's going fairly well.

She's going through the routine of refilling his glass once it reaches the ice, then towels off the surface so it doesn't slip from his hands.

Four glasses in and he holds his liquor as well as the conversation.

She first learns that he's a proud Army veteran. He was there forty years ago during the Reconstruction of Ame, assisting in propping up their new government after toppling its former regime as well as combating the anarchist factions that had eyes on the empty seat of power.

Then he dabbled in journalism and became an author. He failed at a few genres before settling on the one that ignited his passion.

He's full of stories and she appreciates that. The other men, they boast or they whine, they flirt and they pander, and you're supposed to pander back to every bit of it.

Her whole life she hated this sort of thing. Small talk. Ingratiating herself. Validating the fact that she is nothing more than a sex object.

But that is why her friend suggested she go on this journey. To subject herself to the things she hates to do and face what she hates about herself, because only then can she can stop hating it and simply start accepting it. And by accepting it, she can control it.

Some of her younger clients do in fact come to her for her mind. They think they can find classier, more refined women in a place like this than they can on the street or at work.

Someone like her is a surprise to them. Not just because of who she is, but because she can speak so thoroughly the topics that interest them: anthropology, social science, philosophy and mythology, fine arts and literature.

But despite that, they don't want to date her and she doesn't want to date anyways.

They want a fantasy.

They'll sooner marry those boring, conventional women they claim to hate than someone like her. Stability becomes valuable over time, while the need for excitement dwindles with age.

"Does your father approve of this?" Jiraiya asks, and it's the first time he's asked her anything about herself in the past four hours.

Hinata smiles with her eyes. "He may or may not even be aware. I think he would be inclined to bite his tongue. But this isn't a career for me."

"Oh?" He scoots closer along the black leather seat. "That's curious. Just a hobby, then?" He scoots even closer, and there's that wretched hot stink of alcohol and tonsillitis coming off of his breath.

"A,A phase." Hinata clears her throat. She can't show any weakness, no openings in the illusion. She is in control.

"Throat dry, Musume-chan?" His gaze dips below her clavicle. She's wearing an empire-waist halter gown, dark purple with a gaudy snakeskin trim. Her cleavage is fully on display. It's when the alcohol kicks in and the vestiges of modesty have dissolved that both parties acknowledge that she is indeed a woman of generous proportions.

Hinata wanted to decline, but she knows better.

"Yes, quite." She answers.

As if on cue, the Mama-san has approached their table. Jiraiya eyes her with blatant interest.

"She'll have a glass with me." He said.

Mei nodded and headed for the bar.

Hinata's stomach clenched in anticipation.

The hardest she could handle was plain vodka, room temperature preferred. She was not strong enough to take his preferred choice into her body, and she would have to take in little by little, drawing out what would surely be an unpleasant experience.

But that's the point of all of this, isn't it?

Mei returns with a bell-shaped glass. She grabs the stout container and fills up the glass, then hands it to her.

They're both wincing at each other knowingly.

Hinata takes her first sip and nearly chokes on it. High rye is far spicier than the other bourbons. But she has to take it like a champ.

When Mei feels confident that she can handle the rest on her own, she takes her leave and makes her rounds across the room.

The loss of her presence is like losing a wooden beam supporting a home, and every sip of burning liquor is melting away the foundations of her cognizance.

He goes back to talking about himself.

He's making this really easy for her.

Listening is all she's ever been good at.

When her glass is nearly, he pours her a glass this time.

Instinctively, she accepts it and begins drinking. Her sips are longer this time. The burning, like a distant memory.

He's gotten really close now, to the point that she's tucked against his side but all she can focus on is the mischief glinting in his eyes.

She takes a swig of her drink.

The lights in here don't move like they did at the karaoke box in her youth, but she feels herself slipping away, back into that time, that place.

She thinks about Naruto's comforting hand against the back of her neck, his voice buzzing against the shell of her ear. He's so warm beside her, so sturdy, like she could just lean into him and smile, just like he said he always wanted her to.

Even when he's angry or up to no good, there's an endless purity in his eyes that wipes away all her worldly concerns. Yes, she can smile because of him. He gives her a reason to smile.

"I like this place very much. Lots of quality girls here," His hand reaches towards her but she doesn't know where it goes. Certain parts of her body have been reduced to fuzzy black spots in her mind. It's her special trick. Oh but, she faintly feels like something is moving, but she doesn't know if it's him, if it's her, or both. If she closes her eyes, Naruto's hand will be there instead. If she just closes her eyes... "Have I ever told you that I'm a writer?" His voice is low, husky, almost secretive in narrow pocket of space between them.

Hinata nods numbly. Yes, she remembers.

"Have I ever told you what I'm really passionate about?"

She shook her head. And it feels like it's melting off of her shoulders.

Suddenly Mei is here.

She's yanking the man away from her by his ponytail.

She's yelling at him.

Their manager kicks him out. He's also got white hair. He wears round glasses.

The author is gone. And Mei is right in her face.

"Go upstairs. _Now._"

* * *

The dressing room doesn't look how it usually does somehow.

The wallpaper most certainly is magenta and gold but she's also sure magenta and gold don't look like that. It should be bluer? No, it should be grayer.

The coffee table seems to have lost its legs, but when she leans over to investigate it, the legs are there but then the table is lost.

The couch is blurring around the edges and her hands aren't her own.

Until Mei twists the top of her hand hard enough. The stabbing pain shoots through the fog in Hinata's head and she sucks in air as if she had just emerged from a hundred leagues below sea level.

She's here.

In the dressing room.

She's sitting on the long chair, her comforter neatly folded over the back and her heart starts banging, threatening to break her ribs apart.

_How did I get here?_

"Did you enjoy that?!" Mei barked, her voice as sharp as a blade, and Hinata's jumped up to cover her ears. She jerked towards Mei.

"I,I'm sorry?"

Mei swooped in, planting both hands on either side of her knees.

"You were _smiling_. I was watching you."

Smiling.

Was she?

No, no, no wait.

Naruto was there. But he wasn't there.

No, no, no, wait! Wait, wait, wait!

She was smiling for him, but he wasn't there!

Hinata's eyes pricked wet and hot. She couldn't breath. Air turned into fiberglass inside her lungs.

"Y,You w,were watching wh,what?"

She would never smile sincerely for her clients. She's supposed to be in control. They don't control her.

Mei pulled back, she placed her fury in the backseat, letting concern cautiously take the wheel.

"You don't remember?"

Hinata shook her head.

Mei plopped backwards atop the coffee table, appearing as though the wind had been taken from her sails.

Hinata wracked her mind, but she really doesn't remember anything out of the ordinary.

"... I was j,just listening…" And thinking of Naruto. Her stomach flipped. She lost control of herself. Something happened, but she doesn't know what. And she let something happen! Hinata bent forward, her face buried in her palms. "Wh,What was he doing?"

What wasn't he doing?

What did it matter?

She was used to it.

She has fresher memories, better memories, ones of Naruto's hands all over her. And she can focus on him and his purifying touch.

She can focus on him.

Mei's face pinched. Her gaze dropped low to the side. Then she got up.

"Mei-san!"

"Take the night off." Her word was final. She headed for the door.

"Huh? Wai-!" Hinata's heart dropped to the floor. She saw several pairs of painted eyes beyond the doorway. Her co-workers came to eavesdrop on her.

Mei shut the door firmly and Hinata was alone.

* * *

The bar closed at three in the morning.

The last patron stumbled out some time after.

He never made it very far.

As Hinata made her way out of the closed down club, out of her skimpy gown and concealed inside a pair of sweatpants and an oversized pullover, Hinata discovered their final patron blacked out drunk by a gutter, his necktie askew and his face muddled red.

This was normal.

She hailed a taxi, asked the cab driver to take her just a little north from here, and when she had arrived, she found herself outside modern condominium. The upper floor was almost all window, darkened at night and clear as the day when the sun rises.

There's chrome rails lining the deck roof. The patio lights glowing like fireflies tells her he's still awake.

She makes her way through the lobby, then exit into the communal courtyard.

She likes this part best. It feels like an entirely different world from the city. The pavement is pristine birch granite that smells like river stone after the automated sprinklers have done their job. Manicured shrubs and trees line the circular perimeter. Circular LED lights have been installed in the ground, providing a unique glow.

There are black granite abstract statues spaced apart like the numbers along a clock.

In the center is a colossal faceted black granite fountain. Water glistens down the smooth and rough surfaces, filling the moat around it.

Hinata takes a seat on a bench facing the fountain and listens to the water trickle.

A pair of footsteps, quiet and carefree, approach her.

"Everything okay, princess?" His voice is calm and smooth. There's a touch of smugness underneath the compassion, but she attributes that to his being a pretty boy. Pretty boys always know they're pretty.

She turns her head up to meet his gaze.

He's pale in every way. Snow white hair that's shaggy and semi-long. Porcelain white skin. And pale blue eyes with a halo of electric blue streaking his iris. He smiles like a know-it-all, but that's justified, too. His insight has helped her the past three years. In the end, she's grown to enjoy his quiet company. Sometimes, if she closes her eyes and he doesn't talk, she can pretend he's Neji.

She answered him with the shake of her head.

He took the seat beside her, and he watched the fountain with her in comfortable silence. When he placed his right hand atop her head and petted her hair, she gradually sank against his side, propping her head against his thin shoulder.

"... Toneri-san," She began. "Don't you ever feel tired?"

He turned his smile up towards the moon, and she followed his gaze.

The last time she was here, it was mostly full, just like her confidence. But now it was nearly gone.

"Hm," He begins, and she knows he gets her, and she knows how deeply he's thinking. When someone can ease her the burden of truly explaining herself, it saves her the humiliation, and she can't help but be grateful for him for that alone. "That tired, huh? Yes, I do feel tired from time to time. And yes, I wish I had the power to end it. But then, I would be giving up the last of my control."

This term is so meaningful to the both of them.

She never knew she had needed to identify her broken feelings so strongly until he identified it for her.

He may have been five times more expensive than a proper therapist, but she was willing to spend the extra cash to save herself the stigma.

She had a therapist once. She didn't see the point in another one again. She didn't care for them.

No one is allowed to fix her but herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, if my content or writing style is overly dramatic, lemme know how to improve??
> 
> So, I had an aborted arc where I wanted Naruto to convince Sasuke to be his wingman to The Stag to observe Hinata at work while monopolizing her companionship for as long as their nonexistent cash allowed. (Damn, that was a mouthful). Anyways… They were going to meet Kabuto prior to getting seated. Kabuto was going to explain why he's managing a hostess club after Sasuke asks him in a thinly veiled 'interrogation', and Kabuto's response was: "I know a thing or two about caring for strays." Because of his orphanage background. But yes, he is a Shuhensha of a Yakuza group. That means he enjoys Yakuza rank while operating outside of the syndicate. Thus, they go under the radar of Itachi's police division.
> 
> Also that's the last we'll be seeing of Jiraiya. I'm sorry for turning him into a legit creep. :( But he gets to go on and live a full creepy life lol.
> 
> Toneri has the correct hairstyle for being a Host. Go figure.


	8. Cats Love In Their Own Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BLATANT CAT MOTIFS, Y'ALL! Also this chapter is flashback heavy. Considering the final product is likely to come out Novella-length, I am trying to go deep but concise when it comes to fleshing out backstory. Today's subject! Kushina!
> 
> Damn, this chapter kind of got away from me. It's so long! Even the way it ends wasn't in my original outline, but that tends to happen from time to time. Honestly, this chapter might not even be thematically consistent because of the flashbacks, ehehehehe... ORZ
> 
> ***Also Kushina uses the word 'Ama' for 'grandma'. IRL 'Ama' is Taiwanese.***
> 
> UPDATE, 4/17/2020: I finally converted the former ryo amount to USD. I changed the pillaging dialogue about Uzushio from 300 yrs to 60 yrs. I still personally hate the Uzushio backstory I pooped outta my ass, but I hope that made it more realistic.

_"Leavin' isn't better than tryin',_

_Growin', but I'm just growin' tired,_

_Now I'm worried for my soul,_

_And I'm still scared of growin' old,_

_You were good to me,_

_You were good to me, yeah,_

_And I'm so used to lettin' go,_

_But I don't wanna be alone,_

_You were good to me,_

_You were good to me,"_

_-Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler_

_It's been four months since his dad was stationed Oto-kok__ū_ _. Something like this they can usually handle, but this time is different._

_They didn't go with him._

_They told him they wanted him to try and have a normal childhood. To care for his friendships and develop a love for his country._

_As if Uzushio wasn't also his country._

_Naruto accepted his parents' decision._

_The moment he looks at his clock, adrenaline smacks his heart and he scrambles to get ready for school._

_"Hey, mom! Mom! You didn't wake me up again!"_

_He runs for his dresser drawer. It's empty._

_He runs out into the hall and checks the laundry room. He bares his teeth when he sees his hamper of dirty clothes untouched. He shoves his hand and grabs whatever he needs._

_"You didn't wash my clothes! You said you'd wash it last night!"_

_He runs back into his bedroom and grabs his little red backpack._

_This was becoming a trend. But he was quick to dismiss it. Because he loved his mother._

_But when he runs into the kitchen for breakfast and can find nothing good in the fridge nor in the pantry, he can't help but wonder: Was this really a mutual decision?_

_"Mom! Hey, mom! Why's there nothing to eat?!"_

_Naruto runs into the den and finds his mother asleep beneath the kotatsu comforter._

_His hands ball up at his sides. He's all out of time, he has to go._

_He slips his shoes on and stands in the genkan._

_"Okay, I'm going now!_

_The door slams shut behind him._

* * *

Naruto's usual day starts off like this: Wake up at five in the morning. Make his bed. Do his morning push-ups and sit-ups, some burpees, and a morning jog. Then he takes a shower and gets dressed. He eats a hearty breakfast of miso soup, three links of kurobuta sausage and five eggs over-easy. Wash it down with barley tea, and brush his teeth. By then it's seven in the morning.

After that he's splayed out on his back in the living room with nothing to do.

He springs up to check his emails by opening his laptop. But once he's in, the last tab he had open is staring back at him: a petite cutie with erotic tanlines and a huge slopely rack. She had a thick cock smushed between her tits and his spooge left a milky puddle in her cleavage.

This was the last thing he watched after getting confirmation from 'little_bird' that it was time. They were going to finally do it.

The anticipation had been killing him that night.

Naruto became lost in a strange, lust-filled nostalgia as he clicked through the other videos he had watched.

Then he closes it all down.

He's semi-hard but none of it seems to get him going.

In the back of his mind, he's wringing his hands. He sent Hinata an apology text just before bed and suddenly he feels like target practice at the gun range.

Nothing he can do but wait for Hinata's bullets to shred him apart.

Naruto goes back to what he originally planned to do: check his emails. After that, he catches up on his social media feed and current events, browses the online auction site for anything of value… then he goes back to watching the ceiling.

It's been nearly a year and he still doesn't know how to live by himself.

When it was all three of them, he went running with his dad, had picnics at the park, played games at home.

When it was him and his mother, he usually awoke to the smell of breakfast and her upbeat humming. He helped her with the grocery shopping, massaged her shoulders when she got back from her part-time job, and they watched movies together or visited Mikoto and Sasuke for a few hours.

When it was three of them again, there was a significant shift in their dynamic.

His mother had slipped back easily into the life they once had, the same one that had been put on hold for his sake, so that he could get a sense of normalcy and care for his friendships.

Perhaps it had worked too well.

Because six years of solely phone calls did not preserve the familiarity he once had with Staff Sergeant Namikaze Minato.

Still, there were those occasional moments, much like yesterday, when Minato remembered to be a father, not just in the authoritative sense but in the supportive sense.

Or maybe his mother had been on the other side of the phone telling him what to say. That's already happened a few times, too.

Naruto glances the bottom right corner of the screen. It's 9:50 AM now. He's supposed to meet up with Kiba.

* * *

He takes the bus. Majority of the old crew have stayed within Edahanishi ward, so Kiba's business isn't very far. Only Sasuke and Sakura had moved out onto Tokonoha U's campus.

Kiba is standing outside, cleaning the glass of his café door.

It's a dog café. The kind where half of it is tiny tables and tiny chairs where they serve tiny cakes and espresso. The other half is where all the puppers are.

Naruto peers inside the large window and spots Hana inside. He waves at her and she waves back, then goes back to feeding the pups.

"Got your sister to help, huh?" Naruto smirked.

Kiba gave him a weary look. "I can't win, man. Every time I get a cute patron, she intercepts."

Naruto barked out a surprised laugh. "Wait, so this is…"

"It's the perfect way to meet girls!"

A girlish voice called him out from across the street. "Scummy Kiba! How dare you manipulate a girl's love of animals in such a way!" This young woman had long light brown hair and hazel eyes. Naruto recognized her immediately.

"Hi, Tamaki-chan!" He waved his arm emphatically over his head.

"Naruto, don't give him a single ryo! Not one ryo! Come over to my café, okay? Cats are waaay better!"

Naruto cupped his mouth. "Actually, I was planning on taking money from him by the hour!"

Kiba glared at him. "You don't say 'take' when you mean 'earn', moron."

"Eh," Naruto shrugged. Then he decided this could be good for a laugh. "Say, Tamaki-chan. Why _are_ cats better than dogs?"

Tamaki threw her hands on her hips. "I can give you a hundred reasons!"

"A hundred?!" Naruto whistled. "Hit me with it."

"They don't need to be walked. They're quiet. They hardly take up space. They bathe themselves. They don't smell. They're less excitable-"

"Shaddup!" Kiba said. "Cats get the Zoomies, too! And it's not fucking cute! They look possessed!"

Tamaki threw her hand up and showed Kiba her palm. "They're not messy eaters. They're highly individual-"

"Oh yeah?" Naruto spoke aside to Kiba. "Hey, I think this is going to take a while." Naruto walked backwards towards the cat café and cheekily waved Kiba goodbye.

"Wha?! You traitor!"

Naruto threw his hands up in the air and shrugged. "Hey man, I get the feeling I'd just be cramping your style. Can't have two animals in your café, am I right?"

Tamaki opened the door for Naruto and he strolled on in. Tamaki turned towards Kiba and stuck her tongue out at him.

Naruto took a seat in the corner by the window. The place was spotless white with calico spots painted along the walls here and there. A glass half-wall separated the café side from the cats. There had to be over ten of them. Some were kittens in a fluffy pile on a pink bed. Some others were full grown and perched high on shelves or carpeted cat trees. An orange tabby and a round-faced black exotic shorthair were playing together, if one could call it that. The black cat was laying on its side, passively interacting with the much more extroverted tabby who kept jumping away and playfully pouncing towards her. No matter where the tabby went, the black cat rolled over to swipe at him but never seemed interested enough to get up on her own.

Tamaki returned with a teacup-sized three layer shortcake. The bottom layer was orange, the middle was tan, and the top was pure white, just like the whipped cream layers.

"This is my Calico Cake. It's carrot, spice and vanilla bean. The whipped cream has been flavored with almond extract." She pushed it towards him.

"On the house?" He asked. He wasn't trying to swindle her by suggestion.

Tamaki nodded and took the seat in front of him. She propped her elbow atop the table and rested her cheek in the crevice of her curled hand. "When I have to deal with _that_ all day," She jutted her thumb out the window. "I can appreciate a man willing to keep an open mind."

Tamaki diverted her gaze to the play area. "Watch them long enough and their individual personalities reveal themselves over time. Cats love in different ways, too. Some can be really clingy, they'll lay all over you, try to groom your hair. Others will simply let you know with their eyes."

"How do they do that?"

Tamaki turned towards him. She stared at him for a good long time and Naruto instinctively shrank away.

Then she slowly closed her eyes. And slowly opened them again.

"That's how a cat says 'I love you'."

Naruto nervously laughed it off. "O,Oh, I see."

"Try the cake!" Tamaki got up. "Unless you want to play with a cat?"

Naruto glanced at the cake, but decided he'd rather take it to go. "Sure, Tamaki-chan, I'll play with your pus-" Her heated glare stopped him cold. "Sorry. Joke." He got up awkwardly and followed her to the play area.

"That's not a joke. That's rude."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head in contrition. "Yeah, sorry."

"Ugh. Kiba said the same thing to me the first time I met him. What makes you boys think a woman is going to find that funny truly escapes me." Tamaki opened the door and had it been a play pen of dogs, his ankles would have been swarmed by now, but the cats took no notice.

"Mm, fun fact: the islanders _love_ raunchy humor. My mom was a Grade A troll. She taught me this cadence when I was eight: 'I wish that all the ladies were holes in the road, and I was a dump truck, I'd fill 'em with my-'"

"Oh gross, gross, stop," Tamaki laughed lightly. "I thought Uzushio was a matriarchy?"

Naruto shrugged. "It is, but I dunno, they're all crazy over there," Naruto approached the pile of cats in the center and kneeled down a few inches from the black exotic shorthair. The tabby ran away and scurried up a cat tree. The shorthair became aware of the loss and flipped her head this way and that. Her round gold eyes stared up at him. Unblinkingly. "You'll really get hit hard with that culture shock. Everybody loves to shit talk. It's almost like a sport. I bet you'd have a red face for days just walking through the marketplace." He laughed.

"Sounds like you islanders got a… wealth of humor."

"Well, when you think about being born in a place surrounded by deadly whirlpools and centuries upon centuries are spent trying to get out, when it takes some foreign discoverer a month to get in, I think yeah, you start to look at life as one big joke."

The shorthair rolled over onto its belly and did the long-cat stretch. Then it got to its feet.

"Huh. Y'know, they don't teach us that."

"Yeah." Naruto knows. Uzushio is just a footnote in Hinoku's storied history. A strategic position over not just the eastern sea, but on Kaminari-koku's rocky coastline. "I don't think showing the natives how to get out was the best idea at the time, because their craziness turned to pillaging, and _that_ lasted way too long! Sixty years!"

"I wasn't a history buff." Tamaki chuckled.

The shorthair walked up to him. She then shows him her back and he thinks she's going to walk away, but then she plops down against his leg. She's so quiet, but he can feel her purring against his thigh.

"Oh, would you look at that! Mion's never liked a single customer, not even the kids!"

Naruto whipped his head in Tamaki's direction. He felt Mion raise up for a second, before settling back down. She was incredibly warm. "Really?"

Tamaki nodded emphatically, her bottom lip pulled in and her cheeks pinkened with happiness. She almost looked like a mother about to cry.

Naruto looked down at the aloof cat who had chosen him above everyone else.

He felt… strangely honored.

Tamaki emitted a wistful hum. "Took me a while to get her to stop her 'wool-sucking' habit. I don't think customers would've appreciated it."

"'Wool-sucking'? What's that?"

"When a kitten is separated from its mom too early, they'll suckle and knead on all sorts of things. It's a self-soothing habit. Mion was abandoned pretty early on, so…"

"Oh, I see." Naruto hesitated to reach out and pet Mion. Her ears swiveled as if she knew something was about to happen.

He rested his hand over her side and ran his hand down her plush coat. Her purring intensified and her spine curled to mold against him. She seemed really happy.

But then her ears twitched and she got up. She moved a mere inch away and laid back down, her back still towards him.

Tamaki gave an apologetic chuckle. "Guess she got overstimulated already. Don't worry about it. Showing you her back means she trusts you."

Naruto frowned as he looked at Tamaki. "I can't pet her anymore?"

"I think it's best if you just let her come to you." Tamaki winked with a grin.

* * *

_"Dinner's ready!" His mom proudly exclaims from the kitchen._

_Naruto puts his homework down and kneels at the dining table. He eyes every dish. The shio-miso mackerel is blackened beyond recognition. The rice looks soggy. The only thing that looks edible is are pickled root vegetables, and their store-bought._

_That was the first dinner without their father._

_After a week of undercooked or overcooked meals and wasted groceries, they began to eat a diet of ready-made bento boxes from the convenience store. If it was microwaveable too, it went in their grocery basket._

_When they finally got sick of it, they began to eat solely at Ichiraku. They became steadfast friends with Ayame and her father who was the owner. But then eating out became untenable for their budget, and it was back to bento._

_He's ten when he finally realizes something is wrong with his mother._

_Their clothes are rarely clean, and when they are, they stay inside the dryer._

_The dishes sit in the sink for days at a time._

_She's always apologizing and saying she forgets, she forgets. She's home all day but somehow she forgets._

_He's sitting in front of the television. He can't focus on his homework because he's hungry. He goes into the kitchen and gets a frozen dinner. This might be his eleventh-hundred microwaved meal in a row, and as soon as his taste buds fail to register any flavor, he realizes this is a bullshit situation._

_His mother is with Mikoto right now. He could be there with her too, but he had to do his homework. He had to do the dishes and the laundry too, because it was becoming unsightly, because his mother shouldn't be wearing the same thing three days straight, and neither should he._

_He has to do the things his father used to do. He has to be the man of the house._

_And as the man of the house, his first order of business is throwing out all their frozen meals and bentos._

_Naruto ties off the trash and pulls it out of the can. Then he carries it over his shoulder, hobbles downstairs and makes it to the communal dumping spot where he deposits the bag._

_When he gets back inside, he runs into his bedroom and pulls out his Gamabunta ceramic bank. He takes out the plastic plug and shakes out all of his savings. Something else falls out. A picture of what he's been saving up for: the same brand of knuckle dusters he used to beat up Hinata's bullies._

_It didn't work in their favor that they had taunted him and called him 'Swirly'._

_Itachi said he had to confiscate them after detaining him at the local police box. It hurt to lose them, especially when he had used them exactly how he was told to._

_Lance Corporal Asuma told him to use them to protect others. And that's what he did._

_He had put the picture in there like a good luck charm. Also because he would have forgotten the exact type and brand they were._

_Naruto sighed to himself as he scooped his savings and shoved them into his pockets._

_He walked out of the apartment and headed for the nearest grocery store._

_When his mom came back from her visit, she was greeted with a home-cooked meal._

* * *

Naruto's next stop was at the community college art store where Ino and Sai worked.

They showed him around. The register has hand-made knick-knacks and behind it is a bookshelf containing subscription magazines and the like.

Across from the register are easels of varying size. Then a shelf over are the canvases, some hard and some cloth. Behind that shelf are the paints. Across from that is a shelf of paint brushes and palette knives, to turpentine and what-have-you.

Next are the sketching tools. There's charcoal, willow sticks, conte crayon, oil pastels and regular pastels, drafting pencils and various types of erasers. Then T-squares and triangles, stencils, and graphic paper.

The deeper he goes in, the deeper the art supply smell becomes. It's hard to describe. It's like fresh rain and rubber. It's like an old book that's never been opened. It's like freshly whittled wood.

He's also shown the inks, the paper drawer full of enormous sheets for life drawing, the paper cutter above the drawer, the other bookshelves, the clays and super-sculpties, the vast array of color pencils and markers… it's just a lot. It's almost way worse than a library where the only thing indicating he's moved from Mystery to True Crime is from the stupid signage sticking out of the bookcases.

Ino stood behind the counter. She's hunched over with her face in her palms. "I guess… go ahead and clean? Or try to stock anything from the backroom."

"Sure."

They said he could talk to the manager once the man comes in to ask him for work.

Naruto figured if he got a feel for the place now, the guy would be impressed enough to bypass the formal interview.

* * *

It's been four hours and it's dead quiet. Only a few students have shuffled in and out of here, and Naruto quickly found out there was nothing to do.

Taking a pile of newsprint from the backroom to the paper drawer, Naruto happened upon something really, really unexpected.

First, there was giggling.

But it wasn't your innocent sort of giggling.

Naruto snuck through the aisle then stopped short of the paintbrushes. Peeking his head around the corner, he found Sai was kneeling down before Ino. Her jean skirt was unbuttoned halfway up her thighs, and he was running the edge of a thin synthetic paintbrush along her inner thigh.

"Does it feel good?" Sai said.

Ino nodded. "That feels _really_ good."

Sai leaned in and kissed her thigh and Ino shivered.

_Gross._

Naruto quietly retreated behind the shelf.

Deciding to help save both their faces, he went into the backroom and called out from there.

"Hey, guys. I don't think that old man's coming, huh?"

He waited for a response.

Ino cleared her throat. "Doesn't seem like it! Maybe next time?"

Naruto exited the backroom and when he appeared before them, Ino turned her back towards him. But from here he could see how red her ears were. Sai was as nonplussed as ever.

"That's alright, actually. This place doesn't seem like it needs a third person, y'know? Thanks, though!"

He left the art store, and its two kinky cashiers behind.

_I bet she has a collection of feathers back home._

* * *

_He's twelve when he comes home from school._

_His body's been betraying him lately. Especially after seeing Hinata during swim class. She's gotta be three whole cups right now. None of his classmates have matured in the slightest, not yet at least._

_He'd really like to go to his bedroom and think about her, but he can't._

_He's got to make dinner and do his homework before his mother gets off her part-time job at the convenience store._

_He keeps telling her to stop bringing snacks home. He can't believe she's so impulsive._

_But he loves her._

_Even when this is the first thing he hears when she gets home._

_The door swings open. She lets out an aggravated sigh as she takes off her shoes. The way they clatter to the floor tells him she didn't even set them up nicely like he did with his._

_"That stupid bitch! Every night!"_

_'Every night.' is what Naruto thinks too. He's standing on a stool in front of the stove as he works the spatula beneath the egg batter. He's making curry omelette-rice. It's a double-KO of comfort and he knows it'll change her mood around._

_"What happened this time, mom?"_

_She picked up the job so she didn't have to be alone while he was at school. He didn't question it._

_"She called me a 'scorpion woman'! She always has some smart-ass thing to say to me!"_

_Naruto glanced over his shoulder._

_His mother started braiding her hair after they had teased her for it. After his mother seemed to get snagged on things no matter what she did, he suggested she put her hair inside the back of her shirt._

_His mother showed him what they meant. Her braid fell through the back of her shirt and it did look like a scorpion tail._

_These girls she works with are immature teens that keep picking on her, calling her granny-boy or chili-head or some such._

_She can't cut off her hair. It's an island tradition, one that represents longevity. Everyone else just thinks it's weird and unfashionable._

_"How about you try a bun next time?"_

_His mother scoffed. "Then I really will look like an Ama," She approached him from behind and wrapped her arms over his shoulders, her chest pressed to his back. "Baby, do I look older?"_

_This question again._

_Naruto turned towards his mother and studied her face. She laughed a lot, so naturally she'd get laugh lines first. He can see a hair-thin line around the corners of her mouth. Same with her eyes._

_But it's indiscernible, really._

_"You look fine, mom. You're still pretty."_

_"But do you think you're father will notice?"_

_Naruto bit down his tongue._

_What was the point of asking for his opinion if she needed someone else's validation more?_

_"You look the same, mom. I doubt he'll notice any difference."_

* * *

Naruto hoped his crew of friends would pay off eventually. He really needed something quick, like today.

Naruto finds himself outside of a local smoke shop, and when he enters, a warm sardonic grin greets him.

Naruto held out the flat of his fist. "Yo, Shikamaru."

"Naruto." Shikamaru tapped his knuckles against Naruto's. "The manager just left."

Naruto bent backwards at the waist, whining as he did so. "You've got to be kidding me! Lunch?"

"Nah. For the day."

Naruto dramatically collapsed onto his knees, curling his left arm over the counter while he pressed his forehead to the glass and pounded his right fist in half-hearted frustration.

"I told you. It's slow around here."

Naruto lifts his head and takes a look around.

Beneath him inside the case are various cigars. Behind Shikamaru is a wall of cigarettes stuffed inside a dispensing contraption. Pull one out from the bottom, and another carton falls back in place.

Left of the cigars are various smoking devices, from vapes to e-pens to tobacco burners for Hookah. On the shelves in the back are larger devices, such as the Hookah itself and bongs.

"Wanna hang out?" Shikamaru asked.

As if he hasn't done enough of that all year.

Naruto drummed his fingers along the glass.

"I need a job. Income. You might as well pay me to hang out with you since you didn't stall your boss long enough to meet me."

"Ouch. Hey, isn't how you have to see Hinata these days?"

Naruto's eyes widened. He stared at Shikamaru. "That's not funny," Naruto thought about his own words a moment ago, the irony that he should say them himself. "Sorry, Shikamaru."

"S'alright."

* * *

They're sitting in the back of the store and Shikamaru's refilling his vape. When he's done, he holds down the button for a few seconds. Then he puts it to his mouth and takes a long drag.

His chest stills as he holds the vapor in. Then releases it in a milky puff that resembles dry ice fog.

"Nothing tastes nearly as good as what I tried in Suna," Shikamaru passes the vape to Naruto, who gives it a go.

The flavor takes him aback before the nicotine suffuses his sinuses and kicks him straight in the brain.

He releases the white cloud, obscuring his vision for a second.

"Damn, that tastes like whiskey and chocolate." Naruto takes another drag.

"My girl got me hooked on clove cigarettes. But you can't import them. The tar level is so high that they're banned from entering the border, but they're freakin' good."

"Isn't that gonna kill ya faster?!" Naruto blurted out incredulously as he passed back the vape.

Shikamaru shrugged. "Might as well enjoy the ride," He looked at Naruto from the corner of his eye. "So I heard from Ino that you slept with Hinata."

Naruto folded over at the waist and hung his head between his knees. "Of course you did."

"Why? Was it a secret?"

"No. I dunno. But all of a sudden my priorities are all fucked up and I can't get them straight."

"Women'll do that to you. Like a cat walking a straight line on a shelf, they'll just knock over everything without even trying."

"Guess that's one way to put it." Naruto could imagine it. He could see this independent, self-absorbed creature nesting wherever they pleased simply because they wanted it at the moment. You can't hope for a cat to pick up what they broke, either.

"And the little fucker will lay down and stare at you like 'come at me bro', and those damn Gundamm models you spent days gluing together are broken on the floor."

Naruto lifted his head and gave his friend a deadpan look. "I'm going to hazard a guess here: Does Temari have a cat?"

Shikamaru opened his mouth, white fog emptying out like he were a seething dragon. "I hate it. I hope she never brings that devil when she gets here."

* * *

_It's two in the morning when he catches weird sounds coming from the bathroom. It's obscured by the fan._

_He gets out of bed and pokes his head out. A beam of yellow light is pouring out from beneath the bathroom door and he hears more of those sounds._

_His mother is crying._

_He knows why, too. His stomach sinks to the floor with guilt._

_He had screamed at her._

_She thought she heard a specific woman in the background during their last phone call. Some officer of their father's. His mother was ranting after the call concluded. She didn't trust that woman._

_But by extension that meant she didn't trust her husband, either._

_And Naruto couldn't take it anymore._

_But that was then._

_While he had time to cool off, she only got more upset, and he was responsible for her happiness as well as her unhappiness._

_He wasn't his father._

_He never would be._

* * *

He's meeting up with Sakura-chan.

She asked if they could go grab some milk tea down the street, saying she needs to power her brain with sugar.

There's quite the line in here. The moment they enter the door, they're already at the back.

"Man, this has to be the busiest place I've visited today." Naruto says.

Sakura threw him wily grin, her fingertips resting below her lips and he could almost hear her go 'Ufufufu'. "I heard you caught Sai and Ino together at work."

Naruto palmed his face. "And Shikamaru heard from Ino about Hinata."

"What do you expect? We're all friends, right? Friends talk."

But Hinata doesn't talk. And Hinata probably wouldn't appreciate being talked about. Even if it's amongst friends.

"Yeah, it's just… I dunno, we're all grown now and it's like…"

Sakura gave him a cold look. "It's like what? We should restrain ourselves? That's you military kid. But hell, you're not exactly the shining example of restraint, either. Nobody threw more fists than you, my friend. And nobody verbally drops the ball as much as you do, so…" Sakura ends her sentence with the snap of her fingers.

Naruto growls a sigh.

They're halfway to the register when Sakura spots something of interest.

"Hey dummy, they're hiring. How about you work here and make me free drinks?"

"You're such a brat." Naruto looks up at the enormous menu, and suddenly he's completely aware of the cashier's voice. She's yelling out orders to the crew in the back, and he can hear the automated shaking machines going crazy like the wheels of a chugging train.

"Taro slush, honey boba! Longan jujube, fifty percent, herbal jelly!"

"I need a Matcha milk cap, a hundred-twenty percent!"

"Lavender with cheese foam and red bean, fifty percent!"

"Rose tea with coconut milk! Tiramisu to-go!"

"Dairy-free chai, seventy percent! Mini-pack of macarons to-go!"

"Three Royals with crystal! Two orders of Screaming O fries!"

Naruto was reminded of that time he was so desperate to pass an exam that he let Sakura literally bang his head with the flat of a textbook over and over while she recited knowledge back to him. He thought he could absorb the material faster that way. He was wrong.

But the massive headache he got from it bought him more time to study.

"There's no way I could memorize all of this." He muttered.

"Hmph. If only you were as smart as me, huh?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm gonna ask your boyfriend to spank you extra hard today."

Sakura's face pinkened to the point that she matched her hair.

"H-H-H-He told you about that?!"

Naruto's mouth pulled high into his cheeks. "Friends talk, remember?"

* * *

Sakura was steaming, both in irritation and mortification, as she sipped on her fruit tea lest she go off on a violent rant.

Naruto called up Sasuke and put him on speaker.

"Hey man. Do the police have jobs for high school grads?"

**"Mm… Aniki could always use you in a sting operation."**

"Huh? Really?" Would they let him conceal and carry if shit got bad?

**"He can't guarantee your safety though."**

Naruto leaned back in his chair. "I did better than you at the range last time."

**"Wh- Dude, I was kidding. They'd have to arrest you first if you pulled that shit."**

"Oh." _That's boring._

**"Yeah. 'Oh'. Idiot."**

"Fuck you."

Sasuke chuckled over the line.** "Why don't you try Choji's family restaurant?"**

Naruto placed his cheek in his palm. "Dude, that place is so busy. I've gotta, y'know… keep up my 'stamina'?"

There was a pause.** "You're seeing Hinata again so soon?"**

That earned Naruto an inquisitive look from Sakura. Suddenly she forgot what she was mad about and was all ears for this conversation.

"I sent her an apology text before I passed out last night… I haven't gotten a text back, though." Naruto rubbed at his forehead. She's been there all day, sitting in the back of his mind. She was beginning to leave him downright queasy.

**"Aren't you on the edge here? You're really going to be thinking with your dick at a time like this?"**

"Nevermind. Thanks." Naruto picked up his phone and tapped to end call. He let his phone clatter atop the table as he sank his face in his palms. After a while, he could feel keen eyes boring into him. Naruto peeked up from his fingertips to find Sakura with neutral expression that barely veiled the wry curiosity underneath.

"Well, this is something Sasuke hadn't told me. Are… you two seeing each other now?"

The warmth that rose up into his face only left him feeling cold in his stomach. Even his fingers felt like ice now.

"It's complicated."

Sakura nearly dropped her tea. "Oh my god, you are not."

Naruto groaned as he hid like an ostrich behind the shield of his hands. "Shaddup. It's not a big deal."

"Don't you fucking minimize, dummy! Of course it's a big deal!" Sakura was speechless for a moment. She tapped her fingernail along the plastic seal of her cup as she gathered her thoughts. "Holy crap, so it's finally happened. You guys are-"

"Not an item."

Sakura's brow pinched. "Eh?"

"Like I said, 'it's complicated'."

"Oh, that's complete bull. You know what that fucking term means? 'I'm in limbo, please send help'," Sakura reassessed her friend's lack of reaction, the way he boldly stared at her, and the truth settled in. Sakura sank against the back of her chair. "Oh. Oh."

"Yeah. 'Oh'."

Sakura frowned sadly at him. "... So, how are you going to un-complicate it?"

"I dunno. I really don't. It'd be great if she'd text me back."

Sakura's frown deepened. "Maybe she's already un-complicated it for you."

Naruto slammed his palms against the cast iron armrests. "Fuck! Don't tell me that! You think I wanna hear that?!"

Sakura gave him a sobering look. "You know I'm always going to tell you things you don't wanna hear, Naruto."

"Well then, why would you think that?!"

"Because that sweet girl is shit at confrontation. You think this ghosting trend isn't a godsend for someone like her? Now she can do it and say it's perfectly normal."

Yeah, as if he didn't already know that.

"Sasuke told me she's an 'untreated social-phobe'. I said that's something you would say."

Sakura sighed, shaking her head as she touched her forehead. "That's not even a word! I swear, sometimes he's just a pretty face and that's it. This is where Eidetic Memory falls short of intelligence! He can remember anything at a glance, but he'll never look into what it all actually means!"

Even when she's complaining about her lifelong crush, she can't stop talking about him. "Sakura-chan. Focus."

"Right, right, right…" Sakura stirred the ice in her tea. "Okay. So this is where I disagree with Sasuke's assessment. The only person I _ever, ever_ saw her talk to was you."

"Yeah?" Naruto shrugged. "Sasuke said I was her crutch. And that wasn't entirely my intention because I didn't think she was that bad off, but-"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You boys always look for something extra that isn't there. Hinata is generally unsociable. That's it. She's a sweet girl, she is, but she only found _you_ to be worth her time. I mean, that's fine though. Girls just wanna chase love, and they chase it hard. Fuck everyone else. I don't blame her."

Something Sakura just said wasn't quite getting through to him. It was like a hammer trying to force a nail into his thick skull.

"What do you mean 'chase love'?"

Sakura shrugged and took a long sip of her tea.

"I mean, I can't imagine it being anything else."

* * *

Sakura-chan's mislead him before. He has a hard time leaning into the things she says, even if she's speaking in her 'clinically unbiased' voice. If anything, she's got to be the most biased of all to come to that conclusion.

Her two loves were Sasuke and studying, after all. In that order.

Assuming Hinata thinks exactly like her is just plain hopeful at best.

It's seven in the evening.

Today was a bust.

Naruto decided to hole himself up in the last seat inside Ichiraku, away from the entrance and the other customers.

He's scrolling through a hiring website but is feeling pessimistic about his options.

He glances up and peers into the kitchen on the other side of the bar. There's six people working in tandem, throwing down noodles, scooping out broth, arranging the toppings into appetizing displays.

The owner's daughter is the manager, and at this point, she's become something of a family friend.

Ayame drops off a fresh glass cola and takes his empty one away. His bowl is devoid of noodles and toppings, it's just the broth.

"Want a refill on your noodles?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

Ayame addresses the kitchen with a shout. "Kaedama!"

The kitchen responded back in unison with the same call. "Kaedama!"

Naruto's phone buzzes to life.

**Dad calling…**

"Shit," Naruto swiped to answer and put the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

**"Calling to check in on your progress. How's it going?"**

Naruto pressed his forehead to the butt of his palm. One of the cooks placed a small bowl of fresh noodles over the bar and Naruto nodded in thanks as he took the bowl and dumped the noodles into his current bowl.

"Today's no good, but tomorrow looks promising." What a vague thing to say. But he hoped tomorrow came through for him. Naruto picked up his cola and took a sip.

**"Are you going to be alright after the security deposit?"**

Naruto choked on his soft drink. "... I forgot about that."

Minato's voice took a sharp turn. **"Do you know how much it is?"**

"..."

**"How about the amenities?"**

"Well, they're not due until-"

**"Naruto," **His dad sighed.** "You have to stop service and then start a new service under your name."**

"What?"

**"Those require deposits, too."**

"_What_?"

Minato sighed with even more exasperation.** "What have you been doing the past year?"**

What has he been doing the past year?

Naruto grimaced as he recalled the road trips with friends, the day-drinking and the movie nights. He's gone to some local shows downtown, and challenged Sasuke at the gun range many times.

They once rallied the boys together to play airsofting at a field outside of city limits. Him and Sasuke carried the team hard.

And when everyone happened to be busy all at the same time and 'little_bird' had been offline, his last resort to pass the time had been porn. Lots and lots of porn.

**"You had plenty of time to get this all figured out."**

Somehow with every word, Naruto felt like he was de-aging to the point that he was seven years old again.

He sank down into corner.

"'m sorry."

**"So you're really not prepared for this at all? What's this charge, by the way? I saw it this morning. Sixteen-hundred ryo? What was that for?"**

Naruto pulled the phone a little ways from his ear. That charge was pending up until now it seemed. He steadied his breath put the phone to his ear.

"I uhh, went on a date the other day. We bought a lot of food and watched a few movies…"

All this evading was making him sick. And the utter white-washing of what he really spent his father's money on didn't help the queasiness either.

His father was quiet.

**"I think you should come home."**

Naruto's left hand curled into a fist so tight his fingernails bit into his palm. "I'll figure it out." He bit out.

**"Naruto. Enough. It's not the end-"**

"I'll figure it out." Naruto spoke over his father.

**"-of the world-" **And his father raised his voice just a bit higher.

"I'll figure it out." Naruto one-upped his father's volume.

**"You had your year-" Minato got louder.**

"I'll figure it out!" Naruto got louder.

**"It's time to grow up-!"**

Naruto tapped the red button and ended the call. He wasn't going to get into a shouting match right now.

Glancing at the other patrons and their unsettled stares, Naruto knew he might as well have been in one.

Naruto glared daggers at his darkened phone screen. He gripped it so hard, he swore he could crack the screen with his thumb.

_'Grow up?!'_

Those six years came flooding back to him. Six years of grooming himself into his father's replacement, of anticipating his mom's needs and forgoing his own.

And when he hadn't wanted to leave but he couldn't put up with it anymore, he finally said: 'Let's go back to Dad.'

They had stationed him back in Uzushio and it seemed like the best thing for his mother who didn't seem to fit in here any more than he did.

He hated seeing her broken-hearted, even if it was all in her mind.

He didn't have any proof for her, only words.

His words seemed to matter less and less as the years went on.

There wasn't any point anymore. He was tired of the effort when there was no reward.

So when they finally saw Staff Sergeant Namikaze Minato again, his father had ruffled his hair and asked him if he was really okay leaving his friends behind.

He lied.

It wasn't okay.

But he was tired.

He lied a second time, for his mother's sake.

He told his father what a good job she did being a single mother. And he told his father that he wasn't a little kid anymore, he was fifteen and needed to look to the future.

That made him smile. That made him proud.

So when Naruto graduated at the ripe age of nineteen, his father had asked him a loaded question: 'What do you want to do now?'

That time he had been perfectly honest.

He wanted to see his friends again.

But now his year was practically over.

_"What do you want to do now?"_

_"It's time to grow up-!"_

_"What do you want to do now?"_

_"You had your year-"_

_"What do you want to do now?"_

_"I think you should come home."_

His father's voice replays inside his head ad nauseum, until entirely body feels like a tightly wound coil.

There's heat building in his fist that needs to get out, and even long after he hung up, he wants his father to shut up. Because he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Naruto's arm whipped forward and his knuckles impacted the sturdy wood of the bar.

A hush fell over the restaurant. Chopsticks and soup spoons clattered in their bowls. And dozens of eyes settled over him.

Naruto ignored them.

He put his phone away and pulled out his wallet. Then fished out the rough amount and threw it down on the bar.

He got up to leave.

He could see Ayame's concerned gaze from the corner of his eye.

"Sorry about that."

He lifted the crimson _noren_ cloth and disappeared into the river of the city life.

* * *

_He's thirteen and this is the first time he's expressed himself in a long, long time._

_It comes out like a bundle of dynamite as soon as he roars and cracks his knuckles against the brick wall._

_Over and over again._

_"DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!"_

_There's blood on the brick. It's imperceptible against the deep red, but it shines in an oozy sort of way._

_His chest heaves and he feels like he's breathing fire._

_His knuckles sting and ache. They're scraped open. Smooth pale bone surrounded by spongy rings of red. Bits of stone are embedded in his skin, but he doesn't care._

_'Why does mom have to be sad?! I don't understand! I'm doing so much, aren't I?!'_

_Naruto strikes at the brick again._

_This hole in his chest has been increasing steadily over the years, threatening to take him whole._

_He always digs his heels in when the pull feels especially strong._

_Right now the pull is stronger than ever._

_It's telling him he'll never measure up._

_It's telling him to quit fooling himself._

_It's telling him he's nothing._

_There's movement in his right periphery and his heart jumps out of his chest._

_He's startled her as well._

_Two big, pale eyes watch him from behind the edge of the doorway. She's quiet. She's always quiet. But then sometimes she surprises him._

_"U,Uhm… th,they say that s,saliva is a c,coagulant."_

_'What an odd thing to say.' He muses warmly._

_Naruto then glances down at his busted knuckles and he approaches her._

_"That's something only you would know, huh, Hinata?" He held his hand towards her face, offering his bloodied knuckles to her tiny mouth. "Well, go on. You said saliva is a coagulant, right?"_

_Her face explodes in bright pink. "A,Ah wait, wait! N,No, I shouldn't! It's s,still too risky!"_

_"Bet your mouth is cleaner than mine." He murmured._

_Her cheeks deepen. She steps out of the doorway, then cradles his hand in her own. She's holding it so carefully, as if he were made of glass. To be honest, he was feeling like glass not too long ago._

_Her brows knit and the thick fan of her eyelashes flutter closed._

_The tip of her tongue darts out and she licks the blood from his middle knuckle._

_So warm. So soft. So pretty._

_Her pure pink lips, which normally resemble cherry blossom petals, now have been contaminated. His blood dots her top lip and is smeared across her bottom lip, and she almost looks like she's in heat._

_He wonders if kissing her enough will get her lips that red. He wonders if biting them enough will do._

* * *

Naruto's standing in front of an ATM.

He's got his phone out, too.

They say raising a child on average is twenty-three hundred ryo from birth to age seventeen. They say the annual cost is forty-six hundred.

The ATM will only let him take out twenty-nine hundred at a time, so…

"That's too many fucking ATMs..." But he's going to see how much he can get before it's too late.

He doesn't know why, but he can't help but check his right flank, then his left before inserting his debit card.

He doesn't know how much he needs for the apartment, but he knows how much is owed to him.

If he's hated for this, so be it. His year isn't over just yet.

* * *

His wallet can barely fold close with the thousands he has stuffed in there. His other pocket is sporting a hefty wad, too. Good thing his joggers have zip-up pockets, or he might be chasing his money down the street by now.

His neighborhood comes into view.

So does the old park that he used to go running in.

He kind of hates the sight of it.

He thinks about the little boy he used to be. Thinks about how that little boy turned out. Thinks about his father's imminent disappointment in him. Because that little boy was supposed to be somebody at his age. That little boy was supposed to be his spitting image.

A slinky black body emerges from beneath the bench facing the swing-set.

Naruto watches the cat scurry for the far end of the field. Doing so, it passes between the swings, and Naruto stops cold in his tracks.

Because there she is.

Alone on the swing.

Just like how he first met her.

Her long dark hair stops at the base of her spine, her thin white fingers are wrapped around the chain, and she's sitting so still.

It's hard to breathe.

His palms slick with cold sweat.

Naruto marches up to her with quiet steps.

He stands beside her, and she turns her head up to face him.

Her large, pale eyes stare at him. Unblinkingly.

"You didn't reply." He said.

"... You had nothing to apologize for." Her voice is a melody that he feels like he hasn't heard in years.

"You could've texted me that."

Her gaze falls away. Her head drops down and she's staring at the tips of her suede ankle boots. She's tapping the toes together just like she did back then.

"Did you hope I'd be here?" He asked.

She nodded.

"... since two."

Naruto took a step closer.

"'Since two'? Hold up… You waited that long? Why?" He crouched down and looked up at her. He realizes now that her face always did give him a sense of serenity.

Her cheeks turn pink but she's still staring down.

She doesn't shrug him off this time. But she's not saying anything either.

"You hungry? I'm a decent cook. I promise you won't be disappointed." He grins up at her, holding his breath.

She responds with a curt nod, and it's like she's kicked over the jar of butterflies in his stomach. They're dancing around like crazy.

He offers her his hand and she takes it.

They're at the bottom of the stairwell when the same slinky black cat from earlier scampers across the road towards the apartment complex.

It disappears inside the evergreen shrubs lining the left side of the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guess this really didn't go as planned lol. Thank you everyone for the job suggestions! I'll still be seeing what I can work into the story.
> 
> Okay, so IRL daily withdrawal limit is a thing. What I did in the story is not an RL thing. I'm an adult, so I should've known that, but I'm like a bare minimum adult lol.
> 
> So I portrayed he had a lot of money on him, but didn't specify. I wanted it to be that he actually took out the max limit at six ATMs before he felt like he had enough. But that doesn't align with IRL business practice, therefore it's not realistic. Lesigh…
> 
> Fantasy! Feel free to suspend your disbelief! Or I can just come up with new explanation next chapter. @_@ Like he got denied at the second ATM and decided to try doing cash back at multiple convenience stores?


	9. I Want You To Be Happier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update, 4/17/2020: THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN SOMEWHAT REVISED.

_Hinata steps out of the dressing room. It's late morning and she would like to spend her time elsewhere if she can help it._

_She shuts the door with stealth, like a teen sneaking out from under their parents' noses._

_Soon as she reaches the bottom and rounds the banister, her breath catches._

_The manager, Kabuto, is at the bar. He's holding the same high rye bourbon from last night and he's inspecting the liquor with delicate whiffs of his nose._

_He then turns towards her with that deceptively pleasant smile._

_She trusts Mei. But him, she could take or leave._

_"So glad I didn't miss you," He said. "Uraki-san called, he said he'd like to spend time with you prior to the club's opening. How does noon outside the Matsuko Hotel sound?" His brows lowered as did his chin, and the way he looked at her told her there was only one choice: Go on the date._

_Hinata's hands moved to clutch the maxi-skirt she was wearing and she forced air into her lungs._

_"S,Sure," She nodded stiffer than a corpse. "I,I'll go get… ready for him…" Hinata turned around and retreated back up the stairs._

_She spent the next several minutes coordinating an outfit, one that matched both the modesty of daytime and the garish Hostess look._

_She's been wondering, searching, digging to understand what really happened last night. Why did she blank on something so serious, so reprehensible?_

_She shimmies into a pale tan snakeskin pencil skirt and has chosen an elegant high neck top. It's burgundy with a keyhole cut-out. On a wispier girl, this would look truly elegant. But the drape-y cloth pulls tightly over her breasts, and her eyes can't help but zone in on her audacious cleavage._

_Her eyes water inexplicably. Her chest tightens._

_She hates this. She doesn't feel attractive, she feels like she might as well be a balled-up napkin doused in glitter._

_When her resolve begins to shake, she forms her lips into an 'o' and takes in a long breath. She releases it slowly, and takes it in again._

_And again._

_And again._

_But her mind still drifts back to last night._

_Her own trick backfiring against her._

_Everyone is disgusted with her, her own reflection multiplied and surrounding her, sneering at her._

_'I feel upset. But why? You're a grown woman. This is what adults do. This is what men and women do. What about this still bothers you?'_

_She's been reframing her sexuality, her negative experiences with men and strangers, with herself, and she's been working on it so hard, to turn it into something she can admire in the rearview_.

_But she lost control._

_She'll never have control._

_Fallen leaves don't choose where they land. They don't choose where they decompose._

_The dressing room is at it brightest during this time of day. Natural light floods in from the outside world. The sidewalk is sparse with pedestrians. This isn't peak hours, after all._

_And with nothing better to do and no way out, she goes through the date in her mind._

_In some way, perhaps she can regain control by schooling her expectations._

_They'll meet outside the Matsuko Hotel. She'll catch her reflection in the windows. She'll see how she and this thirty-two year old businessman pair together. His sharp eyes appraise her in secret behind his full-frame glasses. She'll look decent enough to be on his arm..._

_From beyond the dressing room windows, the loud chugging of a large vehicle rushing by fills the room._

_In her mind a large, black SUV pulls up beside her and Uraki-san._

_The passenger door opens. Uraki-san helps her inside. She settles in and the door closes._

_Tingles buzz throughout her body in pulsing waves._

_Her eyelids droop half-closed._

_Her hands stopped moving._

_The tingling doesn't stop._

_She's shrinking down. The vanities enlarge. The ceiling rises higher. The room seems to swell around her. The furniture wobbles like grass swaying in the wind, and she's a stone pillar, weather-worn and pock-marked.  
_

_She's shrinking. Tighter and smaller. And smaller and smaller. Into a pebble._

_The shadows slide down the room as the sun moves towards its zenith. It's less bright._

_'Moveee yourrr heaaad.' It's her voice talking to her, but it's not at the same time. This voice sounds like it's got a hand around their throat. It echoes cavernously in her skull._

_She moves her head._

_Her surroundings stutter and lag. It's like a double-negative photograph, except the colors are almost cartoonishly saturated._

_The shadows slide upwards as the sun passes its zenith. The dressing room is dimmer than before._

_The digital clock on the furthest vanity reads 'one'._

_Then it reads 'one two'._

_Then it's 'one two four'._

_It's 'one two four six'._

_The digital clock on the furthest vanity reads 'one three one.'_

_'Oneee threee oneee…'_

_One thirty-one._

_She blinks._

_It's 2:09 PM._

_No. No, it was 1:31._

_Hinata blinks again._

_Air floods her body._

_It's not 1:31, it's not 12:46… it's 10:03. That's when Kabuto told her about the date. She has less than two hours to show up._

_It's 2:09 PM. That's what the clock says._

_Her lips wobble._

_It's happened again and she doesn't even understand what happened._

_You don't just travel forward in two blinks._

_A man's hand cannot pass through your body like a phantom._

_Her hands hover up shakily. She clasps them across her chest. She can't think about that now._

_She draws a shaky breath as she reaches up to undo her top._

_What she's concerned about doesn't matter anymore._

_She stood up her own client._

_A complaint might be made about her._

_She doesn't want to put up with that._

* * *

_She's changed into more comfortable clothes: an oversized cream-colored tee and mauve sweatpants._

_They're more 'her'._

_When she exits the dressing room, she hears noise down below and her heart begins to hammer._

_She hugs the wall. She tip-toes down step by step._

_In the back of her mind, she knows she's behaving unreasonably. She's an adult. Kabuto will treat her like one should he be disappointed by her failing a client._

_But then again, she's costed him money. The poison of currency changes people. She doesn't trust having a pleasant conversation when money's at stake._

_She could make up for it, but that establishes her subordinate position further. She'll become even more beneath him than she is being his employee by promising or begging to make up for it._

_She won't do it._

_Opposite of where the club opens up at the foot of the stairs is the shallow corridor leading to the restrooms and the emergency exit._

_She reaches the door._

_A shard of sunlight pours in and she's home free._

_She rounds the building, darts through the alleyway, and disappears through the crowds. _

_She marches straight for the train station._

_She's scared she'll disappear again at any moment._

_Her body will stay behind. Unprotected. That much is sure._

_How many times will this keep happening?_

_The fear feels like hundreds of inoculation needles stabbing her stomach. It's gouging her. Taking chunks out as they're removed. And the process starts again. A little higher this time, a little deeper._

_Is this affliction truly involuntary?_

_The last thing she remembered was the SUV that she disappeared inside of._

_But that didn't really happen._

_She stood in the same spot for four hours._

* * *

_Hinata didn't know where else to go._

_Her parents have sold her childhood home and she'd rather not make use of their 'guest room', let alone step foot in it._

_Who knows what a blacklight might reveal should she feel like humiliating them back._

_Hiashi and Hitsuna are merely people who hold the title parent but failed to earn it._

_But perhaps if it weren't for her mother, she wouldn't have met him._

_She remembers this park. These benches. That swing._

_This neighborhood is swarming with stray cats. It wasn't always this way._

_She hasn't been here in, perhaps, six years?_

_She takes a seat on the swing._

_She's much too big. It's jarring to think she ever fit on this seat at all. She pictures her child self standing beside her, comparing their shoe size._

_'Look,' She giggles lightly. 'That's a huge difference.'_

_Hinata stands up. She reaches up to touch the bar. It rests against the center of her fingers._

_Her child self is reaching up too but struggling. She's about as high as her waist, and her reach stops short of her chest._

_A stray cat emerged from the left side of the park. It was orange and tabby-striped but had a white chest and a bobtail._

_Her child self took notice of it._

_The cat began to scamper away and little Hinata ran off after it._

_Hinata collapses onto the swing._

_She's not going to think about her symptoms this time. She doesn't want to languish in recalling her episode. It is perhaps the hyper-attentiveness that caused her to fade from reality._

_She isn't sure._

_But if she ends up leaving her body behind again, at least she will be in his care._

* * *

His apartment is quaint. A simple 1LDK, with a tiny living room, a tiny dining room and a tiny kitchen. Sitting at the kotatsu, she glanced to her right and looks at what she can see of his bedroom. It also looks rather shallow.

In a word, it's functional. Perfectly suitable for a bachelor. The type of home where you know who's where and what they're doing in one step.

He had gone to his bedroom first. She caught him emptying his pockets into an aluminum chest. She had heard him move aside something heavy and metallic before shutting it tight and sliding it back beneath his bed.

He's putting around in the kitchen behind her and she turns around on her knees to watch him.

She decides to get up because she's out of practice.

She enters the kitchen and crouches down next to him, opening cabinets in search of the rice cooker. She pulls out a clear plastic rice-washing basin. It has a draining spout at one end with slits to catch the grains.

"You wanna help out?" He says, his voice pitching high at the end.

Her face warms as she nods.

She finds the rice cooker after her third try and places it atop the counter.

"Rice dispenser is over there."

Hinata follows the direction of his finger. There's a cute little white dispenser against the wall. It's plain and rectangular and reminds her of the same plastic on old computer monitors from the nineties. It's kind of scuffed around the edges and has a slew of faded stickers along the side. The dispenser has three buttons for how much weight to dispense.

She presses the third button. Rice fills the sliding canister like a landfill of sprinkles clinking happily against the plastic, and when it's full, she pulls it out.

Adding the grains into the washing basin, she puts it under the sink faucet and turns it on.

Naruto is chopping up garlic. She catches him glancing at her occasionally. She ducks behind the curtain of her hair and begins swishing the rice beneath the running water with her hand.

The water turns milky as the surface starches release from the grains.

The sounds of the kitchen fall over her like a cozy spell. The repetitive shucking sound of the knife slicing then ending with a tap against the cutting board. The water rushing, flowing, dripping. The rice shushing between her fingers.

She feels so calm in this atmosphere. It's almost unreal.

Naruto scrapes the garlic aside into a dipping bowl. He opens the fridge beside him and pulls out a package of chicken thighs.

Hinata watches him go through the sequence of fat-trimming and portioning out long cuts of meat. Her gaze moves towards the molding and she sees a small row of spices, and three bottles of varying sizes: one soy sauce, one mirin, and one cooking oil.

The water is as clear it will get and since it's not a nabe pot, she won't be soaking the rice for thirty minutes.

She drains half the water then adds the contents into the rice pot. She dares to peek at him. His silhouette is strong, angular, intense, but his attention to his work gives him a softness she's only so rarely seen. But she never forgot those instances.

Maybe that's when she began to fall for him.

His blue eyes dart in her direction and heat suffuses her body.

"You spacing out there, Hinata?" He smirks a little. But the way his brows pinch make him look rather sad.

She shakes her head. "Saké." She replies.

A blond eyebrow quirks up. "What for?"

"To flavor the rice."

Naruto finishes the last strip and puts the knife down. "Does it really make it taste better?" He brushes past her to wash his hands. "Hey, can you take out my mini wok? It's in the fourth cabinet."

Hinata opens the cabinet and searches for the correct item. There's a complete set down here of stovetop cookware. And in the way back is an eight-inch wooden-handle wok, a third the size of a professional standard wok. It's really cute.

Hinata puts it on the stove.

Naruto's right hand rests against her shoulder and his lips press against the top of her hair.

Then he goes back to his side of the kitchen.

Hinata's hands are trembling as she covers the rice pot. She plugs the cord into the outlet and pushes down the cooking switch.

Her chest is pounding, delight and anxiety spinning around in her head.

She didn't even have time to react.

* * *

Steam is billowing from the rubber-lined hole in the rice pot cover. The smell of fresh hot rice adds another layer of comfort. It's as good as fresh-baked bread or a cotton blanket fresh from the dryer. It's almost as good as his hand wrapped around hers.

She watches Naruto flip the garlic in the crackling oil.

She can't help but smile and wonder when he found the time to get this good.

She knows why Naruto never moved away sooner. It was his parents' decision to give him a stable childhood. By the time you're fifteen, you're more or less considered an adult. Just an adult without any of the legal privileges.

Whether that played a factor in his moving away, she doesn't know.

But she recalls one of the last times they spoke to each other.

He had caught her in the school library after classes, reading one of her books in the dozy sunset.

She remembers how discomfited he had looked to begin with.

_"So, I'm thinking I might not go to high school. I'll have to start working, maybe even a lot and…" He says fast and hurried._

_She honestly didn't know where he was going with this._

_"... I was thinking you could start working too, it might be good for you and-"_

_Hinata shut her book and he shut his mouth._

_"Why?" She said. He wanted her to skip high school? To work early like some pregnant teen? How would any of that have been good for her?_

_Naruto ducked his head down, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "It was… just an idea…"_

_"An idea for what?" The only times she doesn't stammer is when her negativity is particularly strong. Even coming from him, she still feels put off and belittled by his suggestion. 'Good for her?' As much as she adores him, he never stops pushing this narrative over her._

_She's sure she's just fine. She doesn't like a lot of things normal people like, but so what? Who is she hurting by being this way?_

_His eyes shut closed. He slumped face-down over the thick table and he was still for a good minute or two._

_"Nothing. Nevermind." He mumbled against the lacquered wood._

_He then got up in a sudden motion, making sure she never saw his face as he left her to her own devices._

_The following day he had announced that he was leaving Tokonoha._

* * *

The chicken is caramelizing in the soy sauce and brown sugar mixture. It's a poor man's teriyaki sauce, taking into account that he's missing cornstarch and honey to hold it together.

He picks up a dipping bowl much like the one used to hold the garlic, but this one has finely sliced peri-peri peppers. Bright red and dangerous, almost like his mother.

"You good with spice?" He asks.

"Mm-hm."

He takes his cooking chopsticks and pushes about half of the peppers into the batch.

He flips the wok a few times. He then picks up a piece of chicken and bites it, humming in approval. "Here," He holds it out towards her and she takes a bite too. Her tongue tingles from the assault of umami and salt and spice. And her eyes water.

Because it is very good. But a touch cloying at the end.

"Think it needs anything else?" He asks.

The rice cooker flip switches off with a muffled click.

Hinata gives it some thought.

She then scoots past him and picks up the mirin vinegar. She bumps him out of the way of the stove, and adds a calculated splash over the chicken.

When she's done, she looks up at him. And he's smiling. He breaks out into his kitsune-like grin.

"That's what I was thinking."

* * *

Naruto puts the chicken on a plate.

She makes two bowls of rice.

He stares at the extra bowl, blinks with bemusement and offers a lopsided smile.

He had already eaten, but he sure wouldn't want to miss out on a home dinner with Hinata.

They walk into the living room.

They kneel down at his kotatsu and clasp their hands together, chopsticks at the ready.

"Itadakimasu."

* * *

Naruto noticed something as soon as she had entered the kitchen with him. Kissing her hair had been both an urge and an excuse to confirm his observation: she was wearing perfume.

But it wasn't the same girlish, mild scent she wore for him two days ago.

It was deeper, sultry. The kind he expected on an older woman.

Envy clutched like a fist around his heart, and the disquieted queasiness arises steadily in his stomach.

There's no doubt older men go to her for company. So there's no doubt she has to make herself appear as mature as them, to suit their preferences. She may have the tender looks of a nubile twenty year old, but they're not interested in a mere girl with the experience and disposition of one.

_I wanna ask but…_

She can't have a boyfriend due to her work. Whether she rejected him because of her job or because she genuinely isn't interested in playing in the realm of feelings with him, he doesn't know, and because of he can't even ask. Can't even make the demand.

At first he thought she was scared, and maybe there's some of that too, because he keeps freaking himself out every now and then.

But after talking it out the other day, and giving himself a goal outside of getting with her, he's really trying to give her time and space. He's trying to bite his tongue and let her flourish on her own.

If this hostess thing is a way for her to find herself or understand herself, so be it. He can't contain her just because he sucks at sharing.

Even if they were together, what fun would that be for her? She would definitely run away and never look back.

Naruto finishes his rice. He saves most of the chicken for her since he already ate, and sounds like she didn't at all today.

He taps his thumbs to each finger in a constant sequence, from forefinger to pinky and back again. He peeks at her every so often. Seeing her in that attire almost gives him the sense that they really are a couple enjoying a lazy day.

Naruto checks the time on the microwave. 8:44 PM.

"So, uhh… when does your shift start?"

She presses the tips of her chopsticks to her lips, and he can't look away from their softness.

"... I'm afraid… being a hostess is no longer viable."

If the past two days have been as overcast as his mood, then the skies have finally parted and sunlight rushed down to fill the room.

He can't contain his grin.

Naruto leans against the table, cheek in his hand.

"Oh? Why's that?"

She set her utensils down and she shrugs. He swears she's never been this ambivalent before he moved, but he reminds himself to be patient with her.

_She's in a rut. Slow down. Give her time._

"... I s,stood up a client."

Naruto's jaw shifts to the side. His fingers curl half-closed against his cheek. _That explains the perfume._ His gaze slopes down the side, away from her.

Is there some double standard here or something? These guys can go on a date with her, but he can't? Does anything make sense anymore?

Naruto rubbed the skin between his brows. _I'm doing it again. She didn't go. That's all that matters here. The date didn't happen._

"Okay, so what does that mean? You in trouble?"

Hinata nodded. "I think so… I,I costed the club decent money. H,He would have paid up front after the date, but because of me… that didn't happen."

Naruto heaved a sigh. "I'm really trying to get this, Hinata, but I can't. Why are you treating yourself like you're a commodity, huh? What's the point? I really want to understand. You're rich, you're smart, you're thoughtful-"

"You're the one that kept telling me to change." Her voice cut him like cold wind.

Guilt sank deep in his gut before irritation flared to life.

Naruto's hand balled up and he leaned towards her.

"Okay, now I'm _really_ curious. Tell me what have I ever said that pushed you in this direction, huh? 'Cause I sure as shit never meant for any of this."

Her chest and shoulders heaved as she let out a trembling sigh.

"Five years ago you said work would be good for me. I'm working-"

"Hinata, that's petty-"

Her eyes turned venomous as she glared at him. "I have a choice where I choose to work."

"And you have no preference where?! This job doesn't just scream to you 'I have no self-respect!'?" He gestured with the wide sweep of his arms.

"I would prefer not to work at all. But you would never allow me to be a shut-in even if it made me happy."

The fire snuffed out in his veins.

"Because that's not being happy…" He stared at her, so stunned by her stubbornness. And every little thing she has said thus far gets under his skin. "Why is this even my fault? I only ever wanted you to be assertive and smiling. I've seen shit not go your way. But I've never seen you get angry about it."

She looks down at the table. "Anger is poisonous."

Naruto scrubbed his face with his palm. "You fucking act like everything is poisonous, cutie. C'mon, wake up."

Once a stable continent, they've now drifted apart like two landmasses separated by an active fault line.

The conversation has been choked out.

Naruto knows he needs to pivot back. They can butt heads later about her naive indifference. "So… you're saying you've changed your mind about being a hostess, correct? Or is this only because you're too scared to apologize to your boss?" He shoots her a withering look. He'll go with her and be her spine if all she needs to do is apologize, but she needs to say so first.

She's picking at her nails in her lap.

"... I was fully ready to go on the date. But I think… my body wouldn't let me," Her eyes met his unsteadily. "I,I don't know what happened. S,Somehow I lost four hours without realizing it."

Naruto tilted his head forward, scrutinizing her little story. "Where were you?"

"I,In the dressing room. I,In the same spot."

Naruto scooted closer to her till they were knee to knee. He cradled her face and stared hard into her eyes. The outline of her pupil is indiscernible from her iris. He always thought that was kind of cool in an eerie sense. Her eyes are almost like pure gypsum, the way shadow and light refracts softly inside the tissue. Her pupils don't seem enlarged, nor constricted. He's not sure what could be wrong with her. "So you just zoned out?"

"I,I guess? But that's dangerous, right? Anything c,could happen to me… a,and I'd never know."

Naruto smoothed her cheek with his right thumb. He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers, and he felt her tremble, felt the edge of his thumb grow moist.

"... So you're not going back… right?" He breathed.

She shook her head and her cold hands slid up to grasp his.

"Could you… watch over me for a little while? Please?" Her head slipped away from his as she leaned into the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around her frame and he held her against his chest.

"Yeah," He pressed his mouth to her hair. "That's not a problem at all."

The lights have been turned off.

They're laying beneath the kotatsu, the comforter pulled over them. Naruto is on his back, running his hand along her spine as she lays atop him, ear to his heart beat.

He's going to go job-hunting again, maybe practice at the gun range. But Hinata's going to be with him every step of the way. He feels light at the thought, but the reality of her situation dampens his delight. He can't even enjoy the feel of her breasts smushed against him without guilt slapping a ruler over his knuckles.

Just when he thought she's fallen asleep, her mouth moves against his chest.

"... Sorry."

His hands moves up to rub circles along the small of her back.

"For what?"

"For t,treating you bitterly… I am… t,trying to change… because you were right."

Naruto closed his eyes and held her tighter. "So why're you taking advice from this other guy for?"

It's almost as if she didn't understand a damn thing he's said to her in the years they've known each other. How was that 'redlight' lifestyle supposed to help her change into a happier woman? Did she need validation from more than just him too?

She answers him after a beat. "Because he has experience with hundreds of women… and you don't."

Naruto's hand stills.

"You just had to go for the throat, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting worse, huh? Is this schmaltzy? Or maybe it feels like it's slowing down? Are the emotional reactions too little or does the dialogue carry it? What am I even doing anymore…
> 
> There was supposed to be smut. Maybe there can be wake-up smut. But most importantly, there was supposed to be a renewed discussion about their FwB thing. But I'm sure I can work that in next chapter... I really want to structure this into episodic smut like a delicious vanilla doujin, with the premise of breaking Hinata out of her shell.
> 
> Well, as of next chapter, there really is 21 days left. :B
> 
> I'm going to go back and change all the ryo currency amounts. I've been using the Yen value, but I'm going to change it to USD and stick with it. I don't think that's going to ruin anyone's immersion, lol.
> 
> I'm a dummy! Hinata needs to get her stuff back from the club. :B Phone and laptop. I think I wrote in Ch 7 that she has those things. x_x


	10. All You Need To Say To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jiraiya will be coming back after all, but much much later. I am hybrid outlining and pantsing, so I'm sort of considering a sequel if I can't wrap everything up neatly. 21 Days is kind of unrealistic in terms of the story's goal, if anything it sounds like it should be the start of something bigger.
> 
> And I keep cringing over Naruto and Tamaki's chit-chat in chapter 8. Between info-dumping random 'historical facts' about Uzushio to Tamaki's explanation of wool-sucking, did that even read like a natural convo? _ I swear I'm not trying to second-guess myself too hard these days, but I probably will want to revise it down the line once it's all complete, and these are things to consider.
> 
> UPDATE, 4/17/2020: This chapter has been revised!!

_"All you need to save me,_

_Call (Call),_

_And I'll be curled on the floor hiding out from it all (all),_

_And I won't take any other call,"_

_-Tegan & Sara "Soil, Soil"_

_Ten year old Naruto was visiting his father on the base in Uzushio over summer break. His mother wasn't happy to stay behind, but the dutiful wife must guard the homefront - or so Sergeant Minato would like to encourage._

_Seemed strange enough to Naruto, too, but if he recalls she got picked on a lot here, even if this was her home. The food, the surroundings, the music - you always long for that. But the people... not quite as much._

_His father will be coming to see him shortly._

_In the meantime, he sat in the open-air mess hall with Private Rin, Private Obito and Private First Class Kakashi who were happily keeping him company._

_Naruto never realized how much he had missed the balmy air till he got on the tarmac. There was plenty he wanted to check out off base, plenty of people he wanted to say 'hi' to. Whether they want to say 'hi' to him too or not is something he doesn't trouble himself over. He'll always be a friendly face no matter what._

_"So how'd that pirate thing work out in southern Kaze?" He said whilst kicking his legs and appreciating the hum of conversations and the squeaking of boots along the linoleum. "Dad hasn't told me anything yet. He normally does, too."_

_"Ah, I don't think he's going to share this one with you," Kakashi stated. "It wasn't our proudest moment."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"You see, these 'pirates' used to be nomads who had territory in the northern deserts, but development contractors kept pushing them further and further south. The Navy's been patrolling the sea for several months. All along this was their problem. But then in comes these orders, telling us they're a terrorist cell. Telling us they're kidnapping daughters and robbing freighters and they're recruiting to storm the capital. You name it, they've done it. And then this one," Kakashi pointed his thumb at Obito across from him. "Emphatically mouthed off to the brass that he wasn't going to be 'gunning no natives' just because their homeland gave up on them."_

_Obito then slammed a fist on the table, jostling their food trays and water glasses._

_"Damn straight! And they think they can blame it on their 'bad intel' soon as I call 'em out. Bullshit."_

_"Yeah, they dropped the ball on this. Kazenoku doesn't want to answer the military debt they owe us now, so ties are a little strained. They're sticking to their guns. Half of us pulled out, but the other half agreed to patrol for the next six months. It's a waste of manpower and our budget."_

_"It's lip service, sadly, but at least this way the tribes can adjust to their new territory while we mitigate their unjust treatment."_

_Naruto recalled something from his history books._

_"Wait, there were warrior clans who guarded the northern border from Tsuchinoku long, long time ago. They gotta be the same nomads, yeah? But descendents? How can Kaze just abandon them like that?"_

_"We've entered the corporatized era, Naruto-chan," Kakashi answered. "Who ever has the most money wins."_

_"By the way, Obito, you got to be careful," Rin said. "The next outburst and they'll discharge you."_

_Obito crosses his arms and sniffed. "Bah, let 'em. The day I gotta put my conscience on the other end my gun is the day that I walk away from all of this. We're supposed to be helping people. We're not contract killers. Right, Naruto-chan?" He leaned across the table and ruffled the boy's hair._

_"I'm with Obito!" Naruto said, raising his hand high in the air._

_Rin giggled and followed suit. Kakashi sighed and went along with it._

_Naruto caught sight of his father outside of the mess hall. He was standing beneath the awning in the corridor, talking to a young woman not in uniform. Kakashi seemed to take notice as well, and Obito and Rin turned around to see._

_"They keep coming' here, those tag chasers. They're like little mice, they just squeeze through any hole they can find." Kakashi said._

_Naruto observed the young woman a little more closely. She had rich auburn hair that was nearly as long as his mother's, but instead hers splayed out like a palm tree and she sported a top-knot. The strands ended where the high-leg split in her skirt began and his gaze followed the curvy lines of her legs. He could see the way she kept leaning towards his father that she wielded her assets like weapons. Her breasts bounced with every subtle tilt of her body, offering themselves to him so shamelessly._

_What was the appeal of going after a married man?_

_'I look just like him and I'm not married.'_

_Suddenly the woman jerked away, her teeth baring and eyebrows furrowing. She spun on her heel and to Naruto's delight, she chose to cut through the mess hall to get out of here._

_Naruto slapped his palms to the table and called out to her._

_"Hey! Hey lady!" That actually got her to stop, and he could see her emerald eyes turning red as she stared him hollowly. "My dad'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever touch your boobies-" The entire cafeteria fell silent. Kakashi clapped a hand to his mouth as he snorted. Obito and Rin watched on, looking scandalized. "But I will!"_

_Someone dropped their chopsticks._

_The woman's face turned red, even redder than her eyes and she ran away._

_Kakashi caught Minato glaring in their direction from outside the hall, and Kakashi swiftly covered Naruto's mouth with both hands._

_"Shh, kid. Kid. you can't say that stuff, you hear?"_

_Too late._

_Sergeant Minato strode in and approached their table._

_One by one he eyed each of the four, lastly settling on Kakashi._

_"Private First Class, did you tell him to say that?"_

_Kakashi stood up, arms flushed against his sides. "No Sargeant, I did not."_

_Minato's cold gaze slid onto his son, who was shrinking by the minute._

_"Naruto-chan, next time you choose to say something, please ask yourself first if it is something other people will want to hear."_

_Naruto's eye widened._

_There it was again. That sinking feeling. The unbearable heat beating in his ears._

_Naruto slouched and muttered an apology._

_Obito stood up, but with less decorum than Kakashi. "Whoa, Sarge, isn't that a little harsh? He's only ten after all. Kids say crazy things all the time."_

_Minato fixed him with a perplexed look. "I believe I said it just fine. The content remains the same no matter how I choose to say it. Just because he is ten doesn't mean he can't learn self-restraint."_

* * *

When he opens his eyes, the apartment is the same heather blue as the day before. But what isn't the same is the gentle weight against his side, or the fact that he's in the living room and not in his bed.

He moves his left arm, and his thumb catches in a cascade of long, thick hair. It slips from his hand and tickles his inner forearm as it gently falls into place.

Naruto peers down at the young woman curled beside him, her head laid across his upper arm at an angle and her mouth is parted open, jaw slack and it's the most unguarded he's ever seen her.

If he lied and told her she had the most ungodly snore, he wonders how embarrassed she'd get. Would he discover a new shade of red along her skin?

His hand moves back down to caress her back and a smile steadily spreads across his face, growing brighter like the early morning.

But then he remembers why she's here at all.

Her issues are turning into symptoms.

There's a stigma to admitting to this sort of thing, but it's slowly getting better. Still, sometimes it's better to play it off, act normal. The media always has a stereotype of the year, after all. The assumption of the 'Hikikomori' has devolved, for example; No longer conflated with the 'Parasite Single'. Now if someone is even the slightest bit unpleasant and introverted, they are secretly a future killer. Before that was the 'Otaku', who were generalized as Paraphiliacs and Incels, therefore they hate society and are apt to, again, kill.

Hospitals don't treat for 'weirdness'. Talk therapy won't cure you either, and rehab's just for alcoholics and gamblers.

Pills are strictly regulated and under-researched. Psychiatry and the like aren't fully recognized fields, seen as enabling so-called 'imaginary problems' by legitimizing them.

In the end, if you got a screw loose or are just _too_ quirky, you can get a nice hospital bed for your stay. And that's about it. Just a safe, little pen away from the rest of the world's hard-working folk.

But neither of them want that.

Who knows what her parents would choose to do, and he imagines she's not interested in relying on them.

She's been trying to change on her own, in her own way. Whether this is proof her way failed, who knows. But this does mean they got to try something else.

Naruto closes his eyes despite himself.

He has his morning routine.

But having her beside him is distracting, like that cozy feeling you get off of cough syrup.

He doesn't want to move.

For once, he wants to sleep in.

* * *

The urgent buzzing of his phone vibrating on the kotatsu prods him out of sleep little by little.

Naruto cranes his head up, then reaches for his phone while trying not to dislodge or wake Hinata from his side. His fingertips pull it closer with every touch, and he plucks it before it topples over the edge.

It's a text from Sakura.

**Sakura: Hey dummy. Could you ask Hinata something for me? Has she ever heard of 'Exposure Therapy'?**

Naruto typed back, but one-handing it was really difficult.

**Naruto: You mean like going in an ice bath?**

Her reply was immediate.

**Sakura: And this is why you are 'dummy'. Look, I have class rn. Can you look it up yourself?**

**Naruto: Fine.**

He did just that, his free hand stroking her back all the while.

She was sound asleep. She probably got used to waking up in the afternoon due to her previous job.

**"Exposure therapy is a technique in behavior therapy to treat anxiety disorders. Exposure therapy involves exposing the target patient to the anxiety source or its context without the intention to cause any danger. Doing so is thought to help them overcome their anxiety or distress."**

Naruto's face pinched as he tried to understand how this supposedly applied to her.

He text Sakura back.

**Naruto: I looked it up. I don't follow. Are you suggesting she needs this?**

**Sakura: I'm assuming this is what she's been trying to do all along. If I got her pegged wrong and she really is anxious, then why would someone like her subject herself to being the center of drunken attention?**

**Naruto: Yo, that's what I've been wondering. But she did tell me that she's trying to change. She quit btw.**

**Sakura: She quit? Hostessing?**

**Naruto: Unofficially. It wasn't working out.**

**Sakura: Sounds like it was a gamble.**

**Naruto: Yeah. So what now? Should she keep at it in some way?**

**Sakura: I think so. But under the guidance of a professional.**

Naruto's eyes moved up to the side as he less than considered this advice.

It would be an onerous task just trying to convince her to walk into a clinic, let alone get her to open up to a complete stranger.

**Naruto: The only person she talks to is me.**

**Sakura: _And?_ You're not qualified!**

Naruto shifted to get up. He murmured apologies to Hinata as he sat up, making sure she was still comfortable. She moaned lethargically in response before settling back into sleep.

**Naruto: So qualify me. Tell me how to do this therapy stuff.**

**Sakura: You're so bullheaded! Smh. Do it yourself then and mess up everything you've earned with her, because you'll do it wrong. I know you will.**

Naruto bit down a growl. His mind lit up with an idea and a smirk pulled at his lips.

**Naruto: Maybe you'd like to document her progress with me?**

Sakura sent him a sticker of an irate Jēmuzu with a dumbbell and his shirt popping off, an emphatic red speech bubble by his blonde head reading 'YES!'.

Naruto made an 'L' with his forefinger and thumb and cupped his chin like a cool guy, chuckling to himself.

_Now that the medic's on board…_ He abandoned his phone and gazed over Hinata's sleeping form.

He laid back down and scooped her against his chest. Her face rubbed closer against him and his heart fluttered.

He was feeling really good about this.

* * *

When she wakes up, she finds a bowl of miso and rice, a plate of _Tamagoyaki_ and a filet of shoyu salmon. Looking up from the food, she finds him sitting on the opposite end of the kotatsu, working on something out of sight.

She leans over onto her right and peers over the edge of the kotatsu.

He has an entire set up at his knees: a dismantled handgun laid out neatly atop a cotton rag. There are little squares of white sheets beside a white bottle of lubricant with a long, thin spout. He's running some sort of pipe cleaner through the barrel, and she's taken aback by how meticulous he is.

Then again, even his cooking was done with the same amount of care.

She thinks that must be meditative for him.

Watching him is meditative for her.

"Gonna go to the gun range later," He says, as if he knew she was watching him all along. "I don't think you'll like it, even if with ear protection."

Hinata's shoulders pull in and she frowns. "... Do I stay here?"

"Nah, I'm not going till one. There's somewhere I wanna take you though, I think it'll be good for you."

Hinata's fingers curled over her ankles but she held her tongue. She's already surrendered by telling him he was right. She's come to him for help because it has to be him.

It's just going to take her some time to stop hating that beaten-to-death phrase.

He starts to re-assemble his handgun. It's a series of metal scraping and clicking into place. He lays it back down on the cloth, and stretches his arms high over his head, spine bowing as he grunts.

She watches how his shirt pulls taut across his broad chest, how the defined muscles of his arms bulge and shift.

His blue gaze slants in her direction and she looks down at her food, purposefully grabbing her bowl of miso and soup spoon. She catches his smirk in her periphery and she ducks her face down more.

"Hurry up and eat," He laughs. "I got a full schedule today."

_Doesn't seem like anything new,_ She thinks.

She finishes up her soup in silence.

"So I realized earlier… You have stuff back at the club, huh?"

Hinata blinked. Then stilled. She forced herself to nod.

"You want to take care of that first? I'm going with you, of course. You can formally quit in person and tie up any loose ends."

She starts on the salmon and mulls it over. "They may not be there until three. The m,manager was there when it was at ten yesterday. It was unusual, but-"

"He had to tell you about that date."

Hinata gave a curt nod. She won't tell him about the bourbon he had been inspecting. She won't admit that she has a special trick for blocking unwanted memories.

But what if that's why?

What if this is karma for her reliance on such a skill?

Perhaps something is finally wrong with her head.

Or perhaps it is something that her system has yet to rid itself of.

She'll give it a week, treat it like a common head cold, and figure out what she should do from there.

She doesn't want to burden him, but it's all already been decided. She can give him money for the trouble. His lease likely doesn't allow guests past five days or so. Other than that, she will attempt to work again.

Anything than living off of her father's money.

When she finishes her breakfast, Naruto takes her dishes and sets them down in the sink. He turns around and exits the kitchen, approaching her. He offers her his hands and she accepts, letting him help her to her feet.

He lifts her up in an exuberant motion, and he's grinning from ear to ear as he leads her… towards the powder room?!

Naruto closes the door behind them, and her arms instinctively come up to hug her. The _ofuro_ is attached on the other side of the door ahead. The powder room has a sink and full countertop to their left. There's a hamper tucked away underneath. And there are folded towels in the shelves to their right.

She feels his warm fingertips brush up the small of her back beneath her loose shirt.

Delighted chills race up her spine. Her lips press together when he begins undoing her bra.

Hinata dares a peek over her shoulder. He doesn't have the drunk-with-lust intensity from two days ago at the hotel. And there's not a speck of mischief glinting in his eyes. Instead the same softness and concentration is there, and suddenly her heart hurts.

He slides her shirt and bra up off her shoulders and lays it atop the counter.

His shirt is added to the pile.

She doesn't understand why snuggling has become so easy for her, but this is still too much.

She hears him shift out of his joggers. He kicks them to the side, and his hands slide over the band of her sweatpants. Her skin tingles where his fingers have grazed, and she stills when he begins to slide her pants and panties down her hips.

She's biting her bottom lip as warmth leaves the gap between her thighs.

She's expecting new warmth to replace what left, but instead his hand rests on the small of her back and he's nudging her forward.

It's a surprise that he's restraining himself. But is it a pleasant surprise?

She isn't sure.

Her heart feels a little light though.

He's not treating her like a receptacle.

* * *

But maybe he is treating her like a child.

Hinata sulks on the bathing stool while he washes her hair for her, and her face is burning none too pleasantly.

Is he teasing her? _Possibly. It is Naruto-kun._

Is he pitying her? _Why not? I'm his pet patient._

Did he lose interest in her like that already? _We still have our agreement._

So then what else could this be?

She told him he doesn't have to hold himself back around her. That wasn't just for that night. That was for… forever.

He gets up and reaches for the detachable shower head, then grabs it. He aims it away from her and turns on the faucet to just above warm.

He kneels down before her and his engorged penis enters her line of vision.

Heat explodes in her face.

"Close your eyes, okay?" He says like he's not so obviously horny.

His words take a bit to register. She can't seem to look away.

"Hinata?"

She shakes herself free from her stupor and shuts her eyes.

Warm water passes over her head and runs down her body.

He's being one hell of a gentleman right now, and it's freaking her out.

She didn't ask for this.

Was it awful of her that she expected him to pounce on her with no warning?

Or maybe that's what she secretly wanted him to do.

_That's not fair, Naruto-kun…_

Her eyes feel tight, hot.

He's so good to her.

He's way too good to her.

She's thankful for the water running down her face, so that way neither of them can acknowledge that her eyes are leaking.

* * *

They skip the bath and got dressed.

She doesn't have a spare outfit to wear. He's wearing digital camo cargo pants and a fitted light gray muscle shirt with the Dai Hinoku Marines insignia and slogan printed along the front.

She really wishes he wouldn't show off his arms and shoulders like that. It's really, really distracting.

He put on an appendix holster that wraps around his midsection like a back brace, and he inserted his handgun into the slot against his stomach. He then pulled his muscle shirt up over it, and you would never know he was packing.

After putting on their shoes, they headed out into the world.

The neighborhood was still somewhat cool at this hour, the sea of apartments held the sun's rays at bay like waterbreakers along the coast and the streets remained in a soft half-shadow.

"You wanna go shopping?" He offers as they leave his cat-infested neighborhood behind. "Or maybe you're comfy?"

Hinata glances down. She is comfy, but maybe she is a little _too_ comfy.

"... Can go shopping." She says, but then she remembers something. "Don't you have a full schedule today?"

Naruto walks a little closer to her, till they're side by side.

"I just gotta snag a job, that's all," He curled his arms behind his head, and it makes the cuts of his muscles more pronounced. "Might have to be a freeter, but that would kind of suck; having to learn two jobs at the same time, adjusting my new schedules so they don't conflict… Maybe I'll have no choice but to work back to back, who knows."

Hinata's face scrunched. "What for? Are you putting off enlistment that long?"

His steps slowed, and his countenance drooped. She turned towards him when he had gone silent far longer than he normally would.

His smile had drifted away. He stared off into the middle distance as if he was waiting for the answers to hit him at any time.

"... I guess you could say I'm procrastinating… I realized I didn't get to do everything I wanted to this year, but… I think I'm feeling pretty good about next year."

Hinata tilted her head to the side. "What's going to happen next year?"

Soon as she said that, she had drawn his attention away from his worries and he smiled at her with intention.

But what sort of intention, she couldn't fathom.

* * *

They took the bus to get here.

Naruto's already asked around a few places for applications, from the convenience stores to the grocery stores, anything that a high school grad can take.

It's 12:20 PM.

She vaguely remembers this side of Edahanishi ward. She thinks she got dragged along here to try some cafés with him and his friends.

So it becomes no surprise to her to find the quaint little street lined with a few cafés, most of them new.

She follows him towards a café with a giant cat paw as part of its signage. The windows themselves have tan and white paw tracks along the glass.

"Oi, Naruto!" A male voice calls out from across the street. "Aw, c'mon man! You're really going in there again?!"

Hinata faced the source of the exasperated voice.

Shaggy chocolate brown hair slicked back from his forehead. Light-tan skin, feral eyes and pronounced eyeteeth when he talks.

His eyes met hers and widened with recognition and she turned around immediately, showing her back to him. She ducked behind Naruto's large though slim frame. If she could become his shadow, that'd be even better.

When Naruto angled himself towards her, she scooted quickly behind him to make up for the lack of coverage. Her hands curled tight to her chest and her ears burned in embarrassment.

That was Inuzuka Kiba. One of his friends.

She never talked to him, never put the effort in. Naruto assumed she felt comfortable around his friends, but that never happened.

She has no idea what they must think of her: A loser? A hanger-on? Or worst, a snob?

She was better off not existing, not offending.

No one can miss her if they don't know her. No one can know her if she keeps her mouth shut.

Naruto chuffed in a wistful tone.

"Talk to you later, Kiba!" He said as he nudged her through the front door, hiding her behind the tower of his body just like she wanted.

She waddled straight through the door as he held it open for her, and she found it hard to want to move at all.

His large hands grasped her shoulders and he smoothed her upper arms up and down.

"Did that surprise you?" He laughed.

Hinata nodded stiffly.

His friends were always full of life and vigor while she reeked of death and gloom. She didn't hate them personally, no. Rather, the way that she hated herself only became more pronounced around them.

She's sure they must have her pegged as a cold bitch. Just like Naruto had been feeling about her two days ago after the bridge.

She was okay with it back then. She got used to his absence and didn't want that to change. Everything felt stable in some form or another.

But now the thought of it pricks her eyes.

The shade she's been hiding within is all but completely gone. His sunny presence is determined to eliminate all her hiding spots, and she gave him full permission to do so.

But she's not ready.

She may never be ready.

But she doesn't want to go back to being without him.

A head of light brown hair and a pair of hazel eyes peeked up from behind the half-wall across the room.

Then she sprang up and revealed herself to be petite, lithe girl.

"Naruto! Welcome! Did you come to see Mion?"

"Hey, Tamaki! I just wanted to show Hinata your café." Naruto nudged her a little further inside.

Hinata couldn't look at her directly. She felt strange being here, being between him and this cute girl.

_Oh, is this the place that's supposed to be 'good for me'?_

Tamaki exits the playpen with an inquisitive look on her face.

"Oooh, Naruto, you got a girlfriend?" She giggled.

Hinata's heard something like this before, when they were younger.

"Yep!" Naruto's hand shot out for hers, but she preemptively pulled away. He tried again. "She's my-" And she moved her hand around her back. He tried again. "This is-" She moved her hand skyward. He tried again. "Hinata's my-" It was starting to look like he was trying to grab a fly straight out of the air without looking. Naruto emitted a nervous and slightly vexed laugh. "In any case, I'm feeling really optimistic about us!"

Tamaki looked on and nodded slowly with a half-formed grin. "Okay. That's good. That's really good," Tamaki approached Hinata carefully and offered her a smile. "Hi there. My name's Tamaki, and this is my cat café. I've got sweets and furry companions just to brighten your day!"

Hinata shuffled behind Naruto. Her hands came up to pinch the hem of his shirt, and she pressed her head against his back.

That greeting was way too sparkly.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head.

"Sorry, don't mind her. She gets, uhh, what was that word you used the other day? 'Overstimulated'?"

Hinata shut her eyes. She didn't need him to make her look good.

"Ohh, okay, I understand. Well, please make yourselves comfortable, alright?"

"Yeah, thank you." Naruto began to walk deeper into the café and she waddled right behind him.

She found herself entering the playpen with him, and various colors, textures and length of fur entered her peripheral vision. When he took a seat on the floor, so did she.

She gazed dispassionately at the furballs rolling and lazing about. Some were chasing tiny toys that jingled. Others were pouncing on another's swishing tail.

She looked in Naruto's direction. He was staring at a plush, round-faced black cat with flat ears in the distance. It was asleep. He then reached over for a fishing line toy with bright feather hanging on the end, and he dangled the toy in front of her face.

"This would be the perfect daycare for you, huh, Hinata?" He chuckled with a smug grin.

Hinata swatted the feathers away, her face scrunched up in a pout. Her ears burned hotter when she realized she fell for his prank. She shoved at his shoulder, knocking out louder laughter from him as he swayed over onto his side.

The wand loosened from his hand and the toy landed in front of his face.

A thin white cat dove for the toy centimeters of his face and Naruto scurried away with a yell.

He sat up, clutching his heaving chest.

"That scared the shit out of me!"

* * *

Naruto left her with the cats, just as he said he would. His trip at the gun range shouldn't take him more than two hours.

He had teased her yet again before leaving.

_"Wish me luck!" He gleamed, then dove in for a kiss. His lips met the top of her head._

She had no idea what had gotten into him.

Was he just hoping to make Tamaki-san jealous or something?

Hinata bobbed the feather toy in front of the hyper little juvenile that nearly pounced on his face with full claws.

She would've been okay being alone if it meant being alone at his apartment. But not like this.

"I think it's sweet," Tamaki chirped from the side, as she held a cinnamon-colored shorthair in her lap. "I've heard he's always been hot-heated, but with you he's really patient. And just yesterday he seemed really down, but now he's glowing. He kind of reminds me of this furball on catnip."

Hinata doesn't know what to reply to that with. She knows she'll just embarrass herself if she tries. Forcing it is just a bad idea. Always was, always is.

Worse she could do is make him look bad by mistake.

Because the last time someone asked if he had a girlfriend, it was his father who was visiting and Sakura had been with Naruto at the time.

Possession nor envy ever crosses her heart at the thought of that moment. Only a certain awareness: Naruto's type is female. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hinata dangles the feather toy behind her back and the little white cat gives she chase. She retracts it over her shoulder and the little guy climbs up her back and perches on her shoulder.

By the time Naruto returns, Tamaki is suppressing laughter behind her hand and Naruto looks like he is biting the inside of his cheeks.

"It looks like your girlfriend's become their cat queen." Tamaki snorts.

There's a gray kitten atop her head. The same white cat on her shoulder. An orange tabby is laying atop her back, forcing Hinata to fold over her legs on the floor. The gray kitten's siblings are clutching at her hair near her shoulders. And a tubby smokey longhair is languishing along the back of her calves.

"... They're heavy." Hinata utters. "Help."

Naruto can't hold back a snort as he pulls out his phone.

The synthetic whirr and snapping of the camera drives a pang of humiliation though her chest.

They had to extricate the furballs like they were tweezing brambles loose from woolen clothes.

It's when she is free that his smile nearly blinds her and a pang of shame is driven alongside her lingering humiliation.

Because she should know better than to believe he is making fun of her maliciously.

It's not in his nature to do so.

* * *

They're about five blocks northwest of Tamaki's café when Naruto gets a phone call.

He puts it to his ear.

"Yo, Shikamaru."

**"Hey. So Temari just told me her fam recently commissioned a new casino out here and construction is just about underway. They estimated another year tops till it's ready. Hell, you could apply right at the casino afterwards. It's happening in Yonppongi ward, where the old Four Trees Hotel used to be."**

Naruto formed a fist and pumped his arm several times.

"Thank you! This totally makes up for yesterday!"

**"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Oh, Kiba texted me an-"**

Naruto hung up.

He knew exactly what Kiba texted him about.

The last thing his friends need to be doing is treating Hinata like some damn cryptid that only appears once a millenium. Or your weekly celebrity fresh out of rehab. Take your pick.

He glances in her direction to see how she's doing and he realizes she looks even more disheveled than before.

As if she had just only rolled out of bed minutes ago.

"Uhh, let's go do that shopping, yeah?"

* * *

_She's not moving in with you. Calm down,_ he tells himself.

But when they're at their second stop and he's got a bag of undies in his possession from the first stop (that he's trying really, really hard not to peek at), he can't help but picture what these next few days will be like, maybe weeks if he pulls this off just right.

But this really feels like a date.

And now she's going to be keeping her clothes at his place. Well, her new clothes, but still.

He's allowed to dream.

He's sitting on a bench inside the fitting room, facing her stall.

Her feet sway this way and that from behind the door.

He told her she could pick out as much as she wanted. She was paying anyways.

_Someday I'll do the paying. Someday. Optimism. Optimism._

But then her feet stop moving.

Naruto gives her a minute. Then another one. Eventually, five minutes have passed and he's getting nervous.

"Hey. Hinata?"

Nothing.

_Shit._

Naruto checks over his shoulder before getting up. The employee isn't here right now. Naruto approaches the stall and knocks. "Hinata?" He leans in close, then knocks again. "Oi. You good in there?"

He jumps up to peek over the door.

The first attempt is no good. The second gives him insight. The third confirms that she is just standing there, half-dressed and looking at her reflection.

"I'm sorry?" Said the employee who was now standing a couple feet behind him. "Can I help you?"

Naruto turned around and rubbed the back of his head.

"Uhh, I think she fell asleep in there," He said, and the employee gave him a strange look. "Can you just get it open? Please?"

The employee shook their head like they'd just been given an unreasonable task. They grasped the magnetic key hanging from their lanyard and pressed it against the flat metal circle where the tumbler and locks resided. They turned it to the right and the door unlocked. But the employee left it shut.

"Ma'am? Is it alright to open the door?"

Naruto bumped the employee out of the way, hastily offering 'thank yous' as he barged inside the dressing room.

The door shut with a click and his reflection towered over hers.

Her reflection's eyes widened. Pink stained her cheeks.

"Hey, I was calling you," Naruto turns her around by the shoulder, the icy fist in his gut uncurling itself, and her eyes wouldn't meet his. He grit his teeth and grabbed her chin, directing her to look at him. Her blush deepened. "I was worried. Why were you ignoring me?"

The way she was looking at him, partly dreamy, partly intent, made his heart race a little. Her bra held up her breasts in perfect presentation. She tiptoed closer, pressing her generous tits against his midsection. Her hands rested against his chest, and he became engrossed in her stare.

But in the back of his mind, that flame of annoyance still licked. And when her hands slid further down, tracing the cut of his abs, her fingertips brushed over the butt of his handgun and he snatched the offending hand by the wrist and twisted it away.

"Where the hell do you think you're grabbing?" He hissed inches from her face. Various scenarios flashed in his mind like a red warning light, and each one made him sicker, colder, angrier.

"That's hurts." She grimaced, the sweetness she had radiated seconds ago now dissolved into pained disappointment.

Naruto released her. She cradled her wrist, which was now red from his grip, and she was pouting.

He doesn't have time for this.

"Just put something on and let's go." He grabbed the handle and exited the stall.

He closed it a little louder than he ought have.

* * *

Hinata took her side of the train, keeping her shopping bags hooked over her forearms. They laid about her like little barriers. Her wrist ached and the underside was beginning to sport a small bruise.

Naruto sat across from her, glaring at his phone, as if her very presence was deeply regretted.

Her face has been tight with humiliation since they left the store. Her eyes ached with a heat she couldn't quell.

She doesn't understand herself anymore.

She had him all to herself for a moment there. Her imagination had jumped straight to the thought, the hope that he'd push her pants down and plunge his fingers inside of her. That he'd kiss her so hard she couldn't breathe.

She couldn't vocalize these things to him. She would've absolutely died had anyone in the stalls next to them heard. She would've died had he rejected her outright.

But these are the kinds of things she's interested in, despite her aversion to attention, despite her lack of self-esteem, there is this voice in her gut that tells her 'I'm your power, but I'm malnourished. You know exactly how to feed me. You used to ask yourself 'What would Naruto-kun do?'. What ever happened to that?'

But in her mind everything is perfect. Reality is always a lot sharper, more crumbly and she hates the gamble of participating in it.

She hadn't been going for his gun. She completely forgot about it. She wishes he knew that, but she'd rather move on. Not acknowledge the awkwardness she caused.

She simply couldn't admit she was coming onto him, that she had wanted to tease him till he got stiff, because that was just as bad. She's absolutely sure the outcome would have been the same.

With him staying away from her.

Because she's disgusting.

And what she wants is disgusting because… because she wants him to take her like he doesn't know her. And she doesn't understand why.

Who in their right mind wants that?

But she's so used to him invading her personal space. There was a time when he stopped being wholly sweet and became just a smidge creepy. But she overcame that, remembered he was the same sweet boy no matter what, and loved him for it.

Now she's coming to a sharp, floor-crumbling realization of her own: She might truly be addicted to his innocent disrespect of her boundaries. To the point that she baited him inside her dressing stall.

Her mind circles around being taken off guard by him, to be made defenseless… she truly doesn't desire this unless it's with him.

Her comfort level with Naruto had nearly been a lifelong process. It had given her hope that she could change if she just went all in with everything else in life.

The fact that she's still the same, if not getting worse, is naturally discouraging. But if it took much of their friendship for her to be this comfortable with another human being, let alone a man, then she shouldn't expect her results to be any quicker, should she?

She doesn't know where the love began and ended in all of this, or if it had been an inevitable byproduct of being exposed to him for so long.

Then again, he's always been so good to her. This is where there is no one else like him. This is where is no one else who is above him.

He doesn't understand the full extent of her fantasies.

And yet, he's the very foundation of all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm two-parting this! Honestly I'll probably be breaking up the 21 days as however needed. My original draft of this chap, once I had hit this mark, every scene afterwards was rushed and it was meh.
> 
> Trivia: If you google 'Line Characters Blow a Fuse', you'll find the 'Jemuzu/James' sticker I described in the top corner.
> 
> I'm gonna go watch vids on being at a gun range cuz zero personal experience. I'm thinking of covering Naruto's trip in the next chap because he met up with Sasuke and Sakura was probably there, too. Yeah, I wanna do a scene where they discuss an amateur therapy plan for Hinata. Because friendship!
> 
> Oh yeah, so the young woman in the flashback was Terumi Mei as a twenty-one year old on a man-hunting vacation. I suppose she already wooed another service member in order to get inside the base and decided to see if she could do better. Wah-wah.


	11. Interlude: Squadron Seven, Stand At Attention!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live in Vegas, so between putting Shika in a smoke shop and vaping, showing off milk tea boba menus and combining construction with the building of a casino, this is normal stuff in my RL and it bled into the landscape lol. Except I have yet to find a milk tea shop that's doing the cream cheese foam thing. I think I have to go to California.
> 
> I apologize but this is a comedic interlude. I think it's an Interlude? Maybe if it were about the backstory of Team 7's friendship, it'd be an interlude, but that's not relevant to the story. Anyways! I hope you guys enjoy it. I'll be starting on the next chap, I just need to work out the deets a little more.
> 
> Guess who's the General Contractor? :D

At the shooting range, they always asked that he eject the magazine and rack back the slide, then double check the magazine and the chamber for any empty cartridge casing before placing it in the plastic gun carrier.

The walls are displaying rifles of every caliber, the glass cases by the register displaying handguns and revolvers.

He preferred using his own.

She handed him blue ear protection and clear eye protection.

He thanked the girl at the counter, then proceeded through the door leading into the shooting bay, ear muffs and glasses equipped.

Rapid pops punctuated the steady pops that filled the bay. Sasuke was all the way at the end.

He hated dealing with the annoying ones that come here, between the trigger happy ones who can afford to fire anymore so they ask if they can fire yours, or the posers with their top-of-the-line gear but inability to shoot without flinching.

Sakura is watching his progress, looking cute in that combination of yellow eyewear and bright red ear muffs, fitted black tank and cream culottes.

Takes the empty booth beside Sasuke's and turns his carrier around so his semi-auto is pointed down range. He half-steps out of his booth to talk to Sakura. She's holding a black plastic portfolio where she likes to keep her paper targets as if they were her life-study drawings.

"How'd you do today?" Naruto spoke over the volume.

Sakura grinned and opened up her portfolio, fishing out her most recent practice.

"She's been getting better!" Sasuke added.

Damn straight, she was. Naruto whistled at the tight grouping of bullet holes where a man's face would be.

Naruto gave her a thumbs up and she beamed.

* * *

He and Sasuke always smelled like hot metal coming out of there.

Once outside, they did their usual thing and it was becoming a tradition.

Naruto and Sasuke stood side by side displaying their shooting papers like two brothers competing for who was getting the tallest. And like a soccer mom, Sakura took a picture on her phone.

Naruto's been practicing his whole life. Between tactical airsofting as a teen, learning from his dad on the occasional summer trip, to finally getting to hold and own his semi-auto at the age of nineteen, his current target is sporting eyeholes and an ellipses for a mouth.

Sasuke's never been as flashy as his best friend. Plus, he's not going into the profession of killing. His paper target is sporting single bullet holes in the sides and bottom of the outermost bullseye. Ultra precise and deliberate.

The whirr and click of Sakura's camera app closes today's events.

"I still did better than you two." She says.

Both boys flipped her the middle finger.

* * *

He told Hinata he'd only be gone two hours and Sakura needed to finish up her thesis.

Sasuke was going to take the elite police entrance exam in the coming days.

It felt like everything was barrelling passed him, but in this moment he could ground himself in the present a little longer, because right now was the Squadron Seven Meeting.

Naruto reclined on the bus bench, fingers laced behind his head.

"Or as I would like to call it! Operation: Filling All of Hinata's Holes!"

Sakura smacked him upside the head for that.

"We are NOT calling it that!" She huffed as she smoothed out the note sheet in her pad. She had compiled excerpts of studies in her free time earlier. She had a page of questions that needed answers. More like hypotheses, really. And Naruto was here to help fill in the hol- gaps.

Sasuke had his face averted from the two of them, but his shoulders were shaking with suppressed laughter.

"For now," Sakura bit out, hoping her angry tone would get them to sober down and be serious, because she was being serious right now. "Let's focus on what this girl needs to be exposed to."

"Everything." Sasuke said.

"Everything." Naruto parroted.

Sakura leaned forward, giving Sasuke a deathly, no-bullshit glare. "I will smack you too. Just because you're cute, don't mean I won't."

* * *

After a bit of ear-twisting, the boys finally settled down, pouting as they rubbed their red ears.

Sakura decided she needed to split them up, so she sat between them on the bench and they peered over at her questions.

Phobias? Insecurities? False Beliefs? Inner Desires?

Sakura tapped the butt of her pen against the first question.

"What does she fear specifically that we know of?"

"Rejection, pretty sure," Naruto said with a small frown. "I took her to Tamaki's café and Kiba recognized her. When that happened, she hid herself behind me. Plus, when we first met up, she tried to run away."

Sakura's face pinched. "Really?"

"She said the things she told me weren't for me to hear." That one still stung, even though he was doing everything in his power to move on. "I don't really understand why a complete stranger gets that right over me, but…" He shrugged lamely.

"If she thought you would reject her for- what is she into?"

"Public Play," Naruto blushed lightly. "Like, just being sneaky, y'know? Nothing too illegal or offensive."

Sakura nodded with an approving frown. "Adventurous, at least for someone like her. And she thought you would be repulsed by that."

"Yuh-huh."

Sakura started to scribble some things in.

"Alright… Fears rejection…" She slashed out 'insecurities', and moved her pen under false beliefs. "Does not accept her authentic self. Which is what even?"

Naruto gripped his chin. "She's really thoughtful. Like, genuinely thoughtful. Not like some ass-kisser. And she appreciates sad things, but maybe that'll change later?"

Sakura tapped her pen to her lips. "She has just enough principle left not to debase herself for validation. That's good. Sad art could be a way for her to experience how she really feels without owning up to it," She scribbled this under the 'false belief' chart. "Another aspect of not accepting her authentic self. Hypothetically, she could be grieving through another character, while disregarding where her own feelings are coming from, or if she even has any."

Sasuke hesitated to contribute. "... Guys, remember my 'phase'?"

Sakura and Naruto stiffened.

They badly wanted to say 'no'.

Sasuke glared at them mildly. "Junior high? Second year? Remember I was so stressed out, I kept telling everyone that I was leaving Tokonoha?"

Sakura and Naruto shared a grimace.

Sakura sighed. "Every day, you said you got this special offer to attend some secret school in Oto..." Which was still occupied at the time. Which was a place that had no schools let alone a proper government. "... And every day you said 'I'm leaving, I'm leaving', but you never did." Sakura said.

"Sasuke, I thought we talked about this. Nobody wants to acknowledge your Chuunibyou phase." Naruto quipped.

"Look, I only brought it up because at the time my delusion helped distract me from the other stuff going on. Itachi was moving out. My parents weren't on speaking terms. I was only trying to feel special when I was actually feeling worthless."

Sakura stared at Sasuke like a weepy puppy, her hands pressed to her heart.

"And?" Naruto said with a snort.

"Nothing, I guess," Sasuke averted his reddened face. He told himself this was the last time he opened up to them in a moment of sincerity. "I just thought that's what Sakura was describing, with Hinata living out her feelings through other people. She never got angry once, even towards her own bullies. I think she might even be incapable of crying on her own."

Sakura began to add 'personal emotions' beneath 'phobias', and she frowned.

"How do you give a shell human emotions?" She mumbled. "This is much more abstract than I thought this was going to be. If she were afraid of going into bars or the beach, that'd be easy. If she were afraid of a specific breed of dog or something innocuous like a fishing hook because she got one stuck in her finger as a child, again, that'd be easy. But convincing someone it's okay to be alive?" She looked up at Naruto, her face pained at their conclusion. "How are we supposed to do that?"

* * *

As Naruto rode the bus back to Tamaki's café, he desperately wished this whole thing could be as easy as those life-affirming dramas his mom loved to watch.

Around the time that he'd gotten his growth spurt and was beginning to resemble a man a little more by the day, he and mother would have a movie after he cooked dinner and washed the dishes.

She particularly liked the one with the genius janitor who was insane at math, and the gregarious bearded therapist with his off-color humor.

Cuddling was normal. He was like her favorite reading pillow, arms and all.

He doesn't know why he thinks of that film, maybe it's the therapist character, but there was this one part, this one quote about being afraid to take the first step.

He wonders if someone like her just can't help but see every little negative thing from ten miles down the road.

* * *

He just picked her up from Tamaki's and took her shopping.

And he's pissed.

At himself.

Because for a second there he had honestly believed she was going for his gun.

He's trying not to beat himself too much over that. He's been conditioned to be prepared and no one should ever take your firearm under any circumstances.

Still, he's perfectly aware what he's caused: negative reinforcement.

He's texting Sakura and Sasuke in a group chat. The former Chuunibyou proved he had relevant insight after all.

**Naruto: Yo, I fucked up.**

**Sakura: WHAT?**

**Naruto: This stays between us, because it's just going to embarrass her later. She baited me inside her dressing stall and was coming onto me.**

**Sasuke: That's manipulative.**

**Sakura: Sasuke. Shut it. We're trying to support this.**

**Sakura: And then what?**

**Naruto: Specifics don't matter. I didn't indulge her. That's it. I need a full counter stat.**

**Sasuke: Just give her what she wants. Where're you heading next?**

**Naruto: Yonppongi Hills. There's a huuuge construction project and I'm getting me a job.**

**Sakura: Tell her you want to check out the Mori Art Museum, then sneak into the restrooms. ;3**

Warmth rose up from his neck to his ears. He glanced up at Hinata. Her gaze was sullen and far away. He frowned.

Would that really make up for it?

**Sasuke: You should buy a full-sized mirror.**

Naruto reeled his head back and blinked.

**Naruto: Eh?**

**Sasuke: Just a suggestion.**

**Naruto: The hell am I gonna do with a big ass mirror?**

**Sasuke: Install it over your bed.**

**Naruto: I don't think I want suggestions from you anymore.**

**Sasuke: tie her down and torture her with a hitachi vibrator.**

**Naruto: DUDE JUST GO TO YOUR FAKE ASS SCHOOL IN OTO ALREADY!**


	12. Your Body Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly obsessed with Naruto's childhood. Doesn't matter how it's iterated, it's always fun and fascinating. I guess I'm also no longer being overly concerned over the lengths of my chapters.

_"You can pretend you don't wanna know,_

_But I read the signs from your head to your toes,_

_Yeah, you don't need to say a word 'cause,_

_Ooh, ooh, your body talks!"_

_-The Struts "Your Body Talks"_

_Naminoku was even warmer than Uzushio, and the air a bit fishier too._

_The grouping of islands sat smug within Hinoku's southern sea, as though the great Republic itself had outstretched its arms around it in protection._

_Rather than move their stuff directly from Uzushio to Nami, which would have been much more expensive, they had agreed to move to the mainland, then travel by freeway to get to Nami._

_And they had passed through a massive bridge._

_His mother pointed the name out to him with great zeal._

_The Great Naruto Bridge._

_She said he was named after it. Or whoever it was named after._

_"It was either that, or 'Menma'," She joked as she oversaw the repairs to their new house. Two men, one old and one roughly his father's age were working on a water-damaged wall in his bedroom. He, his mother and father had spent hours moving things around, trying to salvage any precious items that got soaked from the rusted pipe. Now they were taking a break, him and his mother on his toddler-sized bed, his father standing in the doorway. "In the end, Minato liked 'Naruto' better."_

_"Eh?! But mom, you said-!"_

_"Actually, I believe we agreed on 'Haruto', as in 'good flight'?" His father interjected._

_"HUH?!" Because his father's name meant 'safe harbor'. Five-year-old Naruto turned towards his mother and searched her face if that was true._

_Kushina gave an amused snort as she swatted the air. "That's because when he came out, his hair was all matted down in a swirl. He looked just like a fishcake! P_ _lus, look at his adorable belly button!" She reached over and lifted up his shirt. "It's so curly!"_

_"MOM!" Naruto screamed red-faced as he shove her hand away, then proceeded to kick his feet and beat his fists on his mattress. "You said-!"_

_The way his father narrowed his eyes and squared up his shoulders caused him to clam up._

_"Please lower your voice when you speak to adults, scamp. Especially your mother."_

_"But mom…" '... lied.' is what he wanted to say._

_Naruto caught the home repairmens' bemused expressions as they glanced at him in pity, and he pushed off the bed to leave._

_His father didn't move._

_"Where're you heading, scamp?" He said evenly._

_Naruto was having a hard time keeping himself up, whether it was his spirits or his head, or even a smile. He's yet to digest the move, and he's still upset his goodbye drawings got so ruined they had to be thrown out. "Can I watch TV, sir?"_

_Minato stepped out of the way with a nod, allowing his kid to exit into the hallway._

_He could hear the old man relay information to his father, but he didn't retain any of it for very long._

_"... might take twelve hours or so."_

* * *

_They came back the next day._

_The old man was muscle-bound but a bit lanky. His skin was leathery from the sun, and he had gray hair and a gray beard. He wore these tiny glasses and he would regularly look over the frames to look at you. He wore a white hachimaki around his head, the cloth-braided headband of your typical laborer._

_The young man that accompanied him was strong-built as well, with tan skin, spiked up black hair and black eyes. He had an X-shaped scar on his chin and thin scars wrapped his forearms that looked like he had a fight with a boat propeller. He also wore a hachimaki._

_Naruto watched these men move in and out of the house. He heard boards breaking and the violent whirr of an electric screwdriver throughout the day, punctuated by a staccato of hammering._

_It was impossible to enjoy his kids' shows._

_"Naruto!" His mother called from the kitchen. "Come here and grab this tray of food and give it to the nice workers, okay?"_

_"Okaaay." He stood up from the kotatsu and walked towards the kitchen._

_Tray in hand, he carefully made his way down the hall towards his bedroom._

_There was a foggy sheet of plastic covering his doorway. He wondered if his bedroom even still existed on the other side._

_Maybe they were really making a tunnel for him and he could take it straight back to Uzushio where all his neighbor friends are!_

_"Hey, guys! I gots some food here! Mom says to take a break!"_

_But when they answered his call and the sheet was pulled aside, Naruto stole a peek and was disheartened._

_The hole in his wall was nearly sealed up._

* * *

Hinata's shopping bags crinkled and flapped together with every step she took, and upon closer inspection of her exposed right wrist, he saw a faint purple mark marring the immaculate ivory of her skin.

He realized he had more to apologize for than reinforcing her own negative beliefs.

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. Tapping around, he searched for a map of the area. The Mori Museum apparently was inside the Yonppongi Hills Mori Tower.

Looking up, he could see the massive titanium blue tower beyond the Tokonoha TV station in front of them. It rose up towards the clouds like a glass obelisk.

If they kept walking, they'd happen upon the Mori Garden, which they would have to cross in order to reach the tower.

It was well past three in the afternoon, but there was still time to head over to the construction site on the other side.

He took a deep breath and pointed at the tower in the distance. "Hey, that thing's huge! Whaddya suppose is in there? I've never been to this side of the city, y'know?" When he checked Hinata for a reaction, what met him was her flat scrutiny. Despite the cold flush of embarrassment, Naruto summoned a large grin. "Hinata, remember I said I wanted someone to show me around?"

"You mean exactly eight months ago?" She deadpanned.

Naruto's shoulders slumped low. "Yeah. Eight months ago. I wanted your company eight months ago, but I agreed to go at your pace…. Actually, I wanted your company the moment I got off the plane, but anyways…" He eyed the way her head ducked down a little in contrition, and he sighed to himself.

Deciding that was neither here nor there, he reached out and took the bags in her left hand, then he took her hand in his and began to drag her along like a little kid tugging the leash on a toy dog. "C'mon, show me what's inside! I bet you've been here before!'

* * *

The garden itself was rather small. A man-made pond was enclosed by a row of manicured red and green hedges. It resembled the spots along a koi fish. Full grown cherry blossoms trees devoid of their blossoms towered over the pond opposite of the hedges. They blocked off the city and provided a feeling of security and serenity to the scene.

Opposite of the pond and the pale walkway was a manicured lawn that looked like golf green, and ending the garden was the tower itself. It's glossy blue windows almost looked futuristic against the natural beauty that presented it, but it wasn't at all out of place.

"How do we get in?"

Hinata moved ahead of him but never let go of his hand, and with a smile he let her lead.

They circled the expansive perimeter.

There was a thirty-foot tall bronze statue of a giant spider, its legs like drips of ink and placed over either side of the walkway.

Passing underneath, they came upon the Museum Cone.

The took the stairs up, bypassing the second floor in favor of the third.

Upon entering the building, crisp, sterile air conditioning kissed their skin, giving rise to goosebumps along their bare skin.

The cone was attached to a thin corridor that opened up at the end.

Hinata pointed straight ahead. "The ticket counter is there. The Arts Gallery is on the fifty-second floor. The Museum is on the fifty-third. The sky deck is on the roof. That's it."

_That's it._ And all he had to do was drag her into a restroom stall. The butterflies in his belly were stirring to life. His grip around her hand tightened.

"We got time to kill. What do you recommend?"

She tugged him along again, heading for the window opposite of the ticket counter. Pamphlets and a poster board stood outside, signalling it was the information booth.

She let go of his hand, much to his dismay, and she grabbed a pamphlet, flipping through it briskly.

She showed him the Gallery page. "The current exhibition is displaying a curated collection of this late neo-expressionist's work. He was a transplant from Kaminari and made a name for himself here in the 70s. The museum rarely changes. They have plenty of paintings and sculptures coming out of different eras of history. The sky deck is an observatory. You can see the entire city from up ther-" Hinata emitted a tiny 'eep' upon noticing how close he was leaning in towards her, his face inches of hers. Her skin stained rosy pink.

He couldn't help himself. The more she spoke, the more she pulled him in, and she didn't speak enough as is. The way she got engrossed in her own exposition filled his chest with warmth. He wanted to nourish more of this side of her. She never took him on the uptake before; when he always asked her what the group should do, he imagines she had considered places like this.

He never pushed her enough before, but he also imagines that she may have felt her interests didn't mesh with the others. That they would never like this type of stuff.

_Maybe back then it would have felt too much like a field trip._

But if this sort of thing is what gets her chatty, then he was all over it.

He beamed at her. "Let's check out the exhibit then! These things don't stay around for very long, right?"

* * *

Something about these paintings and illustrations screamed at him.

But about what, he wasn't exactly sure.

It looked like the street art you find under overpasses. And the crayon-scribbles of children's drawings at the counselor's office. The colors were both loud and muted. The linework was jagged and deliberate. Scribbles of words and phrases were everywhere you find them, like a patchwork of stray thoughts.

He glanced over at Hinata, who wasn't speaking. She was staring down the painting before them with narrowed eyes, as if she were reading a complex novel.

He turned his head this way and that, seeking out the restroom. Anticipation kept jabbing its finger into his heart, lancing him with cold-hot low grade panic.

The gallery was at half capacity. The paintings were dispersed several feet of each other, each holding the attention of about five or so people.

His confidence was shaky.

He bit on the inside of his bottom lip and reached out. He rested his fingertips along her spine, starting at the band of her bra, then slowly caressing downwards. He felt her stiffen against his touch. He peeked at her and watched how cheeks filled with color.

"Let's look at the next one." He said, removing his hand, and she nodded.

Any budding concern or disappointment for her lack of commentary was swept away now that he had remembered his true purpose for this detour: to put a smile on her face.

They positioned themselves behind the small crowd, their discussions falling on deaf ears. This time Naruto traced the edge of her hips, then disguised his act by smoothing down her capris.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, her cheeks darker than before.

He beamed at her. "Sorry, I thought it looked wrinkled."

The next painting had no audience.

Naruto stood directly behind her.

"Hey, Hinata, I think for this one you gotta stand directly in front of it."

"W,What are you talking about?"

He planted his hands over either side of her hips and sidled her a few steps left.

"There. Now you're perfectly centered."

Her rebuttal died on her tongue as he began to stroke the soft edges of her hips above her waistband with his thumbs. She stood so still, and he took that to mean that she didn't want him to stop. Calling attention to it would mean he'd have to stop.

He leaned in close to her hair, smirking. "The view looks good, right?"

She nodded, appearing to be in a bashful stupor.

"Hinata, I'm sorry about earlier," He murmured, his hand dropping down to her butt. He then pressed his fingertips into the underside of her right ass cheek. "It was entirely reaction, it wasn't anything against you."

He swore she had leaned into him for a moment before she pulled away altogether.

She spared him a glance, her expression neutral, before she walked away from him.

"Hinata?" He turned round and followed after her, and her steps grew more brisk, purposeful as she upped the distance between them. "Hey, Hinata!" He didn't want to make a scene, but too late for that.

He grabbed attention like a magnet passing along iron shavings.

It wasn't until he had followed her out of the gallery and into the narrow corridor that he caught her walking into the restrooms.

She paused just long enough to give him a half-lidded look before disappearing inside.

The plain black-and-white sign hung off the ceiling, a man and a woman separated by a single white line.

That wasn't going to be them. Not today. That symbolic white line of common decency was getting erased _now_.

White hot adrenaline scorched through his veins.

He double-taked left and right before invading the sanctum of the women's bathroom.

* * *

She positioned herself in the second to last stall, her shopping bags crinkling as they hit the linoleum.

Her heart has never beat so fast. Her face continually flushed hot, cold, hot, cold.

She clasped her hands over her burning cheeks, fixating on the white tile before her lest she lose her nerve.

Another set of shopping bags landed on the floor, and the door shut behind them, the lock sliding into place.

His large hands came up to greedily fondle her breasts, his front flushed against her back, his hot breath in her ear, his mouth closing around the thrumming pulse in her neck.

Her eyes squeezed shut, her head craned back to mold against his body. His forefingers rubbed impatiently over her clothed nipples, sending hot, liquid lust straight to her core… and for some reason she felt like crying.

But it would be a good crying.

Because in this moment, here in this cramped, sterile restroom stall, it's just the two of them. Nothing else exists but this perfect moment of mutual collision.

He's panting like a dog when his hands slide up beneath her top, dislodging her bra from her breasts.

She shushes him and he responds by thrusting his hardness against her ass.

She squirms and rubs her thighs together when his begins attacking her nipples exclusively; rolling them, flicking them, pinching them.

Her brows pinch together hard as her body floods with tingling heat. Her pussy aches to be touched. Her mind feels like it's opening up, and sunlight is just pouring in.

Her panties are sticking to her. It's embarrassing but she can't help it.

Her breath refuses to stay in her lungs. His hands are so hard, warm and insistent.

He then vacates her shirt and his left hand is fumbling with the button of her pants, while his right hand comes up to grip her jaw.

He forces her face to the left and tilts her head back, and she nearly moans at the dark need swimming in his eyes before his mouth closes over hers, his tongue plunging inside.

Her pants get unzipped.

His fingers brush over her clit and her restraint breaks.

Electricity suffuses her veins and lights up her brain.

She's shaking in his sturdy embrace as his fingers slip inside her, his lengthy groan travelling down to the tips of her toes.

And suddenly she's more aware than she ever was.

Her eyes pop open. Her hands claw at his left forearm but she can't stop him. She can't stop the way his fingers keeps washing her out to a sea of pleasure, till she's sinking beneath the pressure of the building waves.

Her eyes squeeze shut, finding herself conflicted between her own happiness and the inevitable ridicule she's bound to endure.

_Someone's going to hear us. Someone's going to know. They'll catch us._

A particularly well-placed press against her front vaginal walls and she can barely contain her keening.

_This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad..!_

His fingers pulled out, only to begin swiftly strumming her sensitive clit.

She grabbed at his forearm. It felt like a new star had been steadily growing inside of her until it finally exploded.

Her hips bucked despite herself. She tried so hard not to scream.

His arms curled around her to support her boneless, post-orgasm body.

She sank into his body without much choice. The shape of his handgun dug into her spine.

Hazily opening her eyes, she saw what had become of her brand new capris: They were soaked down to her knees.

* * *

Naruto ran out of the women's room fast as he could, then 'nonchalantly' took a seat on the aluminum bench facing the restrooms.

A few people passed through the corridor, entering and leaving, and they paid him no mind.

His heart was jackhammering in his chest, his lips quirked in a permanent, though nervous, smile.

But after twenty minutes, the high wore off and he got up to check on her.

Hovering near the threshold, he called out to her.

"Hinata?" She did say she needed some time, but this was pushing it. Naruto shifted from foot to foot, his left canines sinking into the inner corner of his mouth. "You coming out yet?"

When she answered him, he could barely hear her.

"G,Go to the… job-s,site… I,I'll be here w,when you get back…"

Naruto took a half-step forward, then a full step back. He really did need to go, but he's supposed to be watching over her, making sure she's okay.

"Well… guess I'm going then… but I'll come back right away, okay? Hinata?"

He made out an affirmative hum in the cavernous quiet of the restroom.

He wishes he could picture how she must be feeling, but this was entirely new territory for them both.

They were damn lucky the place wasn't busier.

In a hurricane of panic and lust, he might've rushed to get her to cum. He never thought he could actually get her to squirt.

Maybe she was mortified to have lost that much control of herself. Maybe that's how she's feeling.

"I'll be back!" He reiterates, taking his leave.

He wasn't sure what was needed for something like this, but he feels compelled to discuss the experience as soon as they get home.

* * *

The entire block was closed off by net-wire fence, about a quarter-mile wide all the way around.

The skeletal structure rose up from the caked down dirt like a geometric web, the scaffolding wrapped all along the front, the wooden platforms supporting several men in white utility shirts and tobi trousers, the kind that ballooned around the length of their legs and cinched around their ankles by cloth wrappings.

Walking further along the sidewalk, hoping to spot a foreman or trailer, they happened upon the signage zip-tied to the net-wire: TaTsuna Construction LLC.

The chained gate was several paces further down, and upon spotting a guy with a white hardhat and a blueprint in hand, Naruto cupped his mouth.

"HEEEY! Who can I talk to 'round here? I wanna work!"

The bearded, somewhat pot-bellied man half-turned around and craned his head slightly. He glowered over the frames of his tiny glasses. "Ehh?"

* * *

The foreman agreed to meet with him outside the work zone.

He stood slightly taller than him, and was built like a brick shithouse. He looked like he spent his entire life under the sun. He had black hair that spiked up from his widow's peaks, an X-shaped scar on his broad chin, and when he rolled the cuffs back on his utility shirt, he revealed an array of thin scars that spun along his forearms.

They greeted each other with shallow bows, but when the foreman rose up, he had an even bigger grin and even friendlier eyes.

"Man, the last time I saw you, you were about ye big." He gestured with his flattened hand which stopped at his knee. Before Naruto could respond, the foreman then reared his head back a little, and shouted over his shoulder. "Pops, don't you remember him?"

The same pot-bellied old man was distracted from his blueprint and turned completely around to face them. He tilted his head back so he could see through the lenses. A small smirk emerged.

"Ah, well would ya look at that. It is you," He rolled up his blueprint and approached the gate. "Well now, I wouldn't expect you to remember much. My company was much smaller back then, but we were in charge of the military housing in Naminoku. You stayed there for a time, yes?"

Naruto nodded dumbly.

The forearm barked out a laugh. "As opposed to 'spitting image', you're more like a 'splitting image'. You've got your dad's looks but your mother's face. How about that," He mused. "I don't have a kid of my own, but every day I look at Inari-chan's face, I see just enough of his mother to be happy."

"Is… Is that so?" Naruto desperately wondered when the interview would be underway. So far the only ones having fun on memory lane were these two. That comment about his mother's face was just another stone of internalized resentment to add to the pile. Honestly, he had to wonder if that was why he never got to enjoy the same popularity as his father. He never thought about it before. When he looked in the mirror, he thought he just had hella stubborn baby fat. But then someday, he'd turn out just like his dad.

Well, that dream just got sent six feet into the ground.

After all, he's twenty.

It's not baby fat.

It's just his face.

_Whatever. Hinata likes me, even if she won't say it._

"Hey, uh," He interjected. "Getting back on topic, I'm here for a position."

The foreman bashfully grinned as he rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, right, right. My apologies. Yes, we'll make this quick. I'm Kaiza, by the way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE LIVES! Also this chapter feels awkwardly brief to me, but I hope ya'll liked it. x_x I know everyone loves ze fluff, but I'm personally leaning towards introducing more drama. My initial idea sounded backtrack-y, but I worked it out, and I think it'll be something both Hinata and Naruto really need.


	13. Cocoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the 'Our Lady Kaguya-sama' didn't already reek of Catholic school back in Chapter 2, just picture her looking like the Virgin Mary.
> 
> Update, 4/17/2020: This chapter has been revised.

_"Who would have known,_

_That a boy like him,_

_Would have entered me lightly_

_Restoring my blisses?"_

_-Björk "Cocoon"_

She aligned the shopping bags along either side of the stall, for fear of being merely identified by her footwear.

She knows what really happened. She knows the unbelievable height he brought her to.

The tile is cold beneath her soles, her tan liner socks being no thicker than a pair of tights.

Still, the way she has peel these pants off her skin like a three year old who had an accident doesn't leave her feeling particularly sexy.

She folds it up and disposes it inside the bag nearest her feet, along with her old clothes, and in the next bag over, she unsheathes a dark purple maxi skirt.

But when she's modest again, and someone in the stall to her right takes her leave, Hinata doesn't yet feel ready to emerge from her cocoon.

Her hands gravitate upwards to cup her warm, warm face and she closes her eyes, letting her mind register what had transpired here in this stall.

A fantasy had come true, when all her life such things seemed too beautiful, too unfathomable to achieve that she had begun to favor her own isolation.

Whereas reality can touch her all it wants, there has always been one place it can never reach; that nebulous pocket where her soul hibernates, where her personal beliefs reside on the wall like gem-carved trophies, the most treasured bits of herself that still remain.

There's just enough there to create the shape of herself, of the girl she believes herself to be, despite everyone's assumptions.

She may not be a whole Hinata just yet, but in this moment that they shared, she believes she sees that potential woman reflecting back at her through his eyes.

And it's just enough.

The corner of her pink lips wobble into a self-conscious smile.

She wonders: Can she die happy now perhaps?

When she's old and gray and shuttered herself off from the world, working at a fox sanctuary or some such, would she be able to look back on this moment and think 'I lived a full life.'?

Her eyes peeked open just a bit.

_But I suppose we'll be doing more of this sort of thing, after all._

She should know by now; if she starts it, he'll finish it.

Always.

She gathers up the bags and pushes the lock aside at timid intervals.

She shuffles out of the stall and out of the restroom in much the same, awkward fashion.

She told him she'd still be here.

But at the risk of worrying him more than she intends, she hopes the next surprise will make up for it.

She's making her way back to Kinza, to formally resign from The Stag.

Not for him, though he'll appreciate it, but for herself.

She won't go through that again.

She needs to control the tricks her brain has been playing.

* * *

It's so strange.

She was literally here only yesterday morning.

But it feels like it's been weeks.

She makes her way around the back of the building, same as how she had left it, and though anxiety wraps around her lungs like a vice, she is grateful for her timely arrival.

Kabuto takes notice of her soon as he gets the door unlocked. She can't discern how he's feeling, his round glasses opaque with the sunlight's glare.

He's sizing her up, wordless.

"That uncanny determination tells me you have something to say, Hyuuga-san." He finally says.

He opens the door and gestures inside with the sweep of his arm, as though he were a butler to a princess.

* * *

The remnant stench of cigarette smoke from the night before is thick like a miasma. It sinks into her clothes and hair and makes a home inside her sinuses.

She was nose-blind to it for so long, but now it was utterly detestable.

Kabuto took a seat. She did not.

In hindsight, this place was okay. Drinking like a fish helped ease her nerves. She grew accustomed to her regular patrons. She took notes on their behaviors and preferences like some Psycho-Sociologist student. She kept herself informed and prepared for following visits.

It was enriching in its own way.

Throwing herself head-first into the world of adults. Providing what they wanted to see and what they wanted to hear and learning the whys of such things, where they got these preferences, where these needs truly came from - insecurity, loneliness, boredom - she gave up some of her idealism in favor of unseemly truths, and then made peace with these truths; humans breed ugliness in one another, but their sense of beauty is innate and indisputable. This craving is merely to fill those holes riddled in their lives. Sometimes it just happens to come in the form of a physically-blessed female and intellectually elevated conversation.

She can't hate people in earnest when they're trying to make peace with their own emptiness.

She's not better than them.

And they're not better than her.

The Stag has run its course.

She has nothing left to overcome here.

"I'm quitting," She bowed deeply from the waist. "Thank you for the experience."

"Tomorrow." He said.

Hinata rose back up. "T,Tomorrow?"

On the other hand, she really didn't want to wear another trashy, curve-hugging piece of snakeskin for the rest of her life. She'll live out the rest of her inconsequential days from within a flying squirrel Kigurumi if she can help it, all fuzzy and warm with the extra material like a cape.

_Naruto-kun definitely isn't allowed to see me like that._

Kabuto pushed his glasses up, and once again they were opaque.

"You have a meager debt, my dear. Between the date with Uraki-san, and the highly suspect bottle of whiskey, I request that you work tonight," He lifted his head and offered her a ghoulish grin. "We'll give you a nice Goodbye Party."

Hinata's brows pinched. "The bottle? Was it contaminated, after all?"

Kabuto foppishly shrugged his shoulders.

"I couldn't be sure. But I threw it out, nonetheless. Shame considering,"

Yes, a shame. Considering that he is one of many legal businesses that lines the wallets of Yakuza. Because to do the proper thing and hand the bottle over as evidence would invite scrutiny from any cop or detective gunning to cut the Yakuza at their knees.

"The fact is, Hyuuga-san," He continued. "Pouring the drinks is _your_ job. That's _your_ responsibility. A bookworm like you may not be aware, but if you were to go to a club, any ole' night club, and ordered yourself a drink… should you leave your glass unattended, or uncovered as you passed through the dance floor, or if you had naively accepted a glass from a stranger and not the bartender… the price you pay for such ignorance is entirely on you. Allowing a customer to touch the merchandise… and that goes both ways, my dear…" This insinuation lit a fire of humiliation in her belly that brought heat to her face, the smoke of her indignation pricking her eyes. "... That is something you must take responsibility for."

Hinata clenched tightly around the bag handles, plastic ribbons and coiled paper threads wicking away the sweat from her palms.

Sure. She gets it. He's not wrong. She slipped up. Got distracted. Had a bad night. Whatever it amounts to.

And the consequences had led to a brief state of mental sickness.

It shouldn't happen again.

Naruto-kun is back. They can have fun like they both always wanted. She can learn to enjoy herself properly. Do what he feels is best for her despite herself.

Even when he leaves, she'll be okay. Because she knows how to be okay. She'll have their memories, their own indelible truths forged together through passion and camaraderie, and she won't lose sight of herself.

She can always reach back into the woman she was when she was around him, and she'll be okay.

That's all this life is, anyways. No ultimate endings, no enlightening epiphanies; It's just an endless experience.

For all she knows, the old gods are compiling data from the guinea pig farm known as Earth, and are set to let their offspring loose. They'll assimilate and breed and the DNA of homo sapien will be so diluted that they'll have been effectively conquered.

It's just like immortals to play the long con.

Suddenly, she remembers she had a book she's been wanting to read, and then she remembers she's still talking to her old boss.

It's funny. Her imagination hasn't been this active since she was a first year in high school.

"... How much?" She says.

"You don't want a Goodbye Party?" He chuffed emptily. "It's going to be a thousand six-hundred and seventy ryo. That's fifteen hun for you, and a hundred seventy for the bottle you wasted."

_One more night. Or I sacrifice a portion of my earnings._

Earnings which she very much valued for her cultural sustenance… oh, and actual sustenance. Which she can eat a lot of if available.

Kabuto craned his head to the side, leaning it against his right shoulder. "That old man has gained the rare honor of joining our ban list, by the way-"

Her eyes widened at that. Of course, he did get kicked out, which was also rare. The only other instance was when a customer's card got denied.

"Banned?" She parroted, as if needing to be sure.

"Yes, I've caught wind from some of our competition that they've had trouble with him as well. But the girls he's harassed have not been quite as… permissive as you."

His eyes are cold as they peer through the lenses.

She feels like she's all alone on a stage, one that keeps rising higher and higher beneath a single spotlight and it's bearing down on her, illuminating the spaces where the distorted shape that is her Self doesn't quite meet all her edges.

She knows.

She's never been like all the other girls.

It's like she's half of a person, just because she doesn't fight, or get angry, or speak her mind.

She hates it, but only because the world makes her hate it.

Because there isn't nonsense in her passivity, nor weakness, she believes. Only principle.

So she doesn't want to add to the world's negativity. So what?

So she doesn't want to be responsible for fostering ugliness in another individual. So what?

So she wants to keep her conscience as immaculate and sparkling as possible by doing what she feels is right, by making her own choices, and at times by choosing to abstain from existence. So what?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that.

There can't be.

* * *

Once inside the dressing room, she arranges her personal belongings together, to have them ready to be moved out tomorrow.

It really isn't much.

She has her blanket, a few sets of old clothes, six novels, her smartphone and laptop.

Her old apartment had already been furnished prior to her arrival. Upon eviction, she had let her mother take back everything else: plateware, perfume, shoes, her high school-era of collected novels, a vinyl player and her meager collection of essential dream pop albums, about ninety percent of her walk-in closet, things like that.

She'll get a new place, if only to store her things, if only to have her personal cocoon.

These things will take up a hefty portion of Naruto's living room, crammed into a corner until then.

She grabs up her smartphone. She replies to the one and only text she has from him, received two days ago when she entered her number into his contacts at the hotel.

**Naruto: Hey sexy! Don't forget to add me!**

Biting down on the bottom of her lip, she shook her head and began to type.

**Hinata: I'm sorry, but something came up. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?**

She put her phone down on the table and stretched her arms high over her head, waiting for that little pop in her back to loosen her tension.

Tonight was going to be fine. Maybe a little tedious, but the only trouble she ever got was from that perverted veteran.

She'll take this experience with her to a new job and she'll fortify her brave face, until it truly becomes a part of her.

Her phone buzzes violently like a yellow jacket cutting passed her ear.

He's calling her.

She picks it up. Answers him. Puts it to her ear.

"H,Hello?"

**"Are you kidding me right now?"**

The first thing out of his mouth and cuts straight through her. She feels weak in the knees. Her fingers are clammy, growing cold.

"N,Naruto-kun?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and tries to steady her breath.

**"What the fuck happened? Why are you there by yourself? You said something came up?"**

"Y,Yes," She cleared the discomfort lodged in her throat, trying to dig deep down for her confidence. It seemed like her confidence had merely taken the shape of a boat this whole time, large and visible until his voice breached the hull and sank it down quicker than she could plug it. "I,It's f,fi-"

**"It's what? No, don't fucking try to fool me. You caved. That's what happened. See, this is why you shouldn't do anything without me-"**

She pulled the phone away. She laid it in her lap. She would have dropped it.

He's saying other things.

He's calling her name.

Hinata taps the big red circle.

And she flicks her phone away onto the table as if it were a diseased rodent.

She curls her legs up on and tucks her head between her knees, the draped cloth of her skirt cradling her searing, damp face like a veil.

_That's not how I see myself. That's not how I see myself. That isn't…_

Lifting her head, she peered at her distant reflection in the vanity directly ahead.

The back of her maxi skirt was caught against the velvet of the long chair, spread out like an unholy halo.

She plucked the edges of the hem and drew the length over her head and around her body.

She looked just like The Mother of all Things, Our Lady Kaguya-sama. A supposed goddess who gave herself to a human man, and in her centuries long life, she never laid with nor loved another.

She had set an example for womankind, or so the schools preached: If a goddess can be brought to her knees by a mortal man, then marriage is the greatest privilege to all mortal women.

She never bought into that nonsense, but then she never bought into her mother's extreme lifestyle either; whose seeds had apparently been sown by the secret after school club of sex-starved private school girls.

They had regularly lured boys to their parties, made up their own ritualistic customs and as well as an arduous rite of passage for newcomers. They subverted those religious beliefs into something they wholeheartedly agreed with, and they all had designated themselves 'goddesses-in-training'.

The club members had let her watch, never forced her to participate. The legacy of her mother was enough for them to trust her. It was why she got the invite in the first place.

Did she feel like she 'caved' back then?

She doesn't think so. She likes to think that wasn't the case.

She had certainly been curious about her mother's lifestyle choices. It hasn't helped restore the respect lost, but in the end it wasn't much of her business. Her mother had been ineffectual in other ways.

Gratefully, the club members had never allowed a boy to touch her, let alone look at her. As a 'goddess-in-training', consent was a must, and her needs were to be met, not violated.

The girls might have taken their punishments on the boys a little too far at times, but the boys that became regulars seemed to have awakened to their masochistic tendencies.

Some of her own sexual awakenings may have happened there, but she usually felt queasy by the end of it all. Overstimulated in every possible way.

Hinata's eyes narrow at her reflection, at the abhorrent costume of innocence that she can't seem to be released from.

She already knows.

She gets it.

There is greed in all forms of love.

And in this moment, this first step towards self-love somehow feels like the greatest sin of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I wrote this in five hours lol. Hope Hinata's introspection has been coherent. x_x I was originally concerned about this being backtrack-y, but I think it's fine after tussling with it a bit. Is it confusing that this is my OTP but I'm inclined to reveal their potential dysfunction like so? IDK what's up with that, haha.
> 
> My very first AU on my old FFN account was 39 chapters? 41? Of nonstop pain, mainly because this was between 2006-2009, and I felt hopeless about my OTP, so I kept waiting for the plot to bring them together and maybe only 6 months in-universe happened... defo a slow burn... and I was like halfway into the outline, I was sooo close to the turning point where Naruto was supposed to be like 'Oh, I'm starting to care about this girl', and yeah... It's not a great fic by any means. I made the mistake of relying on OCs and random bouts of Japanese dialogue. Oooof.
> 
> Anyways, I apologize if this PwP is lacking in sex and that the last smut scene was so short. :B


	14. Even If It Makes Others Uncomfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does not pass the Bechdel Test. XD Also I've got mixed feels about what I wrote, cuz some of it feels like it came out of my ass more than my head, but I think I like the part at the very end.
> 
> Man, another short chapter, huh? Also I keep flip-flopping between wanting to write tension and wanting to write life-affirming shit. O_o mah gewdness me.

_"I heard this life is just a play with no rehearsal,_

_I wonder will this be my final act tonight?_

_And tell me what's the price of fame?_

_Am I a sinner with my skirt on the ground?"_

_-Janelle Monáe "Q.U.E.E.N feat. Erykah Badu"_

_Shaking._

_Her hands would not stop shaking._

_The ground seemed to sink and sway beneath every step like liquefaction after an earthquake._

_And she had run from that clubroom as if it had been the epicenter of her undoing._

_Her mind violently recalls how the club President had introduced their 'new meat', a freshman boy with a cherub face. He wore a leather collar around his neck like a dog and was ordered to get down on all fours._

_Red flooded his face as it did hers, and she watched him play his part._

_But was he scared? Or was he satisfied?_

_She couldn't tell._

_The club President perched herself on the edge of a desk and crossed her legs, left over right, and offered her left foot to the boy._

_'Lick it, you cur.' She had said._

_He did._

_And Hinata felt like a C-4 bomb had remotely detonated inside her chest._

_She ran from that scene._

_Those girls were absolutely disgusting!_

_'But, then again…' She thought, as she slowly approached the front gate of her home, its classic architecture looming behind the manicured courtyard. '... That sort of thing is supposed to be mutual.'_

_The gate shudders and whirrs as it slides open to the left._

_She crosses the courtyard and makes her way inside, then after cutting through the foyer, then towards the kitchen, she happens upon a chorus of deep chuckles and the melodious laughter of her mother. It's coming from the Sitting Room._

_Hinata hovered there in the hallway, staring at that sliver of light between the partially ajar doors._

_She crept towards the light and peered inside._

_In every fine leather chair sat a man in a suit, and they all were circled around her mother who lounged on a long chair, in her elegant modest dress, stirring her tea like an Empress surrounded by her Generals._

_When Hinata knows deep down her mother is in fact a big wh-_

_Her mother's gaze drifted over in her direction, and her cheeks pulled up higher into her eyes imperceptibly, and Hinata's breath held._

_Her mother broke eye contact, resuming her ruling of the room as she took a sip of her tea and gleamed at them over the rim._

_Hinata took her leave, her unsettled emotions begging to be reorganized, her tested values and principles detained and brought in for questioning._

_Well..._

_At least her mother knows not to bring unwanted attention onto her growing daughter. Especially after all she's been through._

_To be swamped by those men's potentially gross adoration was strictly prohibited if she had anything to say about it._

_Even princesses have a say over what goes on in the castle._

* * *

In the dressing room there is a door that blends in with the wall. The only thing that lets you know it's there is the gaudy golden handle.

Inside is the bathing room.

It's not at all like an ofuro, for it has all three fixtures in one room: toilet, sink, and a clawfoot porcelain bathtub.

Hinata is submerged up to her mouth in the steaming hot water, her arms closed around her as if the heat is lacking in comfort.

She feels like there's always been a chain that she's been dragging behind her whole life. Where it begins often drifts through her body.

At times where she is forced to keep her mouth shut, there's a collar around her neck, the chain yanking her down to heel.

At times where others fill in her hollow spots with their own assumptions and projections, then a shackle appears around her ankle.

A chain around her waist when things become too much and the need to flee is unbearable.

A chain attached to her heart whenever she thinks of him.

At this rate, enough links will reach his hand.

At this rate, he has the power to rip her heart right out of her chest.

She closes her eyes.

But then a knock on the door shakes her from her rumination.

_"Hinata?"_ Called Mei.

"I'm here."

_"Are you going to be okay? I thought you needed more time off after that incident."_

If there was a door to her heart, then the bath water had flooded her insides and warmed her to her core.

These other girls, though much tougher than herself, really needed someone like Mei to look over them.

Hinata smiled.

"It's my final night. It's okay."

_"Huh. Is that so?"_

"Yes, well also I owe the club for standing up Uraki-san-"

_"Ehhh?! I called up Uraki-san myself, to cancel the date. I told him you had a bad night and he understood!"_

Hinata blinked at that. But if she thought about it, Uraki-san was kind of stodgy for his age. Call girls and Hostesses were a logical means of securing arm candy for a bit of peacocking in front of colleagues and investors. He didn't care much for a girl's feelings, therefore he wasn't on the market and he never would be.

Romance was a hassle.

Much to her chagrin, Hinata understood that very, very well.

"But the manager said-"

_"Ughhh, Kabuto, that nerdy little snake! Okay, tell me, what did he say?"_

"He said I owed him for the date and the bottle."

The door handle jingled. It wasn't locked.

Mei barged on through in her emerald and cobalt snakeskin mini dress. Shutting the door behind her, she crouched to her knees before the tub, and stared Hinata dead in the eyes.

"There's something I need to tell you," Mei inched forward and cupped her hand around Hinata's ear. "I took that bottle home in a plastic bag," Hinata's eyes widened as Mei continued. "Leverage, just in case this place all goes to shit. Never bet on the bad guys, girly," Mei then sat back on her ankles and clasped her hands together in front of her sheepish face. "I'm sorry to take advantage of your affliction like this. I hope you understand."

Hinata stared at her, the words like cold molasses on her tongue. "Was there actually something wrong with it?"

Mei shrugged with a smirk. "There can be," She said with a wink. A tense silence passed when Mei realized her error. "Oh, you really need to know, huh?"

Her full lips pressed together, Hinata nodded gravely.

Mei's demeanor quieted as she straightened her posture and placed her hands in her lap. Her eyes grew icy.

"Perhaps, I was too hard on you that night. I've seen girls freeze up before, and I know what they've been through. I should have thought the same, regardless of your status or upbringing. Hinata, I don't think that bottle was laced. I know what getting roofied looks like. And you would've had the worst hangover of your _life,"_

Mei got up, leaned over and pecked the top of her head.

"Whatever is happening with you, you need to face it. I'm glad you won't be pushing yourself too hard anymore, though. This environment really isn't suitable for you."

Mei leaned away and cupped her face, a warm, adoring smile radiating just for her.

She turned away and headed for the door.

"Don't get too pruny, okay?"

With that, she shut Hinata in with all her thoughts.

The weight of them would surely overflow the bathwater.

* * *

What will she do from here on out?

It's a conundrum that has sucked her right in as she sits at the middle vanity, applying her make-up while Mei curls her hair.

_I'm not particularly good at anything. Can't do customer service, menial labor is too repetitive. No college degree, therefore no company position. Even a pleasant job such as a bookstore won't sustain me for very long. Relying on my looks is the easy way out, but… why should that matter? Does that really make me look lazy? Or unintelligent?_

She recalls something she heard Ino say to Sakura when they were thirteen: _"If you've got it, flaunt it."_

Social standards are so hyper-conditional that there's simply no way to safely navigate without stepping on toes, is there?

Be pretty, but in moderation.

Be sexy, but in moderation.

Be educated, but in moderation.

Be unique… but in moderation.

If you're short, psychologically no one thinks you're a leader. If you're too tall, then you're just plain scary. Be sure to grow to the right amount and then stop. Exactly like a Quick Time Event.

Most of these things, you could say, she hit the button too late and failed the mission.

Now she's just stuck with what she's got. She has to wake up and be herself. And make decisions where she hits the button too late every time.

She'd like to get a 'perfect' just this once.

But for what?

She sets her foundation brush down and reaches for the cartridge of blotting paper for her cheeks just under her eyes. She's gotten a little better at this stuff, but after awhile the myriad of steps begins to bore her.

When Mei is done with her hair, she helps Hinata finish up the rest of her face. It's a lot faster to let a professional do it.

Mei begins to paint her lips.

Then lines her eyes with deep brown.

"I don't know what's next for me." She said so emptily, as if her soul rested on the breath she sighed out.

"Was there nothing you wished to do before this place?"

"I'm afraid I have no aspirations. I idled myself at the Moon Room sometime after graduation. My father said that if I were to continue wasting his money on such nonsense, then I better be wasting my own money. At my age, he said the only thing he'll pay for is my education or my wedding, but not my distractions of choice."

Mei began to sweep a neutral rose blush across the hollow of her cheeks.

"Well, you must enjoy something in a deeper sense. There's got to be something you can contribute."

Hinata wondered if Mei was even one to talk.

"What about you, Mama-san?"

Mei was quiet as she replaced the brush and palette onto the vanity.

"You mean, if I didn't want to get married so badly?"

Hinata nodded.

Mei crossed her arms and leaned against the edge of the vanity dresser. "Some people might believe that I feel hollow without the love of a man, that I would feel unfulfilled without a ring on my finger. But that's not me. I think I'm wonderful. And I deserve the world. Having a lover would be like the conjoining of two worlds. We both have something to contribute, and this widens our beliefs and deepens our experience. The unfortunate thing is, the man I thought who would open up my world was already taken," Mei began to bite down bitterly on her thumbnail. With a 'tsk', she dismissed the memory. "I'm still looking, but no one has been nearly good enough."

"Perhaps you'll be the type to marry later in life?"

Mei hung her head in defeat.

The door then opened.

Seven other girls filed in early into the dressing room one by one, clucking like hens as they spoke with one another.

Hinata put them out of her mind as she reached for the mascara.

Then her phone on the table buzzed to life.

A young woman of twenty-six sauntered over to her like a leopard. "So, I heard it's your final night, huh?"

Hinata finished up her face and turned towards Mei. She have her the thumbs up. Hinata then got out of her seat and walked over to the table to grab her phone.

Ice filled her veins in anticipation.

She had too much crap on her face to cry over him a second time.

**Naruto: What if I said I was leaving in 21 days, huh? You're just going to waste what precious time we have left?**

Really? Two hours later and he's still trying to make her out to be the bad guy?

Hinata began to type back with detached precision.

The woman who she was ignoring clucked her tongue and shrugged with her hands on her hips."I knew you wouldn't make it a year, little girl."

**Hinata: Do you know what the significance of the number 21? It marks the beginning of the new cycle. It represents a new start. In the old book, it represents rebellion against god. In numerology it signifies selflessness and encouragement, two things you don't seem to do very consistently. I said I would see you tomorrow. But I don't have to.**

She didn't send it.

Her hands wouldn't stop shaking.

She could feel the little knives of her own venom stab at her chest as her thumb hovered over the 'send' button.

She loves him.

She doesn't want to lose him.

But he's not her god.

She pressed the button. Circling the table, she approached the long chair and buried her phone beneath her pillow. She then piled her blanket atop it, and pushed down hard with both hands.

She didn't forget what her soon-to-be former co-worker said.

She tucked her hair behind ears and looked her dead in the eye.

"... I'm getting married."

The room stilled.

All eyes rolled onto her.

The catty smirk fell right off of that priss's face.

Hinata rounded on her heel and headed for the folding screens to get dressed.

She will still see him tomorrow.

Right now, she's just so, so angry.

And she hates it.

Because this isn't her.

She's not supposed to be like this.

But the world wants her to be like this.

Naruto wants her to be like this.

Just with anyone else but him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's side next! Then hopefully some real talk after that. :B


	15. This Won't Last Long

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to scrap Naruto's side of things. Don't wanna rehash Ch 8 (in terms of writing yet another solo introspection chapter) or slow down momentum. I had 2 flashbacks I was invested in, but they're benched for now.
> 
> Continuing from Hinata's POV. She's got more to unpack than Naruto at this point, and his reactions really aren't that complicated to grasp, even if he comes off as a reactive asshole.
> 
> Hey, is NH fandom dead? =_= I have so many regrets. Mainly that I ever took a 5 year hiatus... but what can ya do? :( I'mma still write for them till my ideas run dry, of course. But I do miss the heyday.
> 
> 4/17/2020: This chapter required NO revision. Yay!

_"I'm gonna throw you all off me,_

_Like a mechanical bull and you'll be sorry,_

_I'll be your sweet sugar muffin with the cream,_

_But stay on my back for too long and I'll spin ya,_

_I need to be alone!_

_You've been at my throat,"_

_-Stella Donnelly "Mechanical Bull"_

She got her things out of the dressing room as soon as she had awoke, groggy and bleary-eyed, with a steel trap of a hangover around her head.

She hadn't been in contact with Kou since graduation. Her headache and empty stomach was a saving grace, allowing her to ignore his existence with little reason to worry over his feelings. If he cared at all.

Two ibuprofen, a capsule of Turmeric powder and a glass of water later, she waited it out.

Kou helped Mei pack her laptop, her clothes, and lastly her blanket into Mei's car.

By the end of it all, she was alone once again.

Mei agreed to meet her there in a couple hours.

Hinata told her she has an aversion to riding in big cars.

Her headache ebbed but still remained.

Her stomach clenched for sustenance.

Ramen is strongly recommended in a situation like this.

Her stomach clenched for a different reason this time.

The vision of his face, the echo of his laugh, and the fresh scratches of his words along the flesh of her ego.

Hours ago her body vibrated with indignation, whilst her heart sank beneath the weight of her immense disgust.

These feelings lapped against her prone form like foamy waves along the shore.

As if her anger had taken her through choppy ocean waters, and her subsequent binge-drinking the very thing that breached her hull and took her under.

She just feels like curling up into a small ball. Tight enough that she may disappear.

She would like to become a nautilus fossil. Buried so deep under the sand. Dried out and perfectly preserved. Until someone comes along and finds her.

They cradle her in their hands and think 'My, what a beautiful specimen.'

Then they take her home.

Maybe she's locked away. Maybe she's on display.

It's okay to be appreciated after the fact. She's not alive to complain about her circumstances. Or irony in which her death is as her life was; the experience of a girl whom know one knew, but who all greatly enjoyed looking upon.

Hinata finally crawls off the long chair.

She makes her way to the center vanity.

She supports herself against the dresser. Stares long, dark and hard into the placid eyes of her reflection.

Her bangs hang so low. They brush over her eyelashes, obscuring any nuance of emotion that her brow may reveal. It also makes her face look incredibly small.

It's not small like Sakura-san's. In fact, her face is possibly three fingers longer than Ino-san's, and two fingers wide thanks to her full jawline.

Sakura, who looks like a doll; from her heart-shaped face and five-finger forehead, to her perky nose and clever eyes. Ino, who has the ideal features of an underwear model, with her square-shaped face, perfect hairline, pointed lips and demanding gaze.

Hinata palmed her cheeks.

_So much fat. So much… face._

The slightest push made her thick, flat lips pucker up, emphasizing her belief that she's no little more than a flesh doll.

Releasing her face, she reached up and brushed her bangs to the side.

It opened up her face, revealing the round of her high cheekbones and the gentle edge of her brow bone.

Already she looks less like a doll herself. This low-maintenance hime cut she's had since childhood has been keeping her perpetually five years younger than she really is.

But that's no excuse for his behavior.

She is _not_ fifteen anymore.

She tilts her head this way and that.

No, reminding him that she's a grown woman is not the problem here, either.

He's been undressing himself a little at a time, in ways that she did not wish to see, revealing one ulterior motive after another.

He thinks she doesn't see it.

Hinata glances around the surface of the vanity. In the upper right corner is a make-up organizer. Inside amidst all the brushes and tubes, a pair of stainless steel hair scissors catches her eye.

She hooks her fingers through the two holes and grasps her bangs between the scissor of her left hand fingers.

She lobs off a good three inches from temple to temple, displaying a good two fingers of forehead above her formless eyebrows.

Putting the scissors down, she tucks her hair behind her ears and assesses her progress.

She idly entertains the cliché that is her current actions.

The actions of a love-distressed woman taking her frustrations out on her old self.

She grabs the scissors and begins to neaten up her edges.

She imagines she may need to seek a professional hairdresser after a wash reveals the flaws in her impulsive self-styling.

But for now… She looks more mature. More assured.

In fact, she looks downright mean.

She takes a final look around this place as she adjusts her clothes and grabs her phone.

She'll never step foot in here again.

* * *

She's on her way over to his apartment when she receives this reply, as if he hadn't been sufficiently bothered enough until now.

**Naruto: What was the point all of that random shit about the number 21? You just tryin to show off your education or something?**

Hinata rolled her eyes as she sat on the bullet train.

**Hinata: Why? Anything else you're insecure about?**

Every arrow launched only put two more in her own heart.

She knew exactly which one of them was going down first.

* * *

She's camping outside his front door, hazily staring off into the distance, her phone balancing precariously along the bridging of her fingers.

This is the part she feared.

**Naruto: wooooow okay i think i can top that.**

The part she knew so well.

**Naruto: ur a liar. there. that's it. and u kno y?**

It was bound to happen.

That they would bring out each other's ugliness somewhere along the way.

She called it, too. The double standard. That she cannot stick up for herself if it's with him.

**Naruto: u lied on the bridge that i didn't do anything wrong. u still owe me a fuckin explanation cuz im tired of dangling on ur hook. u lied about needing my help cuz u wont fuckin listen to me. and i bet ur chicken ass u lied about mysteresly losing 4 hrs of time becuz victim is the only role ur good at playing. i thought i had a good read people, but ur off the charts fake! [clapping emojis]**

**Naruto: ur turn. hit me back brat.**

Both his offense and defense were pretty good. She couldn't find a weak spot to attack.

Not without cutting him down at the knees, that is.

But this was bound to happen.

And for all his lack of belief in her and her integrity, she had to put him in his place.

He keeps undressing himself, like she won't say anything, like she won't complain. But she'll expose him faster than he can emotionally prepare for.

He'll understand how she really feels.

**Hinata: Talking about 'fake', coming from the boy who was always 'Look at me! Look at me!'|**

She paused to wipe the loose moisture stinging her left eye.

**You're a social chameleon. You want to tell me that's better than my social incompetence? Fine. But don't call me 'fake' just because|**

What did she want to say here?

Because he got fooled?

But she never fooled him. Never lied. Never toyed. Never used.

He sees what he wants to see.

Sometimes she's wonderful in his eyes. He says such things because in the moment, he needs her.

Other times, like now, she's utterly worthless to him if it means he can't get what he wants.

And when she tries to get what she wants, it's insubordination. It's a rejection of his readily available kindness. It's fifty consecutive slaps in the face.

She's no more a tool in his hands than she is his 'friend'.

**… because I won't date you.**

She sends it.

She hangs her head forward, perching the edge of her forehead against her wrists.

Their star was steadily imploding.

* * *

Mei arrived.

It was a good distraction to pull everything out of her car and bring upstairs, only to pile everything outside his front door.

Mei leaned against the wall. She chose to wait until whoever finally arrived and helped her settle in.

"Are you really going to be okay here, girly?"

Hinata could hear the frown in her voice.

She nodded dumbly.

This isn't her fault.

Mister Hypocrite-kun 'I don't go back on my word' couldn't keep his end of the agreement for more than two days.

_Naruto clears his throat._

_She's studying the solemn profile of his face._

_He clears his throat again. "Yeah, that's right," He mumbled. "Nothing has to change," He turns towards her slightly. His eyes are opaque and heavy, but he smiles at her anyways. "Didn't I tell you, you can always count on me?"_

_The heavy weight in her chest lessens. She's so, so sorry for him. Despite her guilt and her fear, she returns his smile._

_Her eyes drift closed and she leans into him fully, his sturdy warmth like a pillar of strength for her fragile soul. "Yes. I'm sorry for forgetting."_

_She's so grateful that it aches, because this is all that she can handle right now._

_And she knows he respects that._

The fool here is her for believing in him.

The old him is gone.

Men are horrendously self-aggrandizing creatures. They look for any trophies they can acquire. They polish them, arrange them by importance. Men like her father share their trophies, like a little boy who shares their toys for acceptance.

The ways of men are pathetically narcissistic that it barely deserves a hollow laugh.

She'll mourn for the loss of another good boy in this world.

Because her Naruto-kun isn't coming back.

* * *

Footsteps echo closer, thudding heavily with the weight of his emotions.

She knows it's him.

She knows what a malicious approach sounds like.

Her fingers curl up as she fights back against the rising tide of anxiety.

It's hard to breathe. And all she really wants to do is duck her head beneath her arms and cry, cry, cry.

His scowl rises up as he ascends the stairs, two ashen eyes fixed on her like he could disintegrate her into nothing. Or likely wished that he could.

Mei tsked beside her.

"Small freakin' world…" She mutters.

Hinata doesn't understand Mei's reaction, but she pushes herself to her feet, dressed in a pastel pink knee-high dress with the white Pītā Pan collar and a charcoal maxi cardigan, feeling cold yet fiery all at once in her choice of self-expression. Girly yet grown. As if she wore this pall over her assumed innocence with pride.

Naruto stopped in front of his door.

It frightens her how his features are so carefully even, but she can see the imperfection in his façade, the tension in his jaw, the thrumming in his neck, the quiver between his eyebrows like two cliffs threatening to collapse against each other.

His shoulders are tensed up as well.

But then suddenly Mei moves away from the wall and steps beside Hinata.

Mei grabs her own breasts, juggling them in a taunt. "You can't have these, you creepy boy!"

Hinata and Naruto stiffen at the same time.

"Wh,Who the fuck are you?!" He sputters, red-faced.

Hinata eyes him with deadpan scrutiny, because she should have expected no less from him. He catches her gaze for a moment, his initial ire reigniting, but all the worse thanks to Mei.

He bared his teeth and stabbed the air with his forefinger, pointing in the direction over their shoulders.

"You better get outta my face, hag."

Mei crossed her arms and sashayed towards him, until they were toe to toe. She glared up at him, as though the look in her eye was a stiletto pointed at his throat.

"Hag? _Hag_? I still recall the day your gorgeous father turned me down gently. Treatment that sweet is not given to 'hags'. A man like him usually isn't even my type. Hmmm... Perhaps perfection like him skips every other generation. So sad for you, you horny little monkey."

Hinata didn't understand this exchange.

Did Naruto blow money at The Stag before she ever became an employee there?

Did he hit on Mei?

Hinata's palms flew up to cover her clammy face.

_What am I getting upset for? I should've expected no less from him._

She hears him spit venom beneath his breath.

"Get the hell out of my face, bitch. Women like you drove my mom up the wall. Show some fucking respect."

Mei shifted her stance. Hinata heard it in the way her heels clicked against the concrete. The woman emitted a smug hum.

"You. Firs-"

"Terumi-san," Hinata cut in. "Please."

She heard Mei cluck her tongue. She murmured something to Naruto, but what, Hinata didn't catch.

The woman then marched down the breezeway, out of the apartment complex and into her SUV.

It was silent. But not silent long enough.

"Having fun yet, Hinata? What bullshit did you tell her to say to me, huh? I've complained about those dumb bitches before. You think this shit is a joke?" His voice cracks a little at the end.

Her heart cracks a little, too.

"... Was telling Tamaki-san that I was your 'girlfriend' a joke? Or was that a lie?"

His shoes scuff as he turns towards his door.

He fishes for his house key and when he tries to put it in the lock, he misses. And he misses. And again. And again. Until he's furiously stabbing at the lock, the scraping of metal surfaces violent and loud.

He finally gets it in.

The door swings wide open, the handle cracking against the wall and he steps inside.

His shoes come off clumsily in his haste.

His heavy footfalls pound along the tatami, as if there were a giant on the other side of the threshold.

"GET YOUR SHIT AND GET INSIDE!"

She can't.

Because her hands won't stop shaking.

But she stoops down in front of her things and she tries.

She glances warily over the side of the breezeway, right where Mei's car used to be.

_It's okay. It's going to be fine. This won't last long._

* * *

She's staying inside the _genkan_ with her back against the front door.

The last thing she brought in was her white and powder blue cashmere blanket with the snowflake pattern, folded up nice and tight and she can't bring herself to part with it.

She hugs it tightly to her body.

He's pacing about.

His fists are shaking.

He can't seem to decide where he wants to direct his energy.

So he keeps pacing.

She realizes she's perpetuating the wrong image yet again. She unfurls her fingers and loosens her embrace. She places her blanket down atop the pile of personal items by the upper left corner of the _genkan_.

When her fingers seek each other out, she forms fists and holds them firm at her sides.

"I didn't tell her to say anything to you. I don't know where you get this idea that I would do that."

His hands fly up to cup his temples as he finally stops pacing. She watches how his chest heaves, deep and measured.

He winces. "Well, you're acting all kinds of ways I never thought you would. So what am I supposed to think?"

And there it was. The spark to her ire. It set her aflame as though she had come here doused in gasoline.

Hinata worked her shoes off, the clopping of leather and wooden heels sounding the approach of an incensed mare. She marched towards the kotatsu and climbed atop it.

Naruto turned towards her in mild incredulity.

She was at eye level with him now.

"Am I?" She said. "And just how am I meant to behave?! You don't tell a cute girl you've got a girlfriend to let her know you're taken! You tell her to make yourself more desirable! You don't want a girlfriend to hold down love; You want a girlfriend as evidence to the _entire_ world that you _are_ loved!"

He croaked out something unintelligible, and she just kept going.

"Don't use me for **that**! Don't use me at all!"

His arms flew up and swept outwards. "What the fuck?! I'm not-" He gestured at himself, both hands meeting at his sternum.

"You target my insecurities and build me up because we're 'good' friends, and then you condescend to me whenever you feel like the leash is getting just a little too long to your liking!" His eyes widened, mouth parted. His face opened up as if he were seeing himself in the mirror for the first time in his life. Hinata continued to chew him out. "You agreed we could stay as friends! You're the one who caved!" Her face pinched against the incoming tears. "You feel you called dibs on me years ago, so you _caved_ so you could still fuck me! So that no one else could fuck me!"

His lips pulled back over his teeth, brows furrowing high into his forehead over livid eyes. He looked both offended and alarmed at the same time as he marched up to her.

"No! No! You _let_ me fuck you!" His voice boomed in her ears.

"You coerced me! You guilt-tripped me! I wanted-" She stopped short as soon as she saw his eyes turn red, a wet sheen staring back at her. The prominent bulge in his throat bobbed as he swallowed.

They both already knew this part.

She did cave that day, but only in the hopes of being done with it.

Then she gave him a chance the following day. She had hoped to be proven wrong time and time again. A leap of faith, if you will. Because that's what you do for people.

You put your faith in them.

And everything's been upside-down ever since.

"... I wanted nothing to do with you, anymore." She finally said, so quietly it emphasized the ringing in her ears. The bulge in his throat moved faster, but his face remained admirably stoic. "Because it was only going to end up like this. But you didn't care. You only wanted what you wanted in the moment-"

"Wrong." He rasped.

"You knew I couldn't say 'no'. Because 'Hinata is incapable of saying no'. You got what you wanted and it's still not enough-"

His stoic mask flashed away, his glare brightly glinting with indignation.

"WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! I HAD NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY! NO FUCKING CLUE! YOU SCARE ME SHITLESS, ALRIGHT?!"

Hinata's weight shifted onto the ball of her left foot. She nearly took a step back but stopped herself.

He continued.

"Obviously, I hoped you'd agree! Any man'll try to block the competition from taking what they want! You think I'm a piece of shit for that?!"

Her mouth hung open as his admission washed over her. Her fists unfurled. She crossed her arms and loosely hugged herself, finding for a moment that she could not look him in the eye.

"... You've always wanted; whether it was me or any other girl. It's to be liked by you that I used to wish for-" She's cut off momentarily by his choked, miserable grunt. She gives him a moment, but he has nothing to say.

He stepped away.

She glanced up and watched him.

His arms were limp at his sides.

If there had been any light burning within him, it's been stomped out. His eyes were like darkened windows.

His gaze fell away to the side. His jaw shifted side to side.

It's so quiet.

He's so quiet.

Her grip tightens around her upper arms.

She has her ground to stand.

Nothing will change, otherwise.

She won't move. And she won't be moved.

Her fingernails dig in deeper, tears streaking down faster.

She won't go over there.

She won't wrap her arm around his middle, or beckon him to rest his face in her chest.

She won't do it.

The chain to her heart is dead weight at his feet. It's there for him to pick up and tear her apart.

It's there for her to take back before he does.

But then his face crumples.

His hands come up again to palm his forehead. She can no longer stare at him and see what he's feeling, but the rest of him says enough.

He doesn't want to wake up to the fact that he's lost.

Another strangled groan disturbs the silence.

She hates that she's done this. Once she sets the fire, she doesn't know how to put it out. Ten million bee stings all along her skin because her own venom has sunken in deep.

And it cuts her to hear an uneven exhale rush out from his mouth, the way his throat thickly swallows, and the words that come stumble out with great difficulty, as though he were trying to speak underwater with his nose pinched shut.

"Y,You used like me? When? When did that stop?! I,I,I thought yesterday was great… I thought I was doing great…"

Her chest tightens, as though metal teeth clamped down around her chain before her heart could be pulled clean through.

Maybe a little honesty will help them both in this moment.

Hinata smeared her tears away as her hands moved to cup her cheeks.

"Naruto-kun… I already told you everything there is to tell. You scoop me up like a little bird. You tell me 'Don't worry, there's no cage', and then you clip my wings soon as I begin to gaze a little too long outside the window. You're supposed to appreciate a bird for its ability to fly. Not resent it because you're unable to follow it towards the sun. You don't trust me to fly back to you. You're making it very hard for me to even want to."

His nails rake back from his hairline to the back of his head. His red, timid eyes float up to meet her gaze, and he looks just as he did back at the café when he asked for her phone number.

Fat good that's done her, so far.

"... Because I… I don't want you finding out that someone can love you better than I can… I don't wanna know someone like that exists…"

Maybe five years ago, those words would have burst her heart open with joy and reduced her to flustered mush.

But all she hears is that he can't love her.

All she recalls is his competitive streak against the world.

All she sees is a boy parading inside a man costume.

All she knows is that she only has so much heart left to give… and he's always going to be starving.

The metal teeth around her chain loosen just as she spreads her arms wide open.

His chest heaves quick and unsteadily, his wide eyes staring at her alarmed, in disbelief, then somewhere he's caught between mortified and grateful as he inches towards her, wrapping his toned arms gingerly around her petite frame.

His sniffling is loud in her ears.

Her heart rolls out of her onto the floor like a black, iron ball, clunking uselessly as it rolls away.

She wraps her arms around his neck and cradles his head, holding him close.

_This really isn't going to last long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this chapter kiiiiilled me! Not emotionally. Hopefully it worked on you guys tho! I probably rewrote this 20 different ways. Guess this is the best version I could carve together. OTL
> 
> It's Naruto's weekend, so they're going to spend some QT in the countryside for two days.


	16. When I'm Ready I'll Fly Us Out Of Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/17/2020: This chapter has not been revised. Meaning it didn't need any. Yay!

_"Get a load of this monster,_

_He doesn't know how to communicate,_

_His mind is in a different place,_

_Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?_

_Get a load of this trainwreck,_

_His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet,"_

_-Cavetown "This Is Home"_

_The phone rings right on time._

_No later than twenty minutes after school, and it's his mother's day off to boot._

_Naruto hurries into the kitchen and plucks the wireless handset off of the main unit. He presses the green button and with a muted smile, he greets the man on the other side._

_"Hello, sir."_

** _"Hey there, kiddo. Sorry I missed your birthday last week."_ **

_"It's fine," Naruto walked over to the dining table and kneeled down, resting how elbows atop the table. "Mom and I just had Ichiraku as usual. It was fun." Relaying this info almost felt scripted, as if for his father's sake, the man needed to be assured that everything was as perfect as he had left it._

_A head of red poked out from behind the entryway. His mother grinned conspiratorially as she placed her forefinger to his lips. 'Shhh!' With that, she brandished the secondary handset, the one kept in her bedroom._

_His heart rate picked up, the dread setting in. _

_Pressing the answer button, she put the device to her ear, and Naruto held his tongue._

** _"That's good. Thirteen, though. You're finally a young man."_ **

_Over time these conversations had lost a sense of warmth and familiarity, the only thing keeping their bond together were these perfunctory questions and generic observations._

_"Yeah, looks that way. Next spring I'll finally wear a gakuran."_

** _"Hope your mother takes a picture for me."_ **

_Naruto forced himself to look up from where his mother hovered, eyeing him with an unreadable stare._

_"She will, sir. Right under the cherry blossoms, just like everyone else."_

** _"Is she there?"_ **

_Fear body slammed his heart to the ground._

_His mother made a swiping motion near her neck, shaking her head at the same time._

_"No, she stepped out. We're, uh, low on groceries."_

** _"That could have waited. I missed her last month, too."_ **

_Yeah, that was pretty messed up._

_He didn't understand it, either. But when he glanced up at his mother, she was swooning, hand to her chest. Over the sound of her husband missing her._

_Naruto's left hand curled into a fist. He swallowed carefully._

_"She… misses you a lot, too. She knows that… being a mom comes first." Every word feels like an ulcer burning a hole through his stomach._

_His mother is just being shy, he tells himself._

_He's a good son, because he has his mother's back._

_That's how it is. That's how it should be._

_In the background, he catches a different voice. It's a woman. She sounds friendly. Then again, they all do._

_Glancing at his mother, she glared darkly and he knew what she needed him to ask._

_"... Sir, are you calling from the barracks?"_

_**"No, no. Good old fashioned payphone-"** He trailed off to address the woman speaking to him. It didn't sound like Rin-san. **"I'll call same time next month. Take good care of your mother for me."**_

_"Yessir."_

_He hung up._

_Then his mother hung up._

_"Who was that?" She said, as if he was the one keeping secrets from her._

_Naruto placed the phone on the table and placed his fists atop his lap._

_The hot white lamp was on him now._

_"How'm I supposed to know? It was probably nobody."_

_"You don't recognize that voice?" Her words came out fast like a car crash._

_"No, mom, I don't."_

_Kushina kneeled down on the side adjacent to him and crossed her arms over the dining table._

_"Why won't you look at me when I ask you a question? Is it because you know who that was?"_

_Naruto shook his head vehemently._

_His mother reached out for his left hand and gently cradled it, caressing the top with her thumb. Her fingers were still soft because all she does is sleep, goof off and go to her cashier job. His hands aren't so rough because he's still young. But he has some scars from some fights. Heroic fights. Because he's not a thug._

_"Naruto-chan, what do you think I should do? Can you accept your father falling out of love with me?"_

_His widened, his jaw clenched._

_How was he supposed to answer that?_

_How was he supposed to picture his parents splitting up?_

_Would they make him choose where to live? Who to side with?_

_No._

_It wasn't going to happen._

_His mom is just being weird as usual._

_"... Dad still loves you. You heard him." And he knows it, too, even if the man doesn't know this side of his wife, Naruto isn't concerned about his father's feelings as much as his mother is._

_But when his mother doesn't smile and her eyes look like darkened windows, he knows that his words just went in one ear and out the other._

_"But what if he doesn't love me anymore? Do you think I could do better?"_

_His jaw went slack as he stared at her._

_How can she say this to him of all people?!_

_Is this how women think?!_

_That their loves are like replaceable parts?_

_Or rather, that women feel they have to one-up the ones who hurt them?_

_Ino's been working her way up the boyfriend food chain. If she can't have Sasuke, she'll have a fourteen year old boyfriend, then a fifteen year old boyfriend, or Itachi-nii (which never worked out because of Shisui's constant presence)._

_It's freakin' spiteful!_

_Isn't that spiteful?!_

_And she thinks it's okay?!_

_His mother is preemptively throwing his father away before he's even done anything!_

_Doesn't that… doesn't that actually mean their relationship is over?_

_Are his mother's feelings that flimsy?_

_Early childhood memories of his parents' love for each other are hard to conjure up. It's like a permanently fogged up mirror. No matter how many times he wipes at the condensation, he can't see himself, the very embodiment of their love._

_He doesn't really understand what's happening right now, but he can't be bothered to think about it, and this is the best he can come up with under duress._

_"Rather, instead of worrying about dad…" He mustered up his biggest smile and gleamed at his mother. He opened his arms and raised his hands high over his head. "You should spend more time with me!"_

_His arms stay up because he's waiting on his mom to respond._

_She reaches over and ruffles his head._

_His grin widens. And as his arms come down, her hands clap together in front of her face, a guilty smile greeting him._

_"But can we go to Mikoto's first? I already made plans."_

_His smile dropped._

_Because of course she did._

* * *

How did he end up here?

His head is on her lap and he can't move.

His head feels like a fifty ton cement tetrapod.

Her fingers feel like feathers across his skin as she traces the shape of his jaw right down to his chin, then up to ruffle through his sparse hair.

He doesn't want to move.

And it's not because of her careful caresses, which also feel like the tip of a hunting knife ghosting his skin, circling around trying to figure out where to start skinning him.

But because of how he fell apart in front of her.

Because of everything she said about him.

Like she had just reached inside his body with both hands and pulled out his viscous, pulsating flaws and presented them back to him.

It tore him apart to think that he could be so good, so nice, so loyal for so long and still be undeserving of these same things back.

It tore him apart that this would happen with her of all people.

No, he understands he fucked up despite his best intentions.

It's the 'fucking up' at all part that unnerves him.

He can't help but think that nothing in this world is meant for him. That he was unplanned in every way, so the world had prepared nothing for him in turn.

He has a lot of issues, yeah, but it's the big picture that scares him. That he has to walk alone while everyone else he loves and treasures are happy enough without him. Like he's just optional. Like he's just a bonus.

Well, fuck that.

If he's the free cookie at the end of a blood drive, then he's the best damn cookie known to man! There are plenty of other _healthier_ choices, sure, but none of them are him.

And he'll become whatever cookie people want so long as it means they choose him, and he doesn't care what fucking food allergy they have because he is the best fucking cookie they will ever have their whole lives. And they'll be grateful for not passing him up.

If that makes him a selfish motherfucker, then he's a selfish motherfucker.

But she doesn't like that about him.

She got a taste and discovered they used way too much salt to make him.

_'Social chameleon.' _He muses humorlessly.

Her finger traces the shell of his ear and a shiver tracks down his back.

"What're you doing?" He says without thinking.

But he is thinking alot.

He's thinking why is she even still here?

Why is she still comforting him?

Pitying him?

Why?

She doesn't see anything in him.

She just feels bad for him.

That's how it's been this whole time.

His eyes sting at the unbidden reminder.

Her soft, weary sigh meets his ears.

"I'm just thinking."

'Thinking', she says. Brooding, ruminating, plotting his demise…

Or maybe… maybe she's patching up the holes he gouged out of her, just as she had done to him.

It's not like he didn't start it.

Because he did.

Because he's a fuck up and a coward.

If he feels this much like shit, then how badly must she be feeling right now?

He can't even picture it.

If he does, he might just hurt himself… just to make it even. It's what he always did to her bullies. He deserves no special treatment.

His lips flap uselessly like a goldfish as he gracelessly breaks the silence.

"I,I'm sorry."

Waiting on her answers leaves him suspended.

Depending on her answer, he'll either land softly or fall into an endless void.

"... I know." She says. Her voice is like the cold, wet breeze on an overcast morning. It's sorry it has to put a chill down your back and break out goosebumps along your skin, but it also feels like the best thing you're gonna feel all day.

He could use some of that right now.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?"

He blinked.

She asked him the same thing at the same time.

His ears burned as he dragged his courage forth by its wrists and cleared his throat.

"Y,Yeah… you?"

"S,Surprisingly? I,I'm okay."

There's no soft landing, but there's no void, either.

He's just floating in their own little world.

But then his mouth decides to act while his brain isn't looking.

"What did I even do?"

Is he asking her? Is he asking himself? Is he asking god?

Another sigh, this time vexed.

He elaborates. "I'm talking about before I left. You're not that pissed at me because of Tamaki or…" _the shitty things I said._ He winces.

She stops tracing his features. The loss of her touch nudges him towards withdrawal, but he knows it's just the beginning.

By morning he'll have the shakes.

Her hands move into her lap just above his head and he feels her fiddling with her dress, twisting and twisting, and he thinks she still won't tell him.

"... Something happened…"

He dares to look up at her. She's looking off to the side, cloaked in apprehension.

Duh, 'something happened.'

"Something 'cuz of me?" He nudged.

She shook her head. And he's still suspended. Because this is literally the same conversation as the one they had on the bridge.

He looks away and stares ahead, his own sigh trapped in his chest.

He palms the floor and shifts himself off of her lap, his head kept down. He raises up and turns away from her, avoiding her face at all costs.

The face that he caused to contort in bitter anger.

The face that he caused to be stained in tears.

Naruto reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze flitting from corner to corner of the living room.

It doesn't even feel like his place, the place he's been in the past eleven months. It's not cozy, it doesn't have sentimental value, it's just a box… it's just shelter.

"... This is the second time now that I've felt this way…" He murmurs.

"What way?"

His hand slips from his neck into his lap heavily.

He told her he was leaving soon. Just to make her feel bad, to make her miss him, to get her to chase him.

The way his deeply held sigh releases, it stumbles and trips and he has to clear his throat. "Uhm, like I just got kicked out of my own home."

He pictures their time apart. He pictures her flourishing without him. He pictures her hand in hand with another man, a better man, and he can't even muster up the energy to frown.

He's got no pride no more. She burnt it all up in her atmosphere.

Are they even still friends? Can he even be the one to ask her this time? If he got on his hands and knees, forehead pressed to the floor, would she even forgive him?

"Why does it feel like that?" She asks.

Warmth crawls up his neck and takes a seat in his face. He rubs at his neck again.

"W,Well, home is… y'know… a place that's reliable. It's always going to be there for you, and… it's mutual, like… you miss your home… and your home misses you… I,I mean a house can't miss you literally, b,but it's just that… i,it's like it's not a 'home' without… without its person, y'know? A,Ah, uhm…" Naruto hung his head, his ears burning.

None of that came out right, did it?

Somehow he's still implying that she is his. That she belongs to him. That she only exists because of him. That she's the house and he's the homeowner.

_Pfft. Real fuckin' romantic, idiot._

Even if she understood what he meant, would she care? Or did he just make himself even more pathetic in her eyes?

He groans to cover up the awkward silence, otherwise he's going to keep picturing her bland, side-eyed stare. "A,Anyways, I don't like Tamaki like that, okay? She's just a family friend of Sasuke's…"

"I didn't think you did."

Wow, she said that quick.

Awkward.

"O,Oh."

"I was saying it was extremely annoying of you to use my presence to appear cooler to the opposite sex."

Double awkward.

"O,Oh."

"I know having a girlfriend _would_ make you feel super cool-"

Not untrue, but… "It's not just that…" He grumbled. "I woulda done that regardless because I'd be happy to show everyone who's my special lady. It's not a weird thing to do." But she wasn't his, and that's where she drew the line.

Before, where he was scared to face the possibility of rejection by asking her out, _now_ the unwanted truth is staring him in the face: That he's not what she's looking for in a relationship. That he never was and never will be.

So many times she tried to let him off her hook and each time he bulldozed through her demurrals; now he's twenty feet underground with no sunlight or fresh air.

Naruto double-palmed his face and internally screamed.

_I FUCKING DID THIS TO MYSELF!_

She used to like him. She never liked him. He doesn't fucking know, anymore.

He's a good lay, but a bad boyfriend? Is that even an acceptable trade-off?

Naruto pulls his knees up and ducks down, clutching at the back of his head as all the noise and all the static of his self-loathing roars inside his head and buzzes beneath his skin.

_I don't have anyone to talk to. Sasuke and dad are exactly the same. Mom would just tease the ever living fuck outta me. Itachi-nii is polying it up with two other Uchiha and that's not fucking relatable at all. Shikamaru and Choji are both doing the long distance thing. Kiba is Kiba, Sai is Sai, and Iruka-sensei is married to the job…_

But there was one guy… One guy who chose to stay close to his sweetheart despite the strict 'No Fraternization' policy. One guy who couldn't ever seem to catch a break. His mom's declared favorite, for whatever reason. But Naruto was fond of the man himself, so it was near impossible to hold hard feelings against him.

Naruto lifted his head and stared at the space between his feet._ I wish Obito were here._

But he's all the way on the western border. Ever since he got shot in the eye five years ago and lived, he's been back at his hometown living the life of a hero.

All the man ever wanted was Rin, but hey, being a hero is pretty good, right?

_Right?_

He imagines Obito would tell him otherwise.

"Y'know, I got a job so I could stay…" He mutters.

"I don't want to hold you back, Naruto-kun."

His eyes widened. _Fuck, she's perceptive!_ Well, then again, what the fuck did they just argue about? _Us. If there is even an 'us'._

He rounds on her and her big, sad, faraway gaze meets his.

"So you think I should go?"

Her brows knit. "You always were. I don't understand. Do you not want to anymore?"

He doesn't know. He doesn't understand, either. Did they have this talk already? His head is hurting.

What is he hoping to get out of this? To see panicked tears in her eyes? Her hands clutching his arm telling him she'll miss him too much? That she wants more time?

"I've been training all year."

Her features smooth a little. "Then you should go."

Already kicked out of his own home. Now she's closed the door on him.

His jaw shifts to the side. His eyes feel hot.

"Yeah… that's what I should do, huh…" He turns his back on her, hugging his knees as he burned a hole into the middle space. The comforter of the kotatsu is at his feet, and he thinks about the perfect night they had together, and the perfect morning he had yesterday. He reaches out and fiddles with the edge, tugging and pushing the heavy cloth in random directions. "So… what happens now?"

"Now?"

Naruto closed his eyes and rested his cheek against his upper arm. "Yeah. Still got twenty- No, nineteen days left… You wanna spend any of it with me? Or… you wanna call it quits?"

She's capable of saying 'no', even if he's tried to influence her towards saying 'yes' to him in the recent past, all signs point to a big, fat rejection this time.

A clear one. A permanent one.

He didn't hear her move.

Not until the plush warmth of her body sank into his back and her arms wrapped across his shoulders.

She rested her head against his, and he swore he was going to melt away.

His hands came up instinctively to clutch at her forearms, because he doesn't want to melt away, he wants to stay with her.

"Twenty days left… that is, if you want to do something together right now…"

He cranes his head back slightly, causing her to rest hers against his shoulder and he gazes up at the ceiling.

He wants to believe this is her genuine answer, but in the back of his mind is a dark sky of doubt, threatening to drift closer.

He's not a thinking man.

He's not very good at thinking.

And all that he's done thus far has only made things worse.

He'll let her take the lead. He'll only fuck it up for the both of them again.

"You got something in mind?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel… completely neutral about this chapter, lol. Lemme know what you think!


	17. Always For You and Never For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it felt more refreshing to do this chapter like Hinata's version of Ch8. Sorry, but more downer feels in here. Mainly backstory and stuff, so y'know. I don't know if Toneri is ever coming back lol. I'm leaning more towards someone else atm. But if I do that, then things will really get plotty and there won't be room for all the smut, so I'm 50/50 about this new plot thread I've discovered. :B
> 
> BTW, mxmtoon is an angel! I listened to all her songs and I was like 'Damn, I wanna use all of them!' So I used 5! LOL
> 
> Lyrics excerpted in order: Prom Dress, Please Don't, Please Don't (again), Prom Dress (again), Feelings Are Fatal, Idea of You, Suffice.

_"Affecting others is the last thing I would do,_

_I keep to myself though I want to break through,_

_I hold so many small regrets,_

_And what-ifs down inside my head,_

_Some confidence it couldn't hurt me,_

_My demeanor is often misread,"_

_She shouldn't have agreed to their invitation._

_She should've stayed in her lane._

_She's ten and she's rooted to the sidewalk as if the cement had reverted to its liquid state and swallowed her up to her ankles._

_Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino spoke to her earlier during lunch. It was sudden, a complete shock, until she caught the supervisory gaze of that blue-eyed Naruto. He had flashed her a grin and a thumbs up, and she had swallowed her nerves and agreed to their 'girls' day'._

_What she didn't know was that they would be getting picked up._

_What she didn't know was that Ino's father drove a massive, black SUV._

_It might as well have been a hearse for giants the way it made her uneasy._

"_I can't." She whispered, earning confused glances from the two, vibrant flowers._

_To be in their presence would be to emphasize her role in this life as a patch of soil. Plain, forgettable, a little cold but otherwise nurturing. Their beauty and their vitality hides her from the sun, but it's okay, because she doesn't need it as much as they do._

"_T,Tell Naruto-kun I'm sorry… i,if he asks…" She concludes, and they look at each other in mild surprise, then they nod and climb into the SUV, leaving her behind on the sidewalk outside their elementary school._

* * *

_Every minute that passes as she makes her way home, from sidewalk to station, through the turnstiles and onto the train line home, each minute hammers her loneliness into her body like a metal spike._

_Because she spends those minutes wondering and regretting, agonizing and inwardly raging, because she doesn't understand her feelings, she doesn't understand her lack of direction, her inability to smile as others do._

_If she didn't exist, if no one noticed her, then everything would be fine._

_She wouldn't disappoint those who are nice to her, she wouldn't let down those who want to get to know her._

_And she wouldn't have to feel bad about making others feel bad. She wouldn't have to cry over loss and the way it tends to pile up._

_Even if no one else is keeping score, she is. She has a list of personal demerits, and she foresees how they will accumulate, and she foresees how it will all look._

_Arriving on the grounds of her residence, Hinata makes her way into the foyer then towards her bedroom._

_And it's there she finds a thin book sitting on the floor in front of her door. There's a pressed chamomile preserved inside a clear sheet of plastic. A bookmark._

_Bending down, she runs her fingers along the bookmark, then checks left of the hallway where Hanabi-chan's bedroom is. Nope, not from her. Hinata checks the right, and she finds Neji poking his head out from his bedroom._

_She hugs her new items to her chest and the warmth filling her lifts the corners of her lips._

_Neji ducks back inside his bedroom and she laughs to herself._

* * *

_She relies on him. In a way that she is unable to rely on anyone else._

_The world is full of sentient mirrors, reflecting back things about herself that she does not wish to see nor know._

_With Neji, he's a smooth wall. Sometimes he's lustrous marble, other times he's stainless steel._

_And she can talk to him and cry and complain without embarrassment, without judgment. He doesn't reflect her imperfections back at her, from her faulty thinking and false beliefs, nor the way darkness escapes from her mouth like wisps of smoke._

_And in those moments, he laces his fingers in hers. And it's like he's sealing back the darkness, wrangling it back into inside its jar._

* * *

_Hinata is eleven when she realizes the way Neji's finger secure around hers gives her a floaty, ticklish feeling in her tummy, sending warm drafts up her body, into her face. The building heat has nowhere else to go but her ears._

_It's better than the other times her ears burn._

_Usually her eyes burn too, and she wants to sink into a hole or reverse time and avoid the situation that causes her such discomfort and shame._

_Swim class is the worst, for example._

_She stands on the side amongst all the other kids, with her arms diligently crossed around her chest._

_She can't help but glower in Sakura-san's direction. Not because she's still flat as the day she was born, but because her trouble area isn't erotic at all. (Or maybe it is?) Either way, she's been proudly showing off her forehead for years now, invalidating the teasing of her bullies over time._

_Hinata can't do anything like that._

_Eventually the girls will hate her for her budding assets._

_A pair of sky blue eyes demands her attention. She gives him a sidelong glance and he straightens up and looks away._

_As if he wasn't staring at her all._

_Hinata crosses her arms tighter, shame slouching her spine._

_He was always so sweet and innocent. To think he's the first among her male peers to leer at her causes her ears to burn._

_And she can't figure out if she wants to cry and hide or bask in his curious gaze further._

_She doesn't like these mixed feelings._

_Everything's so much better when she's with Neji._

* * *

_"You're the only person that I've ever trusted,_

_Never forcing me to talk until I'm adjusted,"_

* * *

_She and Neji both enjoy reading books for their meditative purposes. They don't enjoy the same genres, however, but they read side to side or back to back and it's soothing._

_Hanabi isn't like them. She has her dolls and at other times she steals their mother's makeup and hair brushes because she wants to play 'beautician' with her._

_Hinata lets her._

_Hinata squeals at a painful tug on her scalp._

_"Hanabi-chan, stop, stop, stop!"_

_Her little sister makes panicked noises._

_Neji gets up and reaches around Hinata's head, a deep frown setting in._

"_It's stuck."_

"_It's stuck?" With shaky hands she reaches back to the obstruction lodged in her hair, but Neji moves her hands away._

_Hanabi starts crying._

_Neji suggests they go to the kitchen._

"_Let's try oil."_

_With an uneven breath, she nods in resolve._

* * *

_The olive oil in the pantry didn't work. Neither did the sunflower, sesame or coconut. Not even ghee did anything. It only made a huge mess and made the hair stylist's job that much harder._

_They had to cut the back of her hair. From the nape of her neck upwards. It was at an uncute high angle that fanned out into points behind her ears._

_The first face she saw after her haircut was Neji's, because she didn't want to look up into her mother's beauty and be reminded of how awful she looks in comparison._

_When they're in the car, they're side by side in the backseat, with Kou at the wheel and her mother in the passenger._

_"I look like a boy." She whimpered. She can picture the looks she'll get. The things her bullies will say. She knows. And it doesn't help. No amount of brooding will mentally prepare her for the worst._

_But then Neji reached out and laced his fingers in hers, and she looked at him._

_"You look like Hinata." He smiled._

* * *

_He stopped smiling when their grandfather passed away in his sleep. He was three days shy of thirteen._

_Those two had a fight. The contents of which she had pointedly ignored. And she knows that these hard feelings he harbors will never be resolved._

_But it confuses her somewhat; neither of them liked their grandfather. Not even with the arbitrary obligation that he was their blood, that he was responsible for their being alive, healthy and secure._

_He was no more a grandfather than a benefactor. He was the house they lived in, but he wasn't their home._

_They don't talk about it when they are together. It's part of their upbringing. Her stuff was never spoken of again, and his aren't either._

_But their bridge has grown brittle._

_She knows this when she comes home upset like the crybaby she is._

_It hits her hard in the chest when he tells her straight to her face: "I'm not interested. Come to me with a problem worth my attention."_

_She stood there in the hallway, staring at his closed bedroom door._

_Did that mean he would still listen to her?_

_Did she really need to have worse insecurities and stories than usual?_

_She pondered this atop her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what this all meant for her in the future._

_If the quality of her life or her emotional health worsened, then he will stay by her side._

_If everything gets better and she gets better, he will abandon her._

_Which would she rather have?_

* * *

_She did something she shouldn't have._

_She didn't ignore her bullies as was her usual objective in life._

_She turned around and faced them, then presented them with her middle finger. Because the only way she knows how to express herself is through her body._

_She's a terrible speaker._

_So she went tumbling down the stairs between school floors, each hard edge jabbing awkward angles into her body, the aches settling in like she'd taken a ride inside a dryer drum._

_And then, from the moment she rolled into the wall at the end of the landing, the orange embodiment of justice and rage came flying up those stairs, screaming his blonde little head off._

_"YOU GUYS ARE DEAD!"_

_There were shoes squeaking like a dozen frantic rats, angry shouting punctuated by grunts and yelps._

_Hinata pushed up off the floor._

_She watched her blonde savior take a kick to the stomach._

_He went down._

_They started to stomp on him. They're shouting 'Swirly' over and over again. He's not even shielding himself or curling up into a ball, and she doesn't understand why._

_He's making it worse for himself._

* * *

_She's sitting on a loveseat and Neji's on the sofa adjacent to her, studying with a book on his lap._

_This is one of the few times they're in the same room together without even trying._

_In fact, he doesn't agree to do anything with her anymore, so there is no more trying between them._

_She received several bruises and a sprained wrist from what happened._

_Her parents could sue, but they won't. She'll be fine, they say, and dragging out three lower-middle class families into a battle they won't win is not something they're interested in._

_'The law will catch up to these boys in time,' Her father had said. 'Their parents will realize they have only themselves to blame.'_

_And that was the end of that._

_Except it wasn't._

_Not for her._

_Neji never said a thing to her at the hospital. He neither frowned nor smiled, never attempted to ask how she felt or even offered his hand._

_He never said a thing once they got home. And he refused to say anything to her now._

_She reached for a new book within the pile at her side. Using the wrist that doesn't work, she emitted a strangled whimper of pain._

_Neji began to pack up his things. He slid off the sofa and vacated the family room._

_Her head slumped forward, her face burning in shame._

_It's not the severity of her problems that are judged worthy of his attention._

_It's her._

* * *

_"So I just wanted to thank you,_

_I know I can be difficult,_

_I know I can be sad,_

_But for some reason you're still here,_

_Standing by my side,"_

* * *

_And yet, she can't forget what he's always meant to her._

_If she forgets, then she'll truly be adrift._

_He's her tether and she refuses to let their bond snap._

_So she's standing in front of her bookshelf, visually highlighting the various titles which hold so many meaningful messages to her._

_She pulls them out one by one, then arranges them all along her bedroom floor._

_She skims for quotes and excerpts and writes them down._

_She's arranging a love letter of sorts, even if he is her cousin._

_Because she loves him in some wholehearted, full-bodied way that she cannot describe. That is, at least, not without the help of literature._

* * *

_It's the dead of night._

_Her bedroom door opens with a creak._

_Her mind switches on, her heart shoots out of her chest. Adrenaline floods her veins icy-hot and she freezes up._

_Their footsteps are light, steadfast approaching._

_She locks her gaze onto the ceiling._

_She thinks she can melt away from existence if she lies… completely… still… so still… like a corpse… maybe they won't even bother if they think she is already dead?_

_The fuzzy blue moonlight that outlines her bedroom is suddenly blocked out._

_There's a soft pressure atop her face._

_But then it's not soft anymore. It's firm and unyielding and she can't breathe. She can't see and she can't breathe!_

_She screams._

_The object loosens from her face._

_She jackknifes from the mattress._

_A pillow rolls onto her lap._

_A thin body no bigger than herself sprints out into the hallway._

_She told herself it was a bad dream._

* * *

_"Closed doors,_

_Locked in, no keys,_

_Keepin' my feelings hidden,_

_There is no ease,_

_I need it to stop,_

_And I want to be able,_

_To open up but,_

_My feelings are fatal,"_

* * *

_Neji's gone to a private school for the gifted._

_That's what they told her, at least._

_He never said goodbye. She never saw him pack up his things._

_Something like that takes a while._

_She doesn't know what became of her letter._

_But then she finds it sitting neatly atop the pillow on her bed._

_And she understands._

_She has no right to complain anymore._

_She knows she only has herself to blame._

* * *

_"I can't help the fact I like to be alone,_

_It might sound kinda sad,_

_but that's just what I seem to know,_

_I tend to handle things usually by myself,_

_And I can't ever seem to try and ask for help,"_

* * *

_Hinata is sitting on the sidelines of the gymnasium as her classmates play basketball._

_She's complained of cramps today._

_It's partially true, the only lie being the severity._

_She watches as Naruto fouls the ball._

_His team boos and groans. They forcibly switch him out because he's been klutzing it up all half hour and they're not having fun anymore._

_She doesn't quite understand how competition feels fun, but his slouching posture tells her he was having a lot of fun, despite messing up all the time._

_He sits down next to her._

_There's a foot of space between them._

_He's jogging his left leg in place like he still a surplus of energy to expend._

_He turns to her, those sweet blue eyes pulling her in._

_"You do a lot of watching, huh, Hinata-chan?"_

_She shrugs._

_"I dunno if I'd be alright with better coordination. I'm still the shortest guy here," He sighs as he hangs his head. "Tell me honestly: Is there any sport I'm remotely good at?"_

_Hinata tightens up, because she's not used to this._

_Not only is he asking for her opinion, but he's also asking for her emotional support._

_The pressure to perform as a human being brings stinging heat to her eyes._

_Why couldn't he just leave her alone?_

_Was he actually good at anything?_

_She internally shakes her head._

_But she knows she can't tell him the truth._

_So what can she say?_

_"I,I think… y,your best trait i,is… your t,tenacity. A,And your optimism. E,Even when the o,odds are against you… you pick yourself up a,and try harder."_

_His head lifts up. He's eyeing the rafters above, and a smile slowly blooms across his face._

_"Then I guess I shouldn't try to change, huh?"_

_He said that, but his hunger to belong was always stronger._

_Perhaps, his ability to adapt to any social circle should have been counted amongst his best traits._

_She certainly couldn't do it._

* * *

_"I wish that I could stand next to you,_

_But I'm too scared of what you may do,_

_Would rejection come and slam me down?_

_I can't help but frown at the thought that we'd be done,"_

* * *

_The pool side stares, the warm words of encouragement, his blood on her tongue when he's angry, the closeness of his attention and body when they're in the company of his true friends, they're all like silk strings tethering her down into a sun-soaked meadow._

_But he's over there trying to make a taller girl laugh._

_The taller girl gives him the cold shoulder._

_And after a trip to the Infirmary and back, he's relaying a story to his guy friends about some pretty girl from another class saying 'hi' to him back._

_And then during gym when they're sitting side by side, he's watching how Sakura aggressively moves along the court, how she fakes out her opponents and slips through their defenses like water._

_And his eyes are glowing._

_And his mouth is devoid of words._

_She rarely initiates conversation._

_She doesn't know how to earn his attention._

_All he's ever done was answer the call of a hero, swoop in to her rescue, and then… and then what?_

* * *

_Hinata turns him down when he asks her to join their group movie night._

_He smiles big and bright, even though she saw the way the gleam had disappeared from his eyes._

_She exhales in relief when he's no longer in her orbit._

_There's so much less pressure on her when she's alone._

_And it's atop her bed, hugging the pillow Neji left behind in her bedroom two years ago, that she devotes time to study her feelings, and to study his intentions._

_Wasn't Naruto just being nice by including her all the time?_

_Wasn't he, in fact, someone who valued social harmony?_

_It's not her he's trying to help, is it?_

_She's different. Like a scratch on a perfect face._

_The truth is the way she is is inferior. The truth is he wants to erase her, and put a 'better' version in her place._

_Hinata hides her face into the pillow in her arms and she tightens up, then sighs._

_She shouldn't assume things._

_She shouldn't be quick to dismiss what may be his best intentions._

_He's genuinely good, is he not?_

_She feels the tears coming on because believing only the best in him turns her heart into glass inside her chest._

_She can't handle the possibility that he will disappoint her._

_She can't handle being reminded that she's not important, not even in the slightest._

_So instead of dwelling and aching, she lets her mind wander into a meadow of daydreams._

_And in that meadow is a bench that exists solely for the two of them._

_Without him, she'd be adrift. She needs to remember that._

* * *

_"Would my feelings go and scare you away?_

_I'd be so sorry for the things that I'd say,_

_So, I guess I'll just lay here instead,_

_Lying in my bed, pondering the things you do,"_

* * *

_Is it love when it feels like he's put the sun inside her chest?_

_Is it love when the sight of him makes her feel like flying?_

_Is it love when her ears warm and her hearing heightens at the sound of his voice?_

_It must be love when she knows she wants him to look at her the way he does other girls. Like she's worth something, like she's fascinating._

_It must be love when she wants to pull him aside into a vacant classroom or behind the white curtains of the Infirmary beds to kiss him breathless and never let go._

_Or maybe it's just puberty doing wonders on her perception._

_Because it's not love when he only invites her to hang out in the company of others, and never to hang out as two people._

_Because it cannot be love when he's only around after a bully incident and never around during the dry spells._

_It cannot be love when he's puppy-dogging other girls around, even though she's right there and readily available._

_But why should she be available?_

_Why?_

_No one's available for her, are they?_

_She can't get a word in edgewise anymore, let alone confide in him._

_The stories he tells so loudly, she thinks: 'I don't want that to be me. Please don't ever talk about me.'_

_So she continues to keep to herself._

_Revealing nothing is the best contingency plan she's got, and it's been working out just fine._

* * *

_It's happening, though she wishes to not see it._

_All her worst fears have come true._

_She's counted nine times in the past two weeks where he has said 'It would be good for you' or some variation thereof._

_He doesn't genuinely care about who she is._

_He never asks who she is. Never tries to get her alone unless it's to flirt with her shamelessly, because he's acting on his raging libido._

_The only thing he cares about are the people who can make him feel good about himself in the moment._

_The only thing he cares about is looks, whether it's the tapestry of his friendships, the unified cooperation of his classmates, or the slender face of a slender girl._

_She can't allow her glass heart to shatter beneath the weight of her unshed tears. She can only reinforce it inside a shell of calcium and steel._

_She cannot value love._

_She's seen the way it knocks the other girls down far too many pegs._

_She would have loved to approach Sakura, despite her own self-loathing, and told that bright, intelligent flower that she was too good for the ungrateful boy she desired._

_But it wasn't her place to interfere, to make things worse or divert fate's intended course._

_So she stays her lane._

_And says nothing to nobody._

* * *

_"'Cause, I have only loved without confession,_

_I'd rather settle for a never ending stream of self-questioning,_

_And you are just another,_

_That I'll lose because I didn't want to bother,"_

* * *

_Sports Festival._

_That one arbitrary day of sweat and silliness, forcing grown teens to fall in the dirt like children._

_And Naruto fell off the human pyramid. Again._

_This is their final year of junior high together. They're fifteen._

_She has ointment and bandages at the ready._

_He's sitting down in front of her, his right knee scraped open from the fall. The flesh is spongy and red, but he's going to be okay._

_Hinata gets the antiseptic spray and spritzes his wound with three full mists, and he recoils with a shout._

_Hinata has learned to school her features, when normally in this situation she would be watery-eyed and asking if he was okay._

_"Damn, that hurts."_

_As if he's not used to pain by now._

_"Would you have rathered I lick it?" She mumbled beneath her breath._

_Naruto chuckled nervously as she begins to wrap the gauze around his knee._

_"Well, if you're offering..."_

_That's not funny._

_He's not funny._

_Her face is warm, but she isn't laughing._

_"You're so gutter-minded." She tightens up the gauze and prepares to tie it off when his quiet voice stops her._

_"You're still talking to me."_

_She dropped her head so he couldn't see her face._

_"M,Maybe if you knew h,how to talk to girls, they'd still be talking to you, too."_

_He scoffs._

_"I don't mind being a good-for-nothing if it means you'll still be there to accept me."_

_She removes her hands from his knee and cups her own, keeping her face down so he doesn't see what she really looks like when her walls have evaporated._

_Is this good enough for her?_

_To be his final choice at the end of a long road of unsuccessful attempts?_

_Can she really be okay with this?_

* * *

_"I knew when you told me I was cute,_

_That I was dreaming,_

_So now I'll try and tell myself,_

_My feelings have no meaning,"_

* * *

_"... Am I… not even your last choice?"_

His voice from that afternoon rises up to the forefront of her mind, resonating with her like an ominous echo.

_"... This is the second time now that I've felt this way…" He murmurs._

They've been walking in silence for the past twenty minutes, walled up inside their thoughts as they wandered deeper into the city.

A timid glance in his direction, and she notes his fists in his pockets and his head held high. Not because he's feeling better about himself, but because he never allows himself to look down no matter what.

His eyes are blank and distant, his face pensive and unsure.

She's alienated him. She's done it before, little moments here and there where she put him off. But back then he always bounced back.

This time might be for good.

And her chest is breaking apart.

Because he's not used to loneliness like she is.

She's abandoned him, though she never intended to.

She wanted to save herself, no one could fault her for that.

But at his expense?

No, that was never supposed to happen.

_He'll get used to it. It always hurts at first, but the world never truly ends just because of another person. It dims and loses luster but it's still the same._

She looks up and slows to a stop.

"Here." She says, standing before the red-painted wooden storefront of an _Izakaya_ bar. It floated in the mouth of shadows thanks to the low, white lighting illuminating the front, the surrounding darkness around it.

He stared up at the signboard of the establishment, so silent and so still.

And she's truly beginning to wonder if she was the last straw of rejection he could take.

He walks up to the red door and slides it aside, stepping forth inside. A rousing greeting from the staff pours out and summons her to join him.

She hurries inside.

She's looking forward to the hard stuff now more than ever, second hangover be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have left to sit for a couple days and then gave it a good edit, but my update schedule seems to revolve solely around my days off lol.
> 
> Well, Naruto is the underdog as usual. Such a big damn sweetheart but still lacking all the same.


	18. I've Learned To Lose You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! More than any other chapter, I really needed this one to be its utmost best. Q n Q
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Home" by Cavetown, which have been used again in a scene down below.
> 
> Update: Got rid of the epithet for this chap. Wasn't agreeing with it anymore. Prolly gonna be more sporadic with 'em from here on out, unless I happen to find good n happy lyrics that fit.

  
_All of the second years stood outside a row of glossy silver charter buses, luggage and backpacks in hand to prepare them for the following week ahead._

_Class 2-C already filed in the back half. Fourteen-year-old Naruto sidled through the aisle with a rucksack on his back, and it's the unfamiliar eyes of the other class that feels like a force-field pushing against him. The deeper he goes in, the stronger it becomes._

_But then he spots a pretty face._

_He's seen her at the Sports Festival and occasionally in the Infirmary, but they've never spoken._

_She's got a strawberry blonde pixie cut, round gray eyes and peach skin. She's not staring at him like all the others, and her seat is free too. Nothing about her seems cold or unwelcoming and he decides to take this chance, because he'd really like to get to know her._

_When he puts his rucksack in the overhead bin and boldly claims the empty spot beside her, she eyes him with a wry smirk and he grins back._

_"You're the girl whose team won the chicken fight."_

_"And you're the kid who fell off the human pyramid."_

_Yes. Yes, he did._

* * *

_Forty minutes into the bus ride and Naruto had the attention of the entire center of the bus, three rows ahead and back, as if he were the life of the party._

_Naruto badgered the sullen Sasuke with incessant ribbing, and Sasuke insulted him back. Sakura began to yell at them both, and Shikamaru cut in with smartass remarks._

_All the while, the pixie girl from 2-C was giggling and playing along. Some of her classmates joined in, too._

_This is what he lived for._

_That feeling that he can do anything. That complete strangers become his new friends because he's just that good._

_He's his father's son, after all._

_But four rows ahead is a head of dark all by her lonesome. She's got headphones on. She's probably reading a book as always._

_And yet, a pit of guilt settles in his stomach._

_He should've held a seat for her, so that she could be a part of their fun._

_He thinks about making it up to her during the trip._

_She won't have one second of loneliness all week because of him._

_Thirty minutes later and they all make a pit-stop._

_The kids pee and buy snacks, then the teachers corral them back towards the buses._

_"What'd you get?" The pixie girl asked as she walked up the bus steps behind him._

_He showed her his package of instant ramen, which he has already crushed and seasoned._

_She laughs while her face wrinkles and her tongue sticks out._

_"What about you?" He asks._

_She shows him her trove of candies inside her shopping bag._

_"I'll share them with you." She grins._

_She takes her seat and he takes his beside her._

_Naruto's friends file in. Then there's Hinata with her lost stare. She's got a secret world in that head of hers. He's experienced glimpses but has not been allowed further in._

_It's frustrating, but he's patient._

_He's got five more years here, after all._

_The pixie girl shares a caramel-creme rope with him when he notices three faces that don't belong on their bus heading towards Hinata._

_Naruto cusses as he practically falls into the aisle in his hurry._

_"'Scuse me guys, 'scuse." He mutters, pushing his way through._

_He fixes his glare on her bullies. He's storming the aisle like a beast of vengeance and he sees the color drain from their faces, their eyes widening in horror._

_They retreat for the front of the bus, but it's not enough to satisfy him. They'll find ways to bother her while he's not looking._

_So he takes the empty spot beside her. He plops down so abruptly that he sends her an inch up in the air._

_Hinata turns to him, her face bright pink. He grins at her and she snaps away._

_She doesn't have a book on her lap, instead it's her MD player. She hasn't put her headphones back on, either._

_She scratches the plastic edge with her thumb, pointedly not looking at him._

_All the kids are seated._

_The bus door closes and they pull out of the pit stop onto the highway._

_He steals a glance. He really likes how her hair is growing out, how it grazes her shoulders and frames her face. Her lips look like two slices of pink lemons, and just as juicy. He's not properly acquainted with her mouth, but he thinks about it._

_And he wonders if she thinks about it, too._

_He kinda likes that she dresses like this. Always comfy, like she's going to go to sleep at any moment. Despite knowing her silhouette rather intimately thanks to swim class, he can't help but feel enticed by the mystery of her figure beneath._

_He laces his fingers behind his head and grins at her._

_"Hey, y'know, I don't actually know what kind of music you like, Hinata-chan."_

_She shook her head, chin tucked to her neck. "I,I don't know either."_

_Naruto rears back a little. "Eh?"_

_"I,I k,kinda listen t,to anything…"_

_Naruto chuckled. "Really? Hey, can I listen?"_

_ She nods, still not looking at him. Instead of putting them on, he held it in between them._

_Hinata hesitated greatly. Perhaps this felt too public for her. Even their teachers were within earshot._

_She finally pressed the play button._

_As music drifted out of the foam covers, Naruto leaned in closer, and Hinata did the same._

_There was a ukulele, gentle and sweet and no small amount forlorn. Just like the singer's voice._

** _"Are you tired of me yet?_ **   
** _I'm a little sick right now,_ **   
** _But I swear,_ **   
** _When I'm ready I will fly us out of here."_ **

_A ghostly harmony entered the background, punctuating the pauses in between lyrics._

** _"I'll cut my hair..._ **   
** _To make you stare..._ **   
** _I'll hide my chest,_ **   
** _And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here."_ **

_Words by words their shoulders sank against one other, their warmth fusing them together like two unrelated pieces sliding into place._

_Gazing at the immaculate porcelain of her soft hands in her lap, he thought their hands should do the same._

_Naruto looked out the window._

_His eyes widened at the corners of dilapidated buildings poking out from beneath the overgrowth of vines and trees._

_Several feet down below from the highway appeared to be a little old village._

_"Hey, think it's abandoned?" He whispered._

_Hinata nodded._

_Naruto moved closer to the window before the scene swept away, unconsciously pinning Hinata to the side of the bus._

_"Hey, d'ya know how much farther we are from the Forest Park?" When she didn't answer him, he leaned forward to catch a look at her face. Her bright pink face and frozen, wide eyes stared back at him. She really made the cutest expressions. Out of all the girls so far, her faces were the best._

_"W,W,Why?"_

_Naruto checked the seat to his right. He then popped up like a meerkat to see if any teachers at the front were paying attention._

_He then dropped down and ducked in close to her, a conspiratorially gleam in his eye._

_"Because it'd be fun if we could sneak over here after curfew and check out all the empty houses."_

_Hinata frowned in disapproval._

_"You understand why they become empty, don't you?"_

_Naruto whipped his head side to side._

_"No, why?"_

_"Because the kids left for the city and never came back. In every empty house, someone's parents and grandparents has passed away in their sleep."_

_Naruto pulled away, then slouched in the seat, as if contrition had two strong hands pushing him down by his shoulders._

_"Oh… My bad."_

_"I,I'd much rather visit an abandoned firehouse."_

_Naruto perked up, finding her gently smiling back at him. Encouraged, he grinned back brightly._

_"How about a creepy hospital?"_

_A rare, mischievous glint entered her eye._

_"N,Nothing creepier than a,an old school in disrepair."_

_Giddy, a sly grin split across his face._

_"Okay, what're we going for here? Every apocalypse movie cliché?"_

_"N,Not until we f,find an abandoned strip mall."_

_Naruto's fists shot up. "Yes! No, wait! An amusement park! One that still works!"_

_Her eyes sparkled as she giggled. "I,It'd be the end of the w,world if we g,got stuck on a ferris wh,wheel, with no staff to help us d,down."_

_His eyes briefly roamed from the hem of her fluffy teddy bear sweater up to her full pink lips, and his body warmed at the scenario she offered him._

_Because to him, that wouldn't be the end of the world, at all._

_His fantasy is popped when she looks away, and he suddenly remembers the caramel-creme rope in his other hand._

_He held it out towards her._

_"Want half?"_

* * *

Wrong.

_"WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!"_

The way he shouted at her, like it were intuitive self-defense against a lethal attack, it rings back.

Because as she edges towards the semi-circle booth he's sitting in, perched on the right end, she can't help the creeping shame, the self-doubt.

Because for a time she felt right, that she had every right to feel what she felt and to tell him off and fight… but that's gone now.

In the aftermath, she had tried to feel okay. She thought she was. She consoled him even though she had exhausted herself on him already, and she realized she didn't feel like dying in some manner. She thought to do something so uncharacteristic towards him would break her.

It didn't.

But it still might.

The delay has run out, and her tendency to regret is catching up to her.

She thinks now that she was never in the right, after all.

Hinata stops short when a waitress approaches him and takes his order. She watches them talk. He's not smiling nor is there that gleam in his eyes when he's fascinated by a new beauty.

No, of course he wouldn't bother with a little admiration, a little banter.

She took his self-confidence away.

The waitress bows a little and takes her leave.

Hinata takes in a deep breath and continues forward.

Naruto is pushing his coaster around in a small, random pattern when she takes the left edge of the booth.

"I ordered two pitchers." He said monotonously.

She nodded. She began to pick at her fingernails.

She couldn't look at him.

It was insensitive to hug him from behind when they were only temporary. She felt awful for him and she reacted impulsively. She shouldn't have.

It was insensitive to say she told him everything, only to tell him essentially nothing. It made sense at the time. It makes no sense to her now.

She painted a one-sided picture where he was only a nuisance in her life, and it wasn't right.

He scares her too, and it's not fair that she comes out on top, even if it feels like for the first time in her life.

True fairness should not be give and take, but instead should see that they both benefit.

He was always good to her. Often to an extent that she never deserved. She focused on the nitty gritty things he has no control over. She's made these things his problem.

He always thought he was good to her, too.

Rather than call her ungrateful, he believes her slander.

Fully.

The waitress returns, setting down two pitchers of golden beer and two pint glasses.

She presses the tray to her lap, smiling.

"Anything to order?"

Hinata straightened up, her gaze falling over to the _bincho_ charcoal grill in the center of the Izakaya. It was lined by the bar which wrapped around it in a horseshoe shape.

Hinata then peeked in Naruto's direction.

He was pouring their glasses.

"We have a special on our yakitori, five mixed pieces." The waitress offered.

"Yes, two please." Hinata said.

The waitress bowed and left.

Hinata released the breath she was holding. Naruto had pushed her glass in her direction, and he was halfway through his own glass.

She grabbed her glass and decided to follow his lead. Pressing the cold rim to her lips, she tipped her head back and let the biting foam fill her mouth and drown the ache rattling her chest.

The smell of the hops fills her sinuses, and once she sets down her empty glass, she feels a layer of anxiety fizz away. It's miniscule, but for a moment it's enough.

Naruto is studying his thoughts along the surface of his empty glass, pale foam sticking to the side facing him.

She never wanted to make him feel like he's objectively inferior as a person. Because that's how she's felt most of her life. But unlike him, she's gotten used to it. Unlike him, she's got the last couple years trying to tell herself otherwise.

She can't send him off to basic training in this state.

She'd never forgive herself if he lacked the concentration and his characteristic tenacity to make it through.

Hinata wracked her brain, trying to figure out how to restore his smile and self-confidence.

The waitress returned with two small black rectangular plates, five small skewers on each. She sets them down, displaying the glistening, charcoal-singed pieces of meat. The scent stirred her hunger, but the pieces looked rather unfamiliar to her.

The waitress then left to make her rounds once more.

Hinata grabbed her plate and slid it closer towards herself.

She heard an empty chuckle from Naruto.

"You didn't ask her what the special was."

Hinata narrowed her eyes at him. Naruto stood halfway and pointed at each skewer on her plate.

"Look, they even arranged it from creamiest to crunchiest. You got: liver, heart, neck, gizzard, and knee cartilage. Haven't you had proper yakitori before?"

The offal is considered 'proper'?

He must've read her based on her scrunched nose.

"The whole chicken, that's what yakitori is all about."

She smiled up at him and that caused him to sit back down quickly. She dropped her gaze, feeling a little disappointed now, as she reached for the row of bright red liver, which appeared glazed.

He said she scares the shit out of him. Now it seems like he really does fear her.

For a moment he was himself, and she imagined he was grateful when their food arrived. He had something to talk about, even if it was superficial.

* * *

Hinata eyed the other patrons around the bar. The other booths like theirs were filled with friendly groups, some office workers half-dressed in their suits, the men's ties loosened from their necks. Around the bar were singles and couples, if their body language were any indication.

Hinata tapped her forefinger absently along the rim of her fourth pint. When she glanced back in his direction, he was hunched over his pint glass, crestfallen and conflicted.

Oh no, did she come off as bored to him?!

Hinata moved her hands into her lap and straightened herself up, and she caught his unsure glance, finding that some of his discomfort had lifted.

Until the only middle ground she could up with was this: "Th,The waitress is v,very pretty, isn't she?"

Naruto stared at her like she had just admitted to a murder.

"Huh?"

Hinata squirmed.

"Y,You don't think so?"

Same thing, but stronger.

"HUH?"

Hinata gripped the table and lifted halfway out of the booth.

"I,If you'd like, I,I can step out for a moment…" She couldn't finish that sentence. Naruto looked thoroughly insulted and she sat her little awkward ass back down.

Slack jaw and eyebrows so high they could leave his forehead, he absolutely would not stop staring. "I'm gonna pretend you never said anything, okay?"

She burned from the neck up. "I,It's Naruto-kun's… past time…"

Naruto sat back, blinking rapidly in disbelief.

"In the amount of time we've been hanging out together, when have I looked at another woman? When?"

Hinata shrank down a little.

"I,I'm simply t,telling you that i,it's okay…"

Naruto abruptly sat forward, his elbows on the edge and his head in his hands. His stiff shoulders told her he was pissed.

"What the fuck…" He muttered below his breath, his palms running down the length of his face.

He reached for the pitcher and began to refill his glass.

He gulped down its contents and scrutinized her angrily.

"You're fucking guilty right now, aren't you? You're trying to make up for the fact that you'll never date me? Trying to help me rebound because we're such good friends? It's not enough to friendzone me, you gotta dig a fucking moat around just to make sure I understand. Well, I understand! And I don't need your fucking help like that!"

Several eyes darted in their direction, and Hinata shrank further.

"I'm sorry." She murmured in a rush, picking at her nails in her lap.

Naruto tsked and glared towards the wall to his left.

Strike One for Hyuuga Hinata.

* * *

"Naruto-kun, that wasn't m,my intention," She attempted to re-establish their delicate truce. "Y,Yes, I feel bad. Wh,What I believe is… is that just because of me… i,it sh,shouldn't be seen as the end of the world."

He spared her an irritated glance before looking away.

"'End of the world'..." He muttered to himself, tsking again at the end.

Suddenly his expression softened, his gaze far away, as if he had recalled a fond memory.

For a moment his eyes looked wet.

A single blink cleared that right up.

What had he remembered?

"Naruto-kun, whatever it is you need to say, I'll listen. F,For now, don't worry about what I may think of you."

His gaze darts from side to side, as if he's considering her offer. But then his expression screws up.

"... No, s'okay. I'll be good to go after a few more."

He reaches for the pitcher.

His sixth pint turns into his seventh, and his seventh into his eighth over the course of forty minutes and she's watching him fight against the alcohol which wants to reduce him to an incognizant flesh puddle.

"We don't have to play pretend," She tells him solemnly. "There's no point. You're terrible at hiding things from me, plus I'd never ask you to do anything that was detrimental to your emotional health."

He narrows his eyes at her and she doesn't know if he's scrutinizing her sincerity or if he's having trouble focusing.

"'_My_ emotional health'?"

"Yes?"

"Right. 'Cuz 'parently I don't know what's truly best for you, but you know exactly what I need, huh?"

If by 'good to go' he meant 'happier', then his best intentions have instantly backfired.

She should've advised him that wouldn't work, because she knows tipsy men, she knows drunk men, and she knows what they're especially like when they're smashed.

The trajectory of their baseline emotion always skyrockets.

The happy ones get happier, and the sad ones get sadder. It's actually the generally dissatisfied ones she had learned to be wary of, for they put on a strong front only to fall apart into a volatile mess. One even tried to propose to her (on his hands and knees in a fit of hysterics, by the way), and she had to politely remind him that he would regret that decision in the morning.

Just another thing that proved to her that marriage is a status symbol in order to fit into society's ideas of success.

"Naruto-kun--"

He palmed his face as he reclined in the booth, slouching so far down his head barely buoyed above the edge of the table. "Am I too immature for you?"

Hinata stilled.

"You're still here with me, but why? As nice as you are to me, is there any love in it? Even if it's just platonic? Isn't your main MO guilt? You only feel bad for me. You… You're good at solitude. You're good at selectively not giving any fucks. You can stop giving a fuck about me right now, but you need to clear your conscience first. I just don't see how…"

The alcohol has effectively dissolved the already flimsy filter in his brain, and she can't keep up with this emotional vomit.

Her fingers curl into tight fists, white knuckled with her nails biting into her palm, and she's forcing herself to keep it together while he goes on and on.

"... You tell me not to worry about what you think, and that's the thing though, y'know? I can't stop worrying. I can't stop looking back and wonder how many times did you secretly judge me? At what point did you start to look down on me? And is there even any point moving forward? With you, I've always been myself and even at the hotel, you said not to hold back--"

"Relationship!" She blurted out, before the tightening coil of his words around her body threatened to squeeze her of her last breath. "I,I,I feel like you… th,that you already know what you want out of life. I feel like you… even know where you want to be buried at the end of it all."

He nodded. "Dai Hinoku Veterans Memorial Park, right there by my dad's dad. I mean, not before my dad… hopefully…" He mumbled at the end.

She doesn't want to think about that.

_He'll be fine. He'll be great._

"... I sort of envy that," She said, looking down. "I don't know what I want. At all."

Naruto sighed at length as his hands slipped from his face to his sides. Spacing out for a beat, he then sat up and reached for his glass. "Yeah, I know. And yet, you seem to know full well what you don't want," He downed the rest in five gulps. They were out of beer now and he looked lost without it. He peered up at her. "You sure I'm not too immature for you?"

She wishes he would stop. That particular question makes her flinch. "Naruto-kun--"

"I'm not asking you out, okay?! I just wanna know if I ever get the real you! I wanna what you genuinely care about! It's so fucked up to leave an' come back an' find out you didn't really miss me at all!"

Her throat tightened. Her eyes burned.

The bar was a bad idea.

This wasn't giving them the soft restart she was expecting.

"Hold on--"

"I mean, after all the things you said, cuz you had to have been holding that inside for a looong time. I mean, you call that 'annoyed', but if that's 'annoyed Hinata', then what the fuck is 'angry Hinata'? You don't fuck with people who do worse shit than me, but I like you hard and that's what I get?"

She can't believe that for a second. He doesn't like her beyond an idea and the advantage of familiarity. He doesn't know love apart from lust, and lust apart from infatuation. It's sad, but she's sure it's true.

There's no reconciliation to be had. He's still bringing up old points because he wants what he wants.

Why should she fall over herself for an unsure thing?

He'll get bored of her. It's the challenge and the denial that's keeping him interested.

It's not her intention to do this to him. She just keeps hoping this can end happily enough for them both if she sticks it out with him long enough.

But does she think he's immature?

She's already thought it.

But she never has to say it.

It doesn't matter, anyways.

A few flaws here and there don't matter.

_That is, until I get 'annoyed' again._ Shame is pushing her down, but she's caught in his headlights and she can't look away from the oncoming collision.

"But no, that's what I get," He says with a limp shrug as he slouches down in the booth again. "'Cuz you come out an' say I do all this shady shit an' it fucks with your sense of principle an' whatever, an' then you say I didn't do anything at all…" His indignance evaporates, leaving only a somber man behind, his flat gaze stuck to the ceiling. "The only thing I can come up with is that… you're telling me the truth."

Hinata feels like the carbon monoxide of his ranting has finally cleared and she can breathe fresh air again.

But he wasn't done yet.

"Which means, you outgrew me. Right?"

_No, wait… No. No, that can't be right._

Denial squeezes her inside a tight glass box. The world goes mute, and she's attempting to protect herself as she always does.

He's still staring up at the ceiling. As if he's not expecting much of an answer from her.

She utters his name but he doesn't look at her. Her own voice fails to make it to her ears and she wonders if she had spoken at all.

She tries again, but she just emits a strange sound, caught somewhere between incredulity and despair.

Outgrowing means… losing relevance.

_No._

She still loves him.

She still loves him.

Even if they don't want the same things right now.

Even if sex and pettiness has corrupted their friendship beyond recognition.

Even if the end of their roads don't meet, she'll still love him.

She doesn't need all the trappings and expectations of romance to love him. She can simply think of him and wish for his well-being and happiness.

Her stunned silence is inconsequential. He continues speaking, and his voice breaks towards the end.

"When I see the 'you' that you're trying to be, I realize there's no room for me beside you… when I try to keep you close, it doesn't feel right to you, does it? You redouble the distance, and it feels… it feels…" His eyes squeezed shut. "And earlier… seeing you stand up to me, I,I thought… 'Oh my god, I don't know how to keep this person'. I thought 'There's nothing I can do. This is how it is. She doesn't need me'."

"You shouldn't settle for someone who needs you." She says, like it were a reflex.

He lays there, silent and still, staring off into the distance, and she knows her words went through one ear and out the other.

"Think settling's gonna be better than being alone. But maybe that's just me." He shrugged dispassionately.

Hinata sank back in the booth, lightheaded and weak.

This isn't what she wants for him.

Her limp hands drew her attention. She studied the immaculate edges of her nails, of the soft lines along her palms.

_There has to be a way… There has to be a way for this to end okay…_

Nothing's coming to her.

She's facing a cement wall a mile a high. Where it ends and where it begins is impossible to discern. Perhaps she's been walking in circles up until now. Perhaps she's always been in fenced in, bound to discover that her growth was always a pretty illusion.

She can be strong on her own. She can be all alone. She can live on couches and accumulate wealth on her own terms. She can shun disappointment by shunning love.

And she can pretend she lived a successful life. That she never knew strife nor pain.

And Naruto would always judge her from afar.

He would always be disappointed in her.

He would always blame himself.

Naruto perked up, eyes wide. He shifted upright, his face drenched in worry. "Hey… Hinata-chan…"

He bumped into the table as he hurried out of the booth.

She shrank away upon his approach.

"Hinata-chan… Do you want to go cry in the bathroom?" He whispered.

She shakes her head, but his big, warm hand rests against her back, the other gently gripping her shoulder, and he coaxes her to stand. "C'mon, hide behind me. I won't let anyone see you."

She doesn't know where she's going. The world is glassy and distorted, his hands are steady and his shadow constant. She knows he's keeping his word.

And it breaks her all the same.

* * *

The warm, dim lighting falls away as he leads her into the corridor where the restrooms are.

She can barely walk on her own and yet she had drank the least.

How embarrassing.

He pushes the womens door open and ushers her inside, and she's so uncomfortable with everything.

It's a single use restroom. The toilet is in the right corner, the sink and mirror is up ahead, and the muted face on his reflection is all that she can see.

He's got bigger and better things to do in life.

Her journey isn't meant to be his problem.

But he'll carry a hurt far worse than she ever imagined if she keeps this up.

He stands for a moment.

Then he enters the restroom, closing the door behind him. He locks it.

He reaches for her, hands around her upper arms and he turns her, but she keeps her face firmly away.

His fingertips brush against her face. He wants to see her but she resists. She can't keep it together. He isn't helping her keep it together.

"Hinata-chan…"

He cups her face and tilts her head back, and the tears flow faster, uncontrollable, because in the dull, dingy green of the restroom light, his eyes are still the purest blue, and she can't take back the burden she's given him.

She can't give him back his innocence.

"I'm sorry," He said. "I said too much. I'm sorry, Hinata. I want you to be happy, y'know? I swear I do--"

The more he talks, the more she drowns. He can be so acerbic and blunt, so sweet and so patient; no matter which Naruto-kun he is to her, she's weak for him all the same.

"Th,Th,There's no point," She cuts off his rambling. "I,If getting better m,makes you lonely… th,then what's the p,point?"

Even through her glassy tears, she knows he's staring at her. She sees his wide eyes. His hands are frozen around her face.

Doesn't he agree?

Isn't he fighting back against the urge to agree?

It's okay.

She secretly knows this world is rigged against her.

It's better when she does nothing at all, because if she genuinely does anything, then she's just asking to be fucked over.

Naruto isn't saying anything.

Why isn't he saying anything?

* * *

_The silver charter buses took them to their inexpensive lodgings; a two-story motel no older than five years since its construction just outside the western forest park._

_There was no sneaking out to check out an abandoned village. But there was sneaking out to hang at the picnic area, with snacks and scenery._

_Even after a whole day of sticking close to Hinata, he felt more restless than usual. He just couldn't talk about the kinds of things he wanted to while everyone else was around._

_He imagined she feels the same way. He doesn't know whether to admire her quiet ways or feel sad for them._

_It practically physically hurts him to keep all his thoughts and feelings inside. He just can't picture what she's keeping inside._

_He breaks out into a huge grin when he sees her sitting at one of the picnic tables, reading one of her books with a pen light, and he sprints the rest of the way._

_She looks up when he arrives, out of breath, his hands on his knees._

_"I… I got more candy." He gasps, holding out a plastic shopping bag of goodies._

_"I have flavored milk."_

_Naruto's head lifted, eyes sparkling with excitement._

_"Melon?"_

_Hinata nodded, her chin tucking in slightly._

* * *

_"Too bad I don't have a speaker." Naruto said as he watched the stars with her, sharing her headphones just like before._

_"We'd get caught if we did." She said, sidling in closer. She tilted her head towards her half of the headphones. She's almost resting her head against his shoulder, and he can't feel the growing chill of night no more._

_His body warmed up to his face as he idly kicked his legs._

_The night sky really was amazing. He'd forgotten it could look like this, like millions of glittering fireflies frozen against a smoky background. Even if the world ended, all those stars would remain._

_In fact, if the stars blinked and the earth was gone, they'd probably wonder if anything had been there at all._

_He thinks back to their pretend scenario on the bus ride._

_"Hey, if the world was ending, where would you be?"_

_Hinata hummed in thought. "In a bunker?"_

_Naruto chuckled. "That's where you should be, but where would you want to be?"_

_"Somewhere u,up high, I think." Her voice grows smaller word by word._

_"To escape it?"_

_"N,No… t,to watch it…" She murmurs, her head ducking down._

_Frowning and perplexed, Naruto hummed. "You'd watch the world ending?"_

_The wooden planks of the picnic table creaked softly from her squirming around. "I,I'd watch y,you… t,trying to save it."_

_His heart pounded in exhilaration. He straightened up taller. He didn't want her to see the stupid look that was surely on his face right now._

_"Well, if uhm…" He cleared his throat, then reworded the question he had intended to convey."If you couldn't do anything about it, maybe you should try to pick someone to spend your last moments with."_

_He wants to know who her important people are, even if it's something obvious like family._

_As mad as his mom makes him sometimes, she's still his mom. He still loves her._

_He also likes to think he's added his friends to her list, even if she still keeps to herself._

_Hinata was quiet._

_He should've given her more time but he got itchy with anxiety._

_"I choose everyone!" He pumped a fist into the air, jostling her headphones with his enthusiastic movements._

_Hinata lowered her headphones into her lap. She was looking down. He smiled at her, kicking his legs, heart pounding in anticipation._

_"Th,Then… I choose e,everyone too."_

_His smiled widened but for a moment he felt unsure. Either he'd given her an easy out or he made her change her answer._

_His smile turned small as he gazed at the dirt path leading down the road. Tucked behind a swath of trees was their motel, all darkened windows, the gravelly parking lot bathed in a dozy glow of yellow from the street lamps._

_"Is that so? How come?"_

_"T,Twice the wishing power?"_

_God, she can be so cute sometimes. But this just confirmed his suspicions. She had changed her answer to his. Maybe someday she'll tell him for real._

_He can only hope._

_Naruto looked at her questioningly and her shoulders hunched up._

_"S,So… just in case it's too much for you, I,I can make sure you keep everyone, s,so th,that way they'll be there with you in the end." She nodded resolutely at the end._

_Naruto stilled as he stared at her. Somehow, this moment was sharper than his best memories. Somehow, everything he's ever experienced felt less real._

_Would she really do that?_

_Give up her own wish to help keep his?_

_"Hinata-chan…" He wanted to explain what he was feeling, he wanted to ask why his heart hurt even though he didn't feel upset._

_But then he spotted flashlights waving from the bottom of the hill, and fear prickled up his bloodstream._

_He shot up to his feet._

_But then her tiny hand clutched tight around his hand, holding him back like a felon awaiting arrest._

_"Hinata-chan, we're gonna get in trouble!"_

_"And hiding will cause a p,panic and waste r,resources. S,Sit."_

_Naruto plopped back down, his head hanging low for the inevitable admonishments, vague threats and guilt-tripping that were sure to follow._

_Their footsteps drew closer and he waited._

_The lights shined upon them caused him to recoil._

_And throughout the screeching and the finger-wagging and the 'Your parents are going to hear about this', Hinata never once let go of his hand._

* * *

"I want you to be happy." He said, as if he needed convincing himself, but it doesn't really answer her question, it doesn't nullify her dilemma at all.

"But h,how do you w,want me to be happy?"

He grimaced. And said nothing. Because she's already told him off for telling her how she should be living her life, and she's asking him again what she should do.

It's rhetorical. He knows it is.

But she won't shout at him this time. She won't fuss. She doesn't know what she wants to hear. She doesn't know what she wants at all.

"I dunno…" His gaze dropped away slow. "However you can?" His hands slipped from her face as he began to take a step back, to return the emotional distance she's been wanting, but then she caught him. She clutched his fingers to her clavicle and she caved.

"I want you t,to be happy too," She tightened her grip around his fingers and her body wracked with a sob. "You can't settle… y,you're not allowed to settle!"

Naruto jolted where he stood, his eyes bright with alarm and confusion. "Wha-- Hinata--"

"N,Not even for me!"

Silence fell around them and he stood there. She could almost see his thoughts clicking in place, the way his confusion gave way to smoldering intention.

"An' what's that supposed to mean?"

She shut her eyes, because laying her soul bare takes every ounce of strength she has, and she knows she has to do this.

Because somewhere down the line she'll never forgive herself.

Somewhere down the line she'll always remember being so, so wrong about everything.

And her pride, her self-image, is simply not worth it.

"E,Even if I t,tell you how I really feel… Y,You can't just accept that. You h,have to do better th,than me… Y,You have to _think_, Naruto-kun."

She waits in the silence for his response.

It doesn't take that long.

He tugged his hands free, and her breath seized in her chest.

But then there was warmth around her shoulders, and the scent of beer filled her nose when his hot exhale bathed her lips.

Her eyes snapped open, her heart jumped at the sight of his intense gaze.

And suddenly he giggled.

"Yeah, good luck telling me to think."

"Naru--"

He shut her up with a hard kiss, heat suffusing her down to her core. His palms ran from her shoulders to the small of her back. She clutched at his upper arms when he began to walk them backwards. She swore he would topple over her if he wasn't careful.

The edge of the sink pressed against her back.

His hands slid down to cup the back of her thighs, and he lifted her up.

Cold, hard porcelain caught her rear end and she realized he had seated her on the sink. She cupped his face, gasping as she pushed him away.

"Naruto-kun!"

He escaped her hold and busied himself with her neck, his hands smoothing down the curve of her waist to grip her hips.

His mouth was burning her and she fought to suppress her rising voice.

She pushed at his shoulders.

He grabbed her hands and lowered them down, his lips centimeters from hers once again.

"You're such a weirdo," He breathed. "But I really, really like it." He smashed his lips to hers before she could protest. He forced her head back as his tongue delved towards the back of her throat.

He released her, leaving her breathless and dizzy. Her tongue lolled in her mouth, the pink tip resting over her bottom teeth and she swam in the inebriation of his fervent affection.

"N,Naruto-kun… i,isn't allowed… t,to settle f,for losers."

He snorted.

"What if I like uncool girls? Are you kink-shaming me, Hinata?"

What a bald faced lie! She gawked at his sarcasm.

"Have seen how uneven your bangs are right now?" He continued, reaching up to finger the strands.

Hinata's jaw dropped as she tried to wrench her hands free so she can cover the damage he speaks of.

"Nothing more uncool than a bad haircut."

Tears slipped down her cheeks, the shame of her childhood chop job sinking in her skin all over again.

How can he smile so brightly like that?

"Y,You're s,so mean."

He chuckled at her indignance as he leaned his forehead against her.

"I'm kidding. You'll always look like Hinata, y'know?"

Her chest shook with a tight sob. She wanted to melt into him right then and there.

"I know I still have this problem," He said. "That I wanna be cool an' all, but…" He abandoned his mirth and bravado, his earnest eyes staring deeply into her own. "You're sayin' you'll be a loser with me, right?"

Her breath locked in her chest. Words failed her now, even at a time when he needed a reply from her the most.

She's been resisting him for both their sakes, and now she's lost all resolve to keep up the fight.

"Th,That's not a thing to be proud of."

Naruto's features twisted, half parts baffled and amused.

"That's not what you've told me before. Hinata, because of you I feel stronger, y'know? I'm serious. You make being a loser feel okay."

Hinata freed her hands from his grip and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close till his head rested against the mirror. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"You're not a loser, Naruto-kun. You're going to be great. You're going to do great."

His arms came up around her and he clutched her close, as if she was never, ever allowed to leave.

Her nose pressed hard against his skin, she could feel her tears soaking his shirt against her cheek.

He would've lost all belief in himself if she abandoned him.

Her eyes squeezed shut and her body shuddered off the final cold remnants of her anguish.

"I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! This last scene really tested me, heheh. I hope it was everything it needed to be. ; n ;


	19. As Long As You're With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this sounds like I'm being too hard on myself.
> 
> I can no longer tell if I'm writing intuitively or if I'm writing with minimal effort, but my biggest concern is never writing anything. I've never completed a story I've set out to finish, I don't even have very many to name, (I generally felt lot of my concepts were potentially fun but too incomplete to bother with, or were objectively awful). I've been active with fanfiction from 2004-2012 and came back late 2017, so the way this works is you gotta write a lot of trash before you come up with gold. Dunno which one of my NH fics that will be, if any, but as with all meager ambitions it's a nice dream.
> 
> Not sure if the smut below is cringey, but I'll take honest feedback. Thank you for reading!

_"Whispered something in your ear,_

_It was a perverted thing to say,_

_But I said it anyway,_

_Made you smile and look away,"_

_-Cigarettes After Sex_

_"Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby"_

Somehow she hadn't been so sure she could feel this way with him, like things didn't have to be as difficult as she made them out to be.

Warmth sank into places in her soul she had long thought frozen for good, and she couldn't stop the fresh ice-melt from flowing down her face.

And yet her fears still won't fully settle.

Can she make him happy? Can she keep him happy?

He's happy enough to know she won't disappear on him again. He's happy enough with this skinship. For now it's so easy. All she has to do is exist and he's happy.

That doesn't feel like much of a contribution, at all.

He makes _himself_ happy by choosing her, doesn't he?

But she tells herself to stop thinking about it. She's going down that spiral of negativity again, and she needs to stop. These thoughts are poisoning these precious moments and they have no place here.

The best advice she can give herself is that she'll figure these things out later.

The moment he becomes unhappy with her, she'll figure out how to reverse course. Even if her body tells her to leave and never look back, she won't do that. She'll dig in her heels and she'll figure it out.

That's how you handle these sort of things, right?

That's how being someone's partner ought to be?

She's still not ready for this.

But he can't hear that from her.

His hands start to trace tentative heat trails up her spine, then down along her sides.

His nose pokes her neck. He deeply inhales. His exhale shudders softly on the way out. Her heart clenches at the thought that he's still calming himself down.

She's witnessed his lowest lows and she does not wish to repeat it.

Naruto and emotional turmoil don't belong together.

She tightens her embrace protectively, and he chuckles. Confused, she allows him to pull away. He leans his forehead against her and they're nose to nose. He's grinning like a fox.

Hinata instinctively raises her guard up knowing that he's in a teasing mood.

"Naruto-kun?"

"You like me."

Her face exploded with heat. Her tongue laid useless inside her mouth. She spilled more tears in an attempt to blink away her naked discomfort.

She recognizes her childhood love for Neji was no more than a friendly crush, the result of which had been produced by the combination of deep loyalty and trust, much like iron and carbon produces steel.

Companionate love. The pure and true kind.

The knowledge she had something so sure and so enduring back then motivated her all the better to keep it.

With Naruto, there's always been that taste of fantasy for her when she was younger. A tale of a knight and his lady.

Fantasies don't last forever, but the way he makes her feel always remained, like she's had too much cold medicine, all floaty and fuzzy-brained.

She can't deny there's a touch of thrill in her flaring insecurities, a quietly needy voice crying for validation.

Such a voice is pure weakness no matter how you look at it. And maybe it was stronger back then than it is now.

But there's a purpose to this weakness, is there not?

It's not to cause her disaster but to strengthen their intimacy. The intimacy she has been shunning and running from.

The voice was stronger back then.

Because right now she's only afraid of the end. Not for herself, but for him.

Naruto thinks she's good at handling loss because she's inclined towards solitude.

It's not true.

It's her _only_ way to handle loss. Because she can't handle it otherwise.

So when he's so pleased with himself that he's got to air out her feelings to her face, she can't help but hunch up a little. Because the last time she told someone how she felt, they were gone. And they never came back.

Maybe it's self-preservation, maybe it's a little bit of superstition. But she really cannot go through that again.

Naruto took no mind of her silence as he repeated himself in blissed out sing-song. "You liiike meee."

_Don't run away. This is okay. Don't run away._

"I,I m,made no such allusions."

Naruto scoffed, appearing to take no offense.

"You said 'how I really feel', so you _do_ feel something."

She released her embrace, her hands sliding across his shoulders to pause at his chest. She gently nudged him away, but to avail.

"Maybe, maybe not."

Naruto scoffed again, wrapping his arms around her tighter as he burrowed his face in her neck and held her flush against his body.

"Now you're just playing against type." He said all in one breath, his husky voice going straight to her head.

He's got her trapped between his pelvis and the wall, the cold sink beneath her preventing her feet from reaching the floor. She wriggles against him, a pathetic attempt to escape, because her emotions are still too raw, and this location isn't secluded enough.

But that's part of the high.

That's exactly why deep down inside she wants this.

Just as much as he does.

The way he breathes so loud, so forced, the way he drags his tongue along the pulse of her neck, the way his hands search her curves as if desperate to find purchase, all of it makes her tingle and ache. She's overflowing from her soul and she clings to him in turn.

He growls, his body vibrates with need as he whispers her name like a praise.

She cranes her head down to meet him, a question on her tongue that goes un-asked, because he smashes his lips to hers, he fills her throat with his greedy tongue. He lays claim to the hot cavern of her mouth, forcing the bready, bitter flavor of beer onto her. She moves with him, moaning. She sips on his lips and sucks on his tongue. She sharply takes in air through her nostrils like she were just barely able to keep her face above water.

His right hand has found its way beneath her dress and down the back of her pants, his left hand is cupping her breast.

A bold press against her asshole and his left hand thumbing her nipple through her clothes, and she makes the most confused noise, half squeak and frustrated arousal. He forces his hardness against her groin and she nearly loses her eyes to the back of her head.

Their lips part with a sticky pop, a rope of saliva breaking between them.

"A quick one." He declares.

"A,A quick one." She parrots in acquiesce.

She might regret this later. But she might regret not putting out this wildfire raging between them more.

His left hand scurries up her dress, his fingers roughly latch onto the hem of her jeggings and with both hands he forces them down past her knees.

She's shrinking into herself, her self-consciousness never fully vanquished, because half-naked on a public sink is unnatural and strange, it's utter degeneracy.

But he never lets her care about that stuff for too long.

He presses his fingers against her core and she squirms with a moan.

Her panties. They're already this damp.

"Fuck, I wanna taste you."

"N,No time."

His breathing labors as he works down his own jeans and boxers.

His length presses against her melty core and she stiffens as if he had burned her.

"Hinata, be ready, okay?"

She nods fervently, and he lines his weeping head against her moist entrance.

Her teeth nearly cut into her bottom lip. Her breath catches with every inch as he pushes through, stretching her apart, soaking his length in her juices.

He reaches the end and they stop, hovering dangerously in the atmosphere of primal instincts and soul-deep satisfaction.

Naruto took a deep breath, releasing a strange sound crossed between a chagrined chuckle and a sigh. "I'm gonna cum already."

"Eh?!" Hinata jerked away, causing him to growl in pleasure, his face scrunched up tight. "You can't." She whispered.

She was wrapped so tight around him that she wanted to be filled like this forever.

"Said it'd be a quick one, right?" Sweat was beginning to dot along his temples. "Whatever happens, you're gonna hafta keep it inside, okay?"

Hinata whipped her head side to side in adamant protest.

"You're _not_ cumming inside."

He gazed at her from behind his half-lidded haze, and she imagined the very idea turned him on. The idea of her walking around while she was filled to the brim with his cum.

"We'll get the pill." He assures once he emerges from his spontaneous daydream.

"Naru-" He thrusts without warning, causing the last vowel of his name to be sung high towards the heavens, and she never gets to articulate the rest of her sentence because he doesn't stop.

She's rendered practically mute save for her undulating moans, so breathy and deep, as he pounds his cock into her with all the desperation of a man who may never experience such rapture again.

She can feel herself rising higher and higher into a cloud of pleasure. Her brain is buzzing with sparks that threaten to make her vision go white. Her fingers and legs tingle like crazy she thinks she might not be able to walk.

"Fuck," He bites out, his voice high with emotion. "Fuck, Hinata, fuck."

She nods absently, agreeing to whatever he's feeling right now, because she's feeling it too.

"I'm selfish, I'm self-serving. I'm sorry," He's rambling. His cheek is hot and slick against her own, and she holds him tightly, not for her impending orgasm but because he sounds like he's losing it. "I don't want you to fuck anyone else, Hinata, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see you with anyone else. Please, please."

Hinata bucks her hips against him. She's determined to distract him with the milking of his cock, to replace his rambling with ardent groaning.

She cups his face and positions her mouth close to his ear. "You feel s,so good, Naruto-kun. So good. So, so good," He groans in approval, his thrusts picking up speed. A moan sings in her throat and she's so close. "I,It's true, I can only feel this way with you, Naruto-kun. Only you. Only you."

His arms tighten around her petite form, and he grunts. "Hinata, I'm gonna-!"

He goes rigid.

His mouth is wide open, almost painfully so.

His voice gets stuck in his throat.

He convulses with every shot of thick, ropey cum that fills her abused tunnel, and she holds him.

She holds him, and she breathes him in, and she soothes him with the stroke of her hand down the back of his head.

Because he's convulsing for a different reason now.

His tears are soaking her neck.

She smiles.

He's such a big baby.

But she likes that about him.

* * *

Her panties are glued to her inner lips. She's holding his cum inside her, a depraved secret borne between the two of them, and she's cradling his head against her chest.

He had moved to sit on the toilet, his face dazed with unfathomable emotions. Perhaps he had poured everything he had inside of her and now he was tired again.

When she had moved to hold him and stroke his hair, he clung to her.

"We've been in here too long."

He doesn't respond aside from burying his face in her chest.

She swore he got a little emotional back at the hotel during their first time together. That hug on the bed was rather sudden and unprompted.

Naruto made a sharp and lengthy sniff before pulling away, his face red, seemingly with embarrassment.

"At your old work, there was a lot of drinking right?"

"Usually the hard stuff, neat or on the rocks, that's what the customers wanted. A quick buzz along with instant attention."

Naruto nodded. "So I'm guessing you've never had any of the fun drinks, huh?"

"'Fun drinks'?"

Somehow they made it back to their table without earning too many suspicious glances.

At least, they tried to tell themselves none of the glances were suspicious. People instinctively tend to look at who's passing by, it's not that they're actually noticing something specific about you.

It didn't seem to stop her hypervigilance from going off like an alarm siren.

Naruto was grinning widely. To everyone else it was a normal, cheerful expression. To her it screamed that he was just as nervous as she was.

They slid into their booth, no longer taking opposite ends like two future divorcees, they huddled in the middle, their hips firmly fused together.

Naruto placed two orders with the waitress, and she returned with two full pints of golden beer, two pairs of chopsticks and two ceramic cups of steaming saké.

Naruto arranged the chopsticks atop their beer, then balanced the saké cups atop the center of the chopsticks.

His eyes sparkled like a boy about to commence the launching of his prized bottle rocket.

"Okay, so what you do is make a fist," He held his over the table and she followed suit. "Then you slam the table, but we gotta count to three, okay?"

Hinata smiled with a nod. "Okay."

"One… two…" Naruto glanced at her, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Three…" They said together. "KANPAI!"

They both hammered the table with their fists, but Hinata knew her attempt wasn't enough and she couldn't help but laugh how he had instantly compensated for her. His was strong enough to cause both their saké to drop into the beer. The cup displaced a decent amount of beer, wetting their table as it sloshed out. And then their drinks began to froth like shaken soda.

Naruto grabbed his pint and she grabbed hers. Bringing the rising beer cocktail to their lips, they chugged till their glasses were empty.

They shivered in unison as the icy bite of their bubbling beverage passed through them and they exhaled, at once in contentment and from the bitter mix.

Hinata leaned her face against his upper arm, feeling woozy, fuzzy and warm all at once. She wanted to be glued to him like this forever.

She rubbed her thighs together, relishing in the squishy, sticky secret between her legs.

She'll make sure to make a stop at the pharmacy tomorrow. They never did have _that_ talk, but back at the hotel he seemed hell-bent on staining her skin with his essence. She supposes she's fine with that, it does make her feel a certain way, like she's been claimed. There's a confusing paradox in female sexuality, that to be defiled is to be worshipped. Very confusing indeed, but it's hot to him and it's intoxicating to her.

Perhaps she'll withhold from the talk after all.

"I think I may've been too uptight with you," Hinata said. "I'm sorry."

That rare spot of happiness mixed with the alcohol doing its thing has managed to mute most of the awful noise that exists in the back of her mind, like a black cloud of locusts waiting to descend and devour her happy thoughts.

She feels his hand brush up against hers between them. His pinky then intertwines with hers, and her eyes almost well with tears. It's too cute. It's like a kindergartener's hand hold.

"Well, maybe that's a sign."

She turned towards him. "A sign?"

His grin blinds her. "That we should get blitzed tonight!"

The waitress is nearing and Hinata's thoughts drift into a series of possible outcomes, until she understands which one is the best one, and she addresses his offer in a low voice.

"Let's go to liquor store. I'd rather drink with you at home now."

His gaze softened and she hadn't the time to ponder if it was something she said.

He fished out his wallet and dropped the nearest ryo amount. He then grabbed Hinata's hand and they made no effort to hide their haste.

* * *

It starts with one shot of shochu.

It smells sweet and sharp like nail polish and it goes down like ethanol.

Burning down their esophagus, warming their insides.

They breathe out fumes.

His lips peck her head when she's another shot ahead of him.

He matches her, only to pull her into a kiss. He opens his mouth a little and she drinks the shot he had warmed for her.

"Now I'm two shots ahead." She said, but his hand distracts her, tracing down the slope of her back.

He pecks her chin, then explores the length of her neck. Her head tilts back with a moan.

He pulls aways and she moans with pout. He chuckles at her as he lifts up the bottle and puts it to his mouth.

She watches him take three swigs before setting it down none too lightly, rattling their glasses along the kotatsu.

"Now I'm one ahead of you," He begins to pour into their shot glasses. She takes a swig of hers, her loins drenched in arousal as he stares at her hungrily.

Naruto reaches out then nudges her onto her back. She falls onto the tatami with a squeak. He pulls up her dress. To his dismay, it stops below her breasts.

"Don't breathe," He said, shochu bottle in hand, and he pours directly into her navel. She freezes up, the cold contact is sudden and jarring. "I've always wanted to try this."

She bites her lip, trying to keep her abdomen contracted. She doesn't want to spill a drop.

When he closes his mouth over her, she begins to feel an excruciating ache in her clit.

He slurps up the alcohol just as loudly as he does noodles, but her inebriated brain is making a different connection. She's wanting him to go further down but that won't happen.

"I'm too warm." She said. She's no longer wearing her maxi cardigan, but she's not lying. She's burning for him.

He hovered atop her, then nipped at her lips.

"Need help getting up?"

She nodded dumbly.

Naruto pulled her to sitting. She then steadied herself with the kotatsu, rising to full height. Her head is spinning already. She's able to handle more than this usually. She figures she mustn't have eaten enough today.

She locks eyes with him as she reaches behind her neck where the buttons are to her dress.

His eyes never leave hers as he downs another shot.

This isn't like back at the hotel.

She's giving him a show.

She gathers the bottom of her dress, then lifts it up, the sewn bustline catching against her plump breasts, causing them to bounce upon release.

She discards her dress in a random direction.

She's wearing one of her extra-support bras, the kind with the front clasp. The upper half of it is sheer lace, and her heart is pounding at the sight of his impatience and approval.

Naruto shuffles forward on his knees. He hooks his fingers in the hem of her jeggings and panties, and he slowly eases her garments past her hips. He pauses to stare.

It's been leaking from her over time. Her inner thighs are shiny and slick from his fluid. The crotch of her panties are completely soaked.

There's a thick rope of white cum dripping from pussy and he can't look away.

Hinata fights the urge to hide her face as her hands curl beneath her chin.

"Don't stare so much."

"But it's sexy as fuck."

He pulled her pants down to her ankles, then eased them off her feet. Hinata immediately closed her thighs together with a dismayed squeak. She ducked her head down and clasped her hands over her crotch.

"Naruto-kun. A napkin. It's coming out."

The sound of clothes shuffling alerted her. Upon a timid peek, her eyes snapped open. Naruto was kneeling buck naked before her, the purpling head of his cock consuming all of her attention.

Naruto reached for her and grabbed her hands. He helped her walk towards. Tugging in her slightly, she crouched down, mirroring him.

She could still feel his warm cum dribbling down the insides of her thighs.

"Come over here." He smiled.

He moved her hands to his shoulders and she climbed atop him. She softly moaned, both in embarrassment and arousal. She lined herself up against his tip. She saw the way his grin fell away, leaving behind the look of a man on a mission.

Hinata swallowed. She began to descend down his length, watching how his lips pursed and his brow pinched.

Her eyes squeezed shut as she took his whole length inside her, plugging up the rest of his cum towards the back of her pussy.

Naruto leaned back on his hands, a smirk popping on his lips. He eyed her through a lidded gaze then nodded.

He wanted her to do all the work?

"I drank way more than you." He said, as if reading her mind.

Biting down her pout, she worked up the nerve to raise her hips up. Her mouth formed in an 'o' as his sturdy length dragged along her slippery walls. She dared another peek.

He was gleaming, almost looking proud.

Of her.

She inhaled, turned it into courage in her veins and she dropped her hips down. She laughed breathily as his head rolled back with a loud groan, like she had nearly ended him.

She rolled her hips against him, easing into a rhythm. It didn't take long for him to begin bucking his hips. He hadn't the self-control.

A burning ache steadily built up in her thighs and she couldn't keep up the pace. Hinata hung her head and whined. "My thighs hurt."

Naruto burst out laughing. He fell onto his back, his stomach contracted with every boom of his amusement.

"You… you're coming to the gym with me."

Hinata crossed her arms and collapsed forward, hiding her face against the shield of his chest. "I knew you had ulterior motives."

"Hey!"

Hinata craned her head up and wrinkled her nose at him. "Just kidding."

His right arm moved to embrace her and in seconds he had her flat on her back.

She blinked at him owlishly, a touch of apprehension entering her features.

"You weren't complainin' back at the hotel," He said, an undertone of warning darkening his voice. "You're the one receiving all the benefits here, babe," He hugged her thighs to his stomach, and he slammed his cock to the back of her silky tunnel. Her back arched with a squeal. Her breasts heaved for air. She stared at him with wide eyes, but he just smirked. He began again, punctuating his poundings with incessant pestering. "Go. To. The. Gym. With. Me!"

Hinata's hands were curled beside her face, her lidded gaze holding his as he drove her further and further away from lucidity. Her moans rose higher and faster with every thrust, her face scrunching and glistening with sweat. Her bare thighs stuck to his skin too. Every sloppy retreat from her pussy was followed by a sticky slap and he perilously, uselessly chased his orgasm, because it was futile. Oh so futile.

He drank way too much.

So he relished in stirring his cum in her tightness.

He relished the burning alcohol followed by burning kisses, ones that got sloppier and clumsier as the night wore on.

And he relished the sight of her in every angle he could have her; on her side, on her knees from behind, then on her stomach, the way her full ass rippled with every slap of his hips.

He relished her pleasure-soaked face, the way her moans that drove him crazy, and the way each shaking orgasm rendered boneless and happy beneath him.

Her moans had turned dry and voiceless minutes ago.

"Fuck." Naruto pulled out, scraping out a huge glob of his load. He tsked at the mess he made on his tatami between her legs. His erection hadn't calmed down either this entire time. Sighing, he crawled over her prone form and leaned in close to her face. Her gentle, even breathing proved it to him.

She had fallen asleep.

The bottle had been emptied two hours ago.

He vaguely registered the ache in his lower abdomen, likely both from their marathon fucking and urine retention.

He glanced in the direction of his bedroom.

He was sure the sun was rising, the way his apartment was steeped in a dozy gray-blue.

He tested his legs, but they gave out on him. He laid down on his side and watched her sleep.

He reached out and pressed his thumb to her bottom lip, so full and so plush. He couldn't help but smile.

This silly girl who doesn't realize how much she puts others before herself really is someone he can't afford to lose in his life.

He knows he has to make it up to her, for all the insidious ways he'd been tearing her down, the ways he'd been scaring her off from romantic investment.

Somehow she believes relationships are codependent and nothing more. Maybe to some extent that's the only dynamic he knows, but they can be more than that.

They can be better.

If she's willing to figure this stuff out with him, then there's really nothing to fear.

Naruto leans to kiss her forehead. He presses his smile to her skin.

"Everything's gonna be okay."

The early morning faded to black and he passed out.


	20. Contingency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back! It's finally back! I got hella distracted. Can you tell? XD So, now that the internal drama is out of the way... I am thinking the smut-a-thon can begin, and I was curious how kinky would be 'too kinky' for some of you. In any case, be sure to check the tags regularly as I update. If something isn't for you, I'll do my best to make it avoidable without compromising the progression!

Neither one of them would have voted to wake up like this on their first day as a sort-of-couple.

But they would surely remember it down the line, even if it wasn't the sort of story they'd share amongst close friends.

Hinata awoke feeling like someone had taken a baseball bat to her skull several times over. Her limbs, to her mind, had become lead. The smallest movement and aches bloomed in places she never knew could hurt.

And then there was this one particular ache, one that brought heat to her face. It hurt like a rug burn, with a twinge of unscratchable itchiness, and she was sore, like she's been played with beyond reasonable decency.

The floor creaks beneath the weight of another, and her heart rises up to her throat.

They stampede away.

She's afraid to open her eyes, to be pierced to the back of her beaten skull with the faintest allowance of light.

But when she does, her heart rate normalizes, as the sound of running water fills the silence.

This is Naruto-kun's apartment.

She blinks as the sound keeps going. It's not running water, like from a fountain, but water emptying into a body of water.

Perhaps it's not water at all.

"Naruto-kun?"

"Oh! Morning!" His voice is scratchy as it originates from another room. Hinata winces as though the room had been inside her skull.

"When did you stop last night?" She called.

"What?" His voice pitched higher, as if he had something to hide. "Ah, shit!"

Hinata pushed up from the tatami, but her head felt like a kettlebell.

"What happened?"

"N,Nothing!" And then he slammed the door.

The bathroom door.

The flowing sound resumed.

Hinata decided she wouldn't press him again once he was done.

* * *

"I don't remember… when we stopped." She said, once he rejoined her.

He sat down by the kotatsu, scratching at his cheek.

"Uh…" Naruto cleared his throat. "Think it was like, break of dawn? You fell asleep on me."

Hinata's face scrunched harder. The next burning question was when did he finally notice she was asleep.

But she decided to let it go. They both might as well have been operating on their last brain cells.

"I think I'm stuck here."

"Gimme a sec." Naruto grunted as he rose up to his feet and she felt the floor sink ever so slightly beneath his weight.

Hinata peeked her eyes open to watch him sway on his feet, then catch himself against his kotatsu.

"Over by my things, I have pain killer and turmeric." She said.

"Got it." He stumbled over to her little hobo pile and rummaged through it for pill bottles. The clicking of plastic against plastic answered them.

"I need water."

"Wow, you're actually communicating your needs. This a real breakthrough." He turned and gave her a sly grin, his brows pulled high into his forehead. He laughed when she glared at him, and his amusement didn't last long, it was quickly overtaken by the pain banging inside his head.

He placed the bottles on the kotatsu and made his way over to the kitchen sink.

The sound of rushing water filled the silence and Hinata spaced out, her conscious mind drifting far away from her.

The clink of the glass on the kotatsu snapped her out of it, and he was quick to gather her in his arms and ease her upright. He helped her lean against the kotatsu, and she watched him open the pill bottles.

Two blue gel caps and one large capsule full of bright orange powder dropped into his palms, then he held them out towards her.

She stared at his offering for a moment. Somehow, she wasn't all there anymore.

She reached to accept the pills from him but her arm dropped like it were filled with sand.

"Here, open." He pressed the side of his palm against her lips, and the capsules rolled onto her tongue. He grabbed the glass and tilted the water just enough for her to sip.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she forced those two pills down.

After that, she watched him help himself to her medicine, and he swallowed it all down with a large gulp of water.

It was then she realized.

Naruto was completely naked.

Hinata gazed down at herself, her bare breasts smashed to the kotatsu in her slumped position, and she wonders if she had been naked the whole time, too.

She plucked the hem of the comforter and attempted to draw it around herself, but it would only reach so far.

"Babe?"

Hinata bit her lip. "I don't remember much…"

Naruto's gazed dropped to the side. He then peered up at her, as if a single word out of him could make her disappear. "Do you regret it?"

Hinata paused, then shook her head slowly.

"I regret not remembering much." She offered him a small, embarrassed smile, and she watched as the apprehension evaporated off of him.

His beautiful grin chased away any lingering concerns she had.

She was safe with him, no matter her mental state.

* * *

Waking up with beer on her tongue and ethanol on her breath was still unpleasant no matter how used to it she was.

They stood side by side in front of the bathroom sink, scrubbing their teeth till foam dribbled down their chins, and their reflections looked mismatched in her eyes.

It's been a while since she got to admire his physique. He's also got more than seven inches on her in height. Shadows cling to every crevice of his toned abs and his muscular arms.

Everyone thinks she's attractive when she's disguising her flaws behind make-up and fashion.

Because next to him, she looks like a unformed lump of pale dough.

The past few months of drinking haven't been kind to her belly. Her lethargic lifestyle only further contributed to her shape.

Naruto spat in the sink and washed off his toothbrush and his mouth.

He kissed the side of her head and left, but not before calling over her shoulder: "I'll run a bath for you, okay?"

She nodded dumbly.

When she cleaned up, she deposited her toothbrush beside his and she paused.

His orange toothbrush with the white bristles flattened down to nothing. Her lavender one, pristine and battery powered with the rotating circular head.

Warmth pooled in her chest and filled her face.

This was really happening.

They were really together.

* * *

Hot, soothing water enveloped her body as she sat in his tub.

He agreed to handle the groceries.

She wanted her own shampoo and conditioner, her own body wash, too. Not that she minded smelling like him, but it wasn't her intention to. She also reminded him to get a new toothbrush, preferably one like hers.

It wasn't until she was halfway inside a pair of jeans that he got home, and the way the door banged shut and his shoes clopped in the genkan did she know that he had a story to tell.

"Fucking bitch!"

And there it was.

Hinata was facing away from him inside his bedroom as she buttoned up a dotted blouse with the puffed short-sleeves.

"What happened?"

He tossed an item onto his bed and she looked at it.

It was her emergency contraception.

Naruto perched on the edge of his bed and rubbed at his face. "I got lectured."

Hinata squinted at him. "You got lectured?"

"'Cuz I asked for that." He gestured at the plastic package containing a single white tablet.

Hinata's eyelids fluttered in disbelief, but soon enough she began to picture it, the sort of lecturing he would receive.

"It doesn't matter," She said. Advice that was so easy for her to hand out, but so difficult for her to practice. "I'll make an appointment. I'll start on birth control right away."

He side-eyed her and she ruffled beneath his scrutiny.

"I dunno."

Now it was her turn to scrutinize him.

"You don't know about what?"

He looked away, his left leg bouncing. "Sasuke has horror stories about when Sakura started on the pill." He shuddered for emphasis, and she felt the twist annoyance in her gut.

She plucked the package from his bed when his hand wrapped around her wrist.

She looked up, finding genuine anxiety roiling in his eyes.

"What if it… makes you unhappier?"

His grip tightened. Not to the point of hurting, but just enough to show her how much he needed her to stay.

"Naruto-kun…" She can't picture what his friends went through. She also can't picture her liquor-ravaged body nurturing a happy little accident, nor could she picture herself capable of such nurturing in the long run. She can't picture PTA and Sports Days and picnics. She can't picture him popping in and out of her life. She can't picture a lot of things. "We're lucky enough so far. Let's not push it."

She pulled herself free and exited the bedroom, in search of a pair of scissors.

What was the point of all of his fighting for her if he couldn't handle a week or two of cranky Hinata?

She found the scissors in a drawer in the kitchen. She severed the package and pulled out the inner liner containing the tablet.

The pamphlet warned of several side-effects.

Naruto stood in the entryway, leaning against the wooden frame, his face darkened with apprehension.

"Here." She handed him the pamphlet, then she popped the tablet into her mouth and swallowed.

"Sounds like we're staying in today." He said tonelessly.

Staying in. Two words that could nearly compete with 'cinnamon roll'.

He tossed the pamphlet onto the counter. He closed the distance as he pulled her into his arms, and tucked her head beneath his chin.

"I can't stand to see you sick." He murmured.

She doesn't know what to tell him.

She wraps her arms around his middle and squeezes.

Whatever happens, happens.

She wants to tell him that, but she isn't sure if it's what he wants to hear.

She's supposed to make sure he's always happy.

She doesn't know what to say that'll make him happy.

She supposes she'll just have to hide her symptoms from him from here on out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short and that it's been so long since I last updated! IDK if I wanna still write the abandoned village trip. I was thinking of making it look like the ruins from The Last. I'll think about it. Anyways, I'm also considering having Naruto quit his job at some point, but like, he literally just worked his first day, so… this story is all over the place. XD
> 
> Thank you all for supporting me and this story! IDK if any of you noticed, but I pretty much never believe in myself and I just write with my fingers crossed lol. So it's really amazing to have readers like you! Thank you!


	21. The Time For Being Sad Is Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much has happened since I last updated!!! The wonderful and sweet Izzie made a playlist for this fic for NH2020 and it’s AMAZING!!! I wanna share with you all! Also, I keep inundating myself with new stories, and I'm so overwhelmed and it’s just hard to write at the quality that I want when I’m stressing. Some other IRL stuff getting in the way too, nothing particularly interesting or important, I just think too much and it’s totally bad for my mental health. I hope I can travel in the near future or at least go to a freakin’ amusement park. I haven’t had real fun in over a decade. I’m dropping Izzie's playlist in the end notes! I hope this chapter wasn’t too short this time! For those of you still sticking to this story, I love you all!!

_ "I was drunk and it didn’t mean a thing, _

_ Stop thinking about, _

_ The bullets from my mouth, _

_ I love the things you hate about yourself, _

_ Just finished a daydream, _

_ Who were you trying to be?" _

_ -Panic! At The Disco "Hallelujah" _

  
  
  
  
  


With her back flat against his chest, she is unable to focus on the drama streaming on his laptop, because in a careful, absentminded manner his hands keep smoothing up and down her upper arms.

And she's becoming intoxicated by the security of his touch.

Melting and blooming all at once, a million meadow flowers opening in greeting to the sun, drinking him in.

Hinata allows herself to tuck her temple against the curve of his neck, and his body rumbles with a honeyed chuckled. She can't stop the way her lips curve into a tiny smile.

It's been forty minutes and she hasn't experienced anything yet, not a single symptom.

For once, she is… cautiously optimistic.

But that still leaves her with the responsibility to begin birth control, and she hasn't her own gynecologist yet.

But going to her mother's should be fine, right?

Doctor-Patient Privilege, after all.

No way her mother will find out.

Perhaps Hanabi wouldn't mind leafing through their mother's planner, to ensure that they're never at the office at the same time.

Emboldened, Hinata decides that this is what she will do.

"Feeling okay?" He asks, tilting his head to get a look at her.

Aside from the feeling that her vagina seems to have grown hair-thin thistles which occasionally grazed her tender walls with every minor shift of her hip, she felt wonderful.

She knows after having awkwardly waddled into the ofuro that the sex had been too fast.

She knows after aiming cold water onto her aching vulva that the sex had been too hard.

She knows now that alcohol is not a deterrent for Naruto.

No, it may in fact be a catalyst for him.

And she may want to curb his consumption in the future, at least to where he can go longer than normal and no longer than that.

She sinks against him further, if that's even possible. "I'm fine."

_No symptoms. _ That went for everything.

For both their sakes she was going to be an untroubled Hinata; purified by love and devoid of demons.

Which meant she would endure this until she had the privacy to look into 'rough sex aftercare'.

His arms slowly enveloped her, clasping her close, warmth sinking in, firm muscles pressed against her delicate frame, and he nuzzled his nose against her hair. Their faces inched closer like magnets searching for their true north, and their gazes held one another, sinking deeper into the thick of their feelings. In their trust for one another.

His right hand cupped her cheek and their lips met, softly at first, like the careful removal of one's shoes at the door, then firmer, fuller, a whole-hearted greeting -- because he's home and she's there to welcome him into the wet, wanting recesses of her mouth.

Hinata turns on her knees and secures her arms around his neck, and he sinks back against the tatami, pulling her down with him.

Exchanges of breath, noisy through their noses, desperate to receive the exhalation of their regard. That headying carbon dioxide, nourishing to plants but suffocating to lungs, their tongues slithered and swirled as they steadily grew dizzy from insufficient breath.

He refuses to live without this, the sacred love that she has been so terrified to give.

And she refuses to witness him not living.

She'll reflect back his love, like the shy moonlight.

He makes her believe that it's enough. That he doesn't need someone as bright as himself.

They just might outshine him.

She understands this about him.

He cannot be outshined, not ever.

His left hand found its way beneath her shirt, two blunt fingers plucking at her bra strap when the violent vibration of a phone breaks the haze that had conjured around them.

They stared at each other in reluctance.

Climbing off of him, Hinata wiped at the moist corner of her lips as he sat up and reached for his phone.

She hoped it was important.

They had interrupted her halfway through dessert.

She watched as Naruto switched from his phone to his laptop. He opened up Kaohon, his fingers flying across his keyboard, and his was face softened with a certain happiness.

When she scooted around him, she saw just what that source of happiness was.

* * *

Sasuke looked damn good in that police uniform. The pride and ecstasy on Sakura's face in the photo glowed in agreement.

Naruto basked in the image, but the happier he felt the sadder he felt too. He couldn't forget his childhood friend in all his stages of life, even the stages missed, and he couldn't believe all those moments were gone.

They happened.

And now other things were happening.

Like growing up.

Typing out in Messenger, Naruto sent out a quip.

**Naruto: Oh wow you succeeded at something? Zzzzz.**

**Sasuke: Bitch. I can detain you under reasonable suspicion.**

**Naruto: Hahaaa. Call me when something goes wrong for once. I'll congratulate you when you stop being so predictable.**

**Sasuke: Still more than you've ever gotten. By the way, our fearsome leader is going to call you.**

Naruto stiffened slightly.

And just like, Sakura was calling him.

Naruto swiped and put the phone to his ear. "Yeah, wassup?" 

**"I'm planning a party for Sasuke-kun tonight. Not that it's gonna be much of a secret." **Sakura said.

"Oh… Is that so..." His tone clouded over with mixed feelings as he processed what this meant.

It meant leaving Hinata behind for hours.

He quickly turned towards Hinata with his left hand vertical in front of his face.

She blinked once like a nonplussed cat, and he took that as a nod. Naruto got up and headed for the genkan.

Naruto slipped on his shoes and exited his apartment, the door clicking shut like he were locking up a precious jewel inside a safe.

He trodded along the breezeway, heading for the stairs at the end.

Unconsciously, he wanted to assert some distance, as if she could hear him, as if she could be hurt before he had the chance to do it himself.

"How soon is the party?" He asked, a part of him wringing with anxiety, another part overly cautious.

**"We're starting at nine since that's what works out for everyone. Feel free to extend the invite to Hinata."**

Naruto paused as his feet met concrete.

That was seven hours from now.

His mind immediately jumped forward to the part where he came stumbling home at three in the morning, where poor, lonely Hinata helps him to bed, and he helps himself to her.

She might not appreciate that.

Sakura continued. **"It's fine if she doesn't want to. No hard feelings."**

Naruto lifted his head, his feet shifting from foot to foot.

"Yeah, I think it's too soon right now," He can picture her avoidant, downcast face, how she keeps her silence until he relents. She would. He's still kind of gobsmacked he ever got through to her last night. He wasn't proud of having been so pathetic, but he really needed her to understand him. His nights have been moonless for so long, he can't endure it anymore. "Don't be afraid to ask again, Sakura-chan."

**"Of course,"** Naruto could practically hear her smile. **"By the way, how've things been since the art museum?"**

Memories of that afternoon flash before his eyes, and so do the powerful feelings that seem to override the best of him.

But something had finally planted that day. Something had finally begin to bud, and he wanted to keep tending to that. He wanted to nourish Hinata's trust in him.

Because he sees her.

A beautiful silhouette at the end of a misty silver fog.

He'll clear that distance, and the thick mystery around her.

And she won't have anywhere to hide. No reason to anymore, either.

He'll make sure she loves herself just as she wants to, and it won't happen without him.

But to Naruto's chagrin, he wouldn't have known to take Hinata to a place like that.

"It was a good call."

Eventually he'll be making good calls.

**"That's great. Well, just hit me up if you're at a loss, and--"**

"Thank you. Sakura-chan." He winced at his quick tongue. But he's Hinata's boyfriend, not Sakura.

There was a pause on the other end. **"Of course. Well, see you tonight."**

"Yeah. See you."

They hung up at the same time, and the emptiness settled around him.

He needs to figure out what Hinata needs, what she truly likes and will appreciate. So much so that he can surprise her and get it right every time.

That aside, he felt himself standing on a bridge between two continents, the one in front being Hinata, the other behind him his friends.

Who knows how long it'll take to unite them under his banner.

* * *

Naruto returned to find her resting against the kotatsu, with her arms folded beneath her head.

Kicking off his shoes and flying across the room, Naruto circled around her and scooped her up, holding her against his chest just like before. But this time he was nuzzling his cheek against her crown and rocking slightly.

"Wh,What's with you?" She asked, sounding winded.

He smiled a smile that felt permanent. Even if he never wore it on his face, this feeling would be permanent in his heart.

"This is how I feel when I see you, that's all."

"I,I see." She breathed, he loved that, loved how stunned he made her.

Naruto craned his head to get a good look at her flaming face, and his grin stretched wider.

"Were you bored without me or something?"

Hinata's cheeks puffed up and he felt like deflating them with a kiss.

"Hey, let's finish our show--" He reached for his laptop, but Hinata pushed his arm down and he stared at her, waiting and confused and a small amount worried.

Maybe she knew, after all.

She was frighteningly intuitive that way.

Even if it took her this long to understand his feelings for her, all those words last night cut skin and bruised his ego.

Things even he didn't know, she knew.

Things he didn't want seen, she saw.

But that was okay.

He liked a challenge.

"Did you want to talk?" She asked.

"Talk? 'Bout what, babe?" Shit, she knew didn't she?

Her gaze drifted to the lower left. "Sasuke-kun becoming a police officer. That's amazing."

Naruto frowned as he scratched his cheek, his eyes darting around for a distraction or an answer. "Kind of. It was already going to happen, so I guess I'm not that hyped up about it."

Hinata tilted her head and searched him with her large eyes, and he could almost see the sky of her mind, thoughts like clouds drifting towards each other, attaching into a single conclusion.

It left him naked when she did this, it also kind of made him feel important, worthy of her attention.

Heat rose up from his chest to his ears, like the sunrise warming the earth.

"He's going to be busy from here on out." She said.

Naruto sank his canines into the inside corner of his mouth and reluctantly nodded. "Yeah. That's why…" He shut his eyes and sighed. He needed these last three weeks with Hinata. He gave all his time to his friends already. But this was a special event. Sasuke would only graduate from the Police Academy once. Naruto looked Hinata square in the eyes. "That's why I need to go to this party tonight."

Her gaze dropped, taking his heart down to the floor with it.

_C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. You know I don't want to leave you. Hinata… _

"I'm sorry," She mumbled, lancing him with apprehension. Then her eyes lifted and turned towards his laptop screen. He followed her gaze. "I was being nosy."

Indeed, she had been.

There on the screen was the selfie video he took when he finally got off the plane and landed in Tokonoha months ago.

The selfie video he took two months before making that post. The post that reunited him with Hinata.

Down below in the comments was an array of elation and warm welcomes and two jokes from Ino and Sakura for the tell-tale shimmer of unshed tears, not to mention his 'stupid grin'.

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, now feeling warm with embarrassment.

"Did you watch it?"

"I'm sorry," She reiterated, and Naruto clasped his neck with both hands. "I didn't realize you missed them so much," Like a cold drop of water on his neck, Naruto jolted and looked up at her with questions swirling inside his head. She met him with sad eyes and a sad smile, and he could see she had a lot of questions too. "What else did you miss?"

Naruto's eyes widened. It all came crashing into his brain at once.

The things he wanted to say.

The things she wanted to know.

He didn't even know where to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 21 Days Playlist by Izzie <3: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ntWRHY2dXoExnj9JchAOR?si=emb_qqoNRBal4gjrMHkK4g
> 
> I really love the themes that "Hallelujah" is giving me and I feel like this chapter doesn't capitalize on any of them at all, so next chapter no epithet, and I hope to play with those planned themes.


End file.
